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Reviews for Suffering Angel

By : JohnnyMcManus
  • From ANON - anon on December 28, 2006
    lolz your writing sux
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  • From ANON - Yamada Asaemon on July 29, 2004
    Okay... Let's try some [more] *constructive criticism.* First, pick a tense and stick to it. It hurts one's head to sift through the random switches from past tense to present and back again. Proof-reading something this short shouldn't take too long.

    As for other things... , yo, you need to decide what kind of fic you really want this to be. If you want it to be an exploration of how a loveable goof could become a rapist, you need characterization. Meaning, explain to us: *why* Laguna wants his son sexually; *how* this and other pressures make him unstable; *what* can finally unleash that into violent, dehumanizing action. You might even delve into his thoughts after the act. Also, please note that lines like "Laguna acted the loveable goof, but really he was..." do not qualify as characterization.

    If you want this to be a fic that gets rape-fantasists off, then the descriptions should be much clearer, more detailed, and more original. Limited third person POV -- Squall -- might be a good idea.

    If you want an angsty character abuse fic with some actual substance, you'll still needractracterization. How does Squall feel in descriptions longer than 2 words? Does he sense any of the repressed lust in his father? You did try a bit to describe Laguna's feelings indirectly through Squall's POV -- do that more coherently and with more effort.

    Finally, I agree that Squall could fight off his old man. Try a popular plot device if nothing else works (drugs, alcohol... Squall's 3 belts are invitation enough to bondage). Pick an approach appropriate to your purpose.
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  • From ANON - Vash\'s Girl on July 23, 2004
    Okay, I would just like to say that Laguna is *way* out of character there. He wouldn't rape Squall. Look at him--he's a carefree, charismatic,-lov-loving, klutzy, bumbling goofball, but he's loveable. If you really think that he'd rape Squall against Squall's will like that... Agh. Just...never mind.
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  • From currie on July 20, 2004
    Okay.
    I'm going to do my darndest not to let this turn into a flame.

    There's a bit of a problem with the formattingybe ybe re-post or edit the lines, but no biggie there.

    I think you should add an OOC warning to your summary. This was a VERY OOC Laguna, which is fine, when people are expecting it, I think. And... I think Squall would have been able to throw him off, since he's a trained mercenary, and Laguna's far past his prime. Might have been a good idea to add some sort of extra restraint there.
    Also, the issue of lube. I don't know if Squall's insides would get that torn and tattered, if Laguna used it. But I could be g; mg; maybe... clarify. It just seemed to conflict.

    Rape squicks me, but I read it anyway, and I take responsibility for that. Your "don't like it, don't read" was rather cold... If you're looking to keep people from reading, that's how to go about it. Heh. So anyway, I'm not upset about the noncon itself.

    What leaves this fic not-too-likable is that you could have replaced their names with those of any other father and son from any other fandom, and it wouldn't have really made a difference. Looks like this was written much more for the sake of an incestual rape scene than for anything else. Maybe this would be best off as an original piece.

    Okay, I'm going to go on about Laguna now.
    He's a rambler. He's mushy, and goofy, and sweet, and considerate, and a little bit spoiled by the luck life's given him, and that's why he bugs the hell out of Squall. And... that's why he's totally, completely incapable of rape. He's less capable of it than any character in FF8, I'd say. Squall would be more likely to rape him, if you wanted to bend his character boundaries reeeeally far, instead of breaking them like this did with Laguna.

    Alright, I'll stop now... because I doubt you care about this, lol... And if you do... I dunno, email me or something. :)
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