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Reviews for Big Mouth, Big Trouble Rikku vs Yuna & Paine

By : Disydess
  • From EddieTheLightbringer on October 16, 2009
    I wasn't able to finish reading before I felt I had to say something. It's clear to me that English is not your first language, but you could at least use a spell-check program of some kind to proof-read for you. I commend you for trying to maintain a sense of order by using paragraph formatting, however your paragraphs come way too often (nearly every sentence.) This, in my opinion, proves quite distracting. I also noticed a contradiction early on where Pain kisses Rikku softly, but she's forceful and aggressive, a contradiction of description. You could remedy this by saying that Pain became forceful (phrased however you see fit to make it work properly with the grammar.)

    Your saving grace is the fact that you know exactly where you want to take your story and you take it there regardless of how rough the road is. I suggest you spend a little more time working on formatting and proof-reading before posting, it'll vastly increase the popularity of your work.
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