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Reviews for At least he's hot

By : laurenloogie
  • From Avinacode101 on May 09, 2007
    Alright, I like the new addition, though it was short. One obvious mistake -

    “Just would I told you would happen,” Sephiroth spat. It wasn’t hard to tell he was in one of his ‘moods.’ “I fucked Reno up really bad. He’s probably going to kill himself.”

    Maybe the first would should be a "what"?

    That's all I have to say about spelling and grammar. Mostly because it is late here, and I must finish my work before tomorrow morning. If I find more later, I will give another review.
    I do hope for more soon, since seing an updated fanfic helps my mood. Work is very stressful. Thanks.
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  • From Avinacode101 on May 01, 2007
    I love the new the editing in chapter 1. There is more introduction to the charchters, definately. Something you might want to look at is the paragraph structure. It's possible to tell where the editing begins because the paragraph are short, only two sentences long while the unedited part still has its nice, long paragraphs.

    Also, you mixed first person voice in there ("Oh my god, I shit you not"). Unless your ENTIRE story will random author comments in it (reminds me of the Chronicles of Narnia story book), I suggest that part be edited out. That and I think your story here sounds much better in third person. Three heads in one story does not make for a good first person.

    Thanks for no mushiness. That is much appreciated. Torture is much better, and thanks for listening to my comments and critique.
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  • From ANON - Holly on May 01, 2007
    I like the new opening, much better character introduction me thinks.
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  • From laurenloogie on April 30, 2007
    Yeah, sorry I haven't added any chapters lately. I've been forced to use a library computer until mine gets shipped to my new house... so I don't have enough time to do jack shit on this story. Hope you guys like the editing I did on the first chapter, though... just a little something to set the mood. Sephiroth's evil, huh?

    But hey! It won't be long until more chapters are up - and they won't dissapoint. I've got them planned out, so it's just a matter of getting them typed. Ah, yes... new chapters deviod of fluff and so full of screwed up sex you'll either want to hurl or invest in a dungeon! Til then

    Lauren Loogie
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  • From ANON - Ranna on April 16, 2007
    Damn. That was one of the most perverse things I have ever seen. It was FUCKING HOT. I want more, I so totally want more.
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  • From Avinacode101 on April 15, 2007
    Please no Sephiroth "mushiness" lauren. Stick with your torturous style, romance is NOT for you, or for me either. Rape and torture is the way to go in this story. LOTS of torture, ZERO warmth, softness, mushy crap, love. Blood is good....

    You said you wanted to torture ideas? Sorry, I can't help there since I have a fiction of my own in progress where I'm using a hell of a lot of torture as well. So sorry.
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  • From ANON - Jen on April 04, 2007
    whoah.
    Thats all I can say.
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  • From ANON - ooh on April 01, 2007
    WOW! so.. bsdm XD It was hot! I'm not too keen on blood, but as long as you made your characters LIKE it, it's ok with me! XD
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  • From ANON - LabyrinthMoonPath on April 01, 2007
    Well, damn.... that's all I can say. I just felt like I got done reading a BDSM story from a porn mag. WOw, it's pretty damn good. It's very... dark to say the least, but I actually enjoyed it. IT was hot. I felt like I should've been paying for this story it was so damned naughty. I was so horrified in some scenes that I just had to keep reading. I read this all in all one sitting. Wow.

    -.~Lady Labyrinth Moon Path
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  • From ANON - Potoe on March 17, 2007
    Just...goddamn that was hott. Christ. I'm gonna go shower now >.>
    BTW, you've added another fangirl to your flock!
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  • From RJaneyP on February 26, 2007
    Well well Sugar Butt you do S&M quite well... Lemon's be damned. I can't say I enjoyed you making total brutal thugs and butchers our of some of my Favorite Bad boys...I always consider their personalities more complex than just totally Evil! I guess I prefer their character traits to have just a little bit more finesse...can you dig it babe.

    Sorry, Such Sick violent fuckers just don't turn me on. But then I don't need to read your stuff now do I? So keep writing to please yourself, Babe!
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  • From ANON - Fubisi on February 25, 2007
    LMFAO THAT WAS HILAROUS!! Sephie rapes Rufus, Sephie and Reno rape Rufus, Reno rapes Rufus, Sephie rapes Reno. I think the real poor bitch in this story is Rufus. =)
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  • From laurenloogie on February 25, 2007
    Thanx for the reviews - I didn't even realize how many fucking italics were in the story until Holly mentioned it. It was ridiculous. So... I took a bunch out. I wrote the story in HTML code, so I couldn't really tell what it would look like on the web. Wow. Thanks for the tip. I was also thinking of having Sephiroth get a little mushy... just a little? I'll tone it down, I guess. I haven't thought of another good torture scene yet, so I'll take suggestions!
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  • From ANON - fei on February 24, 2007
    Oh my, the way you've written this ... you got Sephiroth down exactly right :D I'm hoping Reno isn't broken just yet, just so we get to see some more competition between those two ¬__¬ heh heh heh
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  • From ANON - Ranna on February 22, 2007
    I ahve to admit, BDSM is not exactly my favorite standby. But seriously, you raised it up to an artform. Depravity never read so well.
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