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Reviews for Final Fantasy IV: Coated in Affection

By : OmegaX
  • From ThePairingGuy on August 06, 2009
    (Reviewing chapter 4:)

    Pretty good - not as good as the first two chapters, but pretty good.

    The main problem is that there are some errors, which ordinarily isn't a big deal, but these are very striking errors. You wrote "her wife", which is startling to see even once, in two different sentences. Also, the line "Don't mind her if you just want her to watch, but I believe she's ready for more if you so wish..." is confusing. Is he talking to Mary about Rosa or to Rosa about Mary? Either way, it's not really clear what he's saying.

    The lemon is still strong, though not as strong as in the last chapter. Good descriptions, and it makes a nice build-up to chapter 4. Also, Mary is a well-done character. Every case of voyeurism in fanfic I've read before comes off as pathetic, and really adds nothing to the fic... but the way Mary is used here works well, and she adds a nice bit of color to the scene. It helps that Cecil and Rosa, though they know Mary is watching, don't act like they know it.
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  • From ThePairingGuy on August 06, 2009
    (Reviewing chapter 3:)

    This is truly classic. On paper, the whole premise - two people having sex in a public bar - sounds absurd. Now, there would have been nothing particular with going ahead and using the idea anyway, but the fact that you actually made it feel realistic and true, actually setting it out in a way that could plausibly have happened, makes it a whole lot more engaging and just plain hotter.

    And it would have been dang hot as it is. Cecil and Rosa's moves are unpredictable and fresh, not formulaic, and the descriptions are just as much as needed. The lemon hits a high mark early on and holds it until it finishes. Not too long, not too short, and the lead-up is solid. I liked the bit with the bard, it makes a nice touch to the world.
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  • From salarta on May 21, 2009
    It took me so long to leave a new review for the parts Streti wrote because I couldn't bring myself around to reading any stories for a while and I expected that it would be much longer than it turned out to be.

    The only minor critique I have for it was the beginning of the first chapter of Public Love; to me, it felt like there should have been some description sooner to go along with the dialogue. Other than that, all I have left to say is great work on it.
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  • From ThePairingGuy on April 30, 2009
    Reviewing chapter 1: Hey, very cool story! Rosa really does seem like the sort of woman who would do anything and everything to please Cecil, and enjoy doing it, so it makes a good basis for the story. Though on the critical side, I have to say that Rosa comes off as too giggly.

    But I like how the plot builds up, especially how you used Cecil's smut mag as a logical reason for Rosa to think of the golden panties. Few writers take care to give any basis for the outfits their characters use for their bedroom escapades.

    "That you liked being spanked?" **Chuckles** Great line!

    The lead-up of Rosa's assorted sexual fantasies works really well, too. They're all quite imaginative, and not too long. Though on that note, the final scene feels much too rushed, which is a shame because other than that it's pretty well-written. I'd have made it as least twice as long. You gotta have a strong climax with this sort of tale.

    But pretty good on the whole. I enjoyed it.
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  • From Jocko on April 26, 2009

    Not a bad start, heh. The only things that I think could be improved are the connecting scenes and text with Rosa and the loyal guard (more guards... perhaps a kind of Greek chorus, perhaps?) and Cecil at least getting a horse or private Airship to ride around on. He's the King, after all... and it's good to be King. Cecil has done enough walking around the realm and the world in general. ;-)

    The final coating scene needs a bit more "heft" to it like the fantasy scenes before it. More gold lingerie, please. But I guess this can be resolved in mini-episodes.

    Still, this is nice. Cecil/Rosa always wins. Give Rydia her lollipop and tell her to run along and play. ;-)
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  • From salarta on April 26, 2009
    It's kinda hard to say anything meaningful here since almost everything used in the story, we talked about! I liked how you worked in our discussion of how FF4:TA has ONLY ONE THRONE in the throne room and used it to the benefit of the story, even though we both agree that FF4:TA doesn't really exist as part of the series. There are some issues I spotted that are partially because of the problems you mentioned with your spellchecker, but I'll mention all those when we get to talk again on AIM. All in all, I think I'd be able to say I love the fic if I hadn't read so much of it already and knew of all the ideas you were using.
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