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for Forced Heart

by SailorPoison

person Anon
schedule September 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is very difficult to read. It's an interesting concept, I will say that, and your creativity seems to be flowing-- but your grammar is very poor, beyond minor typing mistakes and misplaced tenses. It's very hard to understand what's happening in the story, because many of your sentences are not sentences but fragments, lacking definite articles in some cases, and they are short and choppy. At times, I was completely lost-- I could not tell to who were performing a certain action, or to whom a trait were being attributed.

I suggest you put in some more time reading and paying attention to proper grammar and syntax.

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