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Reviews for Stolen Moment

By : trekqueen
  • From RogueMudblood on March 21, 2012

    The way you ended chapter one was so crushing, even if she was unaware of his verbal response. And though you originally intended this as a drabble, I'm very glad you continued past that point, as that scene begged to be expanded.

    One small note: you have That left Wakka and herself alone at the camp. Herself is a reflexive pronoun, so it really doesn't belong here. If should just be her.


    I enjoyed the way that you described the intrigue between Lulu and Auron, leaving so much to the imagination yet describing more than enough. The way you capture Wakka's mood with just those few words was very well done.

    Couple typos:

    An envelope is something that envelops.

    To envelop is to wrap, enclose or surround.

    Also, before he turning - turning should be turned.


    You've got some awkward sentences that caught my attention in this chapter:

    The blitzer who was so strong in the face of danger just as much as he was a dominant force in blitzball, turned away ashamed.

    Yet, the sight of Wakka suffering made her ache more for knowing the eating away sensation he had within.

    I have to say, I'm a bit taken aback at Rikku's easy acceptance of playing second fiddle here. Though I understand the complex, I'm surprised that you have Rikku slide so easily into that role.


    Thank you for the warning at the top of the chapter, since there isn't one in the summary, probably as a result of the changes over the years in the archive.

    You do have a couple typos in the sex scene.

    I like how you bring out the fact that these two really are the 'atmosphere' of the group.


    This typo completely killed the mood, but it had me laughing!

    The hard bulge pressing against her was not hard to miss.

    I like the tempo of the scene, and the mood you captured. Though, I admit, this gem, "Dat wasn't so bad." coming from my lover would not end quite so happily for him as it did for Wakka.

    I like the way you kept the bittersweet tone throughout the piece.

    Thank you for sharing, and happy writing!
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