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Reviews for A Lecture

By : KerunoKotoba
  • From RogueMudblood on May 18, 2013

    I'm going to be completely honest - if you had tagged this to include the non-consensual act you've described, I would never have read this. Seeing as how I have spent the time, though, I will offer a few writing pointers.

    I would suggest, simply for issues that crop up periodically with participle and tense usage, obtaining a beta to help tweak your grammar. For example

    The topic is of Yuna's eventual wedding, of course; Wakka shows the most concern out of the entire group, where he, despite his admiration of him, pins the blame on the timing of Sir Auron's arrival. Lulu making note of Yuna's quietness to Tidus, he walks over to the soon-to-be engaged summoner. Tidus reminds her that she should "keep smiling," to brighten her mood. They exchange the smiles and small talk they shared at Luca Stadium before coming this far. Yuna appeared at ease after their conversation. Overall, she was just very tired from the journey.

    If I were to change the structure slightly, it would appear more as

    The topic is of Yuna's eventual wedding, of course. Wakka shows the most concern out of the entire group. Despite his admiration of the elder Guardian, Wakka pins the blame on the timing of Sir Auron's arrival. Lulu makes note of Yuna's quiet regard of Tidus as he walks over to the soon-to-be engaged summoner. Tidus reminds Yuna that she should "keep smiling." They exchange small smiles, and continue in the manner of the talk they shared at Luca Stadium before coming this far. Yuna appears at ease after their conversation. Overall, she is just very tired from the journey.

    Though the changes are very small, they help with the flow of that section, increasing the readability of your piece.

    You'll also want to watch your prepositions: relaxing the raven-gray hair still tied together on his back made me think more of a fur-covered human back, rather than a pony tail at the nape of Auron's neck. While amusing mental imagery, the picture isn't at all what you intended, though fitting considering how beastly Auron acts towards Tidus.

    I do wish you the bet in your writing endeavors, but in the future, please, a warning against things that many find disturbing would be best.
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