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Reviews for A Door Between Worlds

By : Angellostnet
  • From AloraCorwyn on August 07, 2009
    You want the good or the bad news first? Let's start with the latter...

    This entire story is riddled with errors--spelling, grammar, mechanics, usage, sentence structure, paragraph structure, and what I'll dub "historical accuracy" are all atrocious. And before you jump to your own defense... don't. Any self-respecting writer should graciously accept criticism and make valiant efforts to right the wrongs in his works; realization is the key to development, afterall. Just because you're writing fanfiction doesn't mean you should have any less pride in yourself (and your writing) and any less respect for your readers (a fact all fanfiction writers need to get through their heads). The people who read fanfiction are quite often those who love literature and happen to enjoy videogames too--not gamers who decided reading might not be so bad afterall--and so not only will they notice your errors, but they will judge you for them, and a good story can gain a bad rep quickly.

    Your dialogue needs a little help, I think. Sometimes when you have two or more characters going back and forth, they go on for so long, and say things that either could have said, it's easy for your readers to be lost in "who's who?" of the conversation. I understand the desire for smooth, rapid-fire conversations, but adding short qualifiers to remind your readers who is speaking, and to give some visual to the conversation, could really enhance your dialogue.

    Chapter nine make me want to bang my head against a wall. I understand that you want to present each character's unique perspective on the events unfolding--that's great. What isn't great is your desire to retell the same 30 minutes of their lives a half dozen times. You had already done an excellent job of developing their individual personalities and opinions by having different sections told from different perspectives.

    Overall, I like your story. It's interesting and while some could fault you for the randomness of it, I personally find it amusing, since FF games tend to be exactly as your story is: some sudden, unexpected, unexplained event throws life into world-saving chaos.

    Your characterizations are pretty good, though you're absolutely right when you admit you stereotype characters... a lot of them seem ridiculously one-dimensional. I like what you've done with Sephiroth; I think you're a little over-the-top with Seifer, though the "touching Pangea" is a great way to explain his sudden maturity. I don't like the way you're pairing all of the characters off, but that's your choice as the author.

    I hope you can accept both my compliments and criticisms, and that you will find some value in them.
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  • From wyntermist70 on June 04, 2009
    great
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  • From synthetikmancer on April 25, 2009
    *****

    Maybe it's because I've been listening to Gackt for hours upon hours at a time, but I'm generally much pickier about grammar and structure and all sorts of things. You've totally got the right idea, and that's a hell of a lot more than I've seen in a long time. It's a great concept, a bit too happy for my liking, but not bad. The characters aren't how I see them, or interpret them, per se, but I certainly give you credit for sticking to your own ideas, especially since mine aren't too far off. XD At least about Sephiroth. ...Well.. from the little bit you said at the end of the chapter in your note, and what not, having only the chance to asses base ideas and thoughts with little to absolutely no detail... Which is great. I love the story development as well. Nice, thought out, thorough. Do me a favor and email me when you update - please. I don't check here much, but when I get the chance I would love to be able to see where you are going to go with this. I like the creativity you put forth with it.
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  • From NayaxReno on February 05, 2009
    Cool story! I really look forward to the next chapter, I`m praying that Vinnie, Yuffie, Seifer and Quistis make it to the end ALIVE^^
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