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Flashes of Darkness and Other Obscure Emotions	By : RikuRocks Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 505 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any right to Final Fantasy VII, nor am I making any money from these works of fiction.

Chapter List
- 1-Flashes of Darkness and Other Obscure Emotions
- 1
Drowning

Reno clung onto the familiar starched white fabric and pressed his face into it. For once, he was unable to stop the tears he normally never let show, let alone fall. His shoulders shook and his breath caught in his chest painfully as he gasped and sobbed. His head and heart throbbed frantically as the guilt ate away at him.

He felt as though he were drowning.

Were it not for the strong arms holding the redhead up against a broad chest, the anguished male would have gone too far under to retrieve.

Rude remained silent as he held his partner tightly, but he vowed to himself that they would pay if the youth broke.

Coming Undone

Only Reno could do this to him.

With everyone else, Rude was a study in composure and self-discipline. From his neatly groomed appearance to his quiet strength and intimidating visage, the brawny Turk�s self-control never wavered.

However, Rude�s carefully erected façade started coming undone the moment the lithe redhead flashed him that look and lowered his voice to that silky purr.

�And as he claimed his partner�s pale flesh in every way imaginable, suddenly bolder and more vocal than anyone would ever believe he was capable of being, Rude found that he would not want it any other way.

Self Indulgence

It was his only self-indulgence aside from Reno and the occasional scotch.

Rude never figured himself the sort to enjoy those flashy electronic games, but the sounds of explosions and gunfire had drawn him to the redhead�s room while Reno was playing one day. The youth�s expression when he showed an interest in one of his favourite pastimes had been enough to make the brawny man sit down and grab a controller. Two hours later, Rude had to admit that he was not playing to indulge Reno.

Reno never remarked on it, and would always claim the games and guidebooks as his own if anyone saw them lying around their apartment.

Betrayal

Their peers whispered; some warned or scoffed. Reno ignored them all. He knew the truth.

Rude stayed out at the bar so late because he enjoyed the atmosphere after the stress of their job. He talked to Tifa so long because he enjoyed conversing with another martial artist. He left when Cloud arrived because he held a grudge.

There was no betrayal. Rude would not do that to him.

Reno was only wearing his goggles correctly because the crosswind in the chopper suddenly bothered his eyes.

Their peers whispered; some warned or scoffed. Reno ignored them all. He knew the truth.

�He hoped.

Painful

Rude understood that it was necessary for one of them to stay behind and guard Shachou. He respected that the others were more fitting to carry out their respective assignments. He knew he was more than capable of protecting the president on his own.

Still, it had been years since he and Reno were separated, on or off the clock. He could feel the absence of the wiry redhead beside him. He could not help but worry over how his little Aibou was fairing on his own.

It was without a doubt the most painful assignment Rude ever had to endure.

Haunted

To everyone else, Rude was handling the situation like a machine. His voice never wavered, his hands never trembled, his pace never slowed.

Only Reno knew better.

When they got home, he felt the tension in Rude�s body as he pushed him into his chair; felt Rude�s heart pounding as he curled up in his lap; and saw the haunted look in Rude�s eyes when he removed his sunglasses.

Reno knew he could not make it all better overnight; could not erase what his partner had seen and done.

However, he could let him be human until they had to clock in again.

For them, that was enough.

Crimson

Between his customary shades and the unshed tears blurring his vision, it would have been easy to pretend that it was just Reno�s crimson hair splayed around him.

A weaker man might have held onto to such fantasies until the end�

Rude gave a low warning before applying heavy pressure to the deepest wound. It would be a gamble, and an excruciating one for the redhead, but Rude would throw all his hopes on the line. The winnings would be worth it.

The agonised sounds coming from his Aibou were painful for Rude to hear, but he would rather suffer this agony for a handful of minutes than face a lifetime of silence without Reno by his side.

Stormy

Reno tolerated the sympathetic looks and poorly hidden snorts as he all but ran out of the main ShinRa building.

After all, he must have seemed quite shaken after his last assignment, to turn down a free room in favour of flying all the way home on such a stormy night. He even minded his manners while reporting to Tseng, and he did not linger to chat or tease anyone in the halls.

The redhead was in too much of a rush to return home to bother correcting anyone, let alone socialising.

Rude never was very good with the cold.

Nightmare

Rude never asked about the reoccurring nightmare that caused Reno to startle awake and then cuddle into him like a child with an oversized teddy bear. They only intruded a handful of nights a year...and always around the same date, without fail.

He knew Reno did not want to talk about them; else, he would have brought them up himself already. Rude also had the feeling that he would be waking up, panting and shaking as well, if he ever did find out.

He would risk that for himself, but then he would not be so warm and solid as he curled himself around his Aibou when he needed him.

Forgotten

Reno would never say anything, but Rude knew he had some lingering abandonment issues from his childhood.

Ironically, Rude often thought the redhead would have been all right if he had been left on a doorstep or turned over to an orphanage. Reno would have healed completely had they done anything other than just leave and never return, as though they had simply forgotten about him.

So Rude left little notes for his partner, sent him random texts, and always brought him back some stupid little souvenir when assigned away from him.

Anything that might assure him that he never forgot about him.

Mourning

Tseng said it was natural to be in mourning after the damage Meteor had inflicted on their lives. Reno only nodded and allowed his superior to continue believing that was the reason for his introverted behaviour.

In truth, Reno did not actually miss his old life. He still had a job, a place to live, food to eat, and most importantly, the only people he loved. The redhead did not care if they were working completely in shadows now...in fact, he preferred it.

Rude told him that he did not miss their old lives so much either, but unlike Reno, he never felt guilty about that.

Reno was back to his old self soon after.

Broken

The first thing Rude focused on when he opened his eyes was a pale, slender hand. The fingertips and pads were lightly calloused, the nails trimmed, and there was a scar just bellow the thumb.

He knew the hand well, as he did the body attached to it and the mind and soul that form encompassed.

A form that was currently motionless.

Hours later, when Reno had been admitted, and Rude assured that he would make a full recovery, a brave nurse made the man get himself checked out.

The doctor could not figure out how he carried an unconscious man that far without realising he had two broken ribs.

Good Night

Reno never said �Good night�. It was always �Sweet dreams, Aibou� or �See ya tomorrow�, never �Good night�.

Therefore, when Reno distractedly murmured those two words in return one night, Rude knew something was bothering the younger man.

Something was wrong.

The brawny Turk had never walked so slowly in his life, but his instincts were fighting him, preventing him from simply leaving the redhead.

�Or perhaps it was something else making him linger.

Rude did not make it halfway home before turning around as he realised why the situation felt wrong.

Reno had not wanted him to leave either.

Perversion

Rude knew that it must be some sort of perversion that he enjoys this.

The sight of Reno bound like this by anyone else�s hand would have filled him with a fury that could only be quelled by cracking someone�s head.

However, the sight of the smaller male vulnerable when Rude was the one to apply the restraints filled him with a lust that burned until he released it into his partner.

The gasps and mewls Reno released as Rude took his pleasure made him reconsider.

The last of his concerns were abated entirely as he wrapped himself around the redhead afterwards, both completely forgetting about the silk tie wrapped around his wrists as they fell asleep in contentment.

Ghosts

�I don�t believe in the whole �ghosts of your past� theory anyway.�

�So ignore �em. It�s just gossip, Aibou.�

�Even if we were �haunted� by bitter exes, none of mine are. They couldn�t handle my job or me being so distant, and then one of us decided it was time to separate. You know the exception, and she still wasn�t angry.�

�So just date someone who already gets you and the job.�

��None of the women here are my type.�

�Who said I was just talkin� about the women, yo?�

��

Two

��

Plus

��

Two

��Forget it. See ya later, Aibou.�

Equals

�� Shit. Reno!�

Sacrifice

Reno never thought twice when he was recruited. He had no family and no options for the future that could offer more than Turk.

The first friends he made there, the ones that actually spoke of their pasts anyway, were former gang or mob members, so they hadn�t left anything behind that was worth lamenting either.

He knew others had families, and even wealth, but he assumed they must not have been happy if they chose Turk anyway.

Overall, he never understood why people on the outside said that Turks had to sacrifice so much.

Then, Rude wanted him to meet his family.

�It was the only thing about his Aibou he could never understand.

Falling

After his first love, Rude understood why they called it �falling in love�.

It was like diving off a cliff and praying you were not going to land on a fuck load of sharp rocks below. The thing about it was that you had to hit bottom at some point...that, he had learned the hard way.

With Reno, it was completely different. It was less like falling and more like flying. Even with a little turbulence, it was still amazing.

He just hoped the landing was as smooth as one of Reno�s standard touchdowns. He wasn�t up for another crash.

Shame

Some assumed that Reno felt no shame, while others were certain he was filled with it. The former usually based their assumption off his appearance and poor etiquette, while the latter generally presumed a poor, beautiful child in the slums would have been the recipient of perverse attention, or else had to earn a livelihood by unsavoury means.

Only Rude knew enough about Reno to know that the truth fell in-between.

The redhead was not ashamed of himself or his background, but some of his past actions, and the actions of others against him, had left him intimate with the emotion.

That was where Rude came in, for he liked his little Aibou just the way he was, and he always knew when Reno needed a reminder of that fact.

Sickness

Reno was always prone to bruising; in fact, Rude could never recall not seeing one or two contusions on the redhead�s fair skin.

Therefore, when a terrible sickness spread across the country with the first sign being contusions that simply never faded, he grew concerned. Reno could be ill for weeks or longer before it became obvious.

Thus, Rude covertly began to catalogue the sizes and locations of these bruises. He would watch Reno change, help him bathe after a long mission, check his injuries after a hard one, or simply run his hands over him after their lovemaking.

He doubted the secrecy left Reno unaware though, as he released a relieved sigh whenever one showed clear signs of healing.

Sin

Despite his job, Rude never got involved in any political movements.

He was even content to ignore the anti-gay protestor that he and Reno happened to pass on their day off.

�Until he saw the lost expression on Reno�s face as he realised the man wasn�t cursing them for any of the sins they committed on the job- that the man was actually calling the only thing he considered good in his life a sin.

When the redhead�s perplexity gave way to despondence, Rude was no longer content to ignore.

As he wiped the blood off his gloves, Rude wondered if the man realised he had just made an advocate out of him.

Insanity

Reno released a small chuckle when Rude explained that he had to see the company shrink again.

He knew Tseng was an intelligent and observant man, so he could never understand why he was so concerned over his Aibou�s behaviour.

Rude simply shook his head when Reno announced that he was ordered to see the company shrink as well.

He had warned the redhead that it was a bad idea to tell Tseng their job was insanity, therefore, he should expect some idiosyncrasies from his men.

Tseng watched as the pair left his office. They didn�t need to know that he was saving them from a cover-up assignment.

Sorrow

Rude had never seen Reno so sad before. It had been close, after the Sector Seven incident, but a good deal of guilt -as well as shock, betrayal, and disgust- had diluted that sadness.

Now, it was just pure, unadulterated sorrow.

He did not know if that was because Reno only had the president, Turk, and him, if the redhead had been closer to Shachou than Rude had guessed, or if it was just all too much.

In any case, Rude had an entirely new reason to make sure the president never had such a close brush with death again. Forget the company, forget his job, he couldn�t stand what it would do to Reno.

Weeping

Rude was not aware that he was weeping until Reno wrapped an arm around his waist and gave him a handkerchief. After Rude used it, he noticed it was one of his own, which he should have known anyway. Reno always stole his handkerchiefs, even after he bought him one of his own.

It reminded Rude of when he used to steal them from the man in the coffin at the head of the church. Of course, he had stopped after be given a few old ones to keep as his own.

The embroidery hadn�t even required any alterations, since he and his father had the same initials.

You Belong to Me

Reno knew those four words should have scared him, should have sent him running. He had seen firsthand what a possessive lover could do if a situation escalated out of control. Additionally, he had promised himself as a small child in the slums that no one would ever own him. ShinRa was domineering enough; he did not need a dominating lover on top of that.

Nonetheless, the redhead could not deny the small swell of warmth that bloomed in his chest when Rude growled out those words so matter-of-factly.

Maybe belonging to someone was not such a bad thing after all.

Bound

One of the supposed downsides to being a Turk was that it was hard to form attachments to anyone on the outside. Reno never saw it that way.

To him, attachments just mean that you got hurt when the people you were fond of used or left you.

That was part of why he liked his new partner so much; he could care about Rude without fear because Rude didn�t let anyone get too close.

�Until Chelsea, who made Rude decide he never wanted to be close to anyone again.

Reno would have agreed, if he hadn�t realised too late that he was already bound to his partner in every way.

Guilt

Rude was never prone to guilt.

He could beat any number of men to a pulp and blow up various vehicles, buildings, and bridges without ever knowing why. If he were assigned the job, he would see it done. It was what made him such a great Turk.

He hadn�t liked the situation back in Nebelheim, but Verdot took care of it after Reno and Tseng�s objections, so that was a moot point as far as he was concerned.

Therefore, he had to wonder why he was at the bar so late, feeling guilty just because of a few misguided words.

Then he remembered; they had hurt Reno.

Mystery

Both Reno and Rude were well aware that the other Turks, especially the girls, considered them an unsolved mystery.

Each fleeting touch was scrutinised; was it casual or intimate? Each glance questioned; was it a knowing look between long-time friends or a look of understanding between lovers?

Why did Rude speak so openly only to Reno? Why did Reno�s eyes soften when he gazed at Rude alone? Were they just partners on the clock, or in all things?

Little did the others know, that the pair just loved to keep them guessing. Otherwise, they probably would have invited them to the commitment ceremony.

Alone

Reno had been alone throughout most of his childhood, so he supposed that was why he was so enthusiastic when talking to his new partner. People who be a constant part of his life and actually give a damn about his opinion were a novelty.

He had not realised that enthusiasm might not be appreciated until Rude pressed him into a wall after a successful assignment and asked him if he only shut up when it meant life or death.

Reno wasn�t as embarrassed, annoyed, or hurt as he would have expected. No, he was smitten.

Rude never backed down from a challenge, so when Reno told him how else he could shut him up, he did.

Torture

Rude�s first thought once he was allowed in his partner�s hospital room, was that he had to renew his definition of the word torture after seeing this.

The following day, he thought that Reno better remember who had done this when he awoke, because Rude was going to redefine the word for them as well.

A week later, he just wanted a sign that Reno was going to wake at all.

A month afterwards, he decided that this was yet another classification of torture.

When Reno finally did awake, unable to remember anything about his personal life at all, Rude wondered how many classifications of torture there truly was�

The End

Rude gripped his partner tightly, even as he felt Reno�s grasp weakening and the smaller body going slack.

For a moment, the large man felt overwhelmed by an incredible sense of loss and pain.

He actually welcomed it when his vision began to fade and the distant sounds of explosions muted further. Soon, he could not feel the heat of the fires raging around them, the familiar weight of Reno in his arms, or any physical pain.

He knew this was the end, but he found it fitting that they should go out together, surrounded by flashy explosions and wild flames.

Besides, he had known for years that he could not live without Reno.
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Flashes of Darkness and Other Obscure Emotions