Chronicles of Valentine

a/n: Last full chapter, guys. And let me say, it was a hard road to get here. Prepare your tissues!

Much love to my continued supporters Kuromei and Nelleh, and to some relatively new faces Soyna, Mint and bossy_foodshield whom I appreciate all the same. Thanks to everyone who's gotten anything out of this story!

Warnings for some boykisses, spoilers, language, angst, self-beta, the usual.

Chronicles of Valentine
Chapter Fourteen

-- March 14, 4014 --

I woke two days later, lying on a hospital bed and aching as if I had spent the last forty-eight hours buried under a pile of bricks. Every limb and muscle throbbed with lingering pain, and it hurt to move, much less twitch. The simple act of peeling open my eyes forced brightness into my irises and I winced at the searing pain.

“Vincent?”

“Light,” I croaked, attempting to say something more coherent, but my parched lips refused to cooperate. “Off.”

A moment passed before something clicked and the room was cast in a blessed dim. There was still some light in the corner of my vision, enough for me to make out the features of those leaning worriedly over me. But it no longer burned.

A hand cupped my cheek and I jerked away from it as though touched by needles. The hand recoiled so quickly one would have thought I slapped it.

“Vincent?”

My dry tongue dragged over my dry lips. “I'm awake,” I rasped again, desperate for something to drink. Water, juice... vodka. Somehow, this felt like a day for liquor. Even though my rolling stomach would have expelled it immediately.

Someone was smart enough to hold a straw to my lips, and though it took great effort, the relief of pouring cold water down my throat was wonderful. I felt a bit more human after that, and far less hung out to dry. But I couldn't deny the truth. Chaos was gone, and with him, the last of my immortality.

There was no hiding the truth now. They would have to know.

I tried to identify the blurs hovering over me. Selphie. Irvine. Possibly Zell. My eyes flicked past them, around the room, catching brief sight of Quistis poised in a chair and Squall leaning nonchalant against a wall. I couldn't see Seifer. At least, not immediately.

“What happened?” Zell demanded, sounding strangely hostile. A few bandages were slapped here and there, but otherwise, he seemed fine. No thanks to me.

And suddenly, the words seemed much too difficult to say. Only Irvine knew the truth, and when he laid his hand on my arm, squeezing lightly, I knew what he wanted me to do.

“Vincent,” he said warningly, something in his amethyst eyes seeming far, far older than it ought to. “If you don't tell them, I will. Hyne knows I can't keep this farce up any longer.”

I sighed, knowing Irvine was right. Even if I didn't want to do this. Looking into Selphie's worried expression and catching sight of Squall's concern, I really didn't want to do this.

“Help me sit up,” I asked, one elbow sinking into the mattress of what I recognized to be the Infirmary.

Selphie and Zell quickly offered their help and soon I was perched against the headboard, pillows protecting me from the harsh lines of the wall. I glanced down at my body, saw the bandages that encircled my arms, blood a dark strain in the pure white. I wasn't healing anymore. That should have been their first clue.

“Vincent,” Selphie said softly, her warm hand falling over my fingers. “What's going on?”

Her touch hurt, but I held back my flinch. If it comforted her, than all the better. I couldn't very well tell her that the simple brush of cotton against my skin stung like a thousand nettles.

I sighed again, very uncharacteristically. I knew of no other way to say it than to be blunt. “I am dying.”

There was silence, followed by a scoff. “Yeah, real funny, dude,” Zell said with his usual lack of tact, but I was grateful for it.

I spread my hands, showing the wounds that had yet to heal. “It is no joke,” I admitted, my eyes fallen to the lines of crimson. I wouldn't admit that I was afraid to read their expressions, emotions already sitting heavy on my heart. “Whatever magic has held me together all these years has reached its end.”

A chair creaked as someone shifted. “What do you mean?” Quistis asked softly, a touch of confusion in her voice.

Frankly, she was no more confused than I was. I couldn't explain it. I could only give them what I had surmised for myself.

“I don't know what science Hojo used. Or what magic. But I can guess that it was the demons that gave me longevity and supernatural abilities.” A wave of pain radiated through my body and I paused, breath hitching. “The bonds that held the demons connected to me have shattered. Their presence has vanished.”

Zell frowned, flopping back into a chair and causing the metal to scratch loudly against the tiled floor. “I don't get it. That shouldn't kill you immediately, should I?”

“The human body was not built for extended life,” I explained, or at least, said what I had discerned for myself. “The toll of two millenia is showing.”

Zell stared, stunned, his expression echoed by that of his friends. I dared look at them, and regretted that choice immediately. Quistis' hands were tangling in thick knots of dread, and Irvine's face was downcast, hidden largely by the brim of his hat. Selphie had lost her excited bounciness, even her flipped hair losing some of its curl. Squall's neutral expression couldn't hide the look in his eyes and Seifer... Seifer wasn't even glancing in my direction.

Squall was the first to recover, drawing in a slow breath. “How long?” he asked quietly, and rather steadily at that. Though I didn't fail to notice the subtle clenching of his hands.

I shook my head. “I don't know.” A cough wracked my body then, drawing blood to my lips that I used the corner of the sheet to wipe away. It didn't hurt as much as before, the ache no longer a sharp sting so much as a dull throb. Not a good sign. “But I imagine... it's not long.”

“Dammit!”

The curse startled everyone, but no more so than the fist that suddenly crashed into a wall.

Quistis' brows drew together in worry, already lifting a hand. “Seifer--”

He batted away her fingers before she could even touch him, shaking his head. He said nothing, instead storming towards the door, yanking it open, and slamming it shut behind himself. He left silence in his wake.

Squall shook his head, moving off the wall. “I'll talk to him,” he muttered, following after Seifer without waiting for confirmation. Which was rather decent of him as I didn't think I could give chase to Seifer. Not in my current condition.

The hand covering mine squeezed gently, dragging my gaze towards Selphie. “Why didn't you tell us sooner?” she asked, before her eyes shifted to Irvine, narrowing in displeasure. “And you could have mentioned something, too!”

Irvine shrugged, spreading his hands helplessly. “It wasn't my secret to tell, Selphie.”

“Don't blame him,” I said. “I wanted to tell you myself, and admittedly, I was waiting for a good time.” The sigh I attempted to suppress escaped again and I paused, taking in a slow breath as my lungs spasmed. “I didn't know it would happen so quickly.”

I wanted to say more, but the pain that radiated up and down my spine prevented me from doing so. I closed my eyes, riding out the stabbing agony by twisting my fingers in the sheets. I hated showing such weakness, even if it was only to these five.

“Maybe Rinoa can do something,” I heard Quistis suggest, and I had to repress a smile. They would never give up if there was a battle to be fought, but they would realize in time.

I had lost this fight a long time ago. And it was hard to put up a struggle when I didn't particularly want to. These children – Squall, Seifer, Zell, Irvine, Quistis, Selphie, and yes, maybe even Rinoa – were precious to me, important in a way I never would have expected for a mere two year acquaintance. And I cared deeply for Seifer. But I was still so very tired.

I wondered if any of them could understand that.

“Or even Dr. Odine,” Selphie agreed, an excited chirp to her voice. “I mean, he's crazy, but he knows a lot about science and magic and all that.”

“And you know Laguna would be thrilled if we – or Squall rather – asked him for help,” Zell added, and I could just see him bouncing in place, unable to restrain his relief at possibly finding something to do.

“There's nothing that can be done,” I said quietly, breaking up their battle plan and ignoring their varied sounds of disbelief. How could I explain to them that I wanted to die? “My body can't take anymore.”

“You don't even want to try?” Selphie urged, and it was in a voice so small that I immediately felt the same kind of guilt one would get if they had kicked a puppy or taken a piece of candy from a baby. It was like I had plucked out the sun and doused it in the ocean, leaving the world in darkness.

My hands clenched into tighter fists, buried in the crimson-spattered white of my sheets. How could I explain a need to die, a willingness to fall into that oblivion to these children who arguably had their whole lives ahead of them? Who had just risked everything for a chance to defeat a mad Sorceress and give the whole world back its own life? How could I tell them how much I missed my friends and lovers, how much I missed all the things I had lost, that what I had now was wonderful but not nearly good enough?

I couldn't. That was all there was to it. I couldn't say these things to a handful of Orphanage children who had spent their entire existences being abandoned by those who should have cared. I couldn't tell them that.

I buried my inability to speak behind a cough, a wonderful excuse to keep my mouth shut as I spattered the edge of the sheet with more blood. The pain was settled inside of me with a dull, throbbing presence and I knew, at that moment, that it was never going to leave me. I would have to deal with this until my body reached its end.

“Selphie, honey, Vincent is probably right,” Irvine said soothingly, his hands rubbing soothing circles over her back and shoulders. “We shouldn't waste time with a cure that isn't going to appear.”

By Shiva, he meant to reassure Selphie but only succeeded in making me feel worse. Yet, I couldn't lie and tell them to try. That would be betraying everything I had been searching desperately to find.

A ruckus in the hallway broke through the uncomfortable silence and I looked up, only to watch as the door rattled open and Seifer stumbled through it, looking fit to kill. Squall appeared in the doorway just behind him, narrowed eyes a stormy silver, hands clenched into fists at his side.

“I never took you for a coward,” the commander growled, his death-filled glare reserved for Seifer alone.

Seifer snarled with the air of a wounded mountain lion, shoulders hunched and eyes a vacant jade, lacking their usual smug air. At the sight of him, something inside of me clenched sharply and I curled forward, looking at the safety of my sheet-covered legs. Hades, of all the people I didn't want to hurt, Squall and Seifer were the ones that mattered most, and I had failed miserably.

I should have known Squall would handle it better. He was practical, logical, emotional behind his masks. He cared deeply, even if he didn't show it, and anyone who earned his trust entered his heart. He had the sort of strength that only emerged when it was needed, but until then lay dormant.

In contrast, Seifer, for all his pride and bluster, was still very much the scared child inside. So damn afraid of not being the best, of being left behind and forgotten. He reminded me so much of Cloud sometimes that it was frightening.

“Everyone out,” Squall demanded, his gaze never leaving Seifer but his order pretty clear.

Selphie's jaw squared, a sure sign that she was going to protest. “But Squall--”

Those eyes flickered towards her for just an instant, a sea of stormy blue, and Selphie all but squeaked. She glanced between Seifer and myself before nodding jerkily, and patting my hand.

“I'll be back later,” she promised, and there was a small part of me ridiculously comforted to hear that. I had been so quickly adopted into their fold that sometimes it still came as a surprise to me.

Quistis adjusted her glasses, giving me a long look. “We'll all be back,” she clarified, practically pushing Zell ahead of her. Irvine followed them at a much more sedate pace, looking stuck between relieved at no longer having to hide my secret, and tense that having it revealed only meant more pain for all of them.

I watched as they filed out one by one, passing by Seifer who refused to so much as look at me, and Squall who held the blond in place by glare alone. The aura rising around the commander – one that required, no demanded obedience – was not to be denied. And even Seifer couldn't ignore Squall's stubbornness, at least, not without a battle resulting in much blood and many bruises.

Squall was the last to leave, tossing me a look that ensured we would discuss this later. And then he closed the door behind him with the distinct sound of a lock sliding into place. My eyebrow arched. Seifer had put up that much of a fight? Or perhaps he just knew the both of us better than we expected. Had I the ability to walk, I would have fled before facing the sorrows of those children.

Silence fell, with all the comfort of listening to nails on a chalkboard. Seifer's back was to me, his broad shoulders visibly trembling.

“Seifer.”

He didn't turn, didn't look. I should have known he would make this more difficult than I needed it to be.

Biting back my sigh, I shifted on the bed, the mattress squeaking noticeably. “Seifer, look at me. You're not a child. I would prefer it if you didn't act like one.” I swallowed thickly, the scratchiness in my throat rather painful.

“I don't see why I should,” Seifer practically spat, only turning his head slightly, glancing over his shoulder with the corner of one jade eye. “Because last I recall, adults shared important information with other adults.”

My fingers tightened around the sheets. “It is not something I found easy to say.”

“Ah, yes, but Kinneas sure learned quickly enough.”

“Irvine knew because he forced me to see Dr. Kadowaki and I pressed him into silence. Do not be angry with him, Seifer.”

He sucked air through his teeth. “Why would I bother? I'm plenty angry with you, Sunshine.”

His endearment for me, of which origin I never identified, lashed at my ears as surely as a thin whip. I flinched, but tried to avoid letting guilt consume me. If the feeling crashing over my body were any indication, I didn't have as much time as I would hope. Weeks perhaps, maybe a month.

“Do you really want to spend the rest of my life with your back to me?” I asked him instead, ever so quietly.

Seifer didn't answer immediately. I could practically see the indecision in the set of his shoulders, in the way he tilted his head. Knowing Seifer as I had come to know him, this was a truly cruel thing for me to do, leave him so early. Just when he was getting his confidence back, considering himself not a failure, this had to happen. And it was a battle he could not lift Hyperion against.

“I just...”

I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling so very tired. “--need some time,” I supplied for Seifer, remembering that I had acted much the same way when I learned that Cid was dying. I had run and only in the end had I returned, regretting that I hadn't been there the whole time.

Seifer jerked his head in some semblance of a nod and strode towards the door, pounding a fist on it. “Leonhart, open this door,” he demanded without even testing the lock. He knew Squall just as well as the commander knew him it seemed.

“Go ahead, Squall,” I added, lifting my voice as much as I dared. “Let him out.”

There was a click as the door opened, Squall looking in with narrowed eyes. I had known he would stick around. Before he could so much as berate Seifer, the blond slipped past him and into the hallway.

Squall watched him go before entering himself, without his array of friends and companions. For that, I was grateful. I had grown to care for the orphanage children as much as I had my teammates so long ago, but I couldn't withstand their concern and well-meaning attempts to fix me. I had the feeling only Squall could understand why I wasn't determined to try and find a cure, if there was one to be found.

He pulled up the chair on my side, his expression unreadable, but the turmoil plain behind his eyes. In these short years, Squall had become... well, I supposed the closest term for him would be “son”. Yes, in many ways, Squall resembled the child I supposed Reeve and I would have had. I had taken on the role of mentor for him, and though it initially surprised me, I quickly grew fond of Squall.

“He's so stubborn,” Squall muttered, his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forward. Stormy eyes shifted away.

I let a smile curve my lips. “Not unlike a certain Ice Prince,” I said, using one of Seifer's favorite nicknames for his sparring partner. “Seifer will come around. In the meantime...”

“I'm fine,” Squall interrupted, his fingers doing an interesting job of entangling themselves around one another. “I suspected it a while ago, but I assumed you wanted your privacy.”

Judging from the deep furrow in his brow, Squall was not fine. And yet, he was the one to declare Seifer as stubborn.

Well, I would let the brunet have his “fine” then. If it was what he needed to keep his composure. “Isn't it strange?” I said instead, shifting on the bed as a spike of pain radiated down my left side, starting at my hip and striking through my toe. “Two years ago, you were certain I was a threat.”

“Well, you have to admit, you didn't exactly look trustworthy.”

A man dressed in black, bearing more firearms than most rifle ranges, and claiming to have lived over two millennia? No, I gathered I didn't resemble anything worthy of trust. And yet, it came anyway, slowly but surely.

Humor attempted to inject itself into the melancholy seeping through my bones. “Funny how things turn out,” I repeated, quieter this time. “My students...”

“Kinneas will take over,” Squall interrupted, before I could so much as finish the question. “I'll... I'll explain.”

“Squall.”

He shook his head, still refusing to look at me, so much like Seifer that it almost amused me how little they realized their similarities. “Don't,” he denied, raking a hand through his messy hair. “I just...” He sighed, shoulder slumping. “And here I thought I'd finally found someone dependable who wouldn't leave.”

That hurt, stinging like a knife right through the heart. I hadn't intended for this to happen, and apologizing would be useless, but I felt it all the same. Was I wrong to believe in my eternal existence when it seemed so certain?

I paused, searching for the right words. Things such as these had never been my forte, and now I was in the uncomfortable position of comforting someone. Especially when I knew words would be of no salve.

I didn't want to fail Squall. Because I didn't want to see him return to the young man he had been when we first met. Someone broken and bleeding, hiding in a young woman's arms and hoping her ill-matched idealism and optimism would put a band-aid over wounds that couldn't be fixed by super glue alone.

Fingers tangled in his hair, Squall exhaled quietly. “It's unfair to feel sorrow, isn't it? Considering that you want this.”

“No, it is understandable.” Something trickled inside of me and I subtly coughed into my hand, watching the blood spatter onto the cloth with eerie fascination. “I miss them, Squall. And I am tired. I don't want to do this anymore.”

“Not even for Seifer?”

How cruel of Squall to throw that in my face. And how very Commander-like of him. He was truly a fearsome opponent.

I met Squall's eyes, unable to hide the truth. “I care for Seifer very deeply, and I am grateful for the affection he's given me, but love and I are only passing acquaintances. I don't think I have anything left to give.”

How awful of me to repeat my own words, the very same I had given to Reeve once upon a time. And the very same I recalled and continued to regret, over and over again. Right now, however, I honestly believed them to be true. Seifer was precious, but my heart was too heavy and too tired. I didn't have the energy to fight, not anymore.

Squall watched me, for seconds that seemed to drag into minutes. And then he took a deep breath. “He'll be back. He just needs some time. Once he realizes he's being an idiot anyway.”

“I know,” I said, and before I could say anything else, a coughing fit took over my senses, filling my body with tearing pain and the too familiar taste of blood.

* * *

a/n: It's a bit of a cliffhanger again, I'm afraid. But I promise, the epilogue will bring all the closure this story needs. It's strange how it can be so sad and yet so happy all at once. Vincent is finally getting the peace he needs. *sniffle*

Also, I must mention that I have been gifted with a piece of fanart for Chronicles of Valentine. Whee! It's of Vincent: Way in the Future. So head on over to my website to check it out!