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Reviews for Jealousy

By : sailorpinklori
  • From ANON - Niguuuuuuuuuuuu on April 29, 2009
    Dead.

    Aerith was dead.

    No breathes came from her still form. No sounds, no movement.

    Only blood, slowing down from the wound in her chest.

    Felled.


    Orly nao? I'm sorry, but that cracked me up. XD


    You are very monotonous in your writing. Have a penchant for the cliche and unrealistic. Your characters are also massively OOC.


    The plots in your stories hold potential, but the characters and your method of writing makes the story almost unbearable to read at times. I often cringe at the massive OOC and cornball(cheesy) situational despair. I have noticed this in several of your stories.

    Maybe try not to cake it on so much? Try getting inside of the character's head, try thinking of what they would do, not what you want them to do. You can still write Slash and stay in Character.

    Take note, that I at least read a story before criticizing it.

    I hope you get better. For now I will continue reading.
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  • From Dreamfool on April 28, 2009
    This story is pretty good so far. A little cliche but at this point I think all yaoi plots are, at least a little. It is cute though, as much as non-con can be. I really like how the initial rape was painful for Cloud, that it really was a power thing for Sephiroth. It gets annoying when rape is written like its just rough consensual sex. A completly pleasurable experience for the victim and only a sexual/love act for the perpetraitor. Real rape is violent and uncomfortable. I hope to see an update soon.
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