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June 4, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Very well-written story. You payed especial detail to dialogue, and it shows (though the "licking" comment was odd, I can see the problem... how WOULD an immortal spirit possessing someone else's body refer to oral sex in a land without cable and You-Tube?). Alphinaud and Alisaie are very well-written. I did particularly enjoy the characterization put into master E-Sumi-Yan, and his relationship with Alisaie. Unexpected but it works nicely.
The only (small) faults I can find in the work are... mostly on Thancred's side. The scene at the end was very satisfying, but I found myself a bit confused when we fast-forwarded through the entire romance phase. We also never really hear what Thancred's feelings are for Alphinaud other than "love", which is nice but doesn't convey a whole lot by itself, and we don't really know what makes Alphinaud respond to his advances. It's a completely believable pairing, but I found myself having to do all of the mental work for the romance.
My second issue is that Thancred himself has undergone quite a bit of trauma, being essentially raped and forced to rape at the same time. Taking the time to explore the unpacking of his guilt and issues might have been a great way to build the bond between the two of them.
In fact, I would love to see a sequel exploring that. Or E-Sumi's dalliances with Alisaie. Or anything really. I enjoyed it very much overall, well done! Thanks for sharing it!
The only (small) faults I can find in the work are... mostly on Thancred's side. The scene at the end was very satisfying, but I found myself a bit confused when we fast-forwarded through the entire romance phase. We also never really hear what Thancred's feelings are for Alphinaud other than "love", which is nice but doesn't convey a whole lot by itself, and we don't really know what makes Alphinaud respond to his advances. It's a completely believable pairing, but I found myself having to do all of the mental work for the romance.
My second issue is that Thancred himself has undergone quite a bit of trauma, being essentially raped and forced to rape at the same time. Taking the time to explore the unpacking of his guilt and issues might have been a great way to build the bond between the two of them.
In fact, I would love to see a sequel exploring that. Or E-Sumi's dalliances with Alisaie. Or anything really. I enjoyed it very much overall, well done! Thanks for sharing it!
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April 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Absolutely heart wrenching! But it ended well. Great fic.
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February 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I got to say. I was surprised to see a fanfic of Lahabrea. When I first saw this, I went, "He has no personality though! Why not use Gaius? He's more personality and the game established how he loves to use Stockholm Syndrome on his minions! Why!?"
Though when I read it, I found myself hating Lahabrea more then what the game gave me to really hate him. Unusual pairing but oddly well written. I do like Alphinaud and Thancred. Really good story, bro. I liked it. Although my only critical piece when he said "No one's ever resisted my licking on a penis" or something on it. I can't imagine anyone saying 'penis' like that. Still, really good!
Now write about Gaius, damnit!
Though when I read it, I found myself hating Lahabrea more then what the game gave me to really hate him. Unusual pairing but oddly well written. I do like Alphinaud and Thancred. Really good story, bro. I liked it. Although my only critical piece when he said "No one's ever resisted my licking on a penis" or something on it. I can't imagine anyone saying 'penis' like that. Still, really good!
Now write about Gaius, damnit!