Reviews for Catch a Falling StarBy : MissDirected |
I suppose they could fall into bed together? But I'm thinking it would be one hell of a slow burn up to the point that either Tifa or Vincent would be confident enough to even consider approaching the other with such a proposition. That's the only thing that irks me about this because there are very few convincing stories out there where Vincent does manage to woe Tifa. One, in particular, that's to this day has never been completed because my dear friend was dishearted after the release of AC, that she never went back to finish it. Her story is insanely crazy and equally amazing at the same time. But getting back to this, your story. How you delivered it. Yes, I think it COULD happen. And I mean I am a huge HUGE Tincent fan btw, I just... I could nitpick this to the point that I'd bore myself honestly. Just know that I am grateful to you to even consider placing these two characters, my favorites (other than the crackship of Genesis and Tifa) in one another's arms. For that I am eternally grateful to you
My best suggestion to you is going to be to give your story a read-through before posting, as well as once after posting. You may also consider obtaining a beta to help you with some basic grammar issues.
A good presentation makes for a better story. It helps readers to become more engrossed in your tale. Working on the following issues will help strengthen your writing.
You'll want to watch punctuation mistakes which cause auto-correct in Word. I know how easy it is to hit the period instead of the comma, but it causes you to have fragments in your writing, like so
He could barely touch her bubble, but when he’d gotten close enough to be able to. He’d made a complete pig’s ear out of it.
You'll also want to be sure of your usage of who versus whom. This sentence
The thought of there being someone who he couldn’t have, couldn’t touch, couldn’t charm was an intoxicating idea.
Possessives are also something you'll want to take note of: three month’s wasted - "month's" should be months.
I admit to skimming the rest of the story - to be quite frank, you lost my attention when Tifa's name was in another font size than the rest of the story. That happens a few times, actually, and it's very distracting.
Your last paragraph displays the issues I outlined above as well.
Vincent led Tifa back to the bedroom. She lay in bed, her thoughts dazed and confused. She didn’t like Reno, not in that way. He was charming enough, sweet even, funny at times too and had wrangled a laugh from her once or twice. Yet, she knew nothing could come of them so she hadn’t let herself even like him. She’d be a fool to not see he was an attractive man, but they were on different sides. Despite how much she kept telling herself that. It didn’t make her feel any better, and not feeling like she wanted to be alone. She asked Vincent to stay the night. He obliged and climbed into the bed, Tifa slowly feel into a restless sleep, curled up against Vincents side.
You've got several sentences which need to be restructured:
Despite how much she kept telling herself that, it didn’t make her feel any better.andNot feeling like she wanted to be alone, she asked Vincent to stay the night.
I hope you take this review as the constructive criticism that is intended and consider making some of the adjustments I've suggested. I wish you the best in your writing.
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