rate_review Reviews

Alright, I did find one more thing. In chapter two, Sephiroth is disgusted with the word God and tell Rufus that he's his "fucking God." (An amazing quote, which I remember and look for a way to use somewhere)

Well, in chapter 8, he swears to God, no longer disgusted and no longer believing himself as one. Chapter one also has Sephiroth cursing "Christ." These are oxymorons to chapter two and you might want to think about editing one of those. I don't suggest editing chapter two. I wholeheartedly believe Sephiroth is disgusted with the idea of God and the quote is too good to delete. But it is your story, so this is, once again, just some advice. Thanks for listening to my suggestions. I do read reviews over again, so thank you for the attention.

I like the new opening, much better character introduction me thinks.

I love the new the editing in chapter 1. There is more introduction to the charchters, definately. Something you might want to look at is the paragraph structure. It's possible to tell where the editing begins because the paragraph are short, only two sentences long while the unedited part still has its nice, long paragraphs.

Also, you mixed first person voice in there ("Oh my god, I shit you not"). Unless your ENTIRE story will random author comments in it (reminds me of the Chronicles of Narnia story book), I suggest that part be edited out. That and I think your story here sounds much better in third person. Three heads in one story does not make for a good first person.

Thanks for no mushiness. That is much appreciated. Torture is much better, and thanks for listening to my comments and critique.

Yeah, sorry I haven't added any chapters lately. I've been forced to use a library computer until mine gets shipped to my new house... so I don't have enough time to do jack shit on this story. Hope you guys like the editing I did on the first chapter, though... just a little something to set the mood. Sephiroth's evil, huh?

But hey! It won't be long until more chapters are up - and they won't dissapoint. I've got them planned out, so it's just a matter of getting them typed. Ah, yes... new chapters deviod of fluff and so full of screwed up sex you'll either want to hurl or invest in a dungeon! Til then

Lauren Loogie

Damn. That was one of the most perverse things I have ever seen. It was FUCKING HOT. I want more, I so totally want more.

Please no Sephiroth "mushiness" lauren. Stick with your torturous style, romance is NOT for you, or for me either. Rape and torture is the way to go in this story. LOTS of torture, ZERO warmth, softness, mushy crap, love. Blood is good....

You said you wanted to torture ideas? Sorry, I can't help there since I have a fiction of my own in progress where I'm using a hell of a lot of torture as well. So sorry.

whoah.
Thats all I can say.

Well, damn.... that's all I can say. I just felt like I got done reading a BDSM story from a porn mag. WOw, it's pretty damn good. It's very... dark to say the least, but I actually enjoyed it. IT was hot. I felt like I should've been paying for this story it was so damned naughty. I was so horrified in some scenes that I just had to keep reading. I read this all in all one sitting. Wow.

-.~Lady Labyrinth Moon Path

WOW! so.. bsdm XD It was hot! I'm not too keen on blood, but as long as you made your characters LIKE it, it's ok with me! XD

Just...goddamn that was hott. Christ. I'm gonna go shower now >.>
BTW, you've added another fangirl to your flock!