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schedule
May 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hmm..... A good story, and one worthy of a sequel. Will Cloud get together with Elena? Will Cloud break up with Tifa?
schedule
March 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey there Squallfan~ I love the rewrite, of course you are one of my favourite authors LOL, but that said, I definitely noticed the effort gone into this rewrite. I especially appreciate the added depth to the characters, such as Elena's long-time affections for Tseng, and precisely what is going through her mind as she goes through the various motions. These were missing from the original: not that that detracted from the HOTNESS in any way. Haha. But I love to see those little extras as well. So very well done, the rewrite was definitely worth the effort! I noticed a few typos, but otherwise, really good effort, thumbs up! :3
Now hurry up with Unexpected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 FRIGGIN STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D
Now hurry up with Unexpected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 FRIGGIN STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D
schedule
March 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Erro again. :3 Since you asked, I had a quick rake through, just because you asked and you are one of my fave authors, tee hee.
Here are the ones I spotted, spelling/grammar. Minor details really - but since you asked for nitpicks - and I know what you mean. As a writer they drive me nuts, too:-
(i) "advise" should be "advice" (with a C, not S)
(ii) "she has butterflies in her stomach" - the tense should be past, to accord with all else. I think this is merely a typo though. --> "she had butterflies in her stomach" (D not S)
(iii) "Why don't you come in for a minute and warm up." she said. (I think you meant to use a comma instead of fullstop after "warm up", to keep in line with the pattern you had been using throughout. Alternatively, you could use a quesiton mark.)
(iv) "I'm use to it." --> "I'm used to it." (This is a common mistake, but it should be I'm useD to it (with a d at the end...)
(v) "Cloud, you scar" --> "Cloud, your scar" (missing R)
There may be others, I only had a quick look... I hope tihs helps ^_^ I've obviously made spelling mistakes in this little box here, too. LOL
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
Here are the ones I spotted, spelling/grammar. Minor details really - but since you asked for nitpicks - and I know what you mean. As a writer they drive me nuts, too:-
(i) "advise" should be "advice" (with a C, not S)
(ii) "she has butterflies in her stomach" - the tense should be past, to accord with all else. I think this is merely a typo though. --> "she had butterflies in her stomach" (D not S)
(iii) "Why don't you come in for a minute and warm up." she said. (I think you meant to use a comma instead of fullstop after "warm up", to keep in line with the pattern you had been using throughout. Alternatively, you could use a quesiton mark.)
(iv) "I'm use to it." --> "I'm used to it." (This is a common mistake, but it should be I'm useD to it (with a d at the end...)
(v) "Cloud, you scar" --> "Cloud, your scar" (missing R)
There may be others, I only had a quick look... I hope tihs helps ^_^ I've obviously made spelling mistakes in this little box here, too. LOL
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
schedule
March 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
What a powerful cautionary love story. Reminds me of some of the Tales of the Crypt or Twilight Zone sort of twists. Nicely written.
schedule
March 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Yummy! CloudxElena!! Love your work like always babe!
schedule
March 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It works as a one shot. Very hot and very impressive. I loved reading it again. I can't wait to see what you do with the next one.