Salvation's End

BY : Grieving Leon
Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male > Squall/Zell
Dragon prints: 1179
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor the characters therein. I don't make money off this story.

Salvation’s End

Chapter 29: Trust

Zell hated how long it had taken with the Galbadia SeeD before he went back up to his condo suite.  The Galbadia SeeD had even gone so far as to argue with Zell about whether or not he could reenter his own home: Zell had won; he knew SeeD regulations, after all, and simply quoted a few to the Galbadian officers to get them to back down.

By the time Zell had packed clothes for himself and Squall, after the aforementioned SeeD issue, it was almost 8:00 PM.  He rode down the garage elevator, which was empty: Temp guards were on their way, but since Galbadia SeeD were still roaming the building, the absence of a guard wasn’t a big deal.

When Zell climbed into his Galbadia Charge, he did not enjoy the car as much as he had only two hours ago.  It wasn’t that Zell realized what paid for the car (if he had, he’d have given the extravagant automobile back), it was that Zell honestly didn’t like the car as much.

It was still a nice car, but it represented the new life, the new and too-large condo, the new shitty and boring job, and the new and heightened level of danger Squall was now in.  Zell missed Balamb Garden, and the Pink Pony for that matter.

Although the drive back to Nymphic’s mansion was only fifteen minutes, it still felt agonizingly long.  Zell missed Squall and desperately wanted to see his lover again.

Even as the mansion’s gates creaked open, Zell impatiently drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel.  Then finally, the car was parked and Zell jumped out, shrugging the duffle bag with clothing over his shoulder.  He closed the car’s door and locked the car via the remote then crossed over to the mansion doors.

Chuck greeted Zell quickly and took the duffle bag from the blonde man.  “I’ll put this upstairs for you,” Chuck said, smiling.  “I already set up your room.  I chose a room two doors down from Dommy.”

“Thanks,” Zell said.

As Zell stepped forward to head to the TV living room, Chuck said “Something else happened here.”

Zell stopped and frowned, immediately running through images of the mansion under attack from an army hired by Don Fynt or Phil Denrick.

“Brenner, one of the other servants, told me about it,” Chuck whispered very softly.  His eyebrows were raised in caution.  “Apparently... Fynt has Sadie Lorelei; you know, one of Nymphic’s generals.”

Zell’s mental movie-fight-scene vanished and he stared with his brow still lowered at Chuck.

Chuck glanced down the hallway, towards where Dommy and the others were, but they were certainly too far off to even realize Zell had returned.  Then Chuck looked back to Zell’s frown.  “Lorelei’s hand was delivered a short while ago.”

“Her hand?” asked Zell as he stared at Chuck’s worried face.

Chuck nodded.  “With a note from Fynt.  I don’t know what the note said, but the hand is scary enough.  ...Obviously don’t let Dommy hear anything about this.”

“Yea, obviously,” Zell repeated, nodding absently as his sapphire eyes lowered to the tiled floor of the entry.  He licked his lips then looked back up to Chuck’s face.  “Thanks for telling me.  I’m gonna go see Squall.”

“Sure, bro,” Chuck said.  The servant then stepped back and flung the duffle bag over his shoulder to carry upstairs.

Zell headed in the other direction to get back to that TV living room, back to Squall’s side.

In that room, Squall and Dommy were seated together on the floor at the coffee table, the entire table top covered in chocolate truffles.  Daniel was seated on the couch, a few cushions down from Dommy.

Zell and Daniel met eyes and wordlessly acknowledged each other.  Then Zell lowered his gaze to see Squall, who looked up from the TV and smiled.  

“Zell,” Squall said in a soft but deeply affectionate tone.

“Baby,” Zell said as he crossed over the carpeted floor.

“Elite are winning!” Dommy announced happily.  Then the boy’s smile faded as he remembered what Zell had been doing.  “How’s your home?” he asked in a soft and very broken sounding voice.

As Zell finished walking to his lover, he looked to Dommy and said “It’s all good.  Galbadia SeeD are looking into it.”  Zell slipped into the couch seat behind Squall: Squall lifted his left hand up for Zell to take as the blonde man sat.  With both legs on either side of his brunette lover, and holding Squall’s left hand, Zell leaned forward and wrapped his other arm around Squall’s shoulders and pressed his palm to the submissive brunette’s chest.  He kissed Squall’s temple and let his hug linger.  Honestly, Zell didn’t want to let go, he wanted to pull Squall up and onto his lap.  The idea of the condo getting attacked and someone hurting Squall plagued Zell.

Dommy turned to watch as Squall closed those cloudy eyes and the brunette man leaned back against Zell’s embrace.  Seeing the two like that, in each other’s arms, made Dommy miss Cain even more.  The boy looked away, back to the trays of numerous chocolate truffles.

“Zell,” Squall said, opening his eyes.  The blonde man, too, opened his eyes and sat tall.  He moved both hands to Squall’s shoulders.  “Here,” Squall said, reaching forward for the truffles.  He picked up a handful of the heart decorated ones and handed them to Zell.

The blonde SeeD accepted the truffles then sat upright and against the couch’s backrest. “Cute,” he said, half smirking at Squall.  “Pink hearts.”

“I made them for you,” Squall said softly while smiling, not bothering to look back.

“I love them,” Zell said happily then shoved one into his mouth.  As the blonde man chewed, he looked to Dommy who was blushing and stole awkward glance back at him.  “Wha-?” asked Zell with a mouthful of chocolate truffle.

Dommy blushed at Zell, smiling as he turned to the TV.  “Game still has one a lot of time left in the second half,” Dommy said, unable to push away his smile.

Daniel watched his pseudo-brood, watched the bashful smile on the boy’s face and the sparkle in the boy’s bright blue gaze.  

“That’s good,” Zell said between chews.  “Did I miss any awesome plays?”  

The teenager relayed a few plays made by the team’s main scorer, which were decent moves but no Chouseki moves.  Minutes ticked by as Squall and Dommy finished decorating all the truffles: The sugary teenager copied Squall’s designs on a last handful of truffles; the boy wanted to give those heart truffles to Cain, just as Squall had given his to Zell.  The intimate purpose of such a gesture was lost on Dommy, all the boy knew was if Cain touched him like Zell touched Squall, it would be wonderful.

When Young Prince noticed Squall noticing his hearts, the boy blushed.  Squall half smiled at Dommy, but averted his gaze back to the TV.  

“Dommy,” Daniel said, to which Dommy looked over with wide eyes.  Daniel frowned at the boy’s fearful gaze.  “Uh... I’m going to go talk to your father.  Zell’s here to protect you.  But if you-”

“I’m fine,” Dommy said quickly, looking back to his decorating.  He picked up a star decorated truffle and shoved it into his mouth.

Daniel shook his head and pushed up from the couch, picking up a truffle along the way to eat. Before taking a bite of the food, Daniel began to walk around the couch and said to Zell “I know you’re not on the clock, but I shouldn’t be but a few minutes.”

“No big, dude,” Zell replied as he glanced to Daniel.  “I got it handled.”

The boss bodyguard nodded then began to eat and walked out of the room.

Zell looked down to Nymphic’s son.  The boy was practically leaning over his pile of truffles as he decorated, very obviously attempting to keep whatever it was he was doing a secret.  The blonde SeeD couldn’t help himself and he nudged Dommy’s hip with his foot.

The boy looked back at Zell, surprised, but then he giggled and looked away, back down to his truffles.

“You going to have Squall sleep with you?” asked Zell.

Dommy turned back again and said “I dunno.”  He moved his eyes to Squall.  “Would that be okay?”

With a single nod, Squall gently smiled and said “Yes.  We can talk about Cain all night, too.”

The boy giggled with excitement and went back to decorating.  Zell, however, bit back a groan of annoyance even though he smiled fairly decently at Dommy.  Zell knew he would not be getting sex tonight, which made him hate whoever threatened Cain even more.

Squall pushed up from his floor seat and stretched, reaching his hands high above his head.  Zell enjoyed the sight of Squall’s shirt lifting up enough to expose the small of the brunette’s back.  Then the brunette lion dropped his arms heavily back to his sides and said “I’m going to the bathroom, be right back.”  He then looked directly at Zell, pausing a moment to let their gazes lock and a second to pass, then Squall turned away completely and began to walk from the living room.

When Squall was gone, Zell allowed himself an extra moment of silent thought to mentally repeat his lover’s sexy strut, then the blonde man looked directly to Dommy.  “So what do you do for fun?”

“Watch Blitzball!” Dommy said happily.  “And listen to music.  And go to the mall...though,” he sat up straight and turned back to frown at Zell, “I haven’t been to the mall since I got that note.”

“That’s a bummer,” Zell replied.

“Yeah,” Dommy said with emphasis.  He was back to his truffles again, but the balls of chocolate were about all decorated now.  “I was hoping to learn to drive soon, but there’s not much point since I have to take a limo and guards everywhere I go.”

“Kinda sucks, huh?” asked Zell.

“Yea,” Dommy said softly.  He set down the frosting and picked up a swirl decorated truffle to eat.  “Cain and I were talking about driving out to go camping.  But, oh, Hyne, it would be so lame if Daniel came.”  Zell smiled at that, but Dommy quickly looked back to the blonde SeeD and said “I love Daniel!  He’s my family, more than my bodyguard! ...I just... It would have been cool to drive out to the Hasberry Plateau and camp, just Cain and me.”

“I understand,” Zell said.  “With Cain being attacked, there’s no way anyone is going to get you two go anywhere alone.”

Dommy nodded sadly.

“I’ll keep that in mind, though,” said Zell, sapphire eyes turning to the TV.  

Dommy focused his attention on Zell, frowning at the remark.

“Maybe,” Zell said casually, “we can plan for you to go camping in a couple months, when things have calmed down again.”

“With you and Squall?” asked Dommy, still watching the undercover blonde SeeD.

The sapphire eyes turned to Dommy.  “...Well.  I mean, I guess we can do that, too.  But I just meant you and Cain by yourselves in a few months.”

The teenager chewed on his lower lip, thinking.  When he looked up to Zell again, the blonde man was watching the Blitzball game once more.  “Are you going to sleep with Squall and me, too?”

While blushing, Zell laughed and wrinkled his nose at Dommy.  “No!” he said with heavy embarrassment.

“You’re okay without Squall?” asked Dommy, surprised.

“No,” Zell said, almost pouting though he hadn’t meant to.  “It would be weird if Squall and I were both in bed with you.  I think your dad would have a heart attack.”

Dommy shrugged.  “Cain sleeps with me all the time.”

“Yea, but there’s that issue of,” Zell said, “ know, sex.”

With that word, Dommy burst into a giggle and blushed deep crimson, turning away from Zell.

“I’m not saying Squall and I would have sex in front of you,” Zell said quickly, “or like with you....”

Dommy giggled mored, putting a hand on his mouth, still not looking at Zell.

“Just people might think stuff like that,” Zell said, feeling very awkward -- especially since he was alone with Dommy.

After giggling a little while longer, Dommy dropped his hand away and turned to look over his shoulder at Zell.  The boy was certainly still blushing and grinning wide, but he tried to calm himself as he said “You want to have sex with Squall.”

“W- ...Yeah,” Zell said, feeling even more embarrassed now.

“Do you have a lot of sex with him?” Dommy asked.

The sapphire eyes widened.  “I don’t think I should be talking about that to you.  I’m sure your dad wouldn’t want me talking like that even around you.”

The teenager giggled softly.  The boy lowered his light blue eyes and delicately fumbled with his fingernails.   After a few seconds of silence, Dommy said “I think you’re the first person to ever say that word in front of me.  You know, ‘sex’.  I mean, other than in my Sex Ed. class.”

“Sorry,” Zell mumbled.  He wished to Hyne that Squall would hurry back because he was drowning.

“No, it’s okay,” said Dommy.  He was still smiling in embarrassment.  He fumbled his fingernails together a few more times then said, looking directly at Zell, “How about Squall stays with me until I fall asleep, then he’ll go back to your room.”

Although he shouldn’t have felt so foolish in front of the teenager, Zell couldn’t help his soft, awkward laugh reply.  

“Then you two could have sex,” Dommy said softly.

Zell laughed again, moving a hand to the back of his neck to rub along the blonde hairline.  “Ah, Dommy.”

While Zell took that moment to feel utterly juvenile from the mixture of embarrassment and giddy excitement, Dommy turned back to the TV to check the Blitzball game.  They weren’t the teenager’s favorite teams, but he was a solid Dollet Dukedom Elite fan -- at least when they weren’t battling the Galbadia Knights.

“Oh, wow,” Dommy said, frowning.  “Man-At-Arms are in the lead! How’d that happen?! Arugh!”

While Dommy and Zell had carried on that conversation, Squall had taken the opportunity of slipping out of the TV living room to appear lost, looking for a bathroom.  He was, however, looking around the house.

The brunette SeeD knew he’d probably have more success finding things if he accidentally found himself in Nymphic’s office, but that was upstairs: For certain there was a bathroom somewhere a lot closer on the first floor, so Amyst wandering up there to that office specifically was more than suspicious.  

But even with those facts, Squall would not squander the opportunity to wander around the mansion and take note of the cameras, the layout of the hallways and various rooms, the pattern of guards and servants walking by, to plan for future reconnaissance.

The few servants he passed, even when Squall smiled his sweet Amyst smile, were rude and barely gave him nods or sneer-smiles.  The brunette man was not offended by the rudeness, it actually helped keep up the lost and wandering aimlessly cover-story.

Eventually, though, Squall found a bathroom which derailed further investigations.  After exiting the bathroom, he made his way easily back to the TV living room, only allowing himself one wrong turn which he corrected a few doors down.

Back in the TV living room, Squall found Zell and Dommy sitting on the couch together, both frowning at the TV intently, mumbling to each other.

“Hey,” Squall said as he walked over to them.

With exasperation, Dommy replied “Hey.”

Zell, on the other hand, smiled at Squall, those sapphire eyes glittering in excitement.  “Hey, baby,” he said in that sexy voice that Squall had grown so accustomed to and the brunette SeeD craved.

“What happened?” asked Squall as he sat down next to Dommy, with Zell on the other side.

“Man-At-Arms are suddenly stomping our Elite!” Dommy said, frowning seriously.

“There were a few interceptions,” Zell explained, a lot less distressed than Dommy.  The blonde man half smiled at Squall.  “A few extremely bad passes.”

Extremely!” Dommy repeated.

Sitting against the couch backrest now, Squall smiled a ghost grin at Dommy.  The boy glanced back, still frowning, but after seeing Squall leaning back, the teenager slid closer to Squall and pressed himself against the brunette man’s side.  A pout-frown was on the boy’s face as he watched the TV, his head resting against Squall’s shoulder.  Squall wrapped his arm over the teenager’s shoulders.

Zell again felt that surge of rage that he understood was far too misplaced and needed to be controlled.  

Squall, however, felt that same comfort from earlier, a level of calm peace having Dommy resting against him.  A surge pulsated through Squall’s chest as he absently breathed in Dommy’s scent.  Smiling to himself, Squall rested his cheek against the boy’s forehead and then looked over at Zell.  The blonde SeeD was trying to hold in a glare but had failed -- Zell wore his heart on his sleeve.


Zell’s clothes were too big for Squall.  The brunette man felt awkward wearing Zell’s boxers and t-shirt, but the clothe items were necessary -- otherwise he’d be naked in bed with Dommy.  Pedophile issues aside, Zell would probably have exploded at that.

The jealousy Zell apparently felt surprised and amused the brunette SeeD.  But it was difficult to explain why Squall liked Dommy back -- because Squall did. Which, itself, was another shock.  Squall had explained a week ago that Dommy was a means to an end, a pawn for Squall to use in his chess game; but after spending those few hours with Dommy, Squall was far less surprised that Nymphic actually cared about the boy.

Dommy was sweet, innocent, and shone like the sun.

Squall stared up at the ceiling in Dommy’s bed, waiting for the boy to join him, Little Zell resting on his chest.  Nymphic had come up from wherever he’d been (reinforcing to Squall that there was some hidden section of the mansion he needed access to) and said goodnight to his son.  

Daniel was standing guard right outside the open bedroom door.  When Dommy exited his private bathroom, he skipped across the bedroom to the bedroom door and threw himself into Daniel’s arms.  Squall watched, still laying on the bed, as Daniel closed his eyes and hugged the boy tenderly back.  

“Goodnight, Daniel,” Dommy said sweetly.

“Goodnight,” Daniel replied.  As they released, Daniel looked over to Squall and said “Goodnight, Squall.”

Squall sat half up and nodded.  “’Night,” he replied softly.

As Dommy skipped across the bedroom, Daniel closed the door.  After slipping into the Winhil silk sheets with Squall, Dommy turned off his nightstand lamp then rolled over and pressed his face against Squall’s waiting chest.

The brunette SeeD moved Little Zell into one of Dommy’s hands then wrapped his arms around the boy to hold him tightly.  In the silence of the pitch black room, Squall wished Zell could have come to bed with them.  Young Prince had already explained that Squall could leave once Dommy fell asleep, so Squall wouldn’t have to spend the first night in eight months away from Zell’s perfect arms.  That, however, did not soothe Squall’s ache to have Zell with him.

Gently, listening to the soft breathing of Young Prince, Squall caressed the boy’s hair.

Silence penetrated through the room: Squall immediately wondered how sound-proof the mansion was; people were no doubt screaming deafening cries somewhere in mansion.  The idea of torture and the nightmare sex murders Nymphic was world renown for suddenly hit Squall.

Still holding Dommy in that tender embrace, Squall balled his left fist tightly, his nails digging into his palm.  He wasn’t paying attention to the pain and would probably have dug too deep and caused himself to bleed if Dommy hadn’t interrupted Squall from his surge of foreboding.

Young Prince fumbled Little Zell in his hand, fingers caressing the faux mane.  “Squall?” he said softly.

Blinking away the dungeon scene, Squall caressed his right hand over the boy’s soft hair.  “Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Nuzzling Dommy’s forehead gently, Squall said “Of course, Dommy.”

“What if my question is about sex?” asked the boy, his tone uncertain.

“Sure, go ahead,” Squall replied.  

The teenager snaked his left arm over Squall’s side and moved his hand to the brunette SeeD’s lower back where he slowly traced circles.  A few seconds ticked by, Dommy still clutching the toy lion in his other hand, then he finally asked “It feels really good, right?”

The brunette SeeD smiled.  His eyes were open in the darkness, but there was no light anywhere, so all Squall could make out was pitch black, even though he knew Dommy was pressed against his cheek and chest.

“Yes, it does,” Squall said.  “Have you been thinking about having sex?”

“I dunno,” Dommy mumbled.  “Zell... said he has sex with you.  How often do you guys do it?”

The beating of Dommy’s hot breath against his neck satisfied Squall, though the brunette SeeD wasn’t sure why.  He closed his eyes and said “Every day.”

“Wow,” Dommy said.  “...Had you had sex before Zell?”

“No,” Squall said, still caressing his right hand over Dommy’s hair.  “He was my first and only.”

Dommy hugged Squall tightly while squeezing the toy lion in his hand before asking “How...did you know you wanted to do it with him?”

Silence pervaded as Squall thought it over.  Of course, the real reason he started to have sex with Zell was for the assignment.  But even that truth was a lie: Squall knew if anyone else had been his partner all those months ago, he couldn’t have done it; he couldn’t have, wouldn’t have given up his virginity to any one other than perfect, sweet Zell.  The fact that he had been so willing with Zell suddenly baffled Squall.

“I don’t know,” Squall said.  “I suppose it was not just any one thing.”

The teenager opened his eyes to stare at where he knew Squall’s chest was.

“I knew it wouldn’t hurt with him,” Squall said softly, his lips brushing against the teenager’s forehead.  Discussing such things with Dommy was no doubt wrong on some level, but for whatever reason, Squall felt comfortable talking to Dommy about it.  Perhaps it was because Dommy was the only person in the entire world whom Squall could explain it to.  “I knew he would do whatever he could to make me feel good, to comfort me; he would hold me and make me feel beautiful.”

As Dommy listened to those words, he knew Cain would be the same way.  The teenager then said “I was thinking about and Zell together.  For some reason, as I was missing Cain, I kept picturing him touching me like Zell touches you.”

“He’s your best friend like Zell is mine,” Squall said.  “...You want to have sex with Cain?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for sex,” Dommy said softly, his left hand grasping at the shirt Squall wore as he snuggled Little Zell against his own neck.  “But I might want to kiss him.”

Squall nuzzled Dommy softly.

“I just can’t tell,” Dommy said.  “How can I tell if I really want to?”

“It’s if the idea of kissing him makes you feel good,” Squall whispered.  “It’s like this feeling deep inside your chest.  A desperation.  An emptiness only he seems to satisfy.  And sex isn’t about fucking, it’s about him.”

The f-word was slightly shocking for Dommy, but he liked that Squall had said it in front of him.  No one else would dared have.  And what Squall said made sense to Dommy.

“Zell is my best friend,” Squall whispered.  “He’s devoted.  Utterly devoted.  ...I love him.”  

Dommy felt it was the same between Cain and himself: friendship, devotion, and love.  Squall, however, felt those last three words reverberate through his mind, felt those words turn over and over.  His left hand was still balled into that fist, though his fingernails were no longer going to break skin.  After all, Zell was only two rooms down.  However, as Squall thought about his absently said “I love him”, a yearning to look into those perfect sapphire eyes enveloped Squall.

Squall knew Zell made him feel good, fed his addiction for power, filled the emptiness that was left after losing 184 levels.  Sex with Zell was perfect: Having his blonde lover’s thick and hard cock pounding into him was all Squall could think of anymore.   Explaining sex and companionship to Dommy had distracted Squall from his Amyst-persona play acting -- because Squall’s answers had been accidentally personal, Leonhart’s answers.

Still, the absent “I love him” pounded inside Squall’s head.  It weighed down his chest, swelling his throat to the point that his eyes watered.

Squall held Dommy tighter, clenching his cloudy eyes closed against the surge of love.

Hyne, it was true.  

While Squall held the sweet, Zell-like boy that he could almost see as his son, the brunette SeeD knew if he returned to Balamb Garden only to have Zell leave him for that girlfriend, life would become that barren wasteland from Squall’s Time Compression nightmare.  He had been fighting with the emotion, but for the passed week’s vacation, Zell and he had been having sex nonstop: No pressure of an assignment or mission, no cameras spying on their intimacy.  It was true intimacy, soft and perfect, constant moans of “I love you” between the two undercover SeeD.

Breath wouldn’t enter Squall’s lungs as he laid there in Young Prince’s bed.  Mechanical Squall Leonhart might have been a failure when it came to love: Both women who’d been desperate for his love and attention had been met with callousness and icy demure.  Even with that said, Squall had accepted that he’d do whatever Zell wanted: He had meant it when he’d said “Your pain is my pain” to Zell, when he said that his body belonged to Zell, and he honestly thought Triple Triad would be a cute baby bedroom theme.

Would returning to Balamb Garden change things between Zell and him?  Of course it would, Squall knew.  The brunette man would no longer be the submissive gay boy he presented himself as, he would instead be High Commander Leonhart.  Responsibilities piled onto the World Savior like a planet on Atlas’ shoulders.  

Squall didn’t want a wife with a dog and kids.  He liked his duty and job as High Commander, he was good at it and, honestly, he really liked accomplishing the impossible.  He was a man of complex pleasures: Diving into the abyss to save a loved one; killing sorceresses to save the world; lording over SeeD armies against waves of Lunar Cry monsters.  That was his world as High Commander Leonhart, a world waiting for him to return to.  

As Squall lay there, holding Dommy, Squall wondered if he even wanted to separate Leonhart from Amyst.  He had accepted double duty here in Dollet, so why couldn’t he keep up double duty in Balamb?  Defend the world while still going home to his dorm with Zell and perhaps a Dommy-like mini-Zell named Enabran?

“I’m so in love with him,” Squall whispered, still hugging Dommy tight  “He’s my world and I’d do anything... anything to keep him.”

Dommy enjoyed the tight grip and breathed with contentment against Squall’s neck, the stuffed lion toy squished between them.  

What if utterly devoted Zell went back to Balamb Garden and realized he’d rather just go back to that Dincht life of one year ago?  Girlfriends and Turbo Boarding with friends.  Dincht had always been an utterly devoted SeeD and friend, after all, long before this mission.  It would break Squall if Zell left him.  

As those thoughts began to permeate inside Squall’s mind, the brunette man realized why he’d been so reluctant to admit he was in love with Zell.  He’d certainly been covering up his feelings with words like “addiction” and making up excuses because he’d been such a failure in previous relationships.  He was so fucking bad at relationships: Camera free, his grumpy, icy demure had already made Zell cry a couple times.  The real hesitation for Squall was simple: What if Zell couldn’t love Leonhart like he loved Amyst?

“Is there such a thing as making love?” asked Dommy, the question breaking Squall away from his trance.

Shoving aside those nightmarish thoughts, Squall said with subdued desperation “Yes.”

There was a pause then Dommy asked “...You’re going to marry Zell?”

That was a difficult question for Squall because he had accidentally slipped into discussing his real Leonhart feelings and life.  But Squall accepted that either faux persona or real self had the same answer: “I desperately want to.  ...I want to have a baby with him.  To be honest, I’ve never liked kids.  But to have his kid, this little ball of energy rampaging around.... A sweet little boy who’d be a lot like you.”  

The words of a Dommy-like son helped Squall accept why he liked Dommy, why he didn’t mind laying there, holding Dommy.  And for whatever reason, that truth had been easy to say to Dommy.  Perhaps it was because the boy was utterly innocent, without a single drop of malice, and was as face-value sweet as he appeared.  There would be no judgement, no questions or doubts from the boy about Squall’s sincerity, no gossip behind Squall’s back about how fucked up his fantasy was.  

“Squall?” said Dommy.

A small smile pulled on the side of Squall’s lips.  “Yes?”

“I’ve never thought about... sex,” the boy said in a broken sentence.  

“You don’t masturbate?” asked Squall.  

Before Squall had a chance to perhaps regret his immediate response, Dommy snorted a giggle.  The teenager bit his lower lip, grinning in embarrassment then he said “I have.  But it never involved me thinking about sex.  I dunno.”

Squall continued to smile with mild amusement into the darkness.

“But, anyways,” Dommy mumbled, trying to return to his main point.  Squall’s words about Zell had convinced him.  “How do I tell Cain I want to kiss him?”

As Squall breathed out slowly, he tried to think of an answer.  He’d never had that issue with Zell (or Quistis or Rinoa).  With Zell it had all been a charade that turned real (and both Quistis and Rinoa had initiated those kisses).  “I know it seems awkward,” Squall finally said, coming up with the only answer he had, “but just say it to him.  Look him in the eyes and tell him your feelings.”

“It’s that simple?” asked Dommy, trying to look at Squall’s face in the darkness.  He snuggled Little Zell against his own neck, embarrassed.

“I’m not sure if it’s simple,” Squall said, “but that’s the only way I can think of.  Say ‘Cain, you’re my best friend, and I have these feelings for you that make me want to kiss you.’ Or something like that.”

Dommy smiled.  

“If you really feel that way about him,” Squall said, “and you’re willing to expose yourself like that, if you know that’s honestly how you feel, then you either say something now or you might lose him.”

The smile vanished and Dommy frowned.  For the first time in his entire life, Dommy felt jealous.  All the girls who talked to Cain at school flooded Dommy’s mind; suddenly he acknowledged the short skirts and cleavage -- things that had never interested him but might have interested Cain.

“I wish he was here,” Dommy said in a shaky voice.

Squall hugged Dommy, moving his cheek back to the boy’s forehead.  “We can call him tomorrow morning, see how things are and if he can come over.”

“What if his parents won’t let him?” Dommy asked, remembering that Cain’s parents were hoarding the older boy.

“Then at least,” Squall said, “you will have heard his voice on the phone.  And you can tell him you miss him.  I’m sure he’s desperate to hear from you.”

Dommy nodded against Squall’s cheek.  “...Thank you, Squall.”  He held Little Zell against his own cheek, eyes closed, letting himself drift to sleep.

Using his right hand, Squall began to rub Dommy’s back.  “Sure,” he said to the boy.

As silence filled the air again, Squall listened to Dommy’s breathing.  The breathing found a soft pace and after minutes of darkness and quiet passed by, Squall knew the boy had fallen asleep.  The brunette man laid there awhile longer, softly rubbing Dommy’s back, thinking about Zell and what he needed to say to that perfect blonde man.

Eventually Squall slipped away from Dommy’s gentle embrace and rolled out of bed, leaving Little Zell with the kid.  He walked through the darkness easily, having earlier mapped the room in a single glance.  After slipping out of the bedroom door, Squall found Daniel standing there reading over a magazine.

The boss bodyguard pushed off the wall and looked at Squall as the brunette SeeD closed the door softy.  

“He fell asleep easily enough,” Squall said to Daniel.  “If he wakes up, you can come get me and I’ll rub his back again.”

“Thank you, Squall,” Daniel replied, the magazine lowered to his side.

As Squall stepped back from the door, he said “I told Dommy he could call Cain in the morning, to see if he could come over or whatever.  I’m not sure how well that will go, but Dommy really misses him.”

“He spends every waking free moment with Cain or talking to Cain on the phone,” Daniel said.  “I’m glad you came over.  For whatever reason, Dommy really likes you.”

Squall crossed his arms and smiled at Daniel.  “He’s a good kid.”

“His mother died giving birth to him,” Daniel said.  “I think maybe you help fill that missing part of his life.”

Still smiling, Squall said “So you think I’m his pseudo mother?”

Immediately the green eyes lowered and Daniel frowned awkwardly.  “I didn’t mean to insult you.”  The boss bodyguard looked back up.  “I just meant you’re a source of genuine compassion.  It’s rare in this mansion.  I’m honestly surprised Dommy... turned out the way he did.”

Squall stepped closer to Daniel and put a hand on the boss bodyguard’s upper arm.  “I’m sure Nymphic drew a line around the boy that prevented him from seeing anything but joy.”

Daniel smiled meekly and nodded twice.   As Squall was stepping backwards, having taken his hand from Daniel’s arm, the boss bodyguard said “Do you need anything?”

The brunette SeeD stopped and eyed Daniel.  With a half smile, Squall said “No.  I’m good.”

Seeing Squall almost smirking at him, Daniel felt a blush coming on so he quickly looked away.

Putting his hands on his hips, Squall said “I know you’re not gay.”  Immediately Daniel’s green eyes shot up.  “So,” Squall continued, “what is it?”  A half second of silenced passed then Squall cocked his head to the side and asked “Do you just want to call me ‘sir’ again?”

Daniel closed his green eyes in mild agitation.  As he opened his eyes to look at Squall again, Daniel shook his head as he said “I don’t know why.  I’m sorry.  I’ve never.... Nymphic is ‘sir’, no one else has ever been.”

Squall watched Daniel’s lowering gaze.  “It’s alright, Daniel.”  Squall stepped back to the boss bodyguard and put a hand on the man’s cheek.  Daniel looked up with surprise in his green eyes.  “You can call me ‘sir’,” Squall said.

They stared at each other.  Squall then took his hand away from Daniel once again and stepped away, knowing Zell was waiting for him -- and Squall had a lot of things he wanted to talk to Zell about.

“Goodnight,” Daniel said. “Sir.”

Squall softly smiled.  “Goodnight, Daniel.”

A short walk later, Squall came to the guest bedroom and slipped inside to find Zell staring with exasperation at the ceiling.

The blonde man practically leapt up as Squall stepped inside, Zell rushed across the room and picked Squall up and held him, kissing the brunette lion tightly.  Squall wrapped his legs around Zell’s waist, closing his eyes and allowing himself to fall into the rhythm of Zell’s mouth.

They kissed deeply, a long while, Squall content to let Zell kiss as much as the blonde man needed, even if it was all night of the two of them standing there.  Sure Squall had things to say, but, Hyne, Zell felt good.

Squall wove his fingers into the blonde locks of silky hair while beating his tongue with Zell’s.  The excitement from Zell’s scent, mouth, and arms had ripped through Squall, averting the flow of blood into his dick which swelled and ached.

That feeling, that emotion from the earlier conversation with Dommy, began to fill Squall’s chest and then drifted into his throat.  The previously deep and erotic kiss turned desperate as Squall’s ability to breath was hindered.  

Zell pulled back from the shaky lips and looked up at Squall, who opened his cloudy eyes to stare at that perfect tattooed face.

“Baby?” asked Zell, his eyebrows pinching together.

“I’m addicted to you,” Squall said softly, almost whispering.  He knew, just like he’d said to Dommy, that he had to say something or he might lose Zell.  “...I’m in love with you.”

The frown vanished and Zell smiled.  “I’m in love with you, baby,” he said happily.

“Oh, Zell,” Squall said, moving a hand to the tattooed cheek.  “I need you.”

“I need you, too,” Zell said, calmer this time, watching with serious sapphire eyes.  His hands were on Squall’s ass, gripping tightly.

Squall was never good with words, but the fact that they were here at Nymphic’s mansion made what Squall wanted to say even more difficult.  Watchful eyes always interfered, it seemed.

“This passed week,” Squall said softly, staring down at those sparkling sapphire eyes, “making love to you at our new condo, saying what I said to you....” He stopped and licked his lips then swallowed.  “Put me down,” Squall said a little more stern.

Gently, Zell set Squall down, the blonde man’s palms sliding from Squall’s ass to hold the small hips of his brunette lover.  

Squall set his hands on Zell’s chest.  “I want you to know that I know you’re jealous of Dommy.”

Zell shook his head awkwardly and mumbled “I know it’s not like that.”

“Of course it’s not like that,” Squall said.  He then moved a hand to Zell’s arm and slid it down the muscles until he slipped his fingers over Zell’s palm to grasp the blonde man’s hand.  He stepped around Zell and led the blonde man towards the bed slowly.  “I want you to know that Dommy... makes me think of... Enabran.”

Following Squall’s slow pace, Zell stared with suddenly wide eyes.  “Enabran?” he repeated.

Squall nodded silently.  He lifted up his free hand and ran his fingers through the long brown hair, pushing it from his face.

Of course Zell’s heart just about burst from his chest.

“All week,” Squall said softly as they reached the bed, “we’ve been having sex in the condo.”  He turned slowly, still holding Zell’s hand, then he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at Zell.  “I’m... scared without you, you know that.”  He felt mortified and his chest ached as his grey-blue eyes began to water again.  

“Baby,” Zell said as he sat down on Squall’s right.  He kept Squall’s hand in his as he wrapped his other arm over Squall’s shoulders, looking at the brunette man’s face.  “I’m here, baby.  You’re safe with me.”

“What I’m saying is,” Squall said as he tried to form a sentence that was cryptic but that Zell would understand.  “I want... I want to marry you, raise Enabran with you.  Have a with you.”

“I want that, too, Squall,” Zell said, squeezing his lover’s hand tenderly.

“I know there are things you want,” Squall said, looking away from Zell, “that I’m not the best at.  Dreams and plans you’d made a long time ago, and when this started with me, a lot of that was messed with.”

“All you’ve ever done is made my life better, Squall,” Zell said earnestly.  “I don’t need a white picket fence life.”

“If that’s what you want,” Squall said, raising his grey-blue eyes back up to Zell’s beautiful face, “I’ll give it to you.  I’ll paint the fucking fence and everything.”

Zell smiled and laughed softly once.  “Baby-”

“I love you,” Squall said, interrupting Zell.  “I love you.  Always.”

“I love you, too,” Zell said.

“When we... get back,” said Squall, his eyes still locked with those perfect sapphire spheres, “I’ll buy you a ring.  I’ll figure out how we can get Enabran.  We’ll get married.  I’ll give you everything you ever wanted.”

Zell’s eyes were watering as he stared at Squall.

“I want to be your little kitty,” Squall said.

Zell smirked through his tears.

Setting his hand on Zell’s thigh, Squall said “You know I’m kind of fucked up.  But, Hyne, I’ll be better.  I won’t be so grumpy and I won’t make you cry again.”

Releasing Squall’s hand, Zell moved his palm up to Squall’s left cheek as he pulled Squall close to him.  Zell set his forehead against Squall’s right temple, closing his sapphire eyes as he held his brunette lover.  Squall was saying perfect things, things from Leonhart and not the persona Amyst.

“I know weddings and a big family is important to you,” Squall whispered.

“You don’t,” Zell said, trying not to cry as he held his lover in that soft embrace.  “You don’t make me cry.  I was just upset about stupid things before.  But you don’t have to....  What I mean is, you’re allowed to have a life you want, too.  Not everything has to be what I want.”

“Zell,” Squall whispered, closing his own eyes as he reached his free hand over to touch the blonde man’s broad chest.  “I never wanted things before, it’s true.  But I have these thoughts now... about having a son like Dommy, having a dog like Lady Seloria.”

Zell smirked then sniffed back some tears.

Squall turned his head which prompted Zell to sit back.  As Squall moved his left hand to cup Zell’s chin, he moved his other hand off Zell’s thigh to take Zell’s right hand.  The brunette SeeD squeezed the gorgeous blonde man’s hand as he said “Zell.”  That drowning sensation, where his chest and throat tightened and his eyes began to water, began to take over.  In an almost broken voice, Squall said through clenched teeth “I’m just... scared you’ll leave me.”

The sapphire eyes sparkled through the water as Zell smiled at Squall.  “Baby, I’ll never leave you.”

Squall lowered his grey-blue eyes down and asked “What if things change?”  He turned his gaze up.  “What if... Heather or whatever her name is.... What if... I’m just not enough for-”

Zell moved his mouth to Squall’s, kissing hard.  The blonde man moved both arms around Squall, forcing the High Commander silent.  After a long moment of their lips locked in that single kiss, Zell release Squall’s mouth and sat back, looking at the cloudy, unsure eyes.  “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too, Zell,” Squall whispered, trying to force away the suffocating feeling.

The blonde man stared at Squall, reveling in the moment, reveling in all those words that Squall had just said that reinforced the fantasy life Zell ached for.  It was true, Zell knew, he had this power over Squall, had taken Squall’s virginity, had always been Squall’s closest friend.  Squall might not have been easy to read, the man was logical and duty bound, but Zell felt he at least understood Squall Leonhart’s motives.  And now, Squall was finally saying those perfect things that Zell yearned for.

Zell caressed a few of Squall’s long brown bangs back, exposing more of the pristine face.  Softly, Zell said “We’ll be together forever, Squall.  I mean it.  Nothing can tear me from your side.”

“I’d never recover if you left me,” Squall said, eyebrows pinched as he stared at Zell.

“I’ll die before I hurt you,” Zell said, smiling at the desperate, yearning frown on Squall’s face.

“I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted,” Squall said, the frown still weighing down on his smooth skin.  “I’m afraid without you.  I’ve never...”  He stopped, almost tripping over his own words before he was able to say “I’ve never been scared like this.”

“It’s okay, Squall,” Zell said.  “I know your fears, I feel things like that too.  You just have to believe me, you have to trust me, and trust that when I say ‘forever’ I mean it.  Because I mean it, Squall.  I meant it.  I love you, will always love you.  Forever.”

“I love you, Zell,” Squall whispered, staring into those swirling sapphire eyes.  “Forever.”


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