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Let Him In	By : GodOfInsanity Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male > Cloud/Sephiroth Views: 2233 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Square Enix’s Final Fantasy 7 or its characters. Nor do I own Morrissey’s passage, either. I do not profit from any of it. I just had an itch to write this, so I did.

Chapter List
- 10
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- 12
Let Him In

Chapter warning(s): Language, Humor, Yaoi M/M, Some Violence, Amnesiac Sephiroth, Some fluffiness, Some angst
Note: I came across this Oomph! Song and felt it was perfect for this story. Normally, I post quotes or small snippets of verses, but I felt the entire song was relevant to this story. Oomph! is a German band and sometimes they make English versions of their songs, and this is one of them. I purposely left out all the repetitive verses.

“Labyrinth”

Left, right, straight ahead

There's no way out, you're dead

Left, right, straight ahead

There's no way out, you're dead

Left, right, straight ahead

The madness here has locked you up

And now your perfect world is fucked

It’s taken root inside your mind

Run, child, run, run for your life

You don't know now who you are

You don't know now what love is for

The mirrored face you see is strange

There's no one here to share your pain

Knock, knock, let me in

Let me be your secret sin

Knock, knock-Knock, knock

Knock, knock, let me in

Let me be your secret sin

Left, right, straight ahead

You're in the Labyrinth

Left, right, straight ahead

No one here can tell you

Which direction

Is the right one to take

Child for heaven's sake

No one here can tell you

Who is good or bad

Don't make a mistake

Child for heaven's sake

Time and again you've kept me out

And hardened up your heart in doubt

That me inside your second skin

Has spoiled your thinking once again

When I possess your soul, I'll say things

And use you as my personal plaything

The time will come I'll dull your senses

If you don't stop this game is endless.

By: Oomph!

[:+ + + + +:]

CH10: Declaration
It always started the same way each time. Every night, he saw the same thing writhing feverishly behind his eyes. Something he always forgot once he woke from his less than restful slumber.
Yet this time, when he did wake up, it stuck with him. He actually remembered what he had dreamt.
He recalled a world bequeathed by wild flames that consumed everything living or not. The wretched screams and the billowing smoke both rose up together in a torrid pair into the dark sky. It was hard to tell which was worse, the ear-shattering shrieks or the eye-burning, choking black smoke.
Standing in the flames, unhindered by them, was a tall figure clad in black. He walked in the flames as if they didn’t hurt him. In some ways, he relished the burn and closed his eyes as the fire caressed his pale face. His lengthy silver hair seemed to move slightly of its own accord as the flames danced around him in a show of sensual chaos.
An extraordinarily long, impressive looking sword was gripped lovingly in his gloved left hand. It seemed to have a life of its own and it called out to him, begging for more. More of what, that was hard to tell.
It was hard to get a good look at the figure since he had his back to the dreamer.
With determined steps, he strode through the fire towards something far off in the distance. Then he stopped once he had reached what had lured him there in the first place.
Standing on the edge of a dilapidated, burning building was a blond spiky-haired shorter man dressed almost just as darkly with a large and equally as impressive sword clutched in his right hand. There was unprecedented rage and hate smoldering in his brightly burning blue eyes as he stared down at the man dressed in black.
He looked like…Cloud.
No words were exchanged between them. Just heated stares that lasted for several minutes before the blond one finally snapped and leapt off the building to clash his sword with the other.
The larger figure easily parried each blow that was meant to decapitate or slash him in half. In fact, he seemed to relish the strength behind each blow as the metal of the swords clanged together.
Both figures were entranced by the hatred building up between them; one was incensed by it, and the other was aroused by it.
The taller figure deflected a blow that was aimed to maim. The silver-haired man was done playing now. He next grabbed the slighter male by the throat with his right hand while he thrust his sword into the blond’s midsection. With a cruel, yet mad smirk, he violently jerked the sword up until he had broken through the rib cage and severed the furiously beating heart.
The smaller male, who had been screaming silently, suddenly stopped struggling and died impaled on the long, kitana-like sword.
Laughing manically, he ripped out his sword and then tossed the body away as if it were a broken, unwanted toy. He then brought the sword to his lips and licked the blood off with the tip of his tongue. Savoring the blood of his enemy, he whispered, “Goodbye, puppet…”
Slowly turning around, the dark figure finally faced the dreamer. The flames encased him as he smirked, his emerald glowing eyes narrowed in devious mirth.
He didn’t blink.
He didn’t breathe.
He was unworldly.
The silver-haired madman just stared as if gazing at his own reflection in barely restrained glee. He seemed to believe that he knew something that the dreamer didn’t, so he continued smirking knowingly.
Then as if summoned by something or someone else, he slowly turned away again and strode away, sheathed in frenzied flames.

[:+ + + + +:]

Cloud yawned as he stretched each of his limbs. He didn’t feel like getting out of bed, but something in the back of his mind told him that he had a lot to get done.
Glancing to the right side of the bed, the blond was surprised to see that Sephiroth wasn’t there. He wasn’t alarmed per se, but he was still concerned. Seph usually woke up after, not before him.
Jumping out of the bed, he hastily put on some pants, threw a shirt over his head, and pulled on some boots. Before Sephiroth came along, he had liked sleeping naked, but for obvious reasons he always made sure he slept in boxers.
“Seph?” Cloud called out as he left the bedroom and wandered throughout the small house.
He received no answer.
Something was wrong. The ex-Mercenary couldn’t explain it. The only way he could describe it was saying that he could feel it.
Running outside, he searched frantically until he saw something black and silver out of the corner of his eyes.
It was Sephiroth. And he was sitting on that damn hill again.
Annoyed, yet relieved at the same time, he sighed and then jogged over to meet the other man. Once he had reached him, he dropped himself into a sitting position on the ground. He didn’t look at the ex-General, but he did gaze in the direction that he was looking. “Seph.”
“Yes, Cloud,” answered Sephiroth in a very hollow voice. His expression seemed to mirror the tone of his voice.
“What’s wrong?” Inquired Cloud as he leaned over to stare at Sephiroth. He was so close to the point that they were almost touching. He actually craved to touch the man, but he knew it was better to keep his distance due to the ex-General’s sour mood.
The ex-General refused to meet his eyes. He grumbled, “Nothing.”
Cloud narrowed his eyes and then retorted, “Don’t lie to me. I know something is wrong.”
Sephiroth sighed. He bent his legs so that his knees touched his chest and then wrapped his arms around said legs. He then propped the side of his face on his knees as he stared at Cloud in a wistful way. “I had a nightmare last night.”
“I know…you usually suffer from night terrors. Sometimes I have to grab you to calm you down. You kick and hit me in your sleep, you know.”
“Oh…well, I’m sorry,” quietly mumbled Seph, who promptly looked away.
Cloud half-smiled. “It’s ok. I know you don’t mean to. It’s not your fault.”
Sephiroth shook his head. He felt like everything was his fault. The green-eyed male didn’t understand everything yet, but something weighed heavily on his shoulders. Especially since he had woken up from having a dream that he was a monster and had murdered Cloud in cold blood.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Cloud slowly asked. He didn’t want to seem too eager or nosy.
The silver-haired man said nothing in reply.
It was Cloud’s turn to sigh. He leaned back and stared up at the sky as if thoughtful. “I have nightmares a lot, too. I’ve been having them for over ten years now. They’re usually the same ones over and over again.”
His curiously piqued by that, Sephiroth lifted his head and looked at the slighter man. “Really?”
“Yeah. I guess that’s partly why I’m way out here. Every time I looked at my friends, I remembered everything. I love them and all, but every time I heard their voices or saw their faces…I remembered. You could say I was being a coward by trying to escape my nightmares,” admitted a forlorn looking Cloud. He was not proud of this, but it felt good to finally tell someone. It felt good to talk about it even though it wouldn’t change anything.
Narrowing his eyes, Sephiroth sternly objected, “You’re anything but a coward, Cloud.”
The spiky-haired man was amused. “Then what am I?”
“You are…Cloud,” answered Sephiroth, who reached over and touched the side of the blond’s face with the tips of his fingers. He seemed almost hesitant to touch him, as if he might accidently hurt him. As if he would lapse into the other Sephiroth. The mad, monstrous Sephiroth he had witnessed in his nightmares.
Cloud had to fight with himself not to lean into the touch like a cat. Instead, he grabbed Sephiroth’s hand and manipulated it so that both of their hands were intertwined in a show of love and support.
Several long minutes passed in silence with neither uttering a single word or noise.
“They stopped.”
Sephiroth blinked. “What stopped?”
“My nightmares. After I found you in that cavern and started taking care of you…well, I stopped having nightmares. I was too preoccupied with you to notice it until, well, now. I think I sleep better with you around, as cheesy as that sounds,” answered Cloud with a faint blush on his cheeks. He was treading on dangerous ground and he knew it. He had tried to word himself very carefully so that he didn’t give himself away.
Glad to hear it, but still confused by something, Sephiroth pointed out, “You haven’t been sleeping very well lately, Cloud.”
Smiling sheepishly, Cloud looked away. “Oh…that. That has nothing to do with nightmares.”
“Then what is disrupting your sleep?”
“It’s not easy sleeping next to you, you know.”
The ex-General’s face fell upon hearing that. He then untangled his hand from Cloud’s and wrapped his arms around his legs. “Ah. The hitting and kicking thing.”
“Actually, I’ve gotten used to that, believe it or not. That’s not what is disturbing my sleep, Seph.”
Cloud bit his lip since he was hesitant to talk about it. An idea formed in his head and he decided to go with it. There was no way Seph could get him to talk if he wasn’t willing to spill his guts, too. “I’ll tell you about it if you tell me about your nightmare.”
“Oh…” Sephiroth rested his chin on his arms, which were draped over his knees. At first it seemed as if he were reluctant to speak since he was quiet and stared at nothing in particular. He even chewed on the inside of his cheek until he bled. It was something he made a habit of doing ever since Cloud had scolded him for biting his lips till they bled.
The ex-Mercenary closed his eyes and laid down on the grass with his strong arms propped behind his head. It’s so peaceful and quiet that after several minutes, he’s tempted to take a nap even though he had barely been awake for an hour.
It would seem that it was Sephiroth’s turn to break the silence.
“It’s always the same. It starts the same and ends the same. I dream of fire and chaos. I see you in my nightmares, but you seem different somehow in them. You’re hateful and angry towards me. I’m there, too, yes…but I don’t seem like myself at all. This person, whoever he is, well, he looks like me, but he can’t be. He’s different…insane and monstrous. Cruel and unrelenting. And in spite of those things, he’s magnificent. His very being seems to be that of a god…even though he’s done so many bad, unspeakable things.”
Cloud’s eyes snap open and he sits up quickly. He turns and gives the silver-haired man his undivided attention. “Go on…”
Encouraged by that, Sephiroth continued, “The world is burning. There are no trees and no animals. All the buildings are destroyed and everyone is dead. Except you. You seem to be the sole survivor of whatever happened.”
“What happens in the dream?” Cloud asked when it seemed that the ex-General wasn’t going to add more to it. He was careful to refer to the dream as ‘the’ and not ‘your’. He was relieved that Sephiroth seemed to look at the nightmare as if he were the onlooker and not the madman. That and the fact that Seph seemed genuinely bothered by this nightmare heartened him.
“He…fights you.”
“That’s all?”
In a small, strained sort of voice, Sephiroth muttered, “And then he kills you.”
“How does that make you feel?” Asked the blond and as soon as the words had left his mouth, he wanted to kick himself. Idiot.
Sephiroth looked at Cloud and it was clear by his gaze that he felt all kinds of ways about it. All of them bad enough for him to whisper, “Like I deserve to die.”
“Listen, Seph, you don’t deserve to die. I don’t want you to die. So get that out of your head.”
“But do you hate me? You say you do not, but it does not feel that way.”
The blue-eyed man had to think about that carefully for a moment. There were so many ways that he could answer that would sound wrong and be wrong. In the end, he resigned to just telling the truth. To tell it like it is. “I hate what happened between us years ago. I hated what you became. I hated what you did. I also hated what Shinra and that…what she did to you. I hated all those things and more, and I hated myself. For everything that happened, I blamed myself and I blamed you.
It took me years to come to any sort of understanding, Seph. I don’t think I understood any of it until I found you and resurrected you. It wasn’t easy, but with your help, I found out a few things. I don’t have all the answers, yet, and I may never find them all. But what I do know is that is wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t your fault. What happened was bad, but I know now that it was beyond everyone’s control. We all had a hand in it somehow. The things we did and the things we didn’t do. And because of all that, it sent out a chain reaction...and well, here we are.”
Sephiroth gazed at Cloud in what only could be described as awe.
“You going to say something or do I have to knock on your forehead?” Inquired Cloud humorously after a few minutes of the ex-General staring at him in silence. In all honestly, what he had just said didn’t make much sense to him. It was silly.
The taller male shook his head and laughed. It was a deep and rich sound and if Cloud had been standing, he probably would have swooned. “Cloud, why is it that whenever I’m feeling bad…you somehow always make me feel better?”
“I could ask you the same question, Seph. You always make me feel better, too.”
“When do you think I’m going to remember everything?”
“I don’t know, but I’m sure it’ll come to you someday. Maybe it’ll come to you after you have a bunch of good memories to fight it off,” offered Cloud as he plopped back onto the ground and stared up at the bright blue sky, the sky that seemed to mirror his eyes.
“I hope that is the case...”
After ten minutes of quiet contemplation, Cloud voiced his thoughts. “You know…sometimes when you sleep, I stay awake and I watch you. I look at you, and I wonder to myself how things would have turned out if you had had all the things that I had been given. A mother, family, friends. A life. All those things that make you human. It’s easy for me and my friends to look down our noses at you and label you an evil monster, but in reality…we all would have gone down the same path most likely, had it been us in your stead.”
Sephiroth suddenly felt small. The blond’s words were helping him, but he still felt like there was something wrong with him. He sighed, “I must have done some really bad things.”
“Seph, you went through life without something very important. No one ever gave it to you. Then…one day, you went insane…and someone reached out to you, promising you the very thing you lacked. But it was a lie and it wasn’t real. The person was just using you for their own gain. They didn’t care about you,” explained Cloud as he watched the emotions that flickered on Sephiroth’s pale face. A guilty look passed his own features as he mumbled the next couple of sentences. “Sometimes I wish I could have been there with you at that time. I wish I could have helped you.”
“What was I lacking?” Sephiroth asked, genuinely confused by his words.
“Love, you didn’t have love. No one truly loved you,” murmured Cloud as he felt his cheeks heat up as he spoke those words. It hadn’t been easy to open up and admit all of these things, but he found that he couldn’t stop the floodgates from releasing all this stupid, cheesy shit.
Sephiroth blinked. “Do I have it now?”
“What do you think? I don’t hate you. Hana adores you. Even Vincent has taken a shine to you, and I tell you, that guy barely likes anyone he meets. He likes you and in time…he’ll see what I see and perhaps even love you.”
The ex-General muttered something about silly little tomboys and stupid, inane ex-Turks. There was a slight tinge of pink to his usually pale cheeks. He even muttered something else so low and quiet that Cloud missed it altogether.
“What did you say, Seph?”
Sephiroth leaned forward, his hair acting as a curtain by hiding his face. He mumbled just loud enough for the blond to hear, “I said…do you love me?”
Cloud quickly sat up again and stared at the solemn looking ex-General. He had a feeling that Aerith was smiling down at him and that Zack had the goofiest look on his face. Ah, so that’s why he was here. It wasn’t just to save the world. He was here to love Seph. Geeze, Zack was dorky enough to match-make from the Lifestream.
Mistaking his silence for the negative, the ex-General shrugged dismissively as if it didn’t matter.
“You told me about your nightmare, so I think it’s fair that I told you why I can’t sleep.”
The larger man nodded and kept his green-eyed gaze trained on Cloud.
Cloud inhaled and then exhaled deeply. He suddenly felt like he was a kid again. “I have problems sleeping because of you, because you’re right there beside me. There were so many times that I was tempted to leave and sleep elsewhere, or actually force you to sleep in your own bed, but I couldn’t do it. I even tried sleeping on the couch, but I couldn’t sleep without you.”
Sephiroth’s forehead wrinkled. “That doesn’t make sense. You can’t sleep if I’m there, yet you can’t sleep if I’m not there.”
“That’s because you’re missing the point, Seph. I can’t sleep very well because…you’re beautiful. You’re sexy. I want to do unspeakable things to you. You have no idea how hard it is not to touch you and do the things I fantasize about to you.”
The amnesiac man said nothing as he mulled that information inside his head. It made sense to him, yet it didn’t. He didn’t understand completely.
As if to help clarify it some, Cloud further explained, “It’s not just sexual attraction, Seph. It’s more than that. Thanks to Vincent, I know that now. He’s always good at putting things in perspective even when he says nothing at all.”
Sephiroth felt annoyed that Vincent was getting credit for anything at all. The ex-Turk was gone for now, yet he somehow creeped up on them in conversations. As far as Seph was concerned, he didn’t feel that that man deserved to be anywhere near them.
It must have showed on the ex-Generals face, so Cloud decided to add, “Oh, get over it. I know you like Vincent.”
“I do not like that man. He is the bane of my existence.”
“Uh huh, I’ll keep that in mind when you see him next and give him a big hug.”
“I’m not going to hug him. In fact, I’ll stab him with that sword you’re supposed to be procuring for me.”
Cloud rolled his eyes. He shouldn’t have mentioned Vincent. The ex-Turk had a way of leading the ex-General to distraction. “Forget I mentioned Vincent?”
“Gladly,” Sephiroth said and smirked as if he were getting his own way.
“All right, back to the point before Vincent barged in and ruined the conversation,” Started Cloud who noted the scowl on Seph’s face. It tickled him and he had to steel himself inwardly just to get the next words out with a straight face. “I don’t know if I can say it. You asked me if I…well, you know, and I didn’t answer it completely. The answer is, uh, well, yes.”
Sephiroth blinked a few times at that. “What?”
“Come here,” ordered Cloud, who didn’t wait for Seph to obey. He straddled the ex-General’s lap, grabbed him by the face, cradled the back of his head with one hand, and used the other to hold his face in place. Then he hungrily crushed his lips to Sephiroth’s in the way that only lovers do. He made all their other kisses look tame and childish by comparison.
And that’s precisely the moment when two unexpected and uninvited visitors happened upon the pair making out on the hill.
One of the uninvited people cursed to the Lifestream and the other person shrieked shrilly until a window or two cracked beyond repair. Then the first person cursed again.

[:+ + + + +:]
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Let Him In