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Reviews for Alternative Meds

By : Nuk
  • From Sharon20 on May 12, 2007
    Polished indeed. See what a little extra effort produces? This was worth reading. Nice job. I meant no offense in my previous review, only nitpicky criticism and concern over a newbie author posting rough drafts. Taking criticism is something you should learn to do humbly, even the kind that seems unduly harsh and presumptuous. I’ve had reviewers who went so far as to tell me not only where I went wrong with character development, but how I should continue, as if they were the ones writing the darn story… -_- (It was a nightmare.) Anyway, when putting a story out there and leaving it open for reviews, no author does so with the mindset that every review will praise his or her work. I do hope you continue to critique your work before posting, because the difference in quality was amazing. Ever the nitpicker, I will point out a couple flaws that are persisting in your punctuation. As I previously gave an example of, when you specify the speaker after the dialogue, the punctuation inside the quotation mark should follow accordingly.
    e.g.
    "Make me cum Seif..." He demands softly…
    “Make me cum Seif…” he demands softly…

    e.g.
    "Anything you want." I say in a husky…
    “Anything you want,” I say in a husky…

    The punctuation inside the quotation mark at the end is a part of the sentence that follows if you’re specifying the speaker. It’s the same as when you specify before the dialogue, when you place a comma outside the quotation mark. I didn’t make the rules up. I just follow them.

    The ‘he’ in ‘he demands’ is not capitalized because technically the sentence is not a new one, but rather it’s a part of the dialogue. If you didn’t have the trailing periods, then you would have to put a comma as shown in the second example. Now, you correctly punctuated when specifying a speaker before the dialogue, but most people generally remember that rule and forget the basic rules applied for the rest. It’s a surprisingly common error, even if most of us learned these rules in elementary school.

    e.g. (two random examples to keep in mind.)
    The man paused, thinking before he said, “I don’t know.”
    The man paused. “I don’t know,” he said after thinking.

    Considering how longwinded this review already is, I’ll simply end by warning you about run on sentences. Don’t group too many actions together with a comma. Making each description a separate sentence does not make your writing seem tedious, just descriptive. Be careful not to overuse the comma. You used ‘blonde’ and ‘blond’ at varying points, when you should stick with one unless describing a person of the opposite sex. Oh, for Internet posting, separating the paragraphs with a line break makes it easier for others to read. This story sort of read like one massive paragraph, which is probably just an issue with how the formatting carried through after you posted it. Alright, enough from me. I’m signed in, so you should be able to see my email if you want to rant at me or ask a question.

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