Becoming SOLDIER

Things had been tense ever since Cloud was allowed to leave the hospital. After a few days of rest Cloud was able to stay back at the barracks. Every since his return he had been acting strangely. Zack thought at first it was just his imagination; things he just hadn’t noticed before. But the odd behavior quickly proved to be abnormal.

Cloud would avoid changing in the room. He never really cared that much before and it wasn’t like every guy in the damn facility didn’t already see their comrades in the buff; they had public showers only for Christ sake.

And the silence….Oh the uncomfortable silence. Cloud would dodge his questions and carefully answer others. He would zone out and seem to just leave his body as his mind trailed elsewhere. Sure Cloud was infamous for being the quiet type; at least to the other recruits; but this was ridiculous. Zack never had to pry so much to get Cloud to speak and it seemed the only reason the boy cared to speak was to avoid further questioning by yours truly. Zack had never seen such a forlorn and distant look to Cloud; it bothered him to no end.

Another thing that sent a red flag waving brightly in his mind was how Cloud now reacted to physical contact. Any time Zack touched Cloud; petting his head or slapping him on the back; the boy would immediately tense. Zack and Cloud always had a touchy feely sort of relationship for friends so the sudden barrier shrouding Cloud worried him.

So the moment he got the chance Zack had questioned him on why he had so suddenly been hospitalized. Of course Cloud played the same charade he had been using lately. Claiming he was fine and it was nothing more than anxiety and physical exhaustion. To some extent Zack knew that Cloud wasn’t lying but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either. He was no fool; he knew the blonde was hiding something from him. And whether Cloud wanted him to know or not was irrelevant. It obviously concerned the subject of Cloud’s health immensely and he would never forgive himself for turning a blind eye to it.

So for the last few days the tension held thick in the air between the two boys; it was nearly suffocating them.

But Cloud’s hospital stay wasn’t the only thing plaguing the boys minds. If anything it was what happened the day Zack finally got to visit Cloud in the hospital that had both their heads whirling.

Jealously; the word rang clear through Cloud’s head every time he looked upon his best friend. For the life of him he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was that Zack was jealous about. His immediate reaction had his mind jumping to irrational conclusions on their ‘friendship’, but he quickly dismissed each one. Cloud simply concluded that the boy was just being over protective again; Zack always wanted to be the one to stand up for Cloud. So Cloud simply decided that Zack thought it was up to him and him alone to protect him. From the beginning it seemed to be Zack’s role as they grew up together; so he just felt his position as ‘Cloud’s Guardian’ was threatened… right?

Cloud knew that didn’t explain the kiss or the embrace they shared, but that wasn’t to out of the ordinary… Cloud had been hurt and Zack was worried so it was a somewhat expected reaction but surprising none the less. The gestures simply were a way of comforting each other. Zack and Cloud had always comforted each other before but for some reason this time it felt different. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he knew that something about the way Zack had held him that was a little off. Either way Cloud thought it best not to bring it up to his friend. He didn’t want to upset Zack or embarrass him for that matter.

Zack however took Cloud’s avoiding of the subject in a completely different light. He was nervous that perhaps Cloud misinterpreted what he was trying to say. He himself had been quite confused as to his own admittance. He knew he was mad at the fact that Heero had seemed to take his place in the hospital, but jealously? Had he not spoken the word himself he would’ve denied all claims. He was concerned for a friend; a friend he was always there to protect and take care of. So why was he reacting so strangely? Everything seemed so simple; protect each other, Join SOLDIER. Keep a promise made between friends; that much was certain. But the way his heart clawed at his chest when he pulled his lips and arms from Cloud… Were… friends… supposed to feel so attached? The mental thought was quickly extinguished; of course he was just a close friend. He was concerned and he felt his position as Cloud’s closest friend was being threatened thus the jealousy… Plain and Simple; no gray area, just black and white. Simple as that. Or at least that’s what Zack kept telling himself.

To only make the situation worse were Heero’s repeated visits on the blonde. The stoic boy made it a priority to check up on said blonde. What only further continued to provoke the raven was the fact that he knew that his supposed friend and his now considered rival, a rivalry of friendship of course (so he thinks!) were most definitely keeping something from him. Zack knew it had to do with Cloud’s hospital stay and why he was there in the first place and thus only continued to drift the two apart. Zack, though he knew it was childish, would ignore the blonde. Not to hurt his feelings but instead just the opposite; he didn’t want to lash out on the blonde. Zack had always had a lot of patience and understanding but even he had his limits. This new test of their ‘friendship’ was at the very edge of said limit and he didn’t want to take it out on Cloud when he finally stepped off the edge.

Cloud of course had taken it the other way around and he couldn’t help but feel Zack was being a bit selfish. There were things that Cloud just couldn’t or rather.. Didn’t want to indulge the raven in. The blonde didn’t want him to know about what happened and Zack’s antics and dismissal only grew to aggravate him. He wanted Zack to understand and not ask questions. Sure he knew that wasn’t quite fair and he did feel guilty excluding him but if Heero didn’t find him there that night than no one would have known. He would have made sure of it.

Zack shifted uncomfortably on his bunk; his arm thrown over his eyes as he took in a aggravated breath. He hadn’t been sleeping well as of late either. He found it rather creepy; to himself at least; that he would find himself watching the blonde sleep. It just seemed to relax him a little, so he took a guilty pleasure of peeking over to his friends bunk every so often. Sighing the boy pulled one leg to him on the mattress bending his knee as his other leg hung from the bunk. Cloud hadn’t woken up yet and the pup was both anxious and afraid for the blonde to wake up.

Another agitated sigh left his slightly parted lips as he removed his arm from over his eyes and stared up to the cement ceiling above him. After all the events in the past few weeks and all their struggles they finally made it. They both made it to SOLDIER; just like they had promised. But what would happen now? Soon they would be given new rooms; actual rooms or rather mini apartments compared to the barracks they were tied to at the moment. They would have their own eating area, a living room and their own bedrooms. They would finally have their own personal shower and toilet; which in itself was a gift from above. If there was one thing Zack couldn’t stand, and he knew the blonde would humbly agree, was that sharing a toilet and shower with hundreds of other men was no lap of luxury. In fact there were numerous times Zack felt it simply more agreeable to just take a piss outside rather than brave the hazards of the publicly shared bathrooms. And the next best perk was that their beds would be in a separate room from their roommates!

Zack truly did appreciate his privacy and alone time; even though he hardly took advantage of it. But just having the option of a Zack only free space was like a get out of jail card in monopoly! It was a life saver in those desperate situations.

A soft but firm knock sounded against their door precisely three times; as Zack groaned and opened the door he realized he really wished he had the ‘get out of jail free’ card in his grasp. Zack frowned as he locked eyes with passive cobalt blue. Shifting his weight Zack spoke in a low voice as not to wake Cloud, “He’s still asleep.”

Zack saw no reason to start small talk; which in itself was a feet. If Zack Fair didn’t greet you with a bounce and pep to his step than you knew either something was wrong or he really didn’t like you. Heero took it for the latter. He knew Zack didn’t care for him and honestly if he were in Zack’s position he wouldn’t like himself much either. Whether Zack realized it or not Heero ‘was’ and still ‘is’ a threat to the raven; at least when it came to regards to the blonde peacefully sleeping on his bunk. Heero was grateful that Zack’s rivalry and frustration was misdirected; for it left a chance for him with Cloud. Heero knew the moment he met Cloud that he was someone to cherish and keep safe.

The boy had a determination and drive to him; yet a soft and delicate nature all the same. He was night and day all at once; and Heero knew words could never do any justice in describing the blonde. The brunette himself wasn’t entirely sure on his feelings with the blonde. He didn’t understand them or know why he had felt them in the first place. He took the only advice he had truly taken to heart; memorized and lived by it. Even though Heero didn’t know why he was feeling the things he did Heero did know, however, that he wanted the blonde close to him. He had a sense of pride in comforting and protecting the boy; and even Zack wouldn’t step in the way of that.

Sure he was no fool, he knew that the two friend had more than a friendship, at least in matters of the heart. If Zack wanted to he could have the boy all to himself and keep him stashed away from himself alone. Thankfully Zack and Cloud both denied their obvious feelings for each other. Heero had suspected, and was thoroughly correct in thinking that the boy’s would try to rationalize everything they had ‘felt’ for each other.

Heero remained impassive but allowed the faintest of smirks to cross his lips as Zack cocked a brow obviously impatient for Heero to either leave or say something, “It’s late.”

Zack fought back a growl, it was almost noon sure, but they were on temporary leave for the next few weeks. They didn’t have to wake up at odd hours and if the blonde wanted to sleep in that dammit he could damn well sleep in. Instead he locked a glare with the cobalt eyed boy before finally relenting and moving back toward his bed. He left the door open which allowed Heero to move across the room to the blonde’s bunk.

Zack peered through the corner of his narrowed eyes as Heero knelt down next to the bed and stroked a few stray locks of blonde from the pale boy’s face. He could swear he saw the boy smile but he dismissed that thought almost immediately; this boy smiled for literally no one! He must have been imagining things. Every time Heero was around he was very indifferent; sure he seemed somewhat less menacing around Cloud but his face remained the same. Zack almost thought he saw the boy smile a few times before but quickly concluded it was either his eyes playing tricks on him or Heero lips just twitched. Yes twitched; smiling - unrealistic… twitching… more likely.

Zack turned his focus back to the ceiling as he caught bright blue eyes peering out from behind still drooped and low lids as Cloud stirred from his sleep. He hated how relaxed Cloud was with Heero. He hated how tense he was with him. Really Heero was the only person who could get within a three foot radius of the blonde without getting Cloud tense or uncomfortable. Zack suspected it had to do with the events leading up to and including Cloud’s hospital stay but he couldn’t be sure.

Regardless; it hurt.

It hurt to see Cloud relax around the other boy and speak so freely. He wanted to desperately for Cloud to confide in him. Instead here he was staring up at the ceiling to avoid glancing at the interaction of the two boys; really this was beyond childish. Oddly enough he didn’t care; he wanted to be childish. For Cloud to think so as well because dammit Zack was at a loss of what else to do. What more could he do anyway? How could he get the blonde to focus on him and look up to him and to speak to him and well for fucks sake be his friend again….

Zack grunted to himself; Childish… and now possessive… racking them up aren’t you now pup…; Zack couldn’t help but scold himself along with using Cloud’s infamous nick name for him.

On that note…

Zack hopped off the bed and grabbed his shower bag before stepping out of the room without a word. He really didn’t feel like seething on his bed burning holes through the ceiling; and sides a shower would help him relax. And god did he need to relax…

--

Back in the room Cloud frowned as he sat up in bed watching Zack leave; with a small sigh he turned to Heero and forced a small smile, “Mornin’.”

Heero replied with a hn than tapped the boy’s nose with his index finger before letting his arm drop to the bed as he corrected Cloud, “Konnichiwa…”

Cloud blinked, “It’s afternoon already?”

Heero only nodded. Cloud took a moment to stretch before rubbing his stiff shoulders, “Are you hungry? I wouldn’t mind getting a bite to eat…”

Heero stood and offered a hand to help the blonde up from bed, “Why do you think I’m here.”

Cloud chuckled lightly and grabbed Heero’s offered hand for assistance; it wasn’t that he couldn’t get up on his own but some…places… did still hurt and the less effort he needed to put on his muscles the better. Standing and walking still hurt; not nearly as bad and not at all enough to inhibit him the way it had as it did the day of the exams.

Heero took a step towards the door after dropping Cloud’s hand and stood with his back towards the blonde as he crossed his arms over his chest and waited. He knew Cloud still felt funny about the marks that were now dull against his pale skin. Cloud didn’t want anyone to see; but Heero knew it wasn’t just the welts and left over bruising that made Cloud antsy to change in front of others. The blonde didn’t want anyone to see him exposed at all. Heero silently wondered if Cloud would ever completely get over his phobia or ever use a public bath again. Luckily with the new rooms they had they would have some more privacy and Cloud wouldn’t have to face the anxieties… just yet.

Heero listened as Cloud shuffled behind him grabbing his clothes and quickly changing. Heero unconsciously licked his lips and couldn’t fight the thought that urged him to take a peek over his shoulder. Though his body begged for him to he wouldn’t allow it; he had more control than that… for now at least.

“I thought we could go off base… There’s a Wutai buffet near by. I wouldn’t mind some real food.”

“Hn. I’ll have to agree with you on that… Wutai sounds good…,” had Cloud seen the uncharacteristic expression of disgust on Heero’s face he would have laughed whole heartedly. Whether Heero realized it or not he didn’t have a great range of expressions or emotions for that matter. So the rare occurrences went treasured and on file under ‘Heero’s emotions Exist File!’… Yeah Cloud didn’t think Duo was being very creative with that title but Maxwell had insisted….

The walk to the restaurant was pretty uneventful. The two boys talked briefly on their walk into town but for the most part remained in a comfortable silence. The presence of the other kept Cloud calm and he felt safe; though really a SOLDIER didn’t need protecting. But comfort; that was another story. And considering the circumstances… well he didn’t want to dwell on that.

“Heero,” Cloud spoke softly not bothering to turn his gaze to the other; and though the other made no move to suggest he was listening or paying attention at all he knew the other was completely focused on his words.

“Do you.. Do you think..,” Cloud frowned; he felt stupid for asking. He didn’t want to feel weak and by asking Heero this he would feel he was being so. Though his reasons were justified it didn’t change the big picture, “Never mind.”

Heero raised a brow but nodded none the less; he may have known where Cloud was going with that, “The new rooms will be posted tomorrow for those who made it into SOLDIER. You made second class, you’ll have to check that tomorrow.”

Cloud smiled sadly; yup he hit the nail on the head, “I will… The new living quarters… they accommodate two people per room…”

Heero wasn’t sure if Cloud had said it as a question or just reassurance; Cloud had few friends but had racked up quite a few people against him. Of course the blonde had to worry about who he would be sharing a room with. The only people Cloud would wish to room with would be Zack, Heero, or Duo. Short of those few there weren’t very many that made it into SOLDIER that he had officially gotten to know.

Once at the buffet the two began to eat; both perhaps a bit too eagerly. After being practically force fed what surely was nothing more than dog food. The two boys shamelessly plowed down half the buffet earning a few strange and frustrated looks from both the restaurant owners and the other customers. (can you really blame them!)

Cloud stretched back pushing his arms out as far as he could, “I really needed that; decent food… God I’m stuffed…”

Heero smirked lightly and nodded in agreement, “Oh kami is right.. I think my stomach’s going to burst.”

Cloud smiled at the words that seemed to fall from Heero’s mouth; few to some but for those who knew Heero he had really just spoken a full paragraph.

“Thank you… Heero,” Cloud paused and continued upon noticing a raised brow, “for everything…”

Heero smirked once more, “For a moment there I could’ve sworn you were trying to insinuate that I was paying for the meal and would be paying.”

Cloud laughed softly, “My, my was that a joke Yuy?”

Heero just answered with his usual ‘hn’ before leaning back, “Cloud.”

“hm?”

Heero’s smirk never faded, “Omae o Korosu.”

Cloud only rolled his eyes before smiling, “Sure you will Heero. Sure you will.”