rate_review Reviews

Some things....


His hair was white,, for God’s sake!

No reason for the double comma. Also, once again, Sephiroth believes in God? I really do think you should stick with Sephiroth believing that he himself is God in Chapter 2.


The basics, like walking, talking, whatever, hadn’t been lost, thank god.

God should be capitalized. Hmm... about that god... I mean, they just make Chapter 2 an oxymoron, but Chapter 2 is the best in terms of Godliness. It's awesome forshadowing for the game.


He’s probably on a diet of Jenny Crank,, just like Reno

More double commas


According to him, his parents were dead… no next of kin… no documents stating who he was or where he came from.

Since you forshadowed in Chap. 2, here's another forshadowing tip. Actually forshadow what's going to happen. In Nibelheim, Sephiroth said "My Mother is Jenova, my father... forget about it." So he knew who his mother was, and (although this is open to controversy) knew who his father was as well. He did not know about Lucrecia, or at least, that's all the game can tell. So you might want to forshadow that, instead of saying somthing the game doesn't say. Because currently, I love how this is all perefectly probable in the game.


And killing Hojo would feel better than an orgasm is an awesome line.

Thanks for listening to my rants, and I hope you'll take some tips.

Thanks once again for the reviews, everyone. Avinacode, thanks for telling me what Sephiroth said in Nibleheim in the game... I had completely forgotten, so the dead parents were just a lousy guess as to what he might have said. As you can see, I changed it to be a little more accurate, although it's probably still not really correct. Calling Vincent a 'goth reject of society' isn't too appropriate, is it... but it's something Hojo would say. Vincent's his dad, right? Sort of? Oh well. And as for the God references, it's just the way I write, and since I don't have a solid plan for the plot, I haven't bothered being too diligent about it. Perhaps if I come up with something that involves Sephiroth's God complex, I'll go back and change it, but as for now... it's just a porn. Blah. Thanks again for the comments. I appreciate it!

I can't read the whole thing today,because I am too monitor-burnt from the chores at VData. However, from what I've read so far, I may have a couple of small complaints, but nothing to drastic, and nothing to lose any sleep over, mon petite... vagineaux..

I cannot think of even a word of critisism. That was... insane... mind-boggling... a glue-yourself-to-the-screen-and-pray-to-Hades-no-one-comes-in.

I love it. Go on, write some more rape, hatred, humiliation, and sex - filled scenes. I will wait patiently (slightly...maybe...possibly... improbably) for your next update. And then glue myself to the screen once more.

This story has been upgraded on my list of of favorite fanfics to a very high position - Silver Medal, #2. =) Twas origionally #4... still very high, considering I read every yaoi pairing fiction on AFF.net except Sephiroth/Cloud and Cid/Vincent.

For being an excellent writer and writing what I love, here's my heart. 3> It imploded from joy, sorry.

Well, I will definately read this again in the near future, and see if there is anything I CAN think of to critique.

give up the soft core, and get down to business. hard. stinky. eyeball wrenching. ear tearing. chipped teeth. injured gums. fingernails ripped from the flesh. hi honey. oh yeah don't forget to slather some sugared diesel oil here and there. I love the smell of gun cleaning fliud, and bubble gum, and a particular fluid known as Mystery Oil, which is used to free the pistons in a seized up internal combustion engine.

Yeah, The Sleeping Beauty trilogy isn't really my kind of thing either... it's too calculated, if that's the word. And the parts where they dress up like horses? Not that cool. Either way, it's still quite thrilling to read an erotica by Rice. I had absolutely no idea she even wrote adult books until I came upon the series in the library... (of all places!) I guess what I like the most about them is her ability to make such a complex and interesting world out of a bizarre S&M fantasy. It makes you almost believe that something like that could have taken place in some remote corner of medeival Europe. Hell, maybe it did. You never know...

Another thing that excited me about them was that they're... well... published. And quite well known too, despite their themes of bondage and homosexuality, which as much as I hate to admit, tend to be taboo in our society. Maybe there's hope for the twisted shit I (and all you other writers!) write in the published world after all... Coming up with original material is difficult, though.

But yes. I'd have to agree with Holly overall. I like spontaneous, brutal sex scenes better than the whips-and-gags kind of bondage she describes. And I also found it baffling that the characters wore butt plugs almost constantly for a year. That's a little gross. Anyways... thanx for the comments, and I'll have more chapters up soon.

Ha! Yeh, I've read most of the Sleeping Beauty books, own one of them, but got sort of, a bit bored of the 2nd and never got around to reading the 3rd. I'm more a fan of aggression/violence than the odd complacent servitude of the novels!

Alright, I like the new addition, though it was short. One obvious mistake -

“Just would I told you would happen,” Sephiroth spat. It wasn’t hard to tell he was in one of his ‘moods.’ “I fucked Reno up really bad. He’s probably going to kill himself.”

Maybe the first would should be a "what"?

That's all I have to say about spelling and grammar. Mostly because it is late here, and I must finish my work before tomorrow morning. If I find more later, I will give another review.
I do hope for more soon, since seing an updated fanfic helps my mood. Work is very stressful. Thanks.

yes i just finished your lovely chapter on beeting off. if i were to take a guess, i'd say that youve been peeking in a few too many windows watching below the blanket activities, tonight, i'm going to stroke your leetle ka-noob intil you moan, love, the wad. the chapter is sexcellent. I only saw one little grammar thing and it is't necessary to change anything.

ah! Thanks for yr reviews, especially the grammar stuff. I never would have noticed that one thing that avinacode (hope i spelled it right) mentioned. Jim, I have not been peeking thru windows! I'm just... uh... knowledgable.... about that stuff. Come on, you can't have a porno without a good jerk-off scene or two. Poor Rufus. Don't worry, he's getting some action very soon. And some am I, I guess*_*