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Broken and Bonded Refrain	By : Crya2Evans Category: Final Fantasy VII > General Views: 837 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Nanaki
�Crawling in the Dark�

I will dedicate and sacrifice my everything for just
a second's worth
Of how my story's ending.

He stepped onto the bluff
overlooking Cosmo Canyon, unable to help his sigh of melancholy as he looked at
the place that had been his home for most of his life. It was little more than
a pile of rubble and bodies of the fallen enemies. All allies had already been
located and buried, one of their first orders of business.

He had lost his grandfather
in the battle and countless friends, people who knew him and recognized him,
people he would now never get to see again. The attack had come so quickly,
none of them had been ready. They had run to the caves, but for some, it had
been far too late.

It hurt him more than he
showed, hurt him that he had not been there to protect them as he should have
been. Granted, he couldn�t have known what was to come, but he still could not
help the small measure of guilt. Perhaps if he had been there his grandfather
would not have died.

A chill wind ruffled at his
hair, but Nanaki shrugged it off as he headed into the reconstruction site. He
rarely felt the cold anymore thanks to his bond with Suzaku. It was as if he
were constantly warmed by a fire within him. Even more important, she had promised
that she could show him where the rest of his tribe was hiding, if that tunnel
that he and Yuffie had found proved to lead to nowhere.

And I wish I could know if the directions that I
take,
And all the choices that I make won't end up all for
nothing.

Sometimes, he wished he
possessed Tseng�s ability, that he was able to see the future or know things
that others did not. While he could read the stars and sometimes hear the
screams of the planet, he did not truly understand them. It felt as if he were stabbing
into the dark, searching for all the answers and coming up with nothing. He
didn�t know what he was supposed to do now.

What did he know of rebuilding a town? He hadn�t even finished his schooling.
Hojo had captured him when he was little more than a cub, and he hadn�t been
able to learn anything more until Cloud and the others had rescued him. There
was so much that Bugenhagen never had the chance to teach him. So much that he
had left to learn, and now, he was struggling to find the answers on his own.

Show me what it's for.
Make me understand it.

He bypassed most of the
construction as he headed into the main part of town where most of the
rebuilding was taking place. Although he waved at a few people he recognized,
he didn�t stop to talk. His destination was his own home, the few stacks of
information he had managed to salvage from the wreckage of his grandfather�s
house and the documents that had been stored safely in another place. Not only
were they all he had left of Bugenhagen, but they were all he had left of
himself, his tribe� his mother.

Nearly all of his pictures
had burned in the fire. Pictures of his mother and his father, a father that he
had thought a coward for most of his young life. He still felt ashamed for
that, passing judgment when he truly knew nothing at all. He wished he had had
the chance to speak to his father. There was so much that he did not know, and
he longed to know what Seto had been like.

Even pictures of Yuffie and
him had turned to ash and smoke in the attack. Memories of the times they spent
together, studying with his grandfather, or just sparring out on the bluffs.
She truly was his best friend, and sometimes, he didn�t think that he ever told
her that enough.

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the
answer.
Is there something more than what I�ve been handed?

As he ducked into the small
room that had been his bedroom for as long as he remembered, his nose wrinkled
at the slightly musty scent the chamber had taken on, a consequence of the
stacks of ancient manuscripts, maps, and notebooks stacked within. He
half-wished that his room had been aboveground, at least then he would have had
some ventilation. Still, he supposed that he was grateful it was not; now, he
could be certain that this research would be safe.

Before he sat down for long
hours poring through moldy old papers, he sent a village boy to find him some
tea. Flipping open a stack of documents bound by little more than bits of
twine, golden eyes casually scanned the page, taking in the notes on the
history of his tribe, not to mention a few other things. Bugenhagen had never
written in a coherent matter; oftentimes, the notations darted from one topic
to the next without any rationality.

Regardless, Nanaki hoped to
find out the reason for his transformations, not that they bothered him. He
wondered at the origin of the amulet, especially since he had been having
strange dreams lately, when he had rarely dreamed before. He couldn�t make
sense of them, and all information that he was sure his grandfather had been
holding out of them had died with him.

Nanaki was left on his own.

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.

It wasn�t so much that he
wanted to seek a mate either, though he knew that he really ought to. He grew
tired of being the only one of his kind, and he longed to know others like
himself with a ferocity that bordered on the strength of Yuffie�s kleptomania.
He was certain that these other Iyatoka, as Suzaku had called them, would know
more about his family and more about the amulet itself.

There seemed to be no rhyme
or reason to the sudden changes. He had thought it similar to a limit break at
first, since they occurred whenever he was angry or desperate for more strength
in battle. But then, when Yuffie had returned to him the fixed chain, just
simply putting it back on had resulted in a transformation.

Plainly put, he was baffled,
and the demi-deities were either unwilling to provide an answer or didn�t know.
Even Suzaku seemed stumped, although Barinthus had been decidedly sketchy.

Then, there was the
inscription on the back. It was obviously a token of love from one person to
another, but how had it ended up in the Temple of the Ancients? These questions
and more plagued him night and day.

Help me carry on. Assure me it's ok to use my heart
And not my eyes to navigate the darkness.

Of course, thoughts of the
amulet always inevitably turned to thoughts of his demi-human form, which led
to worries over his relationship with Yuffie. The two of them together weren�t
exactly what one would call a traditional relationship. If he had never turned
into something resembling a human form, he doubted he would have ever seen her
as anything more than a friend. But when he looked at her through eyes all too human,
he no longer saw the aesthetic beauty of a human, but a woman that made his
heart skip a beat.

Despite his age as an
Iyatokan, he really was little older than her in human years, evidenced by how
he appeared as a human. Yet, he couldn�t help but feel like he was taking
advantage of her, despite having little knowledge of what he was doing. then,
there was the fact that his transformations weren�t exactly dependable.

He was certain that he cared
for her on a deep level, perhaps even loved her, though he was quite unfamiliar
with the emotion when it extended beyond familial affections. Yet, when he
looked into her eyes and saw those brown orbs sparkle with happiness or
mischievousness, he felt something inside of him warm, and suddenly, the world didn�t
seem so confusing anymore.

Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?

He was very well aware that
Yuffie was already promised to another; her father had made that quite clear.
And he was just as certain that the ninja was adamant about not marrying that
Douwe fellow. He worried about the rift that had formed between Godo and
Yuffie; outside of Tseng, Godo was the only living relative that she had. He
couldn�t help but feel like it was because of him that they were divided.

It was becoming increasingly
difficult to understand what he should do. Obviously, he should encourage
Yuffie to make amends with her father, but in many ways, it would be as if
encouraging her to break off what they had, even if it wasn�t defined.

Although he wasn�t certain
what to actually call his feelings for Yuffie, he knew that they weren�t likely
to fade. She was his dearest companion; he would do anything for her. She was
so strong, and yet, there were times when she was frail. He wanted to be there
for her.

The thought of spending the
rest of his life with her sounded like the best future he could hope for. He
wanted it. He wanted to see her happy. He wanted to see their children.

He wondered why what he felt
was so wrong.

So when and how will I know?
How much further do I have to go?

Nanaki sighed, laying the
documents aside as he realized he was not even really reading the words, mostly
staring at the scrawling script and pretending to comprehend. His mind was
simply much too awhirl at the present moment with all that he did know and
didn�t know, all that he should do and shouldn�t do.

Why couldn�t anything be clearly defined?

He rubbed a hand across his
forehead mindful of his claws, idly noting that he had already adapted so well
to his form.

In the beginning, it had
been somewhat difficult to remember that he could now walk upright. He
occasionally forgot that he was faster and stronger, that he could see and hear
better, and despite being somewhat human, he could even smell better. Cloud had
even accused him of being more powerful than the blond himself, somewhere just
below the level of Sephiroth.

Was that the purpose of the amulet? To make its bearer stronger?

Bugenhagen had been so
vague, only saying that he was certain it belonged to Nanaki, and there were so
many questions, unanswered and answered only to lead to more. It truly felt
like he was wandering around in the dark, looking for himself and becoming even
more lost with each passing moment.

How much longer until I finally know?
Because I'm looking and I just can't see what's in
front of me.

�There you are!�

The cheerful voice had him
blinking in surprise, looking up to the entrance of his room to find Yuffie
sticking her face in, a big grin on her face. He had been so lost in thought
that he hadn�t even heard her approach.

�Busy?� she questioned,
tilting her head to the side.

He shook his head, laying
aside the documents. �Just trying to decipher grandfather�s handwriting.�

She made a face as she
shoved the door open with her hip, revealing the fact that she carried a tea
pot in one hand, two cups dangling from the fingers of her other. They clanked
as she walked inside, kicking backwards with her foot to close the door and
sauntering across the room, plopping down in the chair right beside him.

�You can actually read
that?� she asked rhetorically, peeking over at the documents before crossing
her eyes and handing him a cup. �Dude said you wanted tea.�

Nanaki sighed. �Lores has
always been one of the lazier ones,� he commented before raising a brow. �So
you decided to bring it?�

She shrugged. �Nothing
better to do. It�s boring wandering around on my own.� Yuffie began to pour,
the soft smell of the herbal tea filling the room.

The demi-human sniffed at
the cup before eying her suspiciously. �You already put sugar and milk in it.�

�Yep.�

�But you hate milk.�

Again, she shrugged. �Too
lazy to carry all the rest. I think I can handle it this once.� Her gaze slid
over to the documents, catching sight of a few rough sketches of the Iyatokans
and their artifacts. �Family research, huh?� she questioned, and though she hid
it well, he detected a small hint of something in her voice, an emotion he
didn�t quite recognize.

He nodded. �Admittedly, I
wasn�t getting much done before you shown up.�

She grinned, taking a sip of
her tea and making a face, though she dutifully kept drinking it. �Then, it�s a
good thing I came.� Her eyes sparkled. �Else you might have gotten really
bored.�

�Yes,� he agreed. �That it
is.�

-�� -�� -�� -

Song credits, �Crawling in the Dark� by Hoobastank

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Broken and Bonded Refrain

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.