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Reviews for Crawling

By : CrippledAngel
  • From juicycherry on September 30, 2008
    A Friendly Reminder

    Just thought I'd leave you a note to let you know your disclaimer is lacking. According to the Terms of Service you need to include that you are in fact making no money from writing this story, and that you do not own the people involved. Also it helps if you specify the fandom you are writing about.

    Even though this story is about fictional characters, it needs to be known that they are not yours and you’re not making any money. You know a ’cover your butt’ thing.

    Also if you have included one of these things it’s not enough. You have to have a full disclaimer. This is not only to protect us but to protect you!

    Feel free to remove this once the problem is corrected. Thanks ^_^

    You also need to include you don't own the song, and Linkin Park does ^_^
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  • From ShiniMacCloud on September 27, 2008
    There were a few gramatical errors, there not their, etc. However, the biggest thing was that it wasn't very descriptive, and rather blah. Your description of the bar was boring, and you used the same words through the sentance. Prologues are supposed to pop, be eye catching, and draw the reader into wanting to read the next chapter. And while I do want to read the next chapter, I'm hoping that you'll take a little more time and add some description. While everyone who reads FFVII stories knows the storyline of the game and Advent Children, your story is set afterwards, which means that you can play around with everything. Tell the reader how Reno is feeling, the current mood of the city, underground gangs, the ill fated return of some shmuck that's going to throw a monkey wrench into things. Set the tone for the rest of the story. As it sits currently it seems lacidasical. Looking forward to the next chapter, I want to know how you're going to bring back our beloved green eyed monster.
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