Full Sentences Please

BY : pandatyy
Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Het - Male/Female
Dragon prints: 960
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, the characters from it nor do I make any money from the writing of this story.

“Click”

“Who’s there?”

Quistis sat up as she heard the door of her dorm room click. She saw a familiar silhouette as the light from the corridor shone into her dark room, before hearing another click, signifying the door was closed, followed by another click from the lock on her door.

She could smell him. He would always take a shower before coming to her room, and he always smelt like fresh mint. She was sure she could identify him by his smell from a mile away.

The floor creaked a little under the weight of her companion as he walked towards her bed. As he drew closer, she tried to confirm if he was who she thought he was through the little light that escaped the barrier of the curtain and shone into her room.

Even though he was still a whiles away from her bed, she heard a ‘zip’ sound, and the rustling of his clothes and she could only imagine that he was taking his clothes off.

He was always in such a rush, never bothered with greetings, never bothered with pillow talk, never bothered to say goodbye when he left. Maybe an occasional thank you, but Quistis hated that. His thank yous always sounded like he was a customer thanking her for services rendered. She wondered if he knew she would do anything for him, if he just said he wanted it. And she would never need any thanks, not from him.

He probably knew though, judging from the fact that he was in her room again. He came occasionally and a little more often when she went out of town.

As she felt the edge of her bed sink, she knew it was him, without even having to see his face.

Quistis’s mind wandered off to when they first started their, what should she call it, evening visits? No, they had occasionally trysts in the middle of the day, sometimes in the morning too. She decided to just call it, encounters.

They were on a mission to Esthar, with Nida and Xu driving the Ragnarok, she went to her quarters. Maybe it was her tiredness, but she walked into his room instead. The door swished open, and she was so sure it was her room that she walked in as she rubbed her eyes, not looking where she was going. And as the door swished closed behind her, she heard footsteps and quickly snapped her eyes wide open.

And what she saw, was absolutely unexpected. He walked out of the bathroom, completely naked, besides a towel that he was using to dry his hair.

“Quistis?”

Thankfully, the room was dark, or he would see just how embarrassed she was. Quistis’s face turned red, but she was sure her toes had turned red as well. She stood there for a second and turned around quickly, but not before she eyes uncontrollably shifted down and landed on his groin.

As she spun around,

“What are you doing in my room?”

She rasped.

“It’s… my room Quistis.”

Quistis looked at the door in front of her, and then around her, finally noticing that the door and the decorations that adorned the walls around her was completely different from her ‘s.

She quickly turned around, with all intent to apologize, in her fluster, forgetting that he was probably still naked. She was embarrassed. She was always cool and composed, however, whenever he was involved, she felt completely out of place, especially in a situation like this.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. I thought-“

And as she looked at him, she realised that he hardly had any time to wrap the towel around his waist, and he was still trying to cover up himself.

“Sorry.”

She glanced down again, frustrated at her fluster.

“It’s fine, I’m done.”

Quistis finally dared to look up, only to see him with a towel wrapped around his waist, as he walked towards the bedside table where he had placed his change of clothes. She had been on many missions with him, and she knew what most of his habits were. He always kept at least one change of clothes with him, as most of the SeeDs did on missions, and he would place them on neatly on the bedside table before he went for a bath.

He would then come out after his shower wrapped in a towel to get his clothes, and walk back to the bathroom to change. That was of course when they were on missions where they had to share rooms. They had separate rooms this time, so it wasn’t unusual that he would walk out of the bathroom undressed.

“I’ll take my leave, sorry again.”

Quistis took a step back, moving towards the door.

“It’s ok, you can stay.”

Hmm? Quistis was surprised. But she would never give up a chance to be in his presence. She moved to the couch in the middle of the room. Ragnarok’s rooms were spacious, with tables and chairs that showed it was designed for those who were staying in the room to have guests.

As she sat on the couch, she watched as he walked back into the bathroom. She heard the rustling of clothes that broke the otherwise silent room. But it was still terribly awkward. It had always been, he was never one to talk, and she could never get him to talk to her much. Not like her.

He finally emerged from the bathroom wearing a pair of dark blue sweatpants, and a white top. It wasn’t an unusual sight. He always wore that when they had missions that lasted more than a day.

She could smell the scent of his shampoo or soap. Mint, she loved how refreshing it was.

“Tiring day, huh?”

Stupid weather talk was all she could muster.

“Are you going to bed now?”

And she immediately regretted asking that question. If he said yes, she would have to leave.

“No.”

Quistis heart leapt for a moment, she could have a few more minutes with him. There was always something about being in Ragnarok; the coldness of the aircraft and darkness that shone through the windows as they flew at amazing speed. From where she stood, the brightest source of light was from the bathroom.

“Oh? What were you going to do before I barged in here?”

She asked as he walked towards her, taking a seat at the couch opposite her. He looked at her for a long time, as though wondering what he should say to her. Quistis felt more and more nervous as he looked at her, not making a sound. She watched the scar between his eyes crinkled a little as he frowned. She always found it hard to read him, no matter how hard she tried.

After several moments of deafening silence, Quistis watched his lips open slightly and she waited for his answer.

“Masturbate.”

He said flatly, without even flinching as he looked at her. Quistis starred at him, wondering if he was joking. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, he would say things to disturb her sometimes, but his jokes never came across as very amusing to her. Perhaps it was because she always felt so uptight around him.

“Oh, I… I should probably leave then.”

Quistis was grateful again that the room was so dark, so he couldn’t see how embarrassed she was.

“No, stay.”

He interrupted as she started to stand.

“I was going to think about you anyway.”

Quistis eyes widened as she heard his words. She could feel her blood rushing to her cheeks. Did he mean what she thought he was saying?

“I usually think of you.”

He was being uncharacteristically forthcoming, and Quistis couldn’t tell what he meant or what he wanted by what he revealed to her. She stopped what she was doing, not because he asked her to stay, but because of what he had just told her. She felt like she couldn’t move.

“Why?”

Quistis had no clue why she asked, but her curiosity was killing her. She looked at his face, scrunched up again, and she knew he was carefully calculating about what he should say to her.

After another long moment of silence,

“You’re the only girl I’ve ever saw naked.”

She starred at him, wondering when did he ever see her naked. She would admit, that she had imagined having sex with him on many occasions, their naked bodies pressed against each other. But never, never in reality had that ever happened.

She finally breathed, as she whispered,

“When?”

“… Last year, when we were staying in the Deiling City hotel, and you forgot to bring your towel into the bathroom.”

Quistis tried her hardest to remember, but she had been on so many missions with him to Deiling City that she couldn’t pinpoint which trip it was.

As though he knew she couldn’t remember, he continued his explanation.

“You thought I was asleep and walked out of the bathroom naked. I wasn’t asleep though,”

Quistis started to remember which trip it was exactly.

“You were dripping wet from coming out of the shower, but you couldn’t find your towel.”

Quistis nodded, now knowing where this was going.

“So you borrowed mine.”

She remembered dripping water all over the floor, and she still couldn’t find her towel. In the dark, she decided the only logical option was to borrow Squall’s towel. Nothing bad could happen, and they would have fresh towels again the next day. So she walked towards the chair where he hung his towel to dry, which was right beside his bed.

“You dried yourself near the door of the bathroom, but I could still see you.”

Quistis wondered if she should scold him for not having the decency to close his eyes, or at least alert her that he was awake.

“Ever since then, I would think of you whenever I… had to rub one out.”

Quistis remained firmly seated. Not quite sure what she should do. This was probably one of the most number of words he had ever spoken to her, and probably the most intimate thing he ever said to her.

This gave her the courage to ask him a little more.

“But, you never slept with her?”

They both knew who they were talking about.

“No, not really. Not yet, at least.”

He mumbled.

She was rather surprised. She would have thought that he had slept with her before, or at least, slept with someone before. He was smart, handsome, and whenever other made crude jokes about them, or him, he had never opposed them. In fact, he would sometimes smile.

She was however, suddenly feeling a little bolder. Now that she knew she was more experienced at something than he was. She wouldn’t say that she had slept with many men, but she remembered during her training to become a SeeD, Garden had arranged for a female instructor to come and speak with all the female cadets.

She desperately wondered what was so special about this class that everyone was required to attend. She figured it must be some kind of sexuality talk, when she found out that the male cadets had a special male instructor to speak with them as well.

And she was right, but it was definitely not something that she expected. Cadets were told that as SeeDs, they had to be prepared for missions or situations where they may have to sleep with someone. They taught pupils seduction techniques, how to keep themselves safe, etc. And as a faithful SeeD, she always carried out her duties and missions diligently, she always got the job done, doing whatever was needed.

Thankfully, her first mission where she had to have sex, was with an informant who with a kind young gentleman. He wasn’t too handsome, but rather decent looking. She remembered how it hurt when he took her virginity. Surprisingly, she didn’t bleed; most likely her hymen had been torn from the vigorous training that SeeDs underwent.

Ever since then, she had to sleep with a few more men, but thankfully, none of them were ever too old or too horrible looking. She admitted that it was shallow, but their looks made her feel more accepting that she had to sleep with someone she had no feelings for.

But the part that she would never admit though was that she would always think of him whenever she had to sleep with these men, and whenever she pleasured herself.

“So you always think of me?”

She asked sheepishly.

“Yes, you’re the only memory I have.”

Once again, replying her stoically.

Another bold question flew through her mind. She had never heard about anyone think of her this way. She knew that boys must have thought of her as they pleasured themselves, but to have someone tell that to her face… She knew that they have become closer over time, but this was completely unexpected.

“What do you think of, exactly?”

She asked, taking advantage of his talkative mood. He frowned again, and she wondered if she overstepped her boundaries.

“… You’re usually naked, and saying… things to me.”

“What things?”

Quistis asked, feeling bolder by the second.

“Things like…”

He hesitated,

“How much you want me to touch you, how you want to do things to me.”

“That’s, all?”

Qustis pressed further.

“No.”

Quistis waited in silence, hoping he would continue. And he did.

“Sometimes, your fingers would touch… me.”

“Where?”

Quistis’ earlier embarrassment disappearing.

After a few seconds of uncertainty,

“My dick.”

Quistis held back a laugh. Hearing such words from his mouth was, awkward.

“And then?”

He looked intensely into her eyes.

“You should know.”

Quistis smiled for the first them that night, wondering if he was as embarrassed as she was moments ago.

“And all that, from that one memory?”

“… Yes.”

Feeling very bold and possibly a little crazy, Quistis whispered apprehensively,

“… Would you like one more?”

What she said must have surprised him. She saw his eyes widen momentarily, and she thought to herself, what was he possibly expecting when he started their conversation?

After another breathtakingly long moment of silence,

“That… would be nice.”

He replied, politely. That was all she needed to hear from him, this had been one of her many dreams, and she was still unsure if what was happening was real, was she in another dream? If she was, she didn’t want to wake up; she wanted to play out this dream to its fullest.

Her body immediately found the strength to stand up, as she slowly unzipped her peach coloured vest, she asked,

“Do you remember your SeeD training where they spoke about seduction techniques?”

She was his instructor then, and though she wasn’t the one who conducted that lesson, she was sure that he had gone through the lesson.

“A little.”

He replied as he moved closer to the edge of his seat.

“That you must know a little about the female anatomy.”

She said as the zip reached its end and she slowly took her top off, sliding the vest off her shoulders, revealing a grey bra that crisscrossed at the back.

He starred at her intently, thinking of his reply.

“Refresh my memory, please.”

He leaned forward, leaning his elbow against his knees.

Quistis smiled as a reply as she slowly pulled her skirt down, showing him her matching grey panties. It wasn’t a sexy piece of underwear, but something that was comfortable and covered what needed to be covered. After all, this was not what she thought she would be doing that night.

She sat down again, as she took off her boots, all the while, staring intently at him. If this was a dream, she was going to play out her dirtiest fantasies. How long had she dreamed about being naked in front of him, she was going to take advantage of this very life-like fantasy.

Finally, when her boots were off, she stood up, and walked a little closer to him. Thanking Hyne that she took a bath not too long ago, and washed off any monster blood or slime that was on her earlier.

She sat beside him and his head followed her, still leaning forward on his elbows.

“This is a front clasp bra, don’t waste time fiddling with the back.”

She moved her hands to her the clasp which made a soft ‘click’ as she unhooked it. Quistis took a deep breath as she slowly moved the bra cups away, exposing her pale flesh and now pointy nipples. She let the straps fall from her shoulders as she heard his breath quicken for a moment. The darkness gave her a certain bravery to expose herself to him.

“And well, you know what these are.”

Quistis whispered to him, trying to sound bold and naughty, but it was something she was absolutely not sure she could pull off.

“Refresh my memory.”

He said again, and it gave her to confidence to carry out her fantasy. It was almost as thought he was a willing participant in her dream.

“These are… breasts.”

Quistis wanted to cringe as she look downwards shyly, suddenly doubting if she had the confidence to carry out all the naughty things she thought of saying.

She looked at him, and his blue eyes stared right at her,

“And… nipples.”

She whispered the second part, embarrassedly.

“You can touch them, if you’d like.”

She whispered again.

But he didn’t move, and she wondered if she made the wrong move. After a few seconds which felt like an eternity, she decided that if this was her fantasy, there’s no way there would be any backlash. She reached for his hand, and he didn’t resist. She pulled his right hand towards her chest, as she guided him to stroke her left breast. Feeling that he still was not moving, she pulled his index finger as she used it to gingerly touch her areola. She watched as he stared attentively at her chest, and she finally used his finger to brush her erect nipple.

Quistis wondered if he could feel her blushing. She guided his finger to prod her nipple a little, before he withdrew his hand, and placed his elbow back on his knee again.

“Continue.”

He instructed, and they both knew what he meant.

Quistis stood up and slipped her thumbs between the sides of her underwear. She took another deep breath as she pulled her panties down past her knees, and let it fall to the ground. As she stepped out of them, she noticed that he was looking right at her sex, and she thanked Hyne again that she had just shaved the day before.

Wayward thoughts flashed through her head, and her shaven sex was perfect for them.

“This,”

She said as she sat down beside him again,

“I’m sure you should know.”

She lifted her legs onto the couch, and pushed herself as far back as she could, turning her body to face him.

“Tell me.”

Was his only reply, his eyes still fixated on her groin.

“… Vagina.”

She whispered again as she opened her legs, exposing her sex towards him. She could feel her wetness, and wondered if he could see how aroused she was.

He kept quiet, as though expected her to say more.

So she did,

“This is… the clitoris.”

She pushed aside her outer lips, revealing a little round mould at the top of her opening.

“You’ve got to… push aside the muscles and skin, and lips to fully expose it.”

Quistis looked down as she pulled back her skin and lips, and saw her little white pearl reveal itself. She shifted her eyes to her companion, who hadn’t moved since she took off her underwear.

“You can touch it, if you’d like.”

She asked for the second time. And in a few seconds,

“May I?”

Quistis wanted to squeal in delight, but she contained her excitement as she nodded her head.

He took that as an absolute yes, and pulled his legs up and sat cross-legged between her legs. Quistis let her right leg drop off the side of the couch to make way for him. Thankfully, the couch was slightly larger than a usual sofa, but still not comfortable enough as she would like.

He moved forward as he placed his hands on her abdomen, his thumb gently stroking her belly button. His skin was warm and a wonderful contrast in the cold atmosphere. He moved his hands upwards until they finally reached the base of her breasts.

Quistis let out a soft moan as his hands fully cupped her perfectly round moulds. She felt him squeezing them softly in his hands as she kept her eyes on him. He’s squeezes got a little harder and harder, and he finally asked,

“Does it hurt?”

Quistis shook her head in response, and he continued his exploration. He moved closer to look at her harden nipples. Using just the tip of his finger to poke it, and then he flicked it, eliciting a soft moan from her. He looked up at her.

“It feels even better when you pinch it.”

Quistis said shamelessly.

Her blue-eyed gentleman did as was suggested and pinched her nipple between his index finger and his thumb. Quistis leaned her head backwards, revelling in wonderful feeling of his touch. He moved his other fingers towards her other nipple and did the exact same thing, fiddling around with both. Quistis let out a sigh as he pinched and pulled her nipples, all the while looking intently at her breasts, as though studying her chest.

“Can I…”

His voice broke her enjoyment of his touches.

“… play with you?”

Dear Hyne, his words were extraordinarily arousing, and Quistis managed to croak out a,

“Please…”

And that was all he needed. He stuck out his tongue, and flicked her pointy nipples. Quistis kept her eyes locked onto his, until he closed them, and decided to latch his mouth only her nipple. One hand held her right breast in place as he opened his mouth to cover her areola, and harshly sucked, and the other squeezed her left breast.

Quistis looked at him as he sucked her nipple, as though he was a baby drinking from his mother’s bosom. She felt him roll her nipple between his teeth, and she revelled in his slightly rough treatment of her. She held onto the couch tightly, controlling herself from pulling him closer, or pushing him downwards.

He switched to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment. He pinched her other nipple a little harder than he did previously, and she gave out another moan.

“Does it hurt?”

“No.”

She quickly replied, eyes still closed. Just as she was bathing in the wonderful sensations that her body was feeling, she felt him move away from her. Without a word, he stood up, and she could see a majestic tent in his pants.

He slipped his arms under her naked back and knees and lifted her off the couch. She pulled her hairpin off, in hopes that she would seem more attractive to him. She always heard complements that she looked prettier with her hair down.

He walked over to the bed and placed her down gently, her bottom close to the head of the bed, making her sit. He reached over to the side of the bed and switched on the bedside lamp. With the sudden light, she could see his face clearly, and she was now sure he could see every part of her.

He pulled her legs open, and lay on his belly between her thighs. He looked at her, as though looking for some sign of approval, and she leaned her head backwards, showing him that she was ready for whatever he was going to do.

He used his fingers to stroke her slit and finally used both his hands to gently part her outer lips. He blew softly against it, and watched as she squirmed a little.

“So wet.”

Quistis nodded, not sure if he was even looking.

“Can I… taste… you?”

He was obviously unsure of what he should say, but the way he asked was incredibly exciting for Quistis..

“Uhmm.”

She breathed out. And she felt the flat of his hot tongue touch her sex and lick her from the bottom of her incredibly wet opening to the top. Quistis managed to pull out a whisper,

“More, please.”

And he acceded to her request. Pulling apart her lips, and pushing away the hood of her clit exposing her precious bead for him to play with. It was his first time with a woman, and they were so many things he wanted to try.

He used a free finger to flick her little bead and he saw Quistis’ knees flinch a little. It was obviously sensitive, and he started to rub his finger up and down her clit. Immediately, Quistis started letting out soft moans. He saw her press her palms against the bed, and seemed like a sign that she was experiencing immense pleasure. He decided to move on to another area of exploration, but was hinder by an unexpected plea.

“Please, don’t stop.”

He looked at Quistis’s face still tilted backwards in pleasure, and he continued his ministrations. He decided to use his tongue instead, and stuck out the tip of his tongue started flicking it up and down again her clit. He heard her let out a soft whine as he felt her breathing quicken. He could feel her flesh throbbing beneath his finger tips.

And within seconds,

“Uhhn!”

He looked up to see Quistis biting her bottom lip, stifling a loud moan of pleasure. Her knees pressed together as far as she could with his head between her thighs. He continued, until he felt her body stop shaking. When she released him from her grip, he caught his breath and looked at Quistis as her whole body relaxed.

“More?”

“Yes please.”

And he slipped a finger into her tight wet cave. He curled his fingers, feeling around her insides. It was a strange feeling, how he could reach into someone’s body, and feel them all around his finger. He felt her flesh throbbing and tighten around his finger, and he decided to slip in another. He observed as she writhe her body, feeling his rough skin scratch her insides.

No man had ever done this to her before, and she was excited that it was him; of all people, him. He tried to slip his fingers in and out, and looked intently as his fingers disappeared and reappeared as he pushed them in and out. He pressed his thumb on her clit, and rubbed her as his fingers slipped in and out of her canal. Quistis’ knees started to shake again, and she started moving her hips, meeting his thrusting fingers.

“Hyne, oh Hyne.”

She whispered as he let another finger join in the party, moving them in and out, until she let out a stifled squeal as her hips buckled and she came. She wondered if more liquid would gush out when she reached orgasm, and if he would mind. But when she finally came down from her high, she opened her eyes, and saw him licking his fingers.

She let out a sigh, eyes blurry from pleasure. As he sat up, she looked firmly at his erection hindered by his pants.

“Was that a good enough memory?”

There was a long pause.

“For you maybe, but none for me.”

“We can fix that.”

Quistis rasped as she moved towards him placed her fingers on his waistband.

Her partner looked at her, before finally saying,

“What are you waiting for?”

And he pulled his top off and propped his body up, signalling her to pull his pants down as well. His erection immediately sprung out, and pointed accusingly at her as he kicked his pants off. She was rather surprised; although his maroon coloured erection was everything she thought it would be. Rather average in length, but definitely not short, and a little bit thicker than what she had experienced. She had heard Selphie tell her before that it was the girth that mattered, and not the length.

And based on the experiences she had, Selphie was right. She looked at his pubic hair, obviously trimmed, and it suited his always proper character.

Quistis leaned backwards and opened her legs wide, needless to say, inviting him to lie between her legs. Instead, her partner frowned as though conflicted by something. After a long silence,

“I can’t Quistis.”

Quistis was taken aback; this wasn’t what she thought he would do. But she knew why.

“Is it because of… her?”

Of course it was, he was completely loyal to her, and she knew he was probably thinking that he could never enter another woman, not while he was still with her.

“Yes.”

He admitted truthfully. After much consideration,

“Can I at least… touch it?”

Quistis asked. At this point, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He got off the bed, and walked over to her side and moved his groin close to her face.

“Go ahead.”

She looked at his slightly glossy head, and noticed a little bead of fluid forming at the little slit on the tip of his head. She moved her hand to carefully touch his staff, hearing him hiss as his cock twitched a little in her hands.

Her hands were probably a little too cold for comfort, but it was a welcomed relief to his hot throbbing cock. She wrapped her hand around his stiff rod and pull the skin downwards, showing off his proud perfectly shaped head. She could clearly see his thick veins on his member and she felt embarrassed holding him in her hands, so close to her face. She could see him clearly from the light emitted from the bedside lamp.

Her eyes focused on the little bead of liquid on his opening, and she gripped him tightly in her hands as she moved her grip upwards, like squeezing toothpaste from a tube. She watched as the little bead grew, transparent liquid that called out to her. She looked up to see her companion’s face, and she wondered if he was embarrassed. Once again, he hardly showed any of his feelings to her.

“Can I? Please?”

“… Can you what?”

She was certain he knew what she was asking.

“To… lick you?”

“Lick what?”

He asked, never flinching as he pressed her to say the most embarrassing things.

“… Lick your cock.”

“For what?”

Quistis was getting more embarrassed, but at the same time, more turned on.

“To taste you.”

“Taste what?”

She wondered exactly what she should say, and she decided to whisper,

“Pre-cum.”

“… Full sentences please.”

And she knew he was obviously mocking her. She used to say that to pupils when they gave her one or two word answers.

With her hand still firmly on his cock, and her face turning incredibly red, she whispered to his cock,

“May I please, lick your cock, so I can taste, your pre-cum?”

She didn’t quite dare to look at him, so she kept her eyes focused on his penis.

After several seconds of silence, she looked up to him, only to see him looking at her all along.

“Just a little bit please, just the tip will do.”

She thought about how ridiculous she sounded, pleading to give someone a blowjob. But it was him; this would be the closest she ever got to having her fantasies come true.

He reached for her face, and as he gently stroked her cheek,

“Go ahead.”

And without hesitation, Quistis stuck her tongue out and used just the tip of her tongue to swipe off that little bit of fluid. It was slightly salty, and very liquid, not like the viscous cum that she had always seen. She felt him twitch between her hand, and she wrapped another hand around his shaft. Before he could protest, she opened her mouth and covered her lips until his crown and sucked on it, hard. Like she was sucking on a lollipop.

She heard him breathe a relaxed sigh, as he ran his fingers through her hair.

“Can I at least do that?”

“… I suppose. You wanted to give me something to remember, right?”

Quistis smiled.

“Hand, or mouth?”

Her partner looked sincerely conflicted. But he finally answered,

“Both please.”

And Quistis happily obliged.

She licked the bottom of his head, before moving lower until her lips enveloped his whole head, she briefly let go so that she could enclose his whole member with her mouth.

She could hear a groan escape his throat as he held her head closely to his groin. She gingerly placed her palm on the base of his testicles and caressed them. She moved her head up and down, as her fingers joined in. She grasped the base of his shaft as she bobbed her head up and down, making sure she covered his entire shaft at all times.

It was the first time she had sucked someone’s cock, and she wondered if he would find her inexperienced. So she tried her best not to be clumsy.

She pumped her head faster and faster and she felt his grab her hair as he pushed her down and up, as though guiding her to move at the speed he liked. She felt his head hit the roof of her throat, causing her to gag. As she coughed, she heard him sigh her name,

“Oh Quistis.”

It was encouraging, and she quickly recuperated from her choke, she bobbed her head faster and faster, matching his hand’s rhythm, and his thrusting hips.

It was barely seconds when she heard,

“Fuck Quistis.”

And he blew his load into her mouth. She willing accepted his liquids as he felt his shaft throb between her fingers, and hot fluid spurt against the roof of her mouth and her tongue. She heard him groan as she continued to stroke his staff and balls. When he finally calmed down, he looked down at Quistis’s face, lips still latched onto his penis and her fingers holding on to his pelvis.

She finally released him and as she licked her lips. She asked,

“Good?”

“… Very.”

He replied as she smiled. She sighed as she remembered just how wet she still was, giving him a blowjob turned her on even more.

Her partner seemed to know what she was thinking, but first,

“Here.”

He reached for the nearby glass of water, and passed it to her.

Quistis gladly reached for it as she drank the water and rinsed her mouth, swallowing any last remains of his jizz.

When she was done,

“One more, memory.”

She looked at him, puzzled.

“Play with yourself.”

She understood completely, but she was shy.

“Don’t be shy.”

He said as he sat at the foot of the bed, his cock becoming flaccid between his legs.

Quistis considered for a few seconds,

“Will you help me?”

Her partner looked at her, wondering what she meant.

“Say something to me.”

Squall frowned.

“I masturbate to you too.”

Quistis smiled, as she saw a soft smile creep onto his face.

Without wasting any time,

“If I could, I’d go straight to your pretty pink naked pussy.”

Qustis opened her legs, wide, wanting to give him a show.

“I fucking love the way you taste.”

She slid her fingers down to her wet mould.

“I would push apart your lips and expose your perfect clit just for me.”

She did exactly as he said.

“I’ll suck on your clit and flick it with my tongue.”

Quistis started quickly flicking her clit,

“… No.”

She opened her eyes as she saw him moving towards her.

“I’ll fuck you straight away.”

She sighed.

“I want to feel you all around me, I want to feel you clenched all around me. I’ll fuck you so hard, that you’ll be fucking screaming my name, again, and again, and again. And when you’re done, I’ll fuck you even harder, I’ll fuck you till you forget any name but mine. I’ll fuck you till you can’t remember the feeling of any of the other bastards who touched you.”

She opened her eyes when she felt him grab a fistful of her hair and roughly pulled her towards him.

“I’ll fuck you till no one else can ever make you feel the way I make you feel.”

He hissed, close to her face.

Quistis was now vigorous rubbing herself, his words sounded extremely possessive and she loved it, whether he was lying or not.

“Look what you fucking do to me Quistis.”

He rasped, almost sounding exasperated that he couldn’t have her.

And that was it, she stopped herself and got up on her knees, and as she moved to straddle his thigh, she held on to him as she sunk her face into the crook of her neck and rubbed herself against his leg forcefully. Within seconds she reached her high and her body shook violently as her companion held her tight.

“Say my name Quistis, please, just once.”

That was all she needed to hear.

“Squall…”

She managed to moan as her body continued to shake as she carelessly rubbed herself against him. She finally started to float down from her high, and she felt herself going limp in his arms. She caught her breath as their naked skins pressed against each other, slick with perspiration.

After tonight, it didn’t matter if Squall’s heart belonged to someone else; she had this one incredible night with him. She finally pushed herself away from him, pleased with the evening’s events, but a part of her heart ached, knowing that the night had come to an end.

She looked at him as he starred at her. She was sure he was thinking of something, probably considering what this meant for him and Rinoa. Quistis was sure that any girl in her right mind would consider what he did cheating; he never entered her, but still…

After a few seconds, Squall moved off the bed and walked into the bathroom. She heard the shower, and she wondered when she would wake up from this dream. Squall came out, naked once again, only with a towel around his shoulders.

“Would you like to wash up?”

Quistis nodded, as she rolled out of the bed and wobbled to the bathroom. She leaned her face against his shoulders and inhaled his scent, hoping it would burn into her memory. She finally moved off him and stepped into the shower.

She quickly washed herself, using his mint body wash. It felt tingly all over her skin, and when she opened her eyes. She saw Squall, leaning again the door post of the washroom, staring at her through the glass partition.

“Yes?”

She asked.

“… Nothing, just… collecting more memories.”

Squall stated as he scanned her from head to toe.

Once she finished bathing, she stepped out of the shower, and straight into the towel that Squall held up for her. He wrapped her with the towel, and she loved how he took care of her.

As he dried her up, he placed a little kiss on her forehead, and she greatly envied Rinoa for having his heart.

Squall escorted her to the sitting room and stopped there. Now was the awkward part, should she stay, or should she go?

“You have to leave Quistis.”

And she got her answer.

“This can’t happen again.”

She felt her body freeze. But what did she expect? That one night of pleasure would change his mind about his relationship with her? With Rinoa?

Quistis took a few seconds to let his words sink in, and she nodded, afraid her voice would croak if she spoke.

She picked up her clothes off the floor as she unwrapped the towel, quickly putting on her clothes, feeling, dirty. Used and abused perhaps. Yes, perhaps that’s what that phrase meant.

Squall watched her as she wore her clothes, clothes that she couldn’t wait to get rid of just moments ago. Oh, when he told her he wanted to fuck her, she truly believed him, that he really wanted her, that he really was jealous of all the men that touched her before him. But it was just a wonderful lie; a wonderful dream that had to come to an end.

As he walked her out,

“Thank you Quistis. I hope you understand.”

She wanted to scream, don’t patronise me. But she couldn’t say a word. She just turned and smiled at him, remembering how he said it would never happen again. And she turned and walked back to her room, hearing the swish behind her. Her room was barely a few metres away, but the walk down the cold metal dark corridor felt like a long, lonely walk.

But apparently, it happened again, and again, and again. Seeing how he was crawling into her bed once more.

The unseen man reached for her cheek, and she knew it was Squall, she could recognise his fingers anywhere. He pulled her face towards him, and she felt his lips.

How long, she wondered, would she be a slave to her desire for Squall? She sighed as she returned his kisses.

“How long is she gone for?”

“Two days.”

He climbed under the covers with her as he swiftly reached for her chest.

“Naked?”

She could picture his face as he asked the question.

“Yes, can’t I?”

She heard him go quiet for awhile.

He finally spoke up,

“Are you expecting someone else?”

She smiled, loving his jealousy.

“No,”

And before she could continue, she felt him pinching her nipples. He knew she loved that painful pleasure.

“Good. ‘Cause… I’ll kill anyone who touches you.”

He sighed as she reached for his erection. She stroked his hard member as she placed little kisses on his neck.

“All I could think about today was you, Quistis.”

She smiled, she told him once that she loved when he said things to her, both naughty and nice.

“All I wanted to do was fuck you on my table, on top of all that paper work.”

He moved his hands downwards.

“I had to rub one out underneath my desk.”

She sighed as she felt his fingers finally touch her wetness.

“I thought of the time you sat on my face, and told me to eat your fucking pussy.”

Quistis frowned,

“I never said that.”

“… Well, now you know I wish you would.”

Quistis laughed, she and Squall had grown closer and closer. If he ever had to go for missions, she was always his partner, unless it was one where the female SeeD was required to get close to someone.

“I did what you wanted.”

“Hmm?”

Quistis looked at him, puzzled, though she was rather sure he couldn’t see her.

“I cummed on the underwear you gave me. It still smelt like you.”

The idea that Squall did something she wanted was glorious. She smiled as she continued to rub his shaft, and as he gently rubbed his fingers up and down her slit and clit.

She remembered how she joked about him always having to clean up after he jerked off and she gave him some of her underwear. It started as a joke, but the idea that he would come all over her panties made her excited and she seriously asked him to.

“How was it?”

“… Made me want to come on you, while you’re still wearing panties.”

Quistis smiled as she closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch.

“Squall?”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s have sex please.”

She said with all seriousness in her voice.

“Say that again.”

“… Fuck me. I want you inside me, just once. Just to feel you inside. Please Squall. Please...”

Quistis could hear her voice quivering, knowing she was starting to lose focus as he flicked and rubbed her clit harder and faster.

“Why?”

She always thought Squall was a little cruel, making her say embarrassing things.

“Because I want you. It’s not fair Squall, it’s not fair.”

She didn’t want to whine, or plead, but her desire for him was growing stronger and stronger each and every time he came to visit her.

He kept quiet and focused his attention on bringing Quistis to the peak of pleasure with his fingers. She knew she wasn’t going to get an answer from him. She never did.

In the silence of the night, her back arched as his fingers brought her to pleasure, her hands clumsily stroking his erection.

“Say my name Quistis.”

But today, she won’t. No, this time she won’t. She was always doing everything he wanted, but he never gave her what she wanted. She was his secret lover, she only ever had him in the dead of the night, or when Rinoa wasn’t around. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t.

So she kept her lips shut as she came, refusing his request. But still he helped her to come to completion. As she caught her breath,

“You didn’t call my name.”

“… I don’t see why I should. Don’t you hear your name enough from her?”

It wasn’t like Quistis to be so petty. She told herself long ago, that so long as he was willing to see her, she would do anything for him.

He sighed,

“Quistis… You know I can’t.”

As his hands moved back towards her chest. Quistis couldn’t understand why. Wasn’t what he was doing already cheating? What difference would it make?

She knew though, it was probably the same difference why she wanted him in her.

“You can even cum inside me.”

She offered. After what seemed like a long awkward pause.

“Would you let other men do that?”

Quistis didn’t quite know what to reply. She never thought of that before, she probably wouldn’t, after all, she always insisted that her previous sexual partners had to be protected. She was already selling her sex for SeeD, she wasn’t going to risk getting pregnant for SeeD. But right now, she wanted to make Squall upset. It was childish and petty she knew, but she wanted him to love her as much as he did Rinoa, not just when he wanted to fulfil his desires.

“Maybe, depending on th-“

And Squall rolled over and propped himself over her, he grabbed both her wrists as he adjusted his body between her legs. He aimed his erection at her pelvis, prodding her lower abdomen.

“Maybe? Did you say fucking maybe?”

Quistis gulped, wondering if she went too far.

“Squall, I-“

“Don’t you remember how I told you how much I fucking want you? How I would have fucked you upside down if I could? I think of cumming inside you every day. Do you know how much it’s taking me not to bury myself inside you? Why do you think you no longer get any missions that require you to have sex with anyone? Why do you think you no longer get any male partners for missions?”

Quistis was taken aback by Squall’s sudden outburst.

“Because I can’t stand the idea of anyone touching you. Because I can’t stand the thought that you may feel something for them that you should only feel for me!”

Squall clenched his fist tighter around her wrists. She could feel his hardness pressing hard against her pelvic bone, and it was hurting her a little. But this time, she didn’t want to back down; she didn’t want to be second to Rinoa.

“Then why her Squall? Why her… and not me?”

Quistis croaked; feeling a tightness in her chest, scared to hear his answer, but so desperately needing to.

After what seemed like an eternity,

“Because… Because I feel that way about her too.”

And Quistis felt like her heart stopped beating. She froze beneath him as she felt a warm ache pool behind her eyes. She screamed at herself for pushing him, she should have been contented; contented that he would even look at her.

She kept quiet, fearful of what he might say.

After a second eternity,

“Will that be enough for you Quistis?”

Squall must have known that he was asking for too much, but he was selfish, and he knew just how much she felt for him. He knew he wanted her from their first mission together after he became a SeeD. He knew he would grow to love her from the day she practised braiding with his hair at the orphanage when they were children.

But somehow, along the way, his heart hardened. And Rinoa came along and was the only one who could soften his heart, and open it to her. And again along the way, he started to feel for Quistis, again. But he felt responsible for Rinoa, after all they had been through, he was convinced that they were fated to be together. It had to be since that was what everyone said so, and he started to believe it was true. So while he desired Quistis, Rinoa was the one for him, she had to be.

He wondered if she knew just how fast his heart was pounding, waiting for her answer.

Finally, she whispered softly,

“No,”

Squall felt his body freeze solid.

“No, it’s not Squall.”

He heard her shaky voice cut through the darkness, she was obviously about to start crying. Quistis thought hard before she replied. She should have been contented; she had always loved Squall, always. But seeing him with Rinoa every day, smiling, walking hand in hand, talking to her, sharing his feelings with her, that was love. Not sneaky nights creeping into her room, bringing each other to pleasure, and then acting like nothing happened the next day, and putting the whole thing on repeat, again.

She wanted to be in love with someone too, not the kind of love that she and Squall had, but the kind of love that Rinoa and Squall had.

So no, her answer was no, it wasn’t enough for her.

All they could hear were their breaths. She hoped against hope that Squall would give in to her, but what could he do? Did she want him to break up with Rinoa? Quistis didn’t want to hurt her. But she knew it was too late, from the day she walked into Squall’s quarters in the Ragnarok.

After what seemed like another eternity,

Squall moved off her. He released her from his grasp as he climbed off her. As he accidentally brushed his hand across her face, and touched something wet. She was crying. Somehow, his heart broke at the idea that she was crying; because of him no less.

Quistis wondered if she did the right thing. Did she deserve to tell him what she felt?

 Squall wondered if she knew how upset he was. But at the same time angry. Why wasn’t this enough for her? Didn’t she always say that she loved him? Why couldn’t she just be happy that he would even come and see her? Wasn’t knowing he loved her enough?

But he was upset, and in a moment of anger,

“Fine,”

Squall sat up on the bed.

 “If that’s what you want”

He leaned his back against the wall.

“then put it in yourself.”

His words came out cold, hiding his emotions.

He sat beside Quistis, he could only see the outline of her head from what little light that was shone into the room.

Quistis turned to look at him, unsure what he meant.

“So?”

Squall sat beside her, legs propped up, back against the wall, erection still standing tall. He pulled her arm, roughly pulling her towards her. He didn’t mean to be so forceful, but he was upset. And angry, especially in any situation that she was involved in, was never a good colour on him.

Quistis felt herself pulled up by the arm, his grip tightly around her upper arm. She sat up, a little frightened about what would happen.

“Hurry.”

Squall hissed. This wasn’t the way either of them thought that their first time with each other would be like. He knew this wasn’t what he should do, but hearing her want to end things with him, made him mad.

Quistis sat there for a second, wondering what she should do, she wondered if she should just leave. It was her room, but if she wanted to get away from him, that seemed like the only thing to do. But the stubborn side of her wanted to see where this would go. She thought, maybe if she did do as he said, along the way, Squall would realise that he was head-over-heels in love with her. Maybe, just maybe.

Awkwardly, Quistis climbed over him, holding onto his shoulders for support. There was absolute silence between them, and Squall just sat there, motionless as she positioned herself on top of him, feeling his head touch her wet opening. This was the first time she felt him so close to her sex.

She looked at Squall’s outline, hoping he would say something to her, something loving would be wonderful. But nothing.

So she went ahead, slowly sliding herself onto him. She took a deep breath, feeling him stretch her insides. It had been quite awhile since she had sex. When she finally met with his pelvis, she let herself breathe.

She looked again at Squall for assurance, knowing she won’t be able to see much, but trying her best to make out what she could with what little light there was.

But again, nothing.

Rocking her body back and forth for awhile, she tried to get used to his width inside her. How different this was from what she had always imagined. In her dreams, he would be so kind and gentle, easing himself into her, carefully kissing her as she would sensually writhe beneath him. He would say how much he loved her, and only her.

But never this. Never.

Quistis moved her body up, feeling his member slide out with ease, and before he was fully out, she moved herself down again, imitating what he would do, if only.

Holding onto his shoulders to stable herself, she slowly moved herself up and down, trying to savour his hardness inside her. But it was impossible. There was no way she could feel any form of enjoyment knowing he was staring at her, doing nothing.

Was he upset? How upset? Was all she could think as she tried her best to hold back her tears as she moved up and down his shaft. She had ruined everything, she must have. But a small glimmer of hope was flickering within her, in hopes that Squall would react. That he would suddenly realise how much he wanted her. He would throw her over, climb on top of her and harshly shove himself in her, whispering how sorry he was and how much he loved her. If only, she thought, feeling hot tears escape her eyes, allowing them to roll down her cheeks and drip down her chin.

She wondered if he knew she was crying. She wondered if he would feel sad that she was hurt by him. She wondered if that would change anything about that night.

And it did.

“Are you… crying?”

Squall whispered, voice much softer than it was before.

Quistis wanted to reply, to tell him yes, to ask him to hold her tight and make her feel better. But nothing, she couldn’t say a word, her mind now barely focusing on her thigh muscles as she fought to keep herself steady while she moved. She wanted to pretend like she wasn’t affected by him, but there was no way.

She felt Squall’s hand reach for her face, and he finally stroke her cheek. She wondered if it was to comfort her, or to check if she was crying. She closed her eyes as she stopped moving, thinking that he was about to comfort her. Take him in his arms, and kiss her hurt away. She would forgive him, she would forget all about Rinoa, and be contented with whatever number she was. Just so long as he told her he loved her.

Instead, without a word, he moved upwards, at the same time moved even deeper into her. He tipped her over, and she was on her back again. She felt him readjusting himself, all the while still in her, and in a second, he was on top of her, using his arms to prop himself above her.

He wondered if he should comfort her, apologise for what he just asked her to do. Tell her he didn’t mean it, that he was just a horrible person for saying what he said, for doing what he did. He wanted to comfort her, but there was no way. Not when adrenaline was coursing through his veins. Not when he finally managed to feel how it was inside her, to have her surround him completely. Not when his head was foggy with how joyous it would feel to push into her the hardest he could, slamming his groin against the junction of her thighs again and again and again.

So long, for so long he had practised so much control over his body, praying every day that he wouldn’t slip up, that he won’t cave in to her touches, her kisses, to her fingers, her tongue, to every inch of her body.

But today, he never thought that something said in a fit of anger would get him here. He hated that something that made her so sad would forever mark their first. He hated feeling hot tears drip on his chest, that soon turned cold, and made him question just how cold was his heart.

He paused for a second, still wondering if he should say something, but when her body jerked beneath him as she choked back a sob. He lost all sense of control. He couldn’t tell if it was because her movement had sent electric shocks through his groin as he stayed inside her, or he felt guilty that he was the one causing her to cry, and he desperately wanted to pretend it wasn’t him, to just act as if nothing had happened. It was probably the latter.

So he moved, slowly drawing himself out, but not fully, and slowly pushing himself back in, despite his need to ram himself into her, he’s feelings for her didn’t allow him to be anything by kind to her.

He bended down and placed a kiss on her cheek. He landed little kisses down to her neck as he moved inside her slowly, feeling her body jerk every time she sniffed. His hand moved down to her left thigh, carefully lifting her leg towards his chest. He had done this countless times with Rinoa since his encounter with Quistis on the Ragnarok. But with Quistis, with Quistis, it was a dream come true. As he hooked her calve over his shoulder, he realised she was surprisingly flexible. He hooked her leg over his shoulder with ease, and he slipped even further into her. It was getting harder to control his, well, control, and he started moving faster.

Of course she was flexible, she spent her days stretching, exercising and training. She had years of advantage body-wise, over Rinoa. So he aimed to push further, deeper into her. He lifted her other leg and stretched it behind him, as though wrapping it around his waist. As though she knew what he wanted, she used her snaked leg to pull him closer to her. He could feel the soft flesh around her opening pressing against the base of his member.

It was extraordinary. He was losing too much control, thinking about how she wanted this as much as him. There was something about being wanted that was oh so incredible. His thrusts became rougher; his mind went blank getting lost in his pleasure. He heard her whimper underneath him, and it riled him up even further.

He slammed himself into her, again and again, using so much force, as though making up for the times that he couldn’t have her like this. It was absurd how much he wanted her, how pleasing this was. He leaned into her neck and latched his lips onto the top of her neck, sucking on the skin behind her ear. He felt her meeting his thrusts accurately, and her fingers digging into his back, feeling them run up and down his sinewy muscles, he wondered if they were rippling under her fingers.

He knew she had reached that amazing high as her body stiffened, and her fingers dug harshly into his back. Rinoa had done this previously, and he wouldn’t deny that a part of him found pleasure in the pain. And now, it was Quistis who was dragging her dug fingers down his back, he was sure she was harshly scratching him, and knew it was going to leave marks. How was he supposed to answer to Rinoa if she questioned him, he won’t know, but right know he didn’t care.

The way she scarred his back aroused him so much more, if that was even possible, and he knew he couldn’t last much longer. He felt her moan his name into the crook of his neck, and that was it. Pulling his lips away from her neck, he pressed his face into the mattress as he breathed in deeply and felt his body lose its battle to pleasure.

He growled her name twice, trice into the mattress, feeling wave after wave of rippling pleasure flood through his body. He continued to push himself in and out of her, as he took up her earlier offer. He shot himself deep within her, and a part of him was slightly worried that she may end up with child, but his body overtook any common sense, and he relished in the fact that her body welcomed his fluids. Her throbbing canal seemed to milk him for all he was worth.

He muffled his groan into the mattress; his mind begged him to show more self-control. But it was impossible; he growled and groaned like a dying man. And that was apt, she always made him feel incredible pleasure, but at the same time, her sad looks and the fact that they could never be together, hurt him extremely.

As he emptied the last of himself into her, he felt a familiar lightness, he breathed again as he finally pulled himself out of her, scared of what was going to happened. And they thought of the impeding future took away that lightness and pressed him heavily to the ground. He rolled over as his mind flew through a million possibilities and mistakes, and he lay in her bed, stark naked, body towards the ceiling. It was hard to move, if anyone wanted to kill him, now would be the best time, he was in a vulnerable position, and he probably was too spent to resist.

Never, he thought, did he have something like that with Rinoa. He reasoned with himself in his mind that it wasn’t because everything was better with Quistis, but it was because of their secretive dealings, because it was their first. He told himself that it Rinoa was in their position, he was sure it would feel the same.

But as Quistis rotated towards him, snuggling her head into the junction of his neck and shoulder, placing her hand on his rapidly rising and falling chest, he wondered what this meant for them.

He considered if he would ever leave Rinoa. And his answer was simple, he never gave much thought into it, there was no way he would leave what he believed was his soul mate for his… His… Squall questioned what he thought about Quistis, was she his friend? No, he felt much more for her than that. His lover maybe? He didn’t like that status, it made him feel like she just someone he had sex with and felt nothing for.

But he knew, as much as it made it more convenient for him to deny it, that he loved her. He loved her with a deep, deep love. Perhaps it was the lack of blood in his brain, or the exhaustion, but he couldn’t think of anything more profound than deep love. It was simple, but explained everything he felt. So what was she? His tired body couldn’t seem to process anymore deep thinking, and he settled for, his Quistis.

He felt her draw even closer to him, and he wondered again if he should continue his relationship with Quistis, and this time, as much as he hated the answer, it was a resounding, no. He loved Quistis without a doubt, but he decided he probably loved Rinoa more. She was the one he was going to marry, the one who would have his children, and he knew she would make a wonderful mother.

He knew he never seemed like the type who would care, but after meeting Laguna, finding out about Raine, he played with the idea of having a family, having children, having a love like theirs. He could make it work, after all, Cid and Edea were still greatly in love with each other, if even they could make it work, he could too.

Squall thought of how he would be a loving father, giving his child or children a life he never had. No orphanages, no being sent off the Balamb Garden and feeling alone, no stupid wars. Just a loving family, with their beautiful mother, Rinoa. Yes, that was what he wanted. Quistis had never experienced a normal life like hers, Quistis would probably bring her children with her into battle, she was a SeeD, through and through. There was no way she could give him a life he wanted, could she?

So in that moment, he had to make his decision, if he loved her, as much as he thought he did, logically, he would want her to be happy. And she would never be happy with him. He would keep her at the sidelines, and she won’t be happy, no, she won’t.

So he mustered up whatever strength he had left, whatever courage he had left, and gently pulled her hand away from her chest. He heard Quistis give a short, soft gasp, as though surprised by his action.

It took all his effort to move away from her, and he finally sat on the side of the bed. He wasn’t sure if it was his fatigue that made it so hard for him to move or the fact that she would probably never see him again, never want him again, never love him again.

He wondered if she would say anything to try and convince him, and he promptly prepared himself for it, and reminded himself that he would not succumb to her lovely voice. But instead,

 “Is this it?”

Quistis said to his back.

“… I think so.”

It wasn’t what he expected, but perhaps it was simpler this way. He got up and carefully walked in the dark looking for his clothes, carefully not to trip over anything in the lightless room. He put on his clothes as he found them. If he listened hard enough, he would be able to hear her breath, but he didn’t want to.

He finally made his way to the door, fully dressed. As he turned the handle on the door,

“Goodbye Squall.”

Squall took a deep breath and sighed out a soft,

“Goodbye Quistis.”

As he opened the door, knowing that this would mark a significant night in their relationship,

“I love you.”

He heard her whisper; it was loving, and horribly desperate. Her last ditch attempt to change his mind. She must have hoped that he would turn back and hug her, hold her tight in his arms. But that wasn’t going to happen. With impending gloom looming in his heart, Squall looked along both sides of the corridor, and walked out, closing the door softly behind him. Once the door was closed, he whispered to the door,

“I love you too.”

And with that he walked away. Leaving Quistis cold and alone in her bed, unmoving, wondering what was to happen to her now? Wondering and hoping that he would come back again soon, just like he always did, and this time, she won’t make a fuss about them. She won’t.

She closed her eyes, feeling her chest raise and fall as she breathed, hot tears started rolling down her face, soaked up by her pillow. Oh, how she loved him, wanted him. She turned to her side, pulling her sheets over her, and begged herself to go to sleep, so that tomorrow night will come, and he would be here with her again, pretending that nothing ever happened, as would she.

 

 

It had been four months since that fateful night, Quistis, not in a million years would have thought that she would be where she was. Well, maybe she did, she always knew this was a possibility, but never thought it would really come true.

She was standing on the makeshift altar in the middle of the Quad, in a beautiful white dress, surrounded by friends, and the only people she knew to be her family. She smiled as she look at her beloved Squall, how handsome he looked in a simple black suit and tie. She was worried that he would wear his usual leather outfit to the wedding.

She looked over to Cid and Edea who sat the front row, smiling from ear to ear. She couldn’t hear anything the minister said as she thought about how happy they must be, witnessing the first wedding of their ‘family’.

As she looked at Squall, she saw him smiling, a smile she had now gotten used to. He didn’t seem as frustrated as before, ever since he made his decision barely hours after he left her room, and she was glad with his choice in the end. She felt guilty for awhile though, and wondered if Rinoa would find out about them and mind.

“I am happy to announce,”

And Quistis quickly snapped out of her thoughts.

“for the first time ever,”

Quistis prepared her brightest smile possible.

“Mr and Mrs, Squall and Rinoa Leonhart!”

The crowd erupted in applause and shouts, especially Selphie who was her fellow bridesmaid screamed and jumped up and down on the alter beside her, momentarily forgetting any bridesmaid duties, leaving Quistis to run towards from the side of the altar where she stood to the centre to help Rinoa with her dress as she walked hand in hand with Squall down the aisle.

Quistis plastered a wide smile on her face. It was the wedding of the century, cameras from everywhere was pointed at her; she didn’t want to look gloomy in any photos and be asked to explain why. After all, she had told herself time after time that she was glad he finally made his choice.

It was the right choice. A woman who everyone told him he should be with, a woman who could provide him a more normal family, normal life, someone who would wait for him when he came back from missions.

Yes, that was something she could never give him, she would be out for missions with someone else, and he would come back to an empty room. She could never be a good wife for him, could she?

But she knew, if he ever asked, she would drop her SeeD title in an instant so that she could always be there for him. But, his choice made it easy of her, she won’t have to give up what she loved doing. So she told herself, she was glad that he chose her, Rinoa.

She remembered how she woke up the next day, face puffy from crying the night before, cursing herself for being so greedy, but remembering how he showed her he loved her the night before. It was marvellously depressing; the way he made her feel so loved, and then pushed her into a deep depressing hole as he walked out the door.

She remembered trying to push away her thoughts about the night before as she walked into the cafeteria. She heard shouts and squeals from her dear little brunette friend as she ran towards her shouting something so quickly she couldn’t understand a word she said. Finally, Rinoa ran up to join them, and explained what Selphie failed to. It was easy, she just had to lift up her left hand and show her a ring on her fourth finger. Squall’s Griever ring.

Rinoa recapped what happened the night before, how Squall took Ragnarok in the middle of the night and appeared at her doorstep. She wondered if something horrible had happened as the helpers in her house woke her up to tell her that Squall was in her sitting room. She ran down, only to find him on one knee. As she walked up to him, he reached for her hand, and tenderly kissed her fingers.

Quistis shuddered at the thought, not wanting to hear about how Squall showed her affection especially since it was just hours after Squall left her crying in her room. She proceeded to squeal about how Squall asked her to marry him there and then, and told her how he couldn’t keep himself away from her, and how being away from him made him realised how much he needed him with her. So he rushed over and proposed, he didn’t even have a ring prepared, so he gave her his ring as a symbol.

Quistis smiled, trying her best to be happy for her friend, but finding it almost impossible. She pretended to admire the ring, but knew full well how it looked like. She had studied it many times when he was sleeping beside her, holding on to his hand just to feel his warm fingers, comparing his larger hands to hers, and burning the details of his ring into her mind.

As she forced her hand to clasp Rinoa’s with joy, she reached her fingers for that cold piece of metal that sat on her chest, dangling between her breasts, hidden by her peach top. She found it surprising sometimes how no one, even Rinoa ever noticed that Squall no longer wore his Griever pendant on his chain. It was just an empty plain sliver chain now, but everyone in Balamb was probably so preoccupied with their own missions and problems that they didn’t notice. Or even those who did would have assumed he gave his pendant to Rinoa, but never thought that he would have given it to Quistis.

He gave it to her after another heated disagreement, again about the same thing, and to pacify her, he gave her his pendant, telling her that it ought to prove how much he loved her.

She found an old chain and ever since then, she had worn it and hid it under any top she wore. The only one who had ever seen her wear it was Squall, and he always told her how much he loved seeing her wear something of his. She loved it too.

But now, it didn’t matter if she had something as lovely as this. She had his pendant, but Rinoa had his ring, and his heart. In the midst of reminiscing, she heard footsteps behind her. Heavy heels that knocked on the cold marble floor, and while she wasn’t sure, she knew it could only be Squall. She was right, Rinoa squealed and ran behind her, falling into Squall’s arms, who held it right open to receive her.

Ever since that day, every time she walked into a room with Squall in it, he would leave. Every time she pulled a chair to join their friends in the cafeteria, Squall would leave the table. Every time she looked for Rinoa who happened to be with him, Squall would politely take his leave.

They only ever spoke once between that fateful night and his wedding. She met him in the Secret area. Both of them obviously did not plan to be there, especially with no one else around. They just happened to feel like training, maybe even letting off some steam, in the middle of the night.

Before he could walk out for the Secret Area, Quistis stepped between the door and him. She boldly congratulated him and asked him how he was. Squall replied her, of course, but spoke the way he used to, one or two words, and absolutely expressionless.

She didn’t know why, but she got upset, and asked if he still felt anything for her.

“No.”

Was his only reply. Squall was obviously lying through his teeth, but he could never let her know that he still felt anything for her, that every night when he was with Rinoa, he thought of her. That he was always terrified that he would slip up and call her name by mistake when he climaxed with Rinoa. That he couldn’t be in the same room as her because he could always smell her, and her scent always brought a hunger in his chest, before he reminded himself that he made his choice, and that hunger would be replaced by an aching pain.

She lost her temper and started raising her voice at him, asking him if he was sure. He couldn’t remember much about her rambling, only that she looked beautiful, her cheeks glistening with perspiration from her workout at the Training area.

But he remembered her saying, he must still be in love with her, because he was still keeping her from going on missions with other men, or missions that involved a chance she would have to sleep with other men, just like he said to her on their very last night. He remembered keeping absolutely quiet, knowing full well that she was right. Every mission came through him, and every mission she was involved in, he would scrutinise. So he never gave her certain missions, never gave her male partners, she was right.

But then, she pulled the pendant out from under her shirt, and asked if he would like it back. After what seemed like forever, he nodded, mumbling something about how it would only be appropriate, now that he was with someone else.

Teary eyed, she obliged and pulled the necklace over her head, she place it on his opened palm, and her fingers gently brushed over his. She knew she was about to cry, so she quickly turned around, not caring for her chain that the pendant hung on. She just wanted to get away from him; leaving him standing alone in the Secret Area, wondering if he made the right choice.

The next day, she found an envelope slipped under the door. She opened it to find her chain; devoid of the pendant, the only other thing other thing in the envelope was a note that wrote,

I’m sorry Quistis, and thank you, for everything.

No sign off, but she knew just who it was from.

Two days later, she received her mission briefing from Xu. She looked at her partners, and saw Irvine, and another male SeeD’s name on it. She read through the mission details, and realised that she was supposed to seduce the current military minister of Fisherman’s Horizon. She remember he was a rather handsome middle aged man, and breathed a sigh of relief.

She barely read through the rest of the details when the realisation of her mission’s partners and objectives hit her. They were everything that proved her wrong about what she said two nights ago to Squall in the Secret Area. Perhaps he was trying to prove to her that she was wrong, that he couldn’t care less about her missions anymore. It was horrible.

And it was that mission, that she had sex with someone other than Squall in a long time. First, the handsome middle aged minister. Second, the SeeD who’s name she had forgotten, who was on the mission with her. She cried after she came back from her night with the minister, and as the nameless SeeD comforted her, she ended up having sex with him, trying to forget the harsh rough actions of the minister who had his way with her.

The minister was a kind man, but terribly cruel it bed, she had bruises to show for it. So she tried to replace that horrid night with her nameless partner. He was gentle with her, knowing full well that she was making use of him, but not minding. Irvine walked in on then, but politely tipped his hat as he walked right back out, closing the door behind him as their partner continued to pleasure her.

When they came back, Irvine obviously reported the incidents to Squall. Irvine must had, since Squall burst into the infirmary just as Dr. Kadowaki was examining the long bruise on her neck from when the minister choked her in bed. She was only in her underwear, and he stood there, by the door, staring at her, hearing Dr. Kadowaki lecture him about bursting into the room, and talking about how men had such strange fetishes nowadays. Reminding Quistis that though it was part of the job, she must always make sure she was careful as though what had happened was the most normal thing in the world.

Quistis couldn’t bear to look at him. She didn’t want him to see her, wondering how he must feel about her now that she had slept with someone else. From the side of her eyes, she saw Squall notice her partner who sat at the foot of her bed as Dr. Kadowaki examined her.

She finally dared to look at him now that his glare was fixated on someone else besides her. He must have heard from Irvine that she slept with him too. She didn’t expect Squall to understand and believed that Squall had now thought she was a horribly loose woman; two men that she barely knew in the same day, who won’t.

She saw him glaring daggers at the SeeD and balling his fist. The SeeD was an older gentleman and more mature and experienced. He must have known something was up. So he patted her on her knee and told her to take care as he got up and walked towards Squall. Both men stepped out, and she heard them talking, not clearly, but it sounded rather aggressive. She heard the outer door slam and didn’t see the two men again that day.

She would sometimes see her nameless SeeD around Garden, and they would politely nod at one another. She tried to talk to initiate conversation with him sometimes, but he would curtly reply, and walk away from her as quickly as he could. She always wondered what they spoke about that day, and while she could guess, she would never really know.

Ever since then, she was never placed on any missions with her unnamed SeeD, and no more missions which involved any possibility of sex. She only had missions where there was at least one more female in the formation, and usually her male partners be either Irvine, Zell, or Nida. All whom she knew were completely loyal to their girlfriends.

And now, here she was, holding Rinoa’s dress’s long train, smiling at the crowd, completely avoiding Squall’s eyes the entire day.

Finally, after her bridesmaid duties were over, she walked over to the edge of the Quad away from the crowd, looking at the plains before her. Balamb Garden was parked near Deiling City so that Rinoa’s friends and family could attending the wedding easily. She held a glass of water in her hands as she sighed, hearing the pointless chattering behind her.

Suddenly,

“Hey.”

Quistis turned around, only to see handsome green eyes looking at her.

“Hello.”

Quisits replied, smiling, feeling her sadness relieved a little by the appearance of her friend.

“Big wedding, huh.”

Seifer walked closer to her in a rather nice black suit, he was one of the groomsmen for Squall’s wedding. Though why Squall asked him was beyond her. They got along a little better after he returned to Garden with Edea, but they were definitely not good friends. Chances were; Squall needed more men to partner the amazing number of bridesmaids his wife had.

“Yes.”

She turned back to face the plains, wind in her face.

“Does it hurt?”

Seifer leaned against the balcony as he walked beside her.

Quistis looked down, suddenly regretting that she spilled her secrets out one night to Seifer. The three of them were on a simple mission to Dollet, Seifer was only on the time due to a specific request from the client. And after Xu she brought back a strange man, again, Quistis was forced to seek refuge in Seifer’s adjacent room. She shared a couple of drinks with Seifer and talked through the night.

She never talked much to Seifer, about intimate feelings at least, though they had shared many words, they were mostly arguments. But she knew that she enjoyed being around him, despite his often offending demeanour. So they talked, realising that she had a lot more common in him. And after her tenth or twentieth drink, she revealed all that had happened since that night in the Ragnarok.

She regretted it instantly the next morning, terrified that Seifer would tell someone about it. But never, Seifer acted like she never told him anything. Since then, she felt more comfortable with Seifer, trusting him a little more, even more than Xu, even though she hardly spent any time with him.

This, was the first time Seifer ever spoke or asked about her relationship with Squall since the night she spoke to him.

She couldn’t find the words to tell him how she felt, so she just turned to him, and smiled. Seifer was taken aback. He expected her to say something pathetically sad, or start crying. Instead, that smile, was probably the saddest smile he had ever seen, and he had seen lots of sad in his time.

Quistis was beautiful, no man could deny that. Probably why that nameless SeeD she told him about was so willing to sleep with her. He would have too, and he wanted to, that night when she was drunk in his room. But he decided against it, if she was anyone else, anyone who he didn’t grow up with, he definitely would have. But Quistis, no. He could never take advantage of her. However, if she offered…

Seifer shook the thoughts out of his mind, turning back to staring at the plains with her. He had always had a fondness for Quistis, and now that his once girlfriend was married to the man Quistis loved, he wondered if the rejected lovers of the happy couple could have something together.

“Quistis,”

“Hmm?”

Quistis hummed, without looking at him.

“Go out some time?”

Seifer cursed himself mentally, wondering why he couldn’t phrase his request better.

Quistis turned, surprised by this question. She looked at him for what seemed like hours, the chatter in the background seemed to disappear.

“… Full sentences please.”

Quistis smiled, hoping her former student would remember this from her days of teaching him.

Seifer’s face lit up, whether he knew it or not.

“Damn Instructor.”

He said with a smile on his face.

“Quistis,”

“Yes Seifer?”

“Would you like to go out with me some time?”

Quistis thought hard, wondering if she was being fair to Seifer if she started dating him. She knew that she was still very much in love with Squall, and Seifer was well-known for sleeping with anything that moved. Would this amount to nothing again in the end?

She looked back to the crowd that surrounded the newly wedded couple, and she managed to catch a glimpse of Squall’s smiling face. He was obviously happier with her.

There was a long pause between the two.

Seifer was obviously uncomfortable. He didn’t like waiting, he didn’t like being rejected and he didn’t like her looking at someone else while he was left waiting for her answer.

So he stretched out his hand and placed his finger under her chin, tilting her face back towards him. When she finally looked at him, he tucked several stray strands of hair behind her ear. Brushing his fingertips against her skin, making sure that it seemed like it wasn't on purpose.

Finally, after the long silence,

“I would love to.”

Quistis finally whispered, and she smiled as she looked at Seifer’s handsome features light up.

 



You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story