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Reviews for Master Of My Heart

By : SilverRain
  • From sephcounttheways on August 18, 2009
    Aww poor Cloudie is sick. Suck him back to health, Seph!

    Love it as usual.
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  • From OriginalBotticella on August 17, 2009
    uh-oh... sicky cloud... uncool... but it's sweet for the most part.

    unfortunatly you made one grammar mistake at the end... "hiw own sleep stilled h is hand." should have been "his own sleep stilled his hand."
    must have been an involuntary typo.

    other than that, great chapter.

    4 out of 5.
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  • From Katonie on August 17, 2009
    Awww, poor Cloud. The little guy didn't even have a chance! Please update again soon!

    Hugs & Kisses

    Katonie
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  • From meowwl on August 12, 2009
    Your shinranians remind me of the Psychlos from Battlefield Earth, but less foul tempered.
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  • From ANON - miau. on August 03, 2009
    god, this is so good!!! do you have any idea of how difficult it is to find a decent fiction on the internet? i mean, i like all the ooey gooey stuff, but almost NOONE writes out the hot spicy stuff...like, am i a perv, or is everybody else deprived of good imagination???


    BTW, can i have sephiroth as MY, slave??? pleeeease??? my b-day's coming up on the 19 of august.....pretty pleeeease????

    thanks again for the wonderful story so far, can't wait to read the rest^^

    Miau.
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  • From ANON - LazyLamia on August 02, 2009
    This is my favourite story - to watch how Sephiroth writhes trying to cope with his feelings towards Cloud. And Cloud was so wonderfully oblivious. I can't wait what you have next in store for them.
    I also noticed your another story "Band class" but now I can't find it. Please, tell me that you don't cancel it. I would like to watch Seph seducing Cloud in this story.
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  • From Katonie on July 31, 2009
    Aaaawwww, that was completely adorable! Please update again soon!

    Hugs & Kisses

    Katonie
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  • From Aini on July 30, 2009
    Fantastic chapter, just as the others. :) The image of Cloud sitting on Sephiroth's lap eating is just adorable! :D I couldn't help but mentally squeal at that part. And Zack is awesome. As always.

    I really do look forward to an update with this fic. Every time I see one, I get all excited. XD Anyway, I hope that inspiration and your muses will continue to bless you mind with ideas. lol After all, the sooner the better, right? *snickers* Again, wonderful job and I look forward to more.
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  • From ANON - havokgrl on July 30, 2009
    I very much enjoyed this chapter. I had yet to stumble upon Seph feeding Cloud in any fic I have read and now I have. I cant wait for the next chapter.
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  • From ANON - Wolfstar on July 30, 2009
    Dammit! I apologise for the formatting, I had no clue it'd do that drop me an email if you want me to send it again.
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  • From ANON - Wolfstar on July 30, 2009
    Heya! Glad I caught up with this fic, :)
    Sorry if this is too long winded, I tend to review chapter by chapter. I also apologise in advance if I offend you at all!

    Prelude:
    Awesome start! Really drew me in and made me come back to look for it. Took me a while, but I found it ^_^;;
    Your depiction of Cloud as a slave is absolutely believable. The little things we take for granted, that he hasn¡¦t had really makes you want to protect him and make everything better. The background comments on humans, successfully gets you really curious as to how and why humans became slaves in the first place. I¡¦m also really curious as to what exactly Shinran¡¦s(?) evolved from :).
    And you¡¦ve done a really good job of showing they¡¦re aliens (aside from the physical) because they don¡¦t think the same way humans do, I wouldn¡¦t call them animalistic unless passions are high, but they¡¦re obviously normally instinctual.

    And the lemon? Hawt!!! *fans self* And kinda cute towards the very end ¡V Possessive!Seph for the win! ƒº
    Also don¡¦t mean to nitpick but there¡¦s a couple of things that caught my eye, most of it¡¦s probably far too late but¡K I¡¦ll chuck it in anyway.

    # Seems to me that since Seph is so tall, Cloud would need to use a stepladder or something to stand at the sink and probably slightly smaller furniture to use as well.

    # ¡¥Laving the hanging lobe with his tongue¡¦ might work better than ¡¥loving¡¦.

    # Toosh, is spelt tush, and um, to be honest, is kinda cutesy and meant to be polite. Ass or bum would work better because, well, you¡¦re already in the middle of a sex scene. There¡¦s not really much point in being polite.

    Stage 1:
    Yay!! Here¡¦s the background story!! Loved it to bits, even the brutal parts and especially the intro! (Just a question, is ¡¥When Earth began to rapidly break down ships of fantastical form and light appeared, rounding up the humans that were ¡§chosen¡¨. And don¡¦t think this was an act of compassion.¡¦ a dig at scientology? If it wasn¡¦t, I liked it as one anyway :)!)
    Love your Zack!! Couldn¡¦t really see him any other way :). God he reminds me of a dragon, or a raven don¡¦t ask me why¡K maybe it¡¦s the shiny he¡¦s attracted to? *shrugs* and if I thought Cloud was cute before, man! The new technology is pretty cool too :)

    #¡§So you haven¡¦t even names him yet?!¡¨ Named, only thing wrong here :)


    Stage 2:
    More empathy towards Cloud here and on the previous chapter, for things like being clean, decent food and good clothes, really makes you think bout how he was treated previously, and what hasn¡¦t been told yet.
    Love the whole bit about the ¡¥most grotesque of dreams¡¦ and how Seph¡¦s really disturbed about finding Cloud beautiful.


    Stage 3:
    Totally understand Clouds fear, its not the dark but what¡¦s *in* the dark that gets you. Seph is so not having a good morning, and I doubt his day¡¦s going to be much better either, poor thing. Loving the background on him, good to know he has a clue about how to treat slaves :). And the reasoning behind Cloud¡¦s name, and the subsequent disturbing of Sephiroth was awesome. Also; Zack, I love you, but you can¡¦t tail anyone for peanuts!

    # Question : If Cloud hasn¡¦t been named yet, shouldn¡¦t he have his number (12) in the previous chapters? Just a suggestion, ignore it if you want, the story reads just as well as it is.

    # Also, ¡¥a tidbit faster?¡¦ Only needs to be ¡¥a bit faster?¡¦


    Stage 4:
    Probably my favourite ¡¥background part¡¦ so far. Oi, Seph, you saved his life and neither of you even remember, and that dream? Man, you are sooo hooked! Lovely imagery!

    # ¡¥Cloud realized he was in a bedroom, one like what his master leapt in, not a cell or stone room.¡¦ Makes more sense as ¡¥¡Klike his previous master slept in, not a cell or stone room.¡¦

    # ¡¦Her blue eyes were so warm...¡¦ Aerith has green eyes not blue.


    Stage 5:
    Very skillful and easy switch from past to present! Aw poor Cloud! Being lonely sucks! And once again a totally hot lemon to start Seph¡¦s morning off right :) (and mine too)! Would never have noticed you haven¡¦t written more recently, honest!

    # 'Sephiroth felt like a teenager all over again when the school bells ring when it was time to clock out.'
    This is a wee bit confusing maybe -- ¡¥When it was time to clock out, Sephiroth felt like a teenager all over again, waiting for the bell to ring.¡¦ -- Would work better?

    # ¡¥¡Khe rested Marasume against the wall¡K¡¦ It¡¦s Masamune hun ^_^;;

    # ¡¥Cloud¡¦s soft mewling pilling into his mouth¡K¡¦ I think you mean spilling right?

    # ¡¥¡Kas Cloud¡¦s finger finally took¡K¡¦ fingers or maybe hand?

    # ¡¥Shinranians¡¦ is a real tongue twister, would Shinrans be better?

    Sorry that was so long and detailed! You probably won¡¦t hear from me for another couple of chapters though, I¡¦m one of those that likes reading a few chapters at a time :). Thanks for writing this and I hope you update soon (pretty please?)
    Le Gra,
    Wolfstar

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  • From sephcounttheways on July 26, 2009
    Daw, I was so sad for Cloud when he went the extra mile to please his new master, only to have it snubbed! He must have been so worried about his future :<

    But we all knew what was up.. per say bahahaha! Nice post - sex sexing :D Very hot, and I liked the tender moments that were in there as well. Can't wait to read MOAR!
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  • From ANON - havokgrl on July 25, 2009
    Thsi chapter was really good, I very much enjoyed it.
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  • From ANON - Day-chan on July 25, 2009
    Aww, so sweet! And hot! ;)

    Thanx for the update.^^
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  • From OriginalBotticella on July 23, 2009
    review for the prelude!

    very well exicuted.. however, their is an unnessisary paragraph form here "Cloud felt his face heat up when (//P) Sephiroth's..." that was kinda distracting...

    other thank that well done!! i actually like the plot of the story and it's well written as well. hardly any grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes.

    5 out of 5.
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