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Reviews for Unexpected Gifts

By : mypetcerberus
  • From RogueMudblood on July 20, 2011

    I found the dream imagery interesting, and I liked how you tied that at the beginning and end. I thought this was a 'cute' piece - and that was certainly not an adjective I had ever previously considered to use to describe these two characters.

    The revelation of the threesome actually threw me a bit. The way you introduce Sephiroth and Cloud's relationship in the story, Cloud thinks that Sephiroth has agreed to a prank with Zack for his birthday the following day, but he's surprised that Sephiroth would agree. The picture that his nervousness puts in my mind is not of someone who has been to this room before on a regular basis, and certainly not two weeks prior to these events, involved in a threesome. Don't misunderstand; I'm just confused by Cloud's nervousness if they're already involved. It didn't seem that they would have prior relations from the way he was reacting in the earlier paragraphs.

    A couple of nitpicky things:

    Cloud thought he heard Sephiroth smirk

    Perhaps you meant "saw"? If he had spoken I could understand the reference. Since there is only silence, however ....

    as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

    To be honest, seeing that in this story, with these characters made me physically cringe. I understand the imagery you're trying to convey, the extreme nervousness he's feeling; is there a colloquialism that would be more befitting of Cloud? I could see Zell from FF VIII thinking along those lines, but Cloud Strife never struck me as country. (Same thing with the PB&J reference later in the story)

    he didn’t need to be to notice that beautifully wicked gleam in the other’s eyes when he added that last part.

    I'm confused. Sephiroth didn't turn around, so he's not facing Cloud.

    mouth fell open agape

    Perhaps "mouth was agape" ? As it stands, it seems repetetive.

    (Like I said, nitpicky :) )

    I found it an intriguing read. Sephiroth's nervousness was endearing in a way, and a bit of a counterpoint to Cloud's extreme trepidation. I liked the gift scene and Cloud's boistrous enthusiasm for the second gift more than the first.

    I wonder though at Cloud's hero-worship. You could easily write a very dark Sephiroth-as-master story the way that you've set this up. Cloud already has the demeanor and attitude of a slave from the way you've portrayed him here.

    An interesting read, overall. Thank you for sharing it.
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