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Whispered Screams	By : AngryAngel Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 6957 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
The inside of his car was
much colder than Seifer had originally left it. The leather of his seat felt
crisp against his bare arms, causing the hair on his skin to stand. They had
been driving for a while now and he had cranked up the heater a long time ago,
but even that didn�t quite seem to help. The coldness was spreading within
Seifer�s body � not because of a chill in the air, but because of the shocking
things that his eyes had endured to see.
He looked over to the guy
sitting to his right, but Squall�s distant gaze was pinned to the black
dashboard before him. His bandaged wrists were resting slack on top of his
thighs, their stark white color contrasting noticeably against the dark blue of
his jeans.
He was so quiet.
Without saying a word,
Seifer adjusted his view back to the road in front of him. Late night traffic
was easing by as they progressed down the highway at moderate speed; the last
thing that Seifer needed was a ticket for speeding and driving under the
influence.
He had enough to deal with
for the night.
As he watched a motorcycle
passing him to the left, he turned his head to Squall once more, a sudden
realization stirring in his mind even beneath all the directionless brooding.
�Hey... Squall,� he
started, his voice slightly disjointed and off pitch, �Did you leave your bike
somewhere by the playground?�
Frankly, the thought
hadn�t even occurred to him until right then and there. Squall had obviously
caught some sort of ride to the park, unless of course he actually resided
in the expensive neighborhood that surrounded it. Considering the brunette�s
tremendous work load at �Ward�s� however, Seifer thought that hardly possible.
�No,� Squall finally
replied monotonously, not moving his gaze from the dashboard by even an inch.
�I didn�t.�
�Did you walk?� the blonde
continued with a curious kink of his eyebrow. �Uh, I mean, do you like, live
down in that area or what?�
�... Yeah.�
Seifer kept glancing back
and forth between Squall�s desolate, emotionless face and the illuminated
highway, but the brunette seemed less than willing to elaborate on the subject
of his home any further. He had veered his head aside slightly, now staring at
the dim lights of Deling
City that were flittering
all around them. His lips were little but a narrow, hard line, and Seifer
thought that he saw Squall�s fingers twitching nervously atop his legs.
The blonde eighteen year
old had been in many awkward situations in his life, but not once before had he
felt so confused, unsure and helpless. Taking Squall home with him had seemed
like a great idea at first, but how much good would it really do?
Granted, Seifer could properly clean and patch up his wounds, but he knew well
enough that all the bandages in the world wouldn�t mend Squall�s real problems,
whichever they might be. Seifer had never dealt with anyone suicidal before,
nor had he ever bothered to spend much thought on the subject itself.
Now, everything was
different.
He stared down the road in
uncomfortable silence, mechanically shifting, braking and accelerating. He
wanted to say something - to talk about Squall�s injuries and ask about the
reason for their existence - but he knew that he might as well try to strike a
conversation with a brick. For the time being, he really couldn�t do much of
anything.
�... I�m sorry.�
Seifer blinked and reeled
his head aside slowly. Squall�s voice had been flat and subdued, but those
words of his had reached Seifer�s ears all the same. The brunette wasn�t
looking at him, only glaring out the window and crushing his hands to taut
fists that caused his knuckles to turn white.
�What?� Seifer asked
hesitantly, perplexed to the core by this strange and unexpected apology. �Huh?
Sorry? Sorry for what?�
He could see Squall�s
fine, dark brown brows shifting low over his eyes as the corners of his mouth
were tightening. The younger boy drew a shallow breath that was bordering to an
exasperate sigh.
�Sorry for ruining your
night.�
Again, Seifer blinked in
confusion and moved his left hand from the steering wheel to the top of his
head, scratching it blankly.
�Ruin my... heh?� he
mumbled as he stared at Squall without the slightest hint of understanding
dawning in his viridian eyes. �What the hell are you talkin� about?�
Squall crossed his arms
before his chest, still vehemently refusing to heed the blonde with so much as
a curt glimpse. His eyes narrowed even further when he spoke again.
�I heard you on the
playground,� he explained, a strange, choppy tone to his voice that Seifer
couldn�t quite decipher. �... You and Rinoa.�
�Ohh...� Seifer breathed,
finally grasping the direction that Squall�s rather clumsy explanation was
taking. �Right... About that... Uh... Well, guess I�d rather spend the night
with you than with her.�
The blonde smirked and shrugged
carelessly, pretending that his gentle statement carried little or no deeper
meaning at all, but he froze immediately when Squall turned around to look at
him for the very first time since they had gotten into the car. Chocolate brown
strands of hair were cascading wryly into the seventeen year old�s face as he
finally allowed his dark grey eyes to collide with Seifer�s jade green ones,
searching them aimlessly. Irritation had meshed with the brunette�s fine
features, screwing them questioningly as he uncrossed his arms.
�Why?� Squall asked
eventually, skepticism evident in his tone. �I don�t get it.�
Squall�s open display of
confusion was adorable and perhaps a little out of place in their current
situation, but Seifer responded to it instinctively all the same. He gave a
low, husky chuckle that would have caused any girl to blush, but Squall merely
kept glaring at him with a persistence that was almost disturbing.
�Oh? And why�s that?�
Seifer cooed softly.
The question seemed to
catch Squall slightly off guard. Another frown creased his brows as he whisked
his head aside once more and continued to stare out the window, but this time,
he didn�t remain silent.
�Because of the things you
said this morning,� he started slowly, the words oddly hard and calm as he
performed a vague gesture with his hand. �And because of what I said.
Because of... everything.�
Seifer was genuinely
surprised to hear the brunette bringing up that particular incident. Frankly,
he himself had practically forgotten all about it when faced with Squall�s
injuries; his heartfelt concern had overwritten all his other, more bitter
feelings with ease. Now, he remembered his nasty, hurtful words of their early
morning encounter in the parking lot, and he also remembered how damn sorry he
had been all day.
Suddenly, he felt
untypically ashamed.
�That...� he murmured
uneasily, now turning his head away as well, �I didn�t really... mean
any of that. I was just pissed off.�
He couldn�t tell whether
Squall was pleased with that response or not, because the brunette had
apparently decided to resume ignoring him. Perhaps it was better that way, the
blonde mused. Perhaps it meant that he was forgiven for his harshness, at least
partly. In any case, he decided that he would refrain from intentionally
hurting his younger classmate again � obviously, Squall�s life was already
difficult enough without anyone adding to his pile of problems for the mere
sake of causing him pain and making him feel inferior.
Squall deserved better
than that.
Neither of them spoke any
more for the rest of the trip. Seifer guided them through the scarce traffic
and his suburban neighborhood, until he finally pulled into his parking lot and
the one spot that the apartment complex had assigned to him. When they came to
a complete halt and Seifer turned off the engine of his truck, the sudden
silence that enveloped them like a thick, impenetrable cloak was strangely
overwhelming. Next to the blonde, Squall wasn�t moving so much as a single
muscle, and his breathing was hardly audible as he gazed through the windows up
the tall, snobbish looking apartment buildings.
�Well, this is it,� Seifer
explained unnecessarily as he unbuckled his seat belt. �Let�s get out.�
He opened his door and
leaped onto the ground, glad to see that Squall was soon following his example.
The brunette still refused to look at him; he stood next to the car, his hands
slack at his sides and his eyes fixed upon the stucco fa�ade of the building in
front of them. As Seifer stepped up to him, he could see a sort of fierce
determination kindling with the indifference in Squall�s pale face.
�Yep, this is where I
live,� Seifer answered the mute question that seemed to whirr within the dark
haired boy�s stern gaze. �Me and my crazy ass dog, that is.�
Squall gave something like
a very low-pitched grunt, but said nothing further. He was frowning, as usual,
but Seifer had already gotten used to that sight even if he didn�t particularly
approve of it, either. Taking a deep breath, he hit the remote control
button that locked his truck and slowly stepped around Squall�s rigid figure.
�Let�s go,� he suggested,
glancing at the brunette from over his shoulder. �I live on the second floor,
so we gotta take the stairs. You gonna make it?�
Wordlessly, Squall shifted
his weight onto his right foot and folded his arms across his chest. Seifer
resisted the burning urge to roll his eyes at the brunette�s childish display
of pride and merely nodded curtly as he took the first few steps forward.
�Alright then, your royal
goat-headedness. Follow me.�
He walked slowly until
Squall had finally caught up with him, the sound of their now synchronous
footsteps swallowed by the concrete beneath the soles of their boots. It was
quiet around them; so quiet that Seifer thought that he could sense Squall�s
flaring panic. He was almost certain that the brunette would try and make a
break for it, but to his mild surprise, Squall did neither stop short nor make
an attempt at running away.
When they reached the
flight of stairs that led up to Seifer�s small but expensive apartment, the
blonde turned to his classmate once more.
�Up here,� he said,
jabbing his thumb heavenwards. �They�re kinda steep. Sucks carrying your
groceries up there, too, �specially when it�s raining. Not sure exactly what
those assholes were thinking when they built this.�
He was rambling and he
knew it, too. Squall stood next to him, shivering only marginally against the
cold wind that was whipping through the open stairway. Frankly, Seifer had no
clue why all stairs and apartment entrances were located outside, leaving the
renters at the mercy of the weather.
What were his parents
paying those 1500 bucks a month for again?
�Ah... Doesn�t fuckin�
matter. Not right now, anyway. I just gotta get him up there somehow without
him falling over his own feet on the way.�
Smiling suggestively,
Seifer took a mock bow and motioned Squall to go ahead.
�After you,� he drawled.
The brunette was regarding
him with a wary, narrow-eyed look, but eventually complied with Seifer�s
awkward invitation. For a split second, he wondered whether the blonde had
wanted to walk behind him because he was worried over Squall�s steadiness, but
the seventeen year old pushed the thought aside almost frantically. He didn�t
care about Seifer�s reasons, nor did he believe that they were of any
noteworthy importance. If they were, he would have no idea whatsoever
how to cope. Ignoring the possibility that maybe, just maybe, Seifer did
truly care for him seemed like the easiest thing to do for the time being.
Shaking all questions out
of his mind, Squall slowly ascended the staircase. Seifer was walking right
behind him; he was so close that Squall could hear him breathing even through
the soft howl of the night breeze, and the sound caused his heart to jump out
of pace and his thoughts to go tumbling once more.
�What am I doing here
of all places? Why did I get into the car with him? I don�t even know
him. I don�t want to know him. It�s none of his business what I do with
my wrists or any other damn part of my body. I shouldn�t have followed him. I�m
such an idiot. Why is he trying to help me, anyway...? Why is he walking so
close? Why is he... gah. Whatever. It doesn�t matter why he�s doing what he's
doing. I don�t need his pity. I just want him to leave me alone. I can take
care of my own just fine. I don�t need anyone. I�m not... I�m... I... I... I
don�t know. I don�t know why I�m here. I don�t know anything. This is bad. I
should leave...�
When Squall abruptly
stopped in his stride, his head low and his eyes fixed upon the stairs to his
feet as his feelings threatened to overpower him, Seifer only barely managed to
avoid a collision. Grunting, he stepped to the side and scooted around the
brunette�s motionless frame, studying Squall�s blank face very attentively.
�Damn, get some brake
lights or something if ya plan on stopping like this,� he mumbled impatiently,
before tilting his head in question. �What�s up?�
Squall was avoiding his
gaze carefully, but before Seifer had a chance to ask any further questions or
haul the brunette up the stairs by brute force, the enigmatic boy in front of
him quickly shook his head.
�... Nothing.�
With his view still nailed
to the ground, Squall circled Seifer�s figure and stoically continued walking.
To hell with his useless fear and panic; he could do this. He wasn�t afraid. He
had been through much worse times than these in his life. Seifer could do
nothing to him that others hadn�t already done before him...
He had nothing to lose.
�There we go. To your
left!�
Squall glanced at the
white, solid wood door at the end of a small corridor that, apparently, seemed
to lead to Seifer�s apartment. Cautiously, he approached the entrance as he
heard the blonde behind him fiddling with his key.
�Alright, now listen up,�
Seifer said sternly as he pushed past his brunette classmate, fixing Squall
with a gaze that demanded attention. �My fuckin�dog, Shiva, can be kinda rowdy
and she ain�t small, either, so... if you want, I can lock her up in the
bathroom before you come in.�
To Seifer�s astonishment,
Squall did neither crumple in fear nor froze to the spot; instead, he mashed
his eyebrows together and gave a cynical snort.
�I�m not scared,� he spat
abjectly as he stepped up to the door, demonstratively waiting for the blonde
to go ahead and unlock it already.
�... So I see.� Seifer
mumbled quietly, unable to suppress a hint of concern over Squall�s boldness.
Seifer�s canine companion
was a three year old Alaskan malamute; beautiful to boot, but also no less
powerful and headstrong. Usually, she would issue extremely vocal greetings
whenever she heard him coming home, but on this particular night she was being
awfully quiet. Seifer guessed that she was probably asleep, but his assumption
was immediately proven wrong when he finally unlocked and opened his door.
There she was, all snow
white and coal black fur and piercing blue eyes, waiting in the doorway like a
perfect statue. Only her tail was wagging slowly as she displayed untypical
calmness and looked both boys over with wisdom that seemed much too alien for a
dog.
�Hey girl,� Seifer greeted
her with a friendly smirk as he bent down to scratch her ears. �Guess what... I
brought a visitor.�
He took a step aside to
make room for Squall, close the door behind them and turn on the lights. They
had walked right into his slightly unruly living room, but apparently, Seifer�s
guest seemed to care little about the blonde�s tidiness, or rather the lack
thereof. With his golden brows arching in incredulity as he turned back around,
Seifer found Squall already down on one knee before Shiva, receiving sloppy wet
�kisses� from the dog that normally refused to socialize with strangers. As a
matter of fact, she had chased away a good number of Seifer�s female and male
visitors alike, something the blonde had never been quite happy about.
Strangely enough, Shiva
seemed to have no objections against Seifer�s most recent acquaintance.
Shiva, however, wasn�t the
only one acting oddly. Squall was still kneeling before her, stroking her fur
in a very calm and gentle manner, and for the very first time, Seifer thought
that he could see a small smile playing at the corners of the brunette�s lips.
�Damn,� Seifer whistled in
acknowledgement, jingling his keys as he approached the astonishing scene, �I
didn�t think you two would hit it off like that. She usually bonds with people
by tearing off their pant legs.�
Now definitely smiling
(and smiling beautifully at that, Seifer had to admit), Squall was massaging
the back of Shiva�s nose, and he chuckled softly as she begun to wag her tail
in boundless canine delight.
�She�s a good dog,� the
brunette replied quietly.
Squall was completely
unaware of the effect that the sudden change in his facial expression had on
Seifer. The older teen was towering next to him, staring mutely and with a
pounding pulse at the two gorgeous creatures to his feet. He just couldn�t
believe that Squall was actually smiling � the mere concept had seemed
practically impossible up until that very moment when Shiva had unceremoniously
stuck her wet, smelly nose into the brunette�s face.
�You�re smiling,� Seifer
declared unsurely, his voice coarse with emotion. �I�ve never seen you smile
before.�
Squall attempted to
swallow down his grin and keep a blush from creeping to his high cheekbones,
but he couldn�t quite manage. Forcing the dark frown back onto his face as best
as he could, he tried dearly to sound careless.
�Whatever.�
He continued to stroke
Shiva and Seifer watched him, truly mesmerized by the other boy�s simple
actions, until a flash of white around the rim of Squall�s sleeve reminded him
painfully of why he had brought the brunette home with him in the first place.
�Hrmph. I guess it
can�t be helped.�
Clearing his throat
noisily, he slowly approached Squall�s crouching figure.
�Hey... Squall.�
The dark haired boy cocked
his head aside and gave him a long, watchful look, immediately alert by the
serious tone that had carved itself into Seifer�s strong voice. The tall blonde
was gazing back at him for a moment, viridian green orbs issuing a mute
apology.
�I gotta look at your
wounds,� Seifer finally explained, inaudibly sighing at the icy spark that
flared up in Squall�s storm blue eyes. �Trust me, I could watch you two
snuggling on the floor all night, but unfortunately that won�t make your wrists
any better. C�mon, I promise it won�t take long.�
Equally confused and
embarrassed by Seifer�s declared interest in watching him cuddle with his dog,
Squall quickly shot to his feet. His head was spinning nastily in protest
against the abrupt movement, but he ignored it with coldly exercised
familiarity. The older blonde was looking him over with an expression that
suggested concern, but eventually, Seifer merely nodded and pointed to a spot
behind Squall.
�Over there, in my
bedroom.�
He ushered the reluctant
brunette through his living room, past the couch that was buried underneath
untouched bags of clothes from his trip to the mall. Seifer possessed few,
expensive pieces of furniture that, just like the rest of his apartment, he
never bothered to keep clean; after all, he had someone come in twice a week to
straighten up in his stead. He knew he was lazy, but when he saw Squall arching
his eyebrows in quiet disapproval, he actually regretted that fact for the very
first time in his life.
�Sorry �bout the mess,� he
apologized with a muffled grunt, somewhat relieved that he had at least
bothered to make his bed before he had taken off for the club that evening.
Frankly, he had
planned on taking Rinoa home with him for some cheap, distracting fun, but
things had somehow turned out much differently than he had originally
anticipated. And though he didn�t much like the reason for Squall�s late
night visit, he was all the more excited to have the true object of his
interest over at his house.
Late at night.
Alone.
Quickly shaking his head
against the heat rising in all the wrong places of his body, he tried to stay
focused.
�Man, pull yourself the
fuck together! You�ve got more important things to worry about right now,
dumbass. Like pretty boy almost bleeding dry on a playground, for instance.
Really, you better get a grip right fuckin� now.�
Of course, such things
were always much easier said than done.
�Uh, have a seat,� he
ordered gawkily as he closed the door behind them and picked some clothes off the
floor on his way, carelessly tossing them into his laundry basket.
The brunette seemed
hesitant at the concept of sitting down on Seifer�s king sized bed, his face
skeptic as it writhed into a scowl. He stared down at it as if it was his worst
enemy, wrestling deeply ingrained fears that Seifer knew nothing about.
�Uh, Squall? You wanna sit
down or what?�
Banishing the little voice
that urged him to run away into the deep back of his mind, Squall edgily
lowered himself onto the mattress. Beneath him, black satin sheets were
rustling softly; it was a sound that reminded him of his childhood � of a past
that he both loathed and longed for desperately. Images of his mother holding
him tight and looking upon him with loving but sad cobalt blue eyes flashed before
him, and he could feel his skin breaking into goose bumps as the memories
resurfaced.
�Squall? Hey!�
Frowning, Seifer watched
how the brunette�s eyes snapped back into focus as he called out his name.
Squall seemed confused, frightened almost, as if he had just realized where he
was at. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet planted firmly on the
floor and his hands wrenched into the sheets as his gaze darted around the room
aimlessly.
A deer in the headlights
if Seifer had ever seen one.
�What is it with him?
He totally spaced out on me just now. For fuck�s sake, it�s just a bed; don�t
tell me he�s scared of furniture now.'
Sighing placidly, Seifer
walked up to the dark haired boy that now seemed to be staring a hole into the
wall before him and slowly went unto his knees. Naturally, that gesture managed
to snare Squall�s undivided attention in the matter of a heartbeat. The
brunette adjusted his disjointed gaze to the blonde squatting by his feet, and
the sight caused his eyebrows to arch towards his hairline while his skin
acquired a rather lovely shade of crimson.
�W-what the hell are you
doing...!� he stammered uneasily, a flustered edge to his voice.
�Lemme see your wrists.�
Squall watched Seifer
moving closer to him, his pale face wiped clean of expression. The blonde
across from him wasn�t smiling, though his eyes looked kind. Still, he was too
close; Squall�s knees had involuntarily come into connection with Seifer�s
chest, and when the older teen reached for his hands, Squall instinctively
wanted to yank them back.
�Hold still,� Seifer
ordered in a low, semi-growling voice as he took a firm hold of Squall�s left
wrist.
The brunette was squirming
beneath his touch, too proud to back away completely and yet too panicky to
simply endure the bodily contact. He was glaring at the other guy fiercely
while trying to steady his breathing, but even for all his iciness and all his
false bravado, Seifer knew that he was scared. The hand that he was cupping in
his own larger one was trembling noticeably, and the blonde flicked up his gaze
to study Squall�s stark white face.
�What�s up, Squall? What
are you scared of?� he asked, the calmness of his tone taking the initial sting
out of the question.
Squall scowled at him all
the same.
�Nothing,� he hissed as
his eyes were flaring with anger.
�Right.�
Silently, Seifer commenced
to unwrap the first bandage. It had been stained crimson red, but he let it
coil to the bedroom floor all the same; his carpet was the last thing
that he was concerned about.
Squall�s skin looked worse
in the light of his room than it had in the darkness of the playground. The
brunette�s left wrist had been slit multiple times, and the horizontal lines
that lacerated his flesh ran fairly deep. Despite the drying patches of blood, Seifer
also discovered older, similar looking cuts which had turned into whitish scars
that had faded into the porcelain color of Squall�s skin.
They proved Seifer�s
assumptions of Squall�s cutting habits only too correct.
The blonde�s emerald eyes
darkened in disapproval, but he said nothing; now wasn�t the right time for
holier-than-thou lectures or pointless accusations. Squall was miserable as it
was, all frightened and ashamed like an innocent little kid. The blonde could
always give him a piece of his mind later.
Not that he had any real
idea of what to say.
Quietly, he went to unwrap
Squall�s other wrist as well. The brunette was still staring at some imaginary
point to the left of them, his brows knitted low over his eyes and his lips
pressed to a wry line. He looked angry, embarrassed, proud and scared � all at
the very same time. Seifer didn�t quite know how to help the brunette relax and
erase his fears; Squall was almost too touchy for him to handle.
Well, he would try anyway
� it was the least he could do.
�Okay,� he said as both of
the dark haired teen�s wrists were uncovered and resting on his thighs. �I�m
gonna wash my hands and grab some stuff from the bathroom. Be right back.�
Squall turned his head to
glance down at his wounds, but he remained silent.
�And don�t move, got it?�
Seifer ordered sharply through his teeth as he sashayed into the bathroom.
After the blonde had
washed his hands thoroughly with antibacterial soap, he randomly pulled some bottles,
bandages and sterile pads out of his medicine cabinet. He figured it best to
take some wet washcloths and dry towels as well, and with utmost care he
managed to balance everything back into the bedroom.
Squall was eyeing him full
of mistrust; dark, choppy strands of hair obscured a good portion of his face
as he quickly lowered his head out of sight, but Seifer knew well enough that
he was scowling.
�Hey, man, what�s with the
frown,� the blonde tried to joke as he knelt down before Squall and dropped his
supplies onto the bed, �I mean c'mon, you�ve got Doc Almasy to take care of ya!
You better feel honored.�
The brunette�s gaze was
cold and humorless behind coal black lashes, unmoved by Seifer�s kindness, but
there was also a trace of insecurity that he couldn�t completely suppress. He
had never allowed anyone to find out about his cut up wrists, let alone sat
back and have them tend to his wounds, so this was entirely new territory for
him. There was only one other person who knew of his cutting habits... probably
the most unlikely one imaginable. That one, particular person cared little
about the brunette�s agony, but Squall had to admit that Seifer was, perhaps,
different; at least he had neither mocked him nor called him disgusting.
Squall almost drowned in
the maze of his thoughts, but a sudden sting of pain hurled him back into
reality effortlessly. Hissing a random curse, he glared down at Seifer and the
light blue washcloth he was using to clean his wounds. The blonde considered
him with a small, lopsided smirk.
�Sorry,� he murmured,
feigning contriteness.
Judging by the older
youth�s content grin, however, Squall had all reason to assume that Seifer had
actually hurt him on purpose. And indeed - annoyed and concerned over
the fact that Squall had once again clammed up on him, Seifer had found
startling the brunette a very acceptable means of recapturing his attention.
Sighing irritably, Squall
decided to pay closer heed to what exactly it was that the other boy was doing
to him. Shoving the hair out of his face bleakly with the one hand that Seifer
wasn�t doctoring with, he studied each of the blonde�s movements with great
vigilance.
Admittedly, Seifer did surprise
him by turning out to be so gentle. It seemed unusual, especially when taking
into consideration that Squall had initially mistaken him for just another
cocky football jock with a brick for a brain. Apparently, however, there was
more to the brawny blonde than his superficial arrogance and his stupid varsity
jacket suggested. He was cleaning Squall�s wounds with great care and without
even the slightest hint of repulsion slanting his handsome features.
... And handsome he
certainly was, Squall had to hand it to him. No wonder all the girls in school
were running their mouths about Seifer Almasy during class and flocking to him
left and right during breaks. The brunette could hardly blame them; had he been
a girl himself, he probably would have done the same thing.
Biting down upon the
inside of his cheek, Squall quickly pitched his head into his neck and nailed
his gaze to the chalk white ceiling, if only to prevent another blush from
crossing his tense features. He wasn�t sure why on earth he was having thoughts
of such ridiculous, pubescent nature that were only fit for a lovesick school
girl, but he definitely didn�t want Seifer to find out.
He�d probably laugh,
anyway.
�What do you usually put
on there?�
Startled once more, Squall
blinked down at the blonde before him. Seifer was looking back at him
expectantly from between his knees, one hand fastened around his hip as he was
squatting there on the floor.
Squall couldn�t help but
swallow laboriously at the sight.
�Why does he have to be
down there of all places? This is weird. He shouldn�t be sitting between
my knees and I shouldn�t have let him in the first place. And why the hell is
he looking at me like that?�
�... What?� Squall
stammered, taken aback by the amused glint that lit up the blonde�s emerald
green eyes.
�Your wrists,� Seifer
explained willingly. �What kinda stuff do you usually slap on them to keep �em
from getting infected? �Cause this obviously isn�t the first time you�ve
butchered them like that.�
With a fresh frown
littering his pretty face, Squall first glared at Seifer, then at his wounds
that were looking so much cleaner now.
�... Peroxide,� he replied
testily.
�Peroxide!� Seifer spat
with a surprised hiss. �You put peroxide on those? What are you, nuts?�
Squall�s face soured even
further at the blonde�s outrage.
�You asked.�
�Yeah, but... fuck.
Peroxide of all things? Why don�t you go sprinkle some salt and Tabasco sauce
on them and have yourself a real sting fest? I mean, might as well go
all out.�
�Whatever.�
Grunting, Seifer grabbed
one of the bottles that he had brought from the bathroom and shoved it right
into Squall�s dumbfounded face. The brunette tried to edge backwards, but the
older teen was still holding on to one of his arms, disinclined to let go.
�There,� Seifer drawled as
he swung the bottle back and forth provocatively, �No sting Bactine. I know it
�prolly won�t satisfy that masochistic side of your�s, but it�s all I got. So
hold the fuck still!�
Still bristling against
the touch, Squall watched reluctantly how Seifer swiped his wrists with sterile
pads drenched in Bactine. Indeed, it hardly hurt at all, or at least the pain
was marginal compared to that of a treatment with peroxide. Not that it
mattered even the slightest bit at all � Squall wasn�t afraid of pain. He
wasn�t afraid of anything, for that matter � or shouldn�t have been,
anyway. Didn�t want to be...
And yet...
Why was his heart beating
so fast?
�How�s that?� Seifer
asked, his green eyes boring like lucid flames into Squall�s arcane storm grey
ones.
The brunette swallowed
again and ground his teeth together.
He hated it when Seifer
looked at him like that � so very intently, like he was the only person worth
looking at in this world; it made his breath hitch and his heart race with
adrenaline.
�... Whatever,� he replied
stoically and curled his hands to fists.
�I said �hold still�,�
Seifer growled in exasperation as he wrenched Squall�s fingers apart. �And
seriously, you gotta work on your vocabulary.�
�Whatev��
�Yeah, yeah, never mind,�
the blonde groaned, rolling his eyes in annoyance. �I fuckin� got it.�
Shaking his head, Seifer
fished for the bandages on the bed. Squall was watching him full of suspicion,
though he pretended that he didn�t give so much as a rat�s ass about what the
other teen was doing to him. Seifer was peeling the plastic wrapper off one
bandage noisily, before he carefully begun to wind it around Squall�s left
wrist, which he had covered with a sterile gauze pad.
He worked silently,
focused almost entirely onto his task. Deep down, he couldn�t thank his parents
enough for forcing him to learn first aid and providing him with all the
necessary and superfluous equipment one could possibly need.
One of these days, he�d
probably have to call them and let them know.
Sighing, he continued to
devote his attention to Squall�s wounds, but at the same time, he couldn�t
quite forget about his and and the brunette�s early morning encounter; as he
enveloped the dark haired boy�s wretched looking wrists, he got a painful
feeling that he was at least partly to blame for this.
�Hrmph,� he cleared his
throat as he secured the first bandage with a clip and gave Squall a weak
half-smirk. �About this morning, you know... in the parking lot... Uh... I know
I�m not a nice guy or nothing, but... I really am sorry for what I said
to you. I know I was a downright asshole. So... yeah... I�m sorry, Squall.�
He dropped his gaze
immediately, not waiting for an answer from Squall that he was probably never
going to receive, anyway. The brunette, however, was thoughtfully glancing back
and forth between his own, throbbing wrists and Seifer�s upset face from
beneath dark, half-lidded eyes, and before his defense mechanisms could have
kicked in, he quietly raised his voice.
�... You�re nicer than
most,� he breathed softly.
�Huh? You really think
so?� the blonde replied in surprise, before he begun to wrap Squall�s other
wrist and smiled very vaguely. �That�s only with you, though.�
He could hear Squall
sucking in a staggered breath as the brunette�s features curled into a wry,
confused grimace. Apparently, Squall had not expected to receive an answer of
such... intimate nature, and this time his curiosity got the better of
him.
�... What? What are you
talking about?�
Again, Seifer gave him a
sly but incredibly indistinct grin. The blonde knew that he was probably going
too far or too fast, but the heart pounding in his chest had no sense for
patience.
�You know, you�re kinda
cute when you�re confused,� he chuckled, but didn�t meet Squall�s eye.
�What kind of answer is that,�
the other teen snapped, the agitated tone of his voice erecting yet another
snort of laughter from Seifer�s end. �... What are you laughing at?�
�You.�
Squall growled irritably
under his breath, his lips thinning dangerously.
The boy squatting by his
feet merely smirked.
�I�m laughing, �cause you
of all people should know everything about giving vague or non-existent
answers.�
"... Whatever.�
Seifer laughed quietly
once more, but this time he said nothing. Squall was glowering at him
balefully; obviously, there was much more curiosity hidden within his rigid
form than met the eye. The dark haired youth seemed oddly frustrated at the
concept of being played mind-games with, and though Seifer believed that he
thoroughly deserved to be at the receiving end of such a treatment for a
change, he was also softening at the sight of a very defeated looking brunette.
�Well,� he drawled smugly,
fully aware of the other boy�s undivided attention, �You know... I lied when I
said everyone was sick of you.�
The dark haired teen
slowly laced his eyebrows together at that remark, and the corners of his mouth
curved downwards into a rancorous frown.
�No,� he stated demurely,
struggling to sound cynical and careless. �You were right on track.�
�Well, actually-�
�And I don�t give a fuck,
either.�
The blonde couldn�t help
but chortle in amusement. Who was Squall trying to fool? Granted, the brunette
probably cared less about his environment than the average high school student
did, but Seifer knew that he also wasn�t near as cold-hearted as he portrayed
himself to be. He had seen emotions crossing those plains of storm blue
� hurt, anxiety, anger, fear, helplessness � each of which had belied Squall�s
typical display of indifference with almost ridiculous ease.
�Oh, is that so, huh?�
Seifer mocked the brunette�s defiance cunningly. �Well, here�s a newsflash for
ya, ice princess: I am not sick of you.�
He could watch Squall�s
angry, tight features snapping loose in surprise at those words.
It was a reaction that
Seifer found all too interesting.
�What? Why...?�
�Why?� Seifer repeated the
question while breathing another low-pitched chuckle. �Come on now. How
oblivious could you possibly be?�
It had been a daring thing
to say, but Squall didn�t seem to catch on to it. Seifer hadn�t really expected
anything else, but when he saw Squall�s gaze growing distant and out of focus,
he did wonder.
How oblivious could Squall
be?
Perhaps he had dropped
just a few too many hints; did he really want the brunette to find out
about his feelings? It probably wasn�t the most reasonable idea that had ever
crossed his mind, but then again, when had Seifer ever been reasonable in the
first place? He liked Squall beyond any ordinary bond of friendship, and by all
means, he couldn�t help that - or at least he didn�t want to. He wasn�t sure
how receptive the younger boy would be towards any kind of offensive approach,
but he would try and blaze a trail for it all the same.
In the end, he didn�t have
much to lose, anyway.
Calmly, he continued to
wrap the brunette�s wrist. He studied the pale limb in his own, tanned hands,
suddenly recalling the leather band that usually embraced it.
�So... Do you wear any
bandages beneath those wrist bands you�re usually strutting around with?� he
asked, if only to breach the silence between them.
�No.�
�Fuck - doesn�t that
hurt?�
�No.�
�Liar.�
He wondered why on earth
the brunette was pretending to be so goddamn tough. His wounds looked painful
enough. Why was he cutting himself, anyway? Hadn�t his parents noticed yet?
Somebody aside from him had to have realized that Squall was bagging some
issues. What reason did he have to be all self-destructive like that? He
was a good-looking guy, and smart to boot, too. Just what was going on in his
life that made him feel so desperate?
Yet again, there were way
too many questions and not near enough answers.
�... Why are you doing
this?�
Seifer�s head pitched back
in surprise at Squall�s brisk but unsure words. The brunette was glaring at him
challengingly and his legs in the dark blue jeans were shifting, trying to keep
Seifer at a distance.
�Doing what?� Seifer
asked, arching his brows.
Growling, Squall lifted
the wrist that Seifer was working on from the blonde�s hands.
�This.�
The older teen merely
shrugged in response and quickly reclaimed Squall�s limb.
�To stop it from
bleeding?� he replied, a hint of sarcasm meshing with the usual, husky growl in
his voice.
To his astonishment,
Squall gave a sharp hiss and his eyes narrowed ominously, ice freezing them
over in the matter of an instant.
Apparently, this wasn�t quite
the answer the brunette had been waiting for.
�That�s not what I meant,�
the brunette snapped venomously and wanted to cross his arms before his chest,
but Seifer held on to them tightly.
�Will you hold the fuck
still already?� the older youth barked irritably as he wrestled Squall for his
wrists. �Obstinate lil� prick.�
When he realized that he
couldn�t possibly talk Squall into place, nor force him to stay put without
risking to crush his forearms in the process, Seifer finally heaved a guttural,
exasperate sigh.
Why couldn�t things just
be easy for once?
�Were you even listening
to anything I said?� he groaned, while giving Squall a serious, still look out
of spellbinding green eyes. �I care about you, dumbass.�
Squall tried to edge back
slowly, but Seifer was rooting him to the spot.
�I don�t get it,� the
brunette bristled, mashing his eyebrows together. �Why? I haven�t exactly been
nice to you. So why?�
�I could ask you the same
thing, really,� Seifer stated neutrally. �Why is it that you�re fucking
trying to kill yourself?�
It was another one of the
questions that Squall definitely didn�t seem inclined to answer. Nonetheless,
he bit down upon his lower lip and trained his gaze past Seifer upon one of the
far walls, trying to stare it to pieces.
�... I�m not.�
�You�re not?� Seifer
grunted, disbelief evident in each syllable. �Then just why the fuck are you
butchering your wrists if not for that, huh?�
Squall flicked his dark
grey gaze back to him defiantly.
�Maybe I like pain,� he
snarled.
Seifer couldn�t keep from
cackling with humorless laughter. He figured that this skinny little punk was
probably into something, but pain sure the hell wasn�t it. Every part of
Squall seemed to crumble under the burden of whatever secret it was that was
weighing on his shoulders, and he had been in blatant tears at the
playground � not so very convincing at all.
�Yeah fuckin� right,� he
sneered, �You look like you�re into pain about as much as I am into screwing
three legged goats.�
Ever so slowly, Squall
kinked one of his brows as his gaze searched Seifer�s face with openly
displayed curiosity.
Three legged goats...?
�Hey,� Seifer
barked in half mock, half serious tone, �Don�t look at me like that,
alright! I�m not into fucking goats! Sheesh. Aren't you ever the lil sodomist
pervert, huh?.�
Despite the initial
seriousness of the situation, Squall found himself smiling weakly. He didn�t
know why, but this ornery blonde always had a way of making him forget about
the darkness of his problems by cracking silly jokes or picking on him like
only a little kid would. He still didn�t understand why Seifer was so eager to
help him, but the concept bothered him less and less by the minute.
Quietly, he lowered his
head to watch Seifer attaching the clip that would hold the bandage around his
right wrist together. After inspecting his work and nodding to himself in mute
approval, the tall blonde teen edgily stood up and stretched out his aching
knees. The younger brunette was still studying him from his hunched over
position on the bed, though he tried his very best to conceal his subtle
interest.
Thoughtfully, Seifer
looked down upon him. Squall�s forearms were resting on his thighs as the brunette
slowly pulled down his sleeves to cover up his weakness. Despite the fact that
the fabric of his shirt was black, Seifer noticed the dried specks of blood
that littered it. Part of him wondered how many shirts Squall had dirtied like
that, and when the hell it would finally stop.
Squall shifted uneasily
under Seifer�s calm, strangely infuriating look. Absent-mindedly, he brushed a
few, stray wisps of hair behind his ear and begun to scratch his left elbow.
�... Thanks,� he huffed
reluctantly, avoiding the blonde�s face with the stubbornness of a mule.
�Welcome.�
Staring at the stretch of
tan colored carpet before his feet, Squall tried to gulp down the uncomfortable
lump in his throat. He didn�t really know what to say or do, but he couldn�t
allow Seifer to keep piercing him with those intoxicatingly green eyes, either.
Somehow, those eyes made
him feel like nothing else before ever had.
�I... I should get going,�
he murmured, his voice hoarse and rasp.
Before he could have
pushed himself off the bed, however, he already felt Seifer�s hand on his
shoulder, rooting him to the spot with the steadiness of a metric ton of rocks.
�Hey, wait a sec,� the
blonde interrupted his flight brusquely, sounding annoyed. �What do you mean,
�get going�? You�re spending the night.�
When Squall�s head shot
up, Seifer could practically see the resentment flaring up in his blue grey
eyes. Really, had he ever expected anything else? The idea of spending the
night at someone else�s place probably sounded as enticing to the jumpy
brunette as rolling around in a heap of razor blades.
Then again...
He was Squall,
after all. Razors seemed to scare him less than one would initially anticipate,
but his voice was still filled with distress when he spoke.
�No!� the dark haired teen
snapped impulsively, every fiber of his body bristling against Seifer�s
statement with vehemence before he finally managed to steady his voice. �No,
I�m not.�
��No�? Uhm, sorry to break
this to ya, but it looks like you got little choice.�
�I don�t care,� Squall bit
back testily. �I can�t.�
�You can�t? Why not?�
Seifer asked sarcastically, folding his arms before his chest. �Forgot your
jammies or what?�
�Because of my mom,�
the brunette countered, his voice pure and unyielding like steel. �She doesn�t
know that I�m here. She�d worry herself sick.�
To Squall�s surprise,
Seifer wordlessly turned his back on him and opened the door to leave the room.
The brunette�s features writhed into a mask of confusion at the unexpected act,
but before long, Seifer had already returned with a phone in his hand.
�Here,� the blonde said
complacently, thrusting out his hand and dropping the phone in Squall�s lap
with an unreadable grin. �Go ahead.�
Dumbfounded, Squall
blinked at the sleek black object resting on his thighs. When he made no visual
attempt at grasping it, Seifer heaved an impatient sigh and rolled his eyes
towards the ceiling.
�It�s called a phone,�
he snarled as he angled himself down to Squall and gave him a hearty poke in
the chest. �Use it!�
�But-�
�I doubt your mom will
have any objections against you staying over at a classmate�s place. It�s not
like I�m a wicked chainsaw murderer or some shit like that. Gimme some credit
here!�
Screwing his pretty
features into a nasty grimace that made him looked like a menace alright,
Squall crossed his arms defensively.
�I can�t.�
�Right,� Seifer cooed,
sneering softly. �So you�re telling me you wanna go home looking like this -
bandaged wrists, bloody shirt and everything? Oh, and just to let ya know... I
have a pretty loose mouth, especially around mothers.�
�W-what the... No, I don�t
want to, but-�
�That settles it, then.
�Cause I ain�t letting you sleep in the damned park, so you might as well
forget about it right fuckin� now! Suck it up already � you ain�t going
anywhere tonight. You live too far away to be walking anyway, and I ain�t
driving you. Sorry, but you�re shit out of luck, princess.�
It might have been a cruel
thing to say, and judging by Squall�s upset scowl it probably had been, but
Seifer had no intentions whatsoever to go so far as actually helping the
brunette in getting away. Frankly, he rather enjoyed Squall�s frosty presence
and the concept of having him sleep over sounded enticing in more ways than
just one.
Opposite of him, Squall
remained silent for a long time. Seifer could tell that he was stewing up a
storm, but that he also realized how essentially correct the eighteen year
old�s words had been; Squall couldn�t get back home without Seifer�s
help, or at least not without having to go through greater troubles than the
thought of spending the night at the blonde�s place suggested.
Really, after taking
everything into careful consideration, it was kind of pointless to resist.
Just this one time he
would do exactly what Seifer had ordered him to do � suck it up and get this
over with as quickly as humanly possible. And all in all, Seifer had
treated him pretty well, though that still didn�t mean that Squall was
interested in �bonding� with him in any way whatsoever. He was staying for the
sake of necessity � nothing more, nothing less.
Or so he tried to make
himself believe, anyway.
�... Whatever. I�m not
interested in him. I don�t even like him. I don�t, alright? He�s
a dumb, annoying fuck. I�m staying �cause I don�t have a choice. That�s all.�
With a frigid and somewhat
defeated looking expression littering his face, Squall finally picked up the
phone and quickly dialed a set of numbers that Seifer wasn�t quite fortunate
enough to catch. When the brunette raised the handset to his ear, Seifer
plopped down on the bed next to him nonchalantly. The gesture only put him at
the receiving end of yet another lethal glare, but Seifer shrugged it off with
a charming smirk.
So far, this really wasn�t
going all that bad.
�Mom?�
Seifer�s ears perked up;
apparently, Squall�s call had made it through.
�Yeah, it�s me,� the
brunette said calmly, trying to sound casual. �I know. --- I�m sorry. Did I
wake you up? --- No. Not anymore. I�m at a... friend�s house.�
Blinking, Seifer glanced
at Squall�s finely featured profile. Had the untouchable ice princess really
just called him a �friend�?
A friend?
�Be still my beating
heart! Uh... maybe I should have checked his temperature. He�s �prolly coming
down with a fever. After all, he looks like he wants to hurl the phone at me.
Don�t think �friends� generally do that sorta thing.�
Nonetheless, Seifer
couldn�t keep a content grin off his face. He was starting to like this - a lot.
�No. --- No, his name�s
Seifer. Seifer Almasy. --- No, you haven�t. He just moved here from Balamb. ---
Yeah. Right. --- Hey, I�m going to spend the night at his place... is that
alright? --- Up north, off of Centennial. He gave me a ride. --- Yeah. It is.
--- Yeah. --- Okay. --- ... When? Tomorrow morning? But why...
Alright.Whatever. ---Yeah, I will. --- No, don�t worry, Mom. --- Okay, I�ll see
you tomorrow. Bye.�
When Squall thumbed the
button that ended his call, the room was plunged into silence once more.
Thoughts and concerns were racing through Squall�s head at nauseating speed,
whereas his blonde companion�s mind was quite fashionably blank - well, blank
except for the occasional �Fuck yeah! Am I a genius or what?�.
Squall, however, seemed
completely unaware of his host�s bliss over the way the night was turning out.
Frankly, he had more
important things to cudgel his brain over.
�... Great. What now?
This was a stupid idea. What the hell was I thinking? I should have caught a
cab or something. Why did I agree to this? What�s wrong with me? This is
ridiculous. I don�t want to sleep here... with him of all people. Fuck.
Then... again... I guess it might be better... than...�
Quickly, the brunette
shook that dangerous thought out of his head.
�Let�s just get this
over with.�
Sighing, Squall decided to
give his wobbly legs a fair try as he slowly pushed himself off the bed. Before
he had any chance at taking so much as two steps, however, Seifer had already
leaped onto his feet and halted him by the shoulder. Squall responded to the
intrusive gesture with an irritated half-glance, and he fastened one hand
around his hip.
�Where do you think you�re
going?� Seifer asked evenly, ignoring Squall's aggressive vibes.
Wordlessly, the brunette
raised his hand that was holding the phone, but Seifer shook his head at him in
disapproval.
�Nah, you stay here, I�ll
take care of that. Not like you have any idea where the station�s at, anyway.�
Snorting, Squall whisked
around and thrust out his arm, motioning Seifer to take the phone from him. The
blonde did exactly so, while fixing Squall with emerald green eyes that were
smoldering with no longer concealed interest. He saw the brunette squirming
under his attentive gaze and avoiding any kind of further confrontation as he
sank back unto the mattress with his perfect features aslant in a cold frown.
�Don�t frown so much,�
Seifer whistled as he turned around and walked out of the bedroom. �You�re
gonna wrinkle that pretty face of your�s. Now that�d be a shame.�
Dumbfounded, Squall
studied the blonde�s backside as he disappeared out of sight.
... �Pretty face�?
What kind of comment was
that, anyway?
�Why the hell does he
say things like that? Guys don�t say that kinda stuff to each other. What is it
with him, anyway? Is he gay or something? No... can�t be. He likes Rinoa and
she�s a girl as far as I�m informed. But I guess... that doesn�t really mean a
whole lot, either. I of all people should know that... Maybe he�s bi? Does that
mean he�s... hitting on me...? Urgh. Why am I even thinking about this? He�s
not gay, and even if he is, it�s certainly none of my concern. What do I care
if he�s trying to mack on me or not? I�m not interested. He�ll get the hint
soon enough, he can�t be that thick. Well... on the other hand, he should have
gotten it a long time ago... I�ve been rude enough to him. Why�s he still so
friendly, then? �Cause he�s gay...? Ngh. God. This is so stupid it's making my
head hurt.�
Groaning, Squall rested
his forehead in his palm. He couldn�t keep his mind from spinning out of orbit,
no matter how hard he tried. He didn�t like to brood on stupid, childish,
romantic issues like these � it wasn�t something he usually occupied himself
with. The idea of being close to anybody scared the hell out of him, for reasons
that he had never and would never elaborate on.
To nobody.
And yet, despite
everything, something about this new situation was unusually comforting. Seifer
was obviously different from the people that Squall had encountered in his
lifetime, if only because he hadn�t walked away the moment he had
crashed into the brunette�s repellingly cold shell. Squall didn�t know and
didn�t understand why Seifer behaved the way that he did, but the concept did
stir an interest within him that he had believed to be non-existent.
One that he had wanted
to be non-existent...
�... Ugh.�
�Jeez. I told ya to stop
frowning, ice princess. They�re gonna end up having to staple your skin to your
temples, �cause within a year you�ll be sporting wrinkles like a grandpa. I�ve
seen how they do it, and trust me, it ain�t a pretty sight.�
Squall lifted his face
from his hand to meet Seifer�s, a scowl still furrowing his features.
Obviously, he was less
concerned about his looks than his feisty blonde opposite.
�What the fuck ever,�
Squall bit back rudely, but before any other �niceties� could have rolled off
his sharp tongue, he suddenly noticed the large glass of water that Seifer was
holding out to him.
The blonde grinned at him and
the way he was grimacing all confused and unsure � it was a warm, comfortable
smile that lacked the sneering edge that it so often incorporated.
�Go ahead,� Seifer ordered
casually. �It�s water, it doesn�t bite.�
Squall wanted to refuse,
if only for the sake of playing "hard to get", but something dark and
intense in the whirring depths of Seifer�s hypnotizing eyes caused him to
slowly extend his arm and accept the drink all the same. He felt like a fool
for being so easy to manipulate, but when the older blonde looked at him like
that, there was very little he could do to resist.
Out of the corner of his
eyes, the glass raised to his lips, Squall suddenly noticed Shiva prancing into
the room and pushing her way past Seifer to bluntly butt her head into the
brunette's knee, demanding attention.
Behind her, Seifer snarled
with disapproval.
�Shiv, give him a break
already,� the blonde groaned as he reached for the dog�s black collar, but for
some reason he ended up knocking his hand into Squall�s instead.
The brunette�s muscles
tightened slightly at the bodily contact and a red hot singe of heat seemed to
scour Squall�s nerves, but his fingers remained in their spot, entwined with
Shiva�s fur, petting it lovingly.
�It�s fine,� he said
calmly, a faint smile gracing his features once more. �I don�t mind.�
With a silent nod, Seifer
retracted his arm and buried his hands inside his pockets, yet again reduced to
a mere spectator of a rather sweet and touching scene. The brunette had set
down his glass and was fighting against Shiva trying to wrestle her way into
his lap � much to Seifer�s amusement. Squall was good with dogs; in fact, much
better than he was with people � a thought that inevitably caused Seifer to
chuckle.
�What�s so funny?� Squall
inquired sharply, and he glared up at the guy towering by his side.
�Nothing. You just got a
way with animals, it seems. D�ya have a dog too, or what?�
The very moment that he
had asked that question, Seifer already knew that he had better remained
silent. Darkness seemed to pour into Squall�s eyes, eradicating the blue that
had shone there only seconds before. The smile died clean on his lips as he
slowly turned his head aside and his hand stopped moving across Shiva�s fur.
�... No. Not anymore.�
Something within Seifer�s
heart stung at the sight of former happiness submitting to pain on the blank
surface of Squall�s eyes. Of course the brunette tried his best to hide it, but
Seifer had seen enough to know that something was going on. Quietly, he
sank down next to Squall on the bed, but his gaze remained with Shiva�s
beautiful form. Seifer had gotten her as a pup for his fifteenth birthday
(after throwing a remarkable tantrum, of course), and though he didn�t always
have enough time for her, he loved her from the very bottom of his heart.
Whatever pain it was that
was haunting Squall, Seifer could symphatize with it well.
Finally, he veered his
head aside and studied Squall�s rigid profile. The brunette had placed his
hands on his knees and was staring straight ahead, caught in some sort of
catatonic stupor and the remembrance of a past that he had probably rather
forgotten.
�What happened?� Seifer
asked gently.
At first, he was certain
that he would not receive an answer from the stoic brunette, but apparently
Squall thought the memory of whatever it was that had hurt him much too
important to simply pretend that it didn�t exist.
�He died,� Squall said,
his voice barely more than a whisper and grating with agony.
�He died...?� Seifer
repeated softly, mildly surprised by a sudden feeling of serenity and patience
that overcame him. �Your dog died?�
Dark brown strands of hair
were falling into Squall�s face as he nodded, his fingers kneading the fabric
of his jeans.
He looked so hurt.
�What was his name?�
�... Griever.�
Seifer knew that he had
heard or seen that name before, but he couldn�t quite pin down the thought. For
the time being, it didn�t matter too much, anyway � Squall looked miserable and
Seifer wanted nothing more than to make him feel better. He wasn�t sure whether
or not it would help the brunette to talk about what had come to pass with his
obviously very beloved pet, but he thought it safe to at least give it a try.
�What happened to him?�
Seifer asked calmly. �Why did he die?�
�He was put down when I
was sixteen,� the brunette answered full of strain and bitterness, �On my
birthday.�
�Aw, shit, that�s fucked
up,� Seifer bit with an outraged hiss. �I�m sorry, Squall... I really am.�
Squall said nothing, but
he did resume petting Shiva. He didn�t like to tell about Griever and how very
much his forced, pointless death had hurt him, but something about the soothing
way that Seifer had spoken to him had eased his pain, at least by a little. He
didn�t know why he was talking to the blonde, why he was even in his apartment
in the first place, but he no longer regretted his decision to stay.
�Yeah,� he replied
eventually. �Me, too.�
They sat in silence for a
long time, merely listening to the sound of Shiva panting. Outside, Seifer
could hear rain pattering against the bedroom window and he was glad that
Squall was no longer at the playground. In fact, he was downright thankful �
for a lot of things.
�Hey,� he piped up, happy
that Squall was meeting his gaze. �Are you hungry or anything? I have some
stuff in the fridge... Well, I think I do, anyway... lemme check.�
Before Squall could have
answered, a strangely bubbly Seifer was already out the door and in the
kitchen, rumbling through his vacant refrigerator with admirable determination.
�Uh, I have beer,� he
shouted across the room, not all that mindful of his sleeping neighbors, �And,
uh... some leftover Chinese take-out... not sure if that�s still any good
though, it smells kinda... yurgh. Yeah, never mind that. Hmph... how about some
barbecue sauce?�
�No, thanks.�
Seifer almost jumped about
a foot�s worth into the air, startled by Squall who had suddenly turned up
right behind him. The brunette held his arms crossed before his chest, but his
features had a much friendlier look to them, even in the eerie light cast by the
fridge. Apparently, he had set his water glass down upon the kitchen table, and
Seifer smiled inwardly at the gesture. Someone had definitely taught that brat
some manners � Seifer himself would have simply left the glass sitting on the
floor and never wasted another thought on it.
�No, eh?� he chuckled,
before closing the refrigerator and giving Squall a subtle look-over. �I�m
hurt, Squall. You rejected my barbecue sauce.�
Another small frown
creased the brunette�s brows, and Seifer couldn�t help but stretch out his hand
to ruffle the younger boy�s hair playfully.
�Just messing with ya,� he
lilted, even more so amused by Squall snorting reluctantly as he slipped out of
Seifer�s reach. �Well, if you're really not hungry or anything, I guess we
might as well head to bed.�
�Head... bed... head...
hmmm... hehehe... Ack! Pull yourself together, Almasy. Ya gotta take it slow
with this one � at least try to.�
Smiling stupidly to
himself, Seifer motioned the dark haired youth to return to the bedroom. Squall
followed the wordless invitation, though not without looking at least slightly
confused.
�Where do you want me to
sleep?� the brunette asked innocently as they stood in front of the bed again
and Seifer carelessly shoved his first aid supplies onto a nearby dresser.
�The bed of course?�
Seifer replied, chuckling roughly. �What did you think?�
As Seifer had already
expected, the brunette screwed up his face in discomfort.
�... And where are you
going to sleep?�
�In bed, silly.
It�s a king - there�s plenty room for both of us, unless of course you blow up
to the size of a whale while you sleep. Somehow though, I seriously doubt
that.�
It was quite obvious that
Squall wasn�t exactly ecstatic at the idea of sharing any less than a square
kilometer of space with the blonde � or anyone, for that matter. His
eyes narrowed as he glared at the bed, then at Seifer himself. The older youth
could almost smell his insecurity, though Squall did a tremendous job at hiding
it.
�I can sleep on the
couch... or the floor,� the brunette offered weakly, but Seifer merely laughed
at him.
�You ain�t sleeping on the
floor, sorry kiddo,� the blonde sneered with eyes so ferally green he looked
nothing short of a predator. �And as for the couch... that thing�s hard as a
fuckin� rock. That, and you�d be subject to Shiva�s nightly cuddle onslaughts �
trust me, you wouldn�t get to doze off for even a minute. Like I said, the
bed�s big enough for the two of us and we�re both guys, so what�s the issue?�
After another minute of
Squall staring at Seifer as if he wanted to brick him to death, the brunette
finally seemed ready to give in. Sighing, he turned away and rolled his
shoulders in a supple shrug.
�There�s none,� he
muttered, determined not to look like a complete moron.
He didn�t trust Seifer �
frankly, he trusted nobody � but he didn�t necessarily believe that the blonde
would do anything to hurt him, either. Seifer was arrogant and thick-headed to
a fault, he talked out of his ass a lot and he was annoyingly nosy, but Squall had
meant what he had said earlier � the blonde was nicer than most people he had
ever met.
Not that that was exactly
saying an awful lot, either.
�Well, got that settled
then,� the blonde declared airily as he took a teasing half-bow in the
brunette's direction. �Make yourself at home, princess. There�s shit in the
bathroom if you wanna brush your teeth, by the way.�
�... Thanks.�
Without losing another
word, Squall practically hurled himself past a staggered Seifer and disappeared
inside the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind himself.
�...Gee, think he�s a
bit on the prude side? Nah, couldn�t possibly be.�
Chortling to himself,
Seifer turned off all the lights in the house and locked a disappointed Shiva
out of the bedroom. Then he slipped out of his pants and shirt and carelessly
tossed them to his pile of other laundry, ultimately standing in nothing but a
pair of silk blue boxer shorts. He could hear Squall running the water in the
bathroom, and for the very first time in about a decade, Seifer felt a slight
pang of nervousness.
�Okay... so it�s me and
the ice princess now. Who would�ve thought, huh? One way or another I sure
didn�t expect having him in my bed quite this quickly. Guess I�m irresistible
at last! Hah hah... Yeah, what the fuck ever. I better get a grip before I end
up jumping his bones the moment he walks through that door.�
Humming innocently and
inspecting his nicely chiseled abs in his floor length mirror (for a lack of
better and less vain things to do), Seifer paced pointless circles around the
room. He closed the drop-down blinds of his bedroom window before he resumed
his walkabout, randomly picking up things and putting them back down where they
didn�t belong, until finally, he heard Squall turning the knob of the
bathroom door and slowly pushing it ajar. The blonde stopped dead in his tracks
in front of his immensely oversized walk-in closet, and despite his earlier,
earnest resolutions it did take a lot of his self-control to refrain
from throwing Squall down on the bed right then and there.
Strangely enough, the
brunette wasn�t even doing anything special. In fact, he merely stood there,
wearing only a loose pair of black boxer shorts and an adorable blush that had
snuck its way to his high, elegant cheekbones. His clothes were folded neatly
and tucked beneath his right arm, and as he gracefully walked by Seifer to drop
them onto a nearby chair and place his boots off to the side, Squall could
practically feel the blonde�s eyes burning into his backside.
�What?� he asked irritably
as he turned around, trying not to stare at Seifer�s sun bronzed and rather
well-developed body - or anything but the walls and carpet, for that
matter.
'He's got a tattoo,' the brunette thought quietly to
himself when his eyes did stray to Seifer's muscular form and the tribal
band that snaked around the blonde's biceps. 'Is he even eighteen yet? Tche.
That's just like him. Not that I care what he's like. Or if he has a
tattoo. Or... Okay. I'm starting to feel like a freak. Why am I still looking
at him?'
Just why on earth was he
suddenly haunted by this strange sensation of embarrassment? After all, they were
both guys. There was nothing that he should have felt strange about... at
least as long as he managed to repress the memories of what had been and
pretended that no other male had ever done him any physical or emotional harm.
�Nothing,� Seifer replied
casually, though Squall noticed a glint in his eyes that hadn�t been there
before. �Nothing at all.�
With a suggestive smirk
curling his lips, the blonde went into the bathroom to gargle with mouthwash.
He figured that Squall had done the same thing, since the brunette had smelled
faintly of spearmint when he had walked past him, looking all enticing and what
not. As Seifer glanced at himself in the mirror, swishing Listerine through his
teeth with a stupid grin on his angular face, he realized that he had no idea
how he would ever manage to fall asleep that night.
When he spat out and
flicked the light switch to dim the bathroom, he saw Squall standing by the
edge of the bed, gazing at it in a bizarre blank. The brunette�s arms were
slack at his sides and only his shorts contrasted with the white of the
bandages around his wrists. His skin was sickly pale, his body lithely muscled
but almost too thin, and yet he was still the most gorgeous thing that
Seifer had ever seen.
�This is going to be a
long, looong night.�
Quickly, the eighteen year
old cleared his throat.
�Squall? Did you snooze
off like that or what?�
The brunette snapped out
of his daze, his storm blue eyes wide like those of a child as he flinched
visibly. The sight worried Seifer, somehow.
�Hey... you alright?� he
asked slowly.
�Y-yeah,� Squall stuttered
unwillingly before he distanced himself from Seifer and circled the bed. �It�s
nothing.�
�Whatever you say, space
cadet,� Seifer replied with distinguished skepticism. �Get in. I�m gonna shut
off the light.�
As soon as Squall had
crawled beneath the black satin covers and dropped his tousle-haired head into
the pillow, Seifer shut off even the last of lights. He had no problems tracing
his way to the bed even in the pitch black darkness, if only because he could
hear Squall breathing so harshly as if he had just run a thousand miles.
The sheets were rustling
softly beneath him as he laid down and squished his pillow into a more
accommodating shape. Squall, on the other hand, had stopped making sounds
altogether; he was simply laying there, staring at what he believed to be the
ceiling. He didn�t know how close Seifer was to him, and frankly he didn�t want
to know, but he thought it safer to retreat to the far edge of the mattress.
�Damn. Sure is dark, huh?
You scared of the dark, princess?�
Seifer�s voice had sounded
mildly amused when it ruptured the silence between them, for reasons that
Squall couldn�t possibly fathom. He found nothing funny about this. The
darkness of a nocturnal playground did little to unsettle him, but the darkness
of a bedroom was an entirely different story.
The familiarity of the
scene made his skin crawl with apprehension.
�You know,� the blonde
spoke up once more, his tone provoking, �I can hear what you�re thinking over
there.�
�Yeah, whatever,� Squall
growled back testily, the words muffled by his pillow.
�No, really. Like right
now, you�re thinkin� to yourself: �Damn, Seifer�s got a fine ass body�!�
Seifer chuckled roughly
when he heard Squall flipping onto his side and snorting derisively in response
to that cocky comment � though Seifer hadn�t even been mistaken. As the
blonde�s eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the room, he could see that
Squall had turned his back on him, and with a sly smirk curling his lips,
Seifer slowly scooted a bit closer.
�It�s alright,� he lilted
with false sympathy as he propped himself up onto his left elbow, �You�re not
the first to be wooed by my irresistible looks.�
�You�re delirious,� Squall
huffed while rolling onto his stomach.
Somehow, he just couldn�t
lay still.
�Heh. Delirious with joy
over your frosty presence, perhaps,� the blonde sneered.
�Knock it off. I swear,
you're mentally deranged.�
�Mentally deranged? Why,
that's so cute, Squall.�
Seifer wasn�t exactly sure
why he was suddenly feeling playful like a fourteen year old school girl, but
he definitely did enjoy toying with the grumpy brunette. Really, Squall needed
to loosen up anyway, and this seemed like a perfect opportunity � for a vast
number of things.
�Aw, c�mon,� he snickered,
determined to receive a response. �You telling me you don�t think I�m hot?�
�I thought you can hear
what I�m thinking?� Squall bit back cannily.
�Well, yeah,� Seifer
replied as he moved his right shoulder in a supple shrug. �Then again, your
head�s awfully thick...�
Despite the fact that
Seifer could see reasonably well, he wasn't exactly prepared for the pillow
that Squall had launched at him to hit him hard and square across the face.
Grunting, he blinked at the brunette who had turned onto his right side and was
glaring straight at him, his left middle finger flicked up unambiguously.
With a narrow, feral grin,
Seifer nodded evenly.
�Ah, okay, I see,� he
taunted softly. �You wanna play, huh?�
�Kids play,� Squall
retorted coolly. �Contrary to some of us, I�ve been beyond that stage for
years.�
�Oh? Is that so? And here
I was thinking that you just hit puberty. Say, do you even shave yet?�
This time, he did see
Squall�s arm flashing out at him as the brunette shot into an upright position
and his hand tried to grab a hold of the pillow that was still in Seifer�s
keeping. The blonde continued to grin as he pushed himself up as well, and
while he rooted the pillow into the mattress with his left hand, he used his
other to snap it around Squall�s forearm.
Luckily, Seifer�s fingers
found a spot that wasn�t slit up and enveloped by bandages, but Squall�s
muscles tightened at the touch all the same. Hissing a sharp curse, the dark
haired youth tried to yank his arm back with every grain of force that he could
muster, but he had by no means expected Seifer to follow along the abrupt
movement.
With his breath collapsing
in his lungs at the surprise, Squall found himself pinned back-down on his side
of the bed. Seifer was hovering above him, smiling complacently as he still
held on to Squall�s arm like a vice; Seifer had successfully trapped the
brunette�s other limb as well, victory alight in his eyes as he sneered down
upon the younger teen.
�Now, that didn�t work too
well, did it?� he mocked him smugly while positioning his knees at both sides
of Squall�s waist for better leverage, firmly digging them into the mattress.
Naturally, Squall was less
than thrilled by the idea of being straddled by the other youth. For a second,
he couldn�t do much but lay still and give the blonde a perplexed look out of
dark, storm grey eyes, but he didn�t remain silent for long.
�W-what the fuck?� he
snapped as he tried to throw himself around. �Get off!�
��Fraid I can�t do that,�
Seifer replied placidly, carefully moving the brunette�s arms a little higher
as he angled himself down to him in an image of silly pride and superiority.
�Not before you admit that I�m irresistible!�
To his surprise, Squall
didn�t look the least bit amused. He wouldn�t stop trying to buck Seifer off,
and while the blonde was struggling to hold his position as upper hand, he
noticed that Squall�s eyes had dilated out of focus and were flaring white
around the rim. The sight caused Seifer to sober up in the matter of a single
heartbeat � one that had begun to speed up involuntarily.
�Squall,� he said evenly
as he edged back an inch or two, �Hey, I�m just messing with y-�
�No!� the brunette
beneath him choked, anger and a hint of panic etched into his voice. �Get off!
Get the fuck off, Almasy!�
�Alright, alright,� Seifer
tried soothingly as he released Squall�s arms and dropped off the brunette�s
body, �Relax.�
Squall�s breath had
started to come hard and fast, and Seifer didn�t like it. He laid next to the
dark haired boy without taking his eyes off him, monitoring how the brunette
tried to force himself to calm down. Squall refused to look at him � instead,
he stared at the empty space before him, seeing things that weren�t really
there.
�Squall...?�
Concern was streaking the
way that Seifer murmured the unusual name. Squall heard it, fortunately,
because it helped him to keep his mind from spiraling into insanity. The cold,
stale stench of cigars and the sticky, suffocating heat that he had perceived
only seconds before slowly faded away, finally and once more retreating to the
dark corner of his mind that was laden with memories very few could ever bear.
Only very gradually did he
start to calm down.
�You�re shaking,� the
blonde next to him observed calmly, while draping the warming covers across the
brunette�s nearly naked body.
�I�m fine,� Squall
answered, his voice tight and acrid as he turned his head away.
Seifer said nothing,
knowing well that Squall was anything but fine, before he started to
search the bed for the younger boy�s pillow. When he couldn�t find it, he
grabbed his own instead and rolled around to face the brunette once more.
�Lift your head for a
sec,� he ordered. �Please.�
At first, Squall showed no
sign of recognition. It took a while before he reluctantly whipped around and took
the pillow from Seifer�s hands to shove it beneath his head carelessly and
resume ignoring the blonde once more.
Without having to think on
it long, Seifer knew that the fragile bit of trust between them had evaporated.
�If I hurt you, I�m
sorry,� he finally stated quietly, sounding as sincere as anyone possibly
could. �I didn�t mean to.�
Without losing another
word, the blonde turned over and retrieved the second pillow from the bedroom
floor. He wasn�t entirely sure how to handle this strange situation that had
gone from a harmless joke to a downright angst fest. The brunette was still
facing away from him, and Seifer studied his filigree, softly moving neck as he
dropped his own head into the pillow that smelled very faintly of spice and
apple.
He wanted to groan with
frustration and longing.
�This isn�t going well
at all... What on earth is wrong with him? I don�t get it. I was just joking...
I didn�t even do anything! He�s definitely got some issues. First he�s
all playful, then he flips out. What the hell am I supposed to do? At least
give me some sort of warning before you trip out on me. Fuck.�
He kept contemplating the
issue silently within his mind, only grimacing wryly every now and then. Squall
seemed to have calmed down some; at least he was pulling the covers more
tightly around himself and his breathing had slowed to a more healthy rhythm.
�Are you feelin� okay
now?�
Squall shifted uneasily at
the sound of that question. He had hoped that Seifer was done talking to him
for the night, although part of him was afraid that the blonde was done talking
to him for good.
It was a strange
combination of feelings, really.
�... I�m fine.�
Behind him, Seifer heaved
an exasperate sigh.
�Do you ever say
anything but �whatever� or �I�m fine�?� the blonde grunted huskily as he
rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. �Fuck, I mean, gimme a break.�
�What do you want
me to say?� Squall replied weakly, quickly growing tired of this conversation.
What was Seifer trying to
achieve by this, anyway? What did he want? What was all this about?
Squall had never met anyone in his life who would help a complete stranger for
no reason � particularly one that had a habit of mutilating his skin with a
razor blade. Seifer was so different from himself � he seemed so much brighter
and stronger, almost glowing from within when Squall felt nothing short of
hollow. Seifer could have spent the night with Rinoa Heartilly, doing things
that admittedly made Squall feel resentful inside, and yet the blonde was here
with him instead.
Part of Squall understood
the meaning behind that decision, understood the spark in Seifer�s hypnotic
green eyes and the gentleness he exercised towards him, but he wanted to ignore
it nonetheless.
..: �I care about you,
dumbass.� :..
�Why...? Why are you so
nice to me? I�m not nice to you. So why? I don�t get it and it�s driving me
crazy.�
�I don�t know,� Seifer
interrupted Squall�s brooding with a surprisingly vulnerable shrug that caused
their blanket to shift. �I wish I knew what�s going on with you. I wish I knew
what you�re thinking.�
�... I�m not thinking
anything.�
�I guess not.�
Squall wasn�t relieved
when he heard Seifer turning away from him, but he didn�t object, either. The
shock caused by Seifer straddling him had faded, maybe more quickly than he had
anticipated, but the memories stayed with him. They elicited feelings that he
always tried to suppress and banish for as long as he could � feelings that
Seifer had torn to the surface without knowing.
Dangerous feelings.
His pulse was pounding in
his veins as he tried to drown out the blunt pain in his head and concentrate
on the sound of the blonde�s breathing.
Somehow, the steadiness of
it was oddly soothing and unnerving at the same time.
..: �I wish I knew
what�s going on with you. I wish I knew what you�re thinking.� :..
Squall scowled helplessly.
�No. You don�t. And
it�s none of your business, either. It doesn�t matter whether you like me or
not... It doesn�t matter whether I like you or not... It doesn�t matter
how much it hurts or how much I sometimes wish I could tell just one person...
just one... I can�t and I won�t. I�m not going to put my feelings before
her�s. I�m not going to be selfish... she�s done so much for me, it wouldn�t be
fair. I won�t do this to her, for nobody�s sake � not even my own. It would
hurt her, much more than he could ever hurt me. I�ll be... fine. I have to make
it... just... a little bit... longer...�
The brunette clung to
those thoughts with rising despair as he forced himself to stay calm and keep
from catching Seifer�s attention. Still, he couldn�t prevent darkness from
pouring into his mind, clawing for even the faintest of hopes or the smallest,
purest spark of emotion that Squall had never thought himself capable of
feeling.
Biting down violently upon
his lower lip, he dug his finger nails into the white bandage around his right
wrist so hard that it hurt.
Squall knew he had to hold
on.
Somehow.
At least for a little
while.
�It... hurts... so
much...�
But he just couldn�t
forget.
- 9
- 10
- 11
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Whispered Screams