Need For Control | By : KSipesh Category: Final Fantasy VII > General Views: 8033 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Need For Control
Chapter 11
Cid trudged up to the bridge, to find everyone but Vincent present. He couldn’t help but wonder where the gunslinger was hiding, but forced that thought from his mind as he stepped behind the helm. This time wasn’t supposed to be spent worrying about his own petty relationship issues, they were, after all, supposed to be saving the world.
Cloud was pacing the bridge, giving some sort of speech about everyone needing to find their motivation for fighting, but Cid heard very little of it as he steered the ship toward the west, not having any particular destination in mind. The truth was that he was simply too mentally exhausted to really give much attention to anything.
"…then I want you to come back," Cloud finished, these last few words being the only ones that Cid honestly heard.
Heart broken and in desperate need of a cigarette, Cid snapped back under his breath, "Maybe ain't none of us'll come back. Meteor's gonna kill us anyway. Let's just forget any useless struggling!"
No one seemed to hear this and Cloud went right on talking, until the order had basically been given for everyone to bail off of the ship for two days to supposedly find their ‘reason’ for fighting.
With Yuffie wanting to go to Wutai, Red to Cosmo, and others to various points near and far, Cid eventually brought the ship to a halt over the hills outside of Nibelheim. He wasn’t about to fly everyone to their individual destinations. He didn’t want to do anything. He didn’t even care about saving the world. All he wanted was a fucking cigarette-- and Vincent.
Cid walked away from the helm and back toward his room. He heard someone running up behind him as he went down the corridor, but didn’t stop until he felt a hand upon his shoulder.
"Cid?"
He spun, scowling, finding himself face to face with Tifa. "What?"
The girl was bitten a little by his tone. "Uh, I was just coming to see if you were all right? I mean, you seemed really upset up on the bridge…and I haven’t seen Vincent all day."
The pilot considered her for a moment. "Don’t fuckin’ worry about it. I just need some God damned cigarettes."
She took a step back, thinking that he wasn’t going to open up to her. "Okay, but have you seen Vincent?"
"Why do you care?" He crossed his arms over his chest.
"I…I was just wondering, that’s all. I’m not trying to get in between you guys. I saw last night how much you both obviously care for each other and…well, I envy the two of you." Tifa felt her cheeks go red.
Cid started walking again, turning his back on her. He needed to talk about it with someone, and since Tifa was the only one on the ship in on the situation, it had to be her. "We ain’t having this conversation out here. Come on."
Suddenly feeling that something was profoundly wrong, Tifa followed along as Cid went to his cabin and opened the door. He motioned for her to go in before closing and locking the door behind him.
Tifa went and sat in one of the chairs and watched as he went over and landed heavily on the edge of his bed. "Cid? What’s wrong?"
He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the collar, tossing it onto the floor at Tifa’s feet. "I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Fuckin’ Vince flipped out last night after you left."
She felt the color drain from her cheeks as she reached down and picked up the collar. "Oh God, it wasn’t because of me, was it?"
"No." Cid couldn’t bring himself to look into her eyes.
"Then what?"
He huffed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor between his boots. "We were gettin’ ready to go to sleep and I asked him what he actually felt about me and-- I feel like an ass for talkin’ to you about this, you know that, right?"
Tifa knit her brow, wanting him to give her the story. "It’s okay, Cid, go on. What happened?"
"He said he loved me." Cid shrugged slightly. "I was real fuckin’ happy to hear that."
"So what went wrong?" Tifa asked, having enough empathy to pick up on the pilot’s pain.
"What went wrong is that I confessed that I felt the same for him." He closed his blue eyes, immediately having Vincent’s horrified expression flash before him. "Vincent just freaked out and told me to not lie to him and it wasn’t fair for me to fuck with his heart like that."
"So, he didn’t believe you?" Tifa felt sick to her stomach.
"Obviously not." Cid sat up straight and looked over at her. "He told me that I couldn’t love him, that no one could love him and that I was being cruel or some such shit for even sayin’ it."
"Oh my God…" Tifa slumped back into her chair. "What did Hojo do to him?"
Cid narrowed his eyes. "Tortured the fuck out of him until he thought that he needed it to survive, that’s all I know. You think it has somethin’ to do with that nut job?"
"I honestly don’t know Vincent that well, Cid, and I can’t really speculate." She wrapped her arms around herself. "After seeing the two of you last night, I know that you both really do care for one another very much. You need to get to the bottom of it. I mean, if you do love him, you have to make him see that it’s real and that you’re not trying to say it as some way of hurting him."
"Some way of hurtin’ him…" Cid repeated to himself quietly. He suddenly gave thought to the fact that Hojo had originally taken Vincent into his custody because of the former Turk’s emotional attachment to Lucrecia. "Holy flyin’ fuck!"
"What?" Tifa’s eyes went wide as Cid stood up from the bed.
"That’s it!" Cid tore off his flight goggles and then ran a hand through his hair. "Hojo…Hojo must’ve thought that would be like the ultimate fuckin’ punishment-- to make Vincent think that no one would ever be able to love him! That he would just be an object to others for their use, but not a real person! Vince…Vincent doesn’t think that he’s a real person anymore and that no one can possibly love him. Shit! He really thought that I was trying to hurt him when I said it!"
Tifa covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh Cid… that’s horrible!"
"Okay," Cid dropped his arms to his sides, "I need to talk to him."
"But where is he?" Tifa asked, getting up.
"Dunno. I ain’t seen him all morning." Cid stepped over to her and reclaimed the collar, placing it back into his pocket. "But, the ship was moving all night and up until just now, so I know he’s either onboard or close by."
"I’ll go look for him." Tifa moved toward the door, but Cid darted in front of her, keeping her from pulling it open.
"No…I need to be the one that finds him. If he knows that I discussed any of this with you, he’d probably just get angrier. I have to do it myself." Cid met her gaze as he said this, wanting her to get the point.
"All right, but if I see him, I’ll let you know." Tifa shrugged. "I’m not leaving the ship since I’ve got nowhere to go."
"Okay, just radio me if you see him. I’m gonna give the ship the once over and check all of his usual haunts, and then I’ll get on the ground and look." Cid opened the door.
"All right." Tifa offered him a smile. "Good luck."
"Yeah," Cid reciprocated her expression, "thanks."
He went straight to Vincent’s room and tried the door, finding it unlocked. The pilot entered and looked around, examining the scene.
Vincent’s room had always been the best kept on the ship-- strictly organized and immaculate, but it wasn’t like that now. The bed was unmade, the sheets cast to the floor, the pillow ripped to shreds. Stray articles of clothing were strewn about, and Vincent’s locker was open, various things having been hastily pulled out and thrown aside. Noticeably, however, Vincent’s guns were missing.
All of them.
Cid instantly felt his heart rate pick up as he made the realization that Vincent had taken the only things that seemed to mean anything to him and then departed. The moment the ship had probably quit moving, the gunslinger had most likely bailed.
"Shit!" Cid scratched the back of his head. Finding Vincent on the ground would be a lot harder than just finding him on the ship. He scanned the room one last time, something catching his attention. The small nightstand present had a piece of paper upon it, being held in place by a knife driven through the note and into the wood of the little table.
He went over and pulled the knife away, before picking up the note.
Capt. Highwind,
Obviously, I failed in some way. I tried-- I honestly did, but I’ve clearly erred terribly to earn such a punishment as to have you make light of my emotions. My greatest regret is the knowledge that your claim of love is impossible. I have resigned to my destiny and will return where I belong.
V
Cid wadded up the note and threw it down to the floor. "You God damned fuckin’ moron! ‘Where you fuckin’ belong?’ What the hell does that mean?"
He stood there shaking in his anger over the way Vincent insisted on torturing himself. The gunman was far better at making himself miserable than anyone had a right to be. Hojo’s destruction of Vincent’s mind and soul had been absolute and Cid realized that he was facing bleak odds.
The pilot hung his head and sighed. If nothing else, he needed to go get some cigarettes to get rid of his nicotine withdrawal. Maybe with his mind cleared, he would be better able to think about where Vincent had sulked off to.
Cid stormed from the ship, knowing that Nibelheim wasn’t too far off. The town might have been completely fake now, occupied only by actors, and bad actors at that, but there still were shops and ergo, cigarettes.
He entered the first convenience store he came upon, slapped down a few bills onto the counter and received his precious pack. That done, he went out to the street and found a bench. The pilot sat heavily, pulling the cellophane from his purchase, before pulling out a cigarette. The rest of the pack was instinctively secured beneath the strap to his goggles and then he reached into his jacket pocket, retrieving his lighter.
A few minutes later, and the cloud that had settled over his mind began to lift, making it easier for him to think about things. He leaned back where he sat, looking up and down the main drag through town.
Off in the distance, the dilapidated Shinra mansion loomed at the end of the street. Cid narrowed his eyes as he looked at it and then got up, tossing the remnants of his spent smoke to the ground. "It’s worth a fuckin’ shot."
He walked down the street until he was before the rusted gates to the former Shinra facility. They weren’t locked and he pushed them apart, going forward.
Vincent had to be here, there was just no where else for him to have gone.
--------------------------------
Vincent was kneeling before the stasis box, which had held him just shy of death for close to three decades. He deserved to be punished. Surely, he had failed Cid in some way and should be thrown back into the dark, yet, he stopped short of going back into the coffin. His overwhelming fear of what it was like to live within it had locked him up, causing him to freeze before it on his knees. Tears of fear and disappointment marked his cheeks, but he suffered in silence.
There was a sound behind him, shattering the quiet and instinctively, Vincent drew his gun and spun, finding himself staring down the barrel at Cid.
"Whoa there," Cid raised his hands in some pathetic gesture.
Vincent’s red eyes quickly looked off to the side, and his gun was reholstered immediately. "Please go, I wish not to trouble you anymore."
"Vince," Cid took a few steps closer, lowering his hands back to his sides, "you didn’t trouble me… I came here to talk."
"There is nothing to discuss. I believe it was all made clear last night." Vincent knelt back down and placed his hands onto the surface of the stasis box.
"Damn it, Vince!" Cid walked right up behind him. "Look, I don’t know what Hojo fuckin’ did to make you think that no one could ever really love you, but I do-- I wasn’t just sayin’ it to screw with you."
"Liar."
Cid wanted to stay calm and try to convince Vincent in some sort of gentle manner, but his temper was starting to get the better of him. "I ain’t no liar."
"Just tell me which it was." Vincent closed his eyes and hung his head. "Was it your intent from the outset to gain my trust and then pull the rug out from under me, or did I do something wrong to make you wish to punish me? Hojo never told me what I did to make him throw me into the darkness…"
"You didn’t do anything!" Cid tensed his jaw. "Please, Vincent, just believe me…"
"Do you honestly think that I’m capable of believing people after all that I’ve been through?" Vincent shot back, his voice almost sounding amused.
"Knock this shit off!" Cid reached out and whacked Vincent in the back of the head, hard enough to send him sprawling across the coffin like box. Immediately, Cid regretted it, shaking the sting of the blow from his hand. "I…I’m sorry."
Vincent gathered himself and stood up, turning to the other man. "What do you want?"
"I want you to go back with me." Cid swallowed hard. "I want us to be together."
Vincent turned away from him and toward the stasis chamber. Suddenly, the prospect of being in the darkness wasn’t as frightening as facing the heartbreak that Cid was bringing up within him. He reached down and pulled open the lid. "Just leave me be."
Cid shook his head. "Like I said before, I don’t know what Hojo did to you to make you think that no one could ever love you, Vincent, but I do. You don’t think of yourself as a human anymore, do you?"
"Human…" Again, Vincent almost laughed as he examined the interior of the box before him.
"He convinced you that you were just an object, didn’t he?" Cid reached out and placed his hand upon the gunslinger’s shoulder.
"That is all I am," Vincent reached up and gently removed the pilot’s hand from him. "To be used to serve, nothing more."
"Well, that was the lie, Vince." Cid felt like he was talking to a brick wall. "I can’t believe that after all the bullshit that fucker put you through, that you’d be willin’ to accept his word over mine."
This struck some kind of chord with him, but still, the risk of falling into some sort of cruel trap burned in his mind. Not wanting to be deal with anything anymore, Vincent moved to get into the stasis box.
Cid saw this, and grabbed a hold of Vincent’s right arm. "Oh no you fuckin’ don’t!"
Vincent ripped his arm from the pilot’s hold and continued to try and get within the chamber. "Go away!"
Cid, resigning that he wasn’t going to get through to him in any civilized manner gave into his anger and pain. He grabbed a handful of Vincent’s hair and jerked him back mercilessly, causing Vincent to fall to the hard ground on his back and the lid to the coffin to fall back shut. Cid quickly landed upon him, pinning the other man to the floor. He trapped Vincent’s wrists beneath his own. "If I can’t get it through to you with words, then I’ll beat it the fuck out of you!"
Vincent’s eyes went wide. He’d never seen Cid this furious before, and it got his attention-- or rather Chaos’.
This doesn’t seem like the reaction of a man that has no honest investment in you, does it? the demon growled deep within his mind.
Chaos was right, but still, Vincent had to put it to the test. We shall just see…
Cid searched Vincent’s eyes, looking for any hint that he might be reachable. "God damn it, come on! You have to snap the fuck out of it and learn that I’m tellin’ you the truth!"
Vincent cocked an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes. "Prove it. Do what must be done."
Cid blinked back at the gunslinger for a moment, trying to think about what that exactly meant. "Huh?"
"If Hojo beat this belief into me, then perhaps you, in turn, must beat it out." His voice was calm, unwavering as he said this. "Force me to submit to this concept. Force me, Cid."
There was suddenly a knot in the pilot’s gut as he came to the stark realization of what he had to do. "Fuck…"
"Either do it or leave."
Cid scrambled to his feet, leaving Vincent on the ground. "Get up!"
There may have been a ghost of a smile upon Vincent’s lips as he obediently rose from the ground, but it quickly was hidden again. "Do it."
"I’m sorry…" Cid hauled back and decked Vincent as hard as he could.
Vincent reeled from the blow, only stopping when he hit the wall. He steadied himself as the flash of pain receded and his vision cleared. There was the taste of blood in his mouth, and he spat it to the ground. He slowly turned and made eye contact with Cid.
The pilot stood there, still in shock for what he’d done. He met Vincent’s gaze, afraid of what he would see there. However, the gunslinger wasn’t wearing an expression of hurt or anger, but rather, one of gratitude. Cid suddenly felt something stir within him. He tried again. "I love you, Vincent."
Vincent nodded slightly. "Force me to believe it."
Cid closed the distance between them, admiring the way that Vincent didn’t flinch or attempt to retreat. He reached out and hurriedly unbuckled Vincent’s cloak, then throwing it to the floor. If nothing else, he wanted to be able to see Vincent’s expressions clearly, without the hindrance of that damnable piece of fabric. That done, Cid shook his head slightly, before backing up a short way and then kicking Vincent in the stomach.
The gunman grunted at the sharp pain that ran through him at this. The wind was knocked from him and he collapsed forward onto his hands and knees, attempting to catch his breath.
"I love you," Cid said quietly, half to himself.
Between his gasps for air, Vincent managed out, "Force…me…"
Cid walked to Vincent’s side and placed his boot in the middle of his back, pushing him flat against the floor. He then got down and onto the gunslinger’s back. Cid trapped both of Vincent’s wrists beneath his knees as he straddled him. The pilot then reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the collar.
Vincent was helpless to resist as he felt Cid grab him by the hair again and lift his head up from the concrete floor. The leather collar was fixed around his neck, several notches tighter than it had been placed on him before. It felt wonderful.
With the collar back in place, Cid leaned down and put his lips close to Vincent’s ear. "I love you."
Slightly strangled by his prized possession and tired from his beating, Vincent could only whisper out, "Force me."
Cid got off of Vincent’s back and grabbed the back of the former Turk’s shirt. He pulled him over to the stasis box and threw him across it. The pilot then knelt behind Vincent and reached around him, unbuckling his belts and ripping them away. That done, he went on to undo the gunman’s pants, pulling them down along with his boxers.
Vincent was already aroused and he smiled faintly, although it was hidden from Cid’s view.
"I love you," Cid once more stated, as he got to undoing his own pants.
Vincent didn’t respond right away this time, he was cracking. He tilted his hips back, as to offer himself up to Cid, eager to please him.
Cid felt a wave of relief and placed his hands onto the gunman’s hips, appreciating the softness of Vincent’s skin. Staring down at what was being so openly displayed before him, his flesh came to attention. He knew that taking Vincent like this was going to hurt the gunslinger, since there was no lubrication to be used, but somehow, he knew that it was exactly what the other man presently wanted, or rather, needed.
Vincent closed his eyes, anticipating what was to come.
Inside, Chaos had to know, Do you still doubt him?
No… Vincent felt the smile upon his lips widen. He wouldn’t have been able to do all of this if he didn’t. Cid had to overcome his own nature in order to get this far. I believe him. "Cid…"
The pilot reached down and positioned his cock over Vincent’s entrance. "Yeah?"
"Thank you." Vincent did his best to relax, knowing that the next few seconds were going to be excruciating. "I love you."
Cid growled in his relief and bared his teeth as he forced his way inside of the gunslinger, driving himself in all the way to the hilt, wrapping his arms firmly around Vincent’s waist as he did so.
There was no way that Vincent could keep himself from crying out loudly at this rough invasion. Instinctively, he tried to pull his body forward and away from the pilot due to the pain, but found that he was being held tightly and prevented from going anywhere. Tears of pain and happiness came to his eyes and he threw his head back, trying to negotiate the intensity of feeling within him.
Seeing Vincent react as he did, brought a lusty smirk to the pilot’s lips. "I fuckin’ love you, Vincent."
Vincent found it almost impossible to reply as Cid began to violently thrust into him. "And…and I love you fucking me…"
Cid purred in his pleasure at this, slamming into Vincent for all he was worth.
Vincent’s length ached for attention, and he looked back over his shoulder at Cid. "May I…touch myself?"
"Yeah, I’d like that," Cid said back between thrusts.
Overwhelmingly grateful, Vincent closed his eyes and reached down with his right hand, between the stasis box and his body. He grasped his cock and began to stroke it, keeping with the pace that Cid was thrusting into him. "Thank you…"
The thought that Vincent was jerking himself off while getting fucked got the better of the pilot, and he felt his climax quickly mounting. "Vince… I’m gonna come already…"
Vincent, able to feel the way that Cid’s length was responding within him, already knew this to be true. He made the effort to tighten around Cid’s cock, moaning audibly as he did so. Vincent, too, was going to finish before long. "Fill me, Master…"
"Fuck…oh fuck, Vince…" Cid closed his eyes and tightened his grip around Vincent’s waist as he shot into him. "I want you to come, too…"
Having the order and feeling Cid’s load let into him, Vincent came as well, his cum staining the side of the stasis chamber. "Thank you…"
Cid remained joined with the gunslinger for several minutes after climax, just reveling in the feeling of their union. He had feared that he would never feel such a wonderful thing again. Finally, completely sated, Cid withdrew and moved to sit beside the stasis box. "I love you, Vincent."
The gunman pulled his body from the coffin and lay on the ground, resting his head on Cid’s lap. He stared up into the pilot’s blue eyes, taken by their beauty. "And I love you, Cid."
The pilot smiled, his heartbreak of the night before all but forgotten. He got a cigarette to his lips and lit up. "We’ve got two days."
Vincent narrowed his eyes. "Two days?"
"Yeah," Cid took a long drag, "Cloud gave everyone two days to figure out what they’re fightin’ for, before we go to the big showdown with Sephiroth. I think I might just have to stay down here with you for those two days and remind you what you’re fightin’ for, Vince."
"I will be fighting for you," Vincent said, reaching up and touching the side of the pilot’s face. "But, you may have to make certain that this fact is solidly lodged in my mind."
"I think I can get it through to you." Cid grinned down at him, running a hand through Vincent’s raven tresses.
Vincent’s eyes gleamed with a question. "And what will you be fighting for?"
Cid grabbed the collar of Vincent’s shirt and pulled the cigarette from his lips, before hoisting Vincent up from his lap and kissing him deeply. Several minutes later, he let Vincent rest back against him and he gave his reply. "I’m fightin’ for you. I love you."
Vincent closed his eyes, completely at peace. "I know, and you will forever have my gratitude. I will never let you down, for I love you, too."
The End
A/N-- Geez, that’s that. I hope it ended to your liking, and perhaps I may just write a sequel somewhere down the road a bit, since I do rather like this relationship dynamic that I’ve created between the two of them. We shall see. Thanks for reading,
Kristen Gupton-Williams (Ksipesh)
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