Pater Familias

Again she graced my mattress.

I looked down upon her. I’d inoculated the rest of Shin-Ra while she slept in my apartment, taking the rest of the day off without any permission. Screw them.

Clad only in a pair of pants made for sleeping, I slid under the covers. Sakura made a little moaning noise before trying to get closer. I let her get up against me. Having a woman’s soft curves melding to mine felt nice, but even nicer the knowledge of which woman. I pushed an arm under her, scooped her up and held her, thrilling at the happy noise she made.

I didn’t know if my old heart could take such a young girl.

Oh, I could physically do whatever I wanted, but I knew myself; I knew I could end up wanting her for a longer time than it took to have sex with her. I liked her personality. I liked the glimpses I got of her mind. I hadn’t paid so much attention to a female since Lucretia.

I heard Sephiroth let himself into my apartment. He walked directly to the bedroom, pausing for a moment in the threshold to let his eyes sweep over us. “Is she sick?” he asked quietly.

“She’s a hunted fox,” I answered. “Apparently my den is the safest place she can imagine.”

Sephiroth sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at her. “You really like her, don’t you?”

“It’s…different not to be hated,” I answered.

Sephiroth lifted his eyes to me. “I know,” he said softly. Again he looked at Sakura. “Will you…” He stopped for a moment, his brows knitted as his shoulders tensed. “Will you make another one of me with her?”

The wounds went so deep with my poor son. I hated myself at times.

“No, Sephiroth,” I said to him. “I could never replace you. You’ll always be my perfect son.”

Sephiroth smiled wryly. “Your greatest work,” he replied. “You’ll always be famous for making me.”

I looked at those mighty shoulders, weighed down with the bitterness of the past. His mother’s beauty, his mother’s grace, his mother’s very smile. He had her sense of responsibility too, and her love of picking up strays. Even as a small child he’d governed the playroom, making sure things were fair. I’d imagined Valentine in him, but his connection to Lucretia had kept him alive during the height of my destructive grief.

I recalled easily the day I’d run his DNA against mine and found the match. The paper in my hands became a swirl of poisoned ink. I’d reeled, drowning underneath fourteen years of guilt in the matter of an instant. I’d lost him for no other reason than my own stubbornness and cruelty. Knowing I could never make up for the things I’d done to my own son had been the impetus to the descent of true madness.

I’d tried to kill myself a few times and always failed due to Jenova’s pervasive cells. Poison didn’t work, nor did a bullet. I’d even thrown myself from the top plate. Weeks later, when everything mended and I no longer had a voice from screaming in agony, I’d discovered I had a limp. A limp. That was all I could accomplish. And even then it wasn’t entirely due to the fall; I had a slight discrepancy in my stride from my earliest days, when my own father tried to beat me to death with a shovel.

Sephiroth winced and I realized he’d been listening to my mind again. My apologies, I thought. Sometimes it’s better if you don’t listen to your father. He’s not as crazy anymore but that doesn’t mean he isn’t disturbing.

Sephiroth sighed. Father, we’re both disturbing, in case you missed that. He got up, looking down at Sakura and me. If we were alone I’d forget being an adult for awhile and crawl into bed with you, he confessed. I find the closer I get to fatherhood the more I want my own father’s presence. It’s like I’m looking to you for how to do it, even though I fully realize you didn’t know either.

I smiled. Well, I know someone that can help us, I told him.

Who?

My brother, Syvas. He has three sons and two daughters, and five grandsons. I’ll call him tonight and we can go visit him in a day or two. You did express a desire to meet him.

I meant it. Sephiroth nodded. What about your trip to Costa del Sol?

Postponed. I picked up another one of Sakura’s ex’s yesterday.

Sephiroth shook his head, grinning. Not so very reformed, he thought to me.

***********************************************************************************

“Hello?”

“Hello, Syvas,” I greeted, keeping my voice low so I wouldn’t disturb Sakura. She hadn’t stirred with Sephiroth and me talking right beside her, but she’d slept a long time and we’d mostly communicated mentally.

“Kanie,” Syvas said with pleasure, and I heard the smile in his voice. “It’s been six months since your last call.”

“Yes,” I said. “Sorry about that. You know mad science takes a lot of time.”

A pause, then Syvas burst into laughter. “Never heard you admit it before,” he chuckled. “So, when are you coming over?”

He always asked this and I hardly ever visited. This time I’d surprise him. “This week if you can take the short notice,” I answered. “I’ll have three people with me, too.”

Syvas made a choking sound. “You’re actually coming to visit your brother?”

“Yes, if you mean to extend your invitation.”

“Of course I do!” He laughed again. “So, who are you bringing?”

“My son, his wife and a young woman who works with me on a project.”

“Your…son?” Syvas fell silent for a long moment. “Kanie, have things improved so much?”

“I forget you don’t watch television,” I said. “Yes, enough that we both seem to want more than animosity.” Syvas didn’t know the identity of my son. But, he did know we hadn’t had any sort of decent relationship, which was why he was so surprised. I’d never told him my son’s identity, preferring not to burden him with just how much I’d fucked up my life. A little devil in me decided to keep it a secret just a bit longer, too. He had a good ticker and probably wouldn’t drop dead when Sephiroth walked through the door.

“His wife is pregnant too, so we’ll be bringing as much food as we can. She eats like a wild chocobo.”

“I’m glad things are looking so much better for you, Kanie,” Syvas said, and I knew he meant it. “You sound so…”

“Calm?” I asked, chuckling. “It’s a very long story, brother, and I’ll tell you everything when we get there.”

“Good enough,” he said. “Give me tomorrow to clean out some bedrooms for all of you and you can come anytime after that. How will you get here?”

“I’ll take a Shin-Ra helicopter, providing there’s still a filling station in that backwater you live in.”

“There are two now,” he said, laughing. “So, a bedroom for the pilot too?”

“No, I can fly the huey,” I said.

“You’re a man of talent.”

“It’s generally accepted that I am,” I said. “See you Wednesday, Syvas.”

“Alright, Kanie. Love you.”

We hung up together. He always, always ended our conversations like that and I’d never told him the same. I did love my brother, so why was it so hard to tell him that? Good man that he was, he never called me on it either.

I took out my cell and texted Sephiroth with the information. BE READY TO GO THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, I wrote. GET A COPTER FOR US, WILL YOU?

A minute or two later I got a terribly garbled reply.

YOU DONT WNT MUCH DADEY WILJ DO.

The phone rang in my hand. “Fucking thing,” Sephiroth said. “Never text me again and expect me to text you in return.”

“You have to get out of the Monolithic Era, Sephiroth,” I said, repressing a laugh.

“I can still talk. I don’t need to know how to type, especially on a keyboard made out of a telephone.”

“I can see I’m not going to win this argument, so I’ll let your words of wisdom stand,” I said dryly. “Anyhow, Syvas is expecting us on Wednesday. I’m asking Sakura to go with us. I think we should pick up groceries, considering Aerith is eating for two.”

“She’s eating for four,” Sephiroth countered. “I have to go. Eldon is here.”

Click.

Grinning to myself, I shut the phone and pocketed it.

“You have a great smile,” Sakura said quietly, her voice sleepy.

I looked down, seeing her blinking back fatigue. “Do you feel better?” I asked.

“Yes.” She sat up. “Getting tired of this robe and gown, though.”

“I brought one of your suits yesterday but I hardly think you want to wear it right now.” I got out of bed and riffled my dresser. “How about a long shirt? I don’t think you can wear my pants.”

“Anything’s fine, Hojo, thanks,” she said.

I turned at hearing that voice so subdued. “Are you still worried about those imbeciles or just embarrassed you’re human and needed my help?”

“A little of both,” she answered, attempting to rise. “I can’t believe I fainted.”

As she exposed her beautiful legs I visualized them spread and in the air.

I’d like to make her faint for a good reason. I could do it.

Feeling myself harden, I put one of my longest shirts on the bed and excused myself. “I’ll be back in about an hour,” I told her. “Will you be alright by yourself?”

“I’ll be okay,” she said, looking twice as pink in the cheeks as before. She retreated to the bathroom and I heard the shower start.

I took up a shirt for myself, grabbed my shoes and went into the living room. I had a few purchases to make…

*******************************************************************************

“Sakura?” I called out softly. Receiving no answer, I dropped my purchases on the couch. The water was running in the bathroom…

Still?

I walked into the bedroom and knocked on the bathroom door. “Sakura?”

No answer.

I respected her privacy but this worried me. I pushed on the door and found it locked. “Let me in or I’ll break it,” I warned her. “Show me you’re alright.”

Still no answer. I grabbed the knob and shoved it completely through the housing, reached inside and released the tumbler.

Sakura sat naked in the tub, her arms around her bent legs and her chin between her knees. The water beat down on her cold. Her lips were blue. Her eyes stared at the faucet blankly. She shivered but made no sign she even saw me.

It seemed even rest, when it finally came to her, wasn’t enough to forestall some sort of emotional breakdown. She reminded me of Sephiroth in the decontamination room at Havars’ compound.

Why were showers so significant, so able to push someone to the next level of trauma?

I pitied her. She’d seemed so strong when I met her, which hadn’t been very long ago at all. Now she dwelt in a weak time and she needed help. I wasn’t an expert on nurturing, but I would do the best I could.

I shut the water off and took up a towel. Gently, I stood her up, wrapping her tightly in the terrycloth. I’d imagined seeing her lovely body for a different reason. I caught sight of a small tattoo on her belly, right under her naval. It was a dragon, claws outstretched and wings spread.

I sat her down on the closed toilet and put a fresh towel to her hair, absorbing the cold water from her scalp. Her staring eyes focused dimly on my belt buckle. She still didn’t say anything. I saw a tampon wrapper in the trash and felt relieved she’d managed to tend to herself that much before blanking out. While I had no issue with helping her in that manner, I doubted she would react well if I started spelunking for an old plug.

I hadn’t had my fingers in a woman in quite awhile. I certainly wouldn’t mind getting bloody.

“I know you can hear me, Sakura,” I said, speaking softly. “You’re safe and I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” I tossed the towel down and helped her to stand again. “Come with me into the living room, where it’s warm.”

She let me lead her. Turning up the gas in the fireplace, I sat her down on the couch and rifled through the bags I’d brought home. The athletic pants would be comfortable, so I put her feet through them, stood her up and covered her. Her cherry and almond scent filled my nose and I fought not to inhale deeply, thinking it would distress her.

I took the towel off and put a warm shirt on her, pleased to see the perfection of her breasts. She had large, dark nipples and aureoles, very tempting to me. The thought of tasting her came unbidden. I forced that erotic thought away for now. I had to get her stimulated, away from this numbness she exhibited.

Sephiroth, I said mentally, knowing he should be home now. Would you make the pom-ne-kah for Sakura, please?

Yes. I’ll bring it in a few minutes.

Satisfied, I carried blankets and pillows from the bedroom and made a resting area in front of the fireplace. I then merely picked her up and put her in the middle of all that soft warmth. Her hair would dry quickly here, and she would stop shivering.

Kneeling before her, I took her by the chin and made her look into my eyes. “Are you in pain anywhere?”

Nothing, not even a flicker.

Sephiroth appeared. He looked down at us a moment before handing me the hot, bitter drug. “It won’t do her any good,” he said. “You drink it while I make something else.” He strode off into my kitchen, apparently expecting me to obey him. And, I would. I would obey him anytime he got his leather pants in a twist. I did not want another initial carved into my forehead.

I only have one initial, he said in my mind. You’re safe.

Slowly, I drank a little pom-ne-kah while watching Sakura stare off into space. Suddenly I felt very, very angry on her behalf. This wasn’t normal. Though I’d never win father of the year, I’d not sold my son over and over.

He appeared as I thought about him, holding out a steaming cup.

“No,” he said softly. You were always proud of me no matter your motives. The idea of selling me would have been ridiculous. Miss Leijanna’s parents evidently do not place any value on her, the opposite of how you viewed me. He tilted his head as he looked at her. By this time I was firmly a general. She’s very young, isn’t she?

Too young, I thought, appreciating Sephiroth’s discretion with mental conversations while we talked about Sakura. And I have suspicions she’s been running since fifteen or so, which means it’s been seven years of constant travel to this point.

Sephiroth grimaced. Plainly, he sent to me, it sucks to have the ability to care sometimes, doesn’t it? If Aerith had left us the way we were, we wouldn’t care about what happens to this girl. Still, I’ll take the pain over a vacuum any day.

So would I. “What’s this?” I asked, holding up the cup.

“A mild, herbal stimulant.” Sephiroth looked up at the ceiling. “Aerith’s calling. I’ll be home if you require me.” With that he vanished.

I attempted to make Sakura drink, pressing the hot china to her lips. She didn’t open her mouth. “Sakura, drink,” I said firmly.

Nothing.

Well, I didn’t have the means to force it down her throat here, and I didn’t intend to take her to the lab, exposing her weakness to any and all vulgar eyes. I leaned closer to her, took a small sip of the drink and held it in my mouth. Tilting her back slightly, I opened her mouth and let the liquid pass from myself to her.

Her lips felt as soft as flower petals. I stroked her throat to stimulate her swallowing.

About halfway through the tea, her eyes blinked. I drew away, waiting to see if she would fully climb to consciousness. She blinked several more times before her eyes cleared and moved to mine. “Hojo,” she said, her voice a bit rough.

“Hello, Sakura,” I said. “Still foggy?” I handed her the cup. “Drink more of this.” Whatever Sephiroth made worked pretty well.

She accepted the cup. She drank all of the tea before handing it back. “I feel strange,” she said. “How did I get out here and where did these clothes come from?”

“You’ve been partially catatonic for awhile,” I answered. “I found you in the shower, unresponsive and chilled to the bone from sitting under the cold spray. I brought you out here and dressed you.”

Sakura blushed violently. “Oh dear,” she said faintly. “I don’t remember any of this.”

“Unsurprising.” I leaned back, folded my hands over my stomach and indulged in just staring at her. “You have an interesting tattoo,” I said. “It looks like Junon art.”

Sakura groaned. “It is,” she said after a second or two, putting her face in her hands. “I’m from Junon.”

“I suspected so.” I motioned to my computer with my chin. “What would I find about you if I surfed online for a few minutes?”

Sakura looked away. “Probably quite a bit about silly beauty pageants and a few papers I did for my schooling,” she said. “I don’t know what else, unless…”

“Unless all your betrothals are listed?”

Sakura closed her eyes. “I suppose. I’ve never looked.”

Well, she would be honest and answer any question I asked even if she didn’t volunteer much. “How many betrothals?” I asked.

She sighed. “Six.”

“So, you have a few more men eager to capture you,” I said. “Who arranged all these weddings?”

“My parents,” she admitted, clenching her fists. Suddenly she got to her feet. “I’m so sorry, Hojo,” she said. “I’ll get out now before I cause you any more trouble.”

I caught her by the wrist and pulled her back down to the pile of blankets. “You will not,” I commanded. “You will sit here while I think of what all this means.”

“But-.”

“No, be silent just a minute,” I said, putting my finger over her lips.

She quieted. Eventually she sank down onto some pillows and closed her eyes. Incredibly, she slept not three minutes later. Even with all the resting she’d done, she remained exhausted.

I couldn’t tell her what I’d done with her first three tormentors, which I regretted because I knew the information would relieve her. And, though I felt tempted to find her parents and add them to my lab, I couldn’t. Evil or not, they were still her parents. She might wish them dead but I doubted she would like to see that actually come about. I had no qualms about collecting the other three men, however, especially if they came looking for her.

Shiva, she was beautiful lying there. Her red hair spilled all over the place, catching the light emitting from the gas jets. It looked mostly dry now but had separated into long, wavy skeins. Her nearly poreless skin reflected the reddish cast as well, giving her a glow. She’d rested with a pillow at the small of her back, arching her and making her big breasts thrust upward. Her nipples had hardened again…

A flare of real lust burst inside me, taking me by surprise. Yes, I desired her. Few men wouldn’t. Still, the feeling came with lightning speed. It lasted a long moment before I tamp it down.

I should have anticipated this. My youthening evidently worked in concert with my eyes to make a real problem out of Sakura. I had the body of a thirty year old man now, a fit thirty year old. I’d never lacked for a sex drive anyway.

My eyes snapped back to her upon hearing her moan. Distressed even in sleep, she began to writhe. I couldn’t look away from her. Even as I felt pity in my heart I felt less and less space in my trousers.

Perverse, dirty old man…

The day after tomorrow I would take her with me to Syvas’ place. I knew she would relax there. Syvas, though he’d raised a brace of chocobo jockeys, had an empty house now. His wife had died ten years ago, refusing to take his life-extending potions. Now he continued his work in silence. I thought perhaps he would marry again, if a suitable woman came along who could deal with his peculiar habits and dedication to his work.

He didn’t differ from me so greatly, expect for not having ever suffered mental instability or an urge to play god. I looked forward to a few unhurried conversations with my loving brother, a few quiet drinks of his special recipe golden malt. He made me feel safe, Syvas did. He’d looked after me for so long, tried to protect me from father’s drunken wrath and mother’s neglect. Now, as a well-aged adult I appreciated just how difficult it must have been for him. I’d stayed by his side every available moment.

Groaning, Sakura climbed back to wakefulness. “Shit,” she said, clutching her head. “I fell asleep again?”

“Yes.” I reached out, took her wrist and felt her pulse. Strong, but too fast. She looked down at my hand, her gaze growing interested instead of disoriented.

“You have beautiful hands, Hojo,” she said quietly. Before I could pull away, she had me, flipping my hand over to examine my palm. Her fingers gently pressed upon my mounts, examining muscle and padding and not a few scars. “Functional but also artistic,” she continued. “It’s rare to see; most people with working hands don’t have this sort of bone structure.” She isolated my thumb gently. “See how your thumb pushes away from the rest of your hand? It’s a sign of independence and stubbornness.” She smiled, pointing out my last finger as well. “And your pinky is the same, which says you’re an individual, not a follower.”

“Palmistry is not a science,” I argued softly. Still, her attention and words captivated me. Her touch both calmed and incited. “I didn’t expect you, a scientist, to pay any attention to that clap-trap.”

Sakura smiled as she released me. “We all have our quirks,” she said in a very neutral tone. “I didn’t expect you to so obviously enjoy an outing with two chatty females.”

“Women have always interested me,” I defended, wondering how she could have gained control over the conversation so quickly. “Females are quite a bit different from males.”

“Illogical, exasperating, confusing,” she said, smiling.

“Beautiful, intriguing, vicious,” I countered. “I’ve never met an ugly woman; all women are attractive in some way. Men, on the other hand, are usually all the same. They make good specimens for that reason. Women are so chaotic they vary too much for experimentation.”

Sakura grinned at me, showing blindingly white teeth. She sat up fully, eyeing me without bothering to conceal it at all. “You’ve been very generous to me, so I won’t complain if you think I’m chaotic.”

Not able to help smiling, I reclined a little. “I think you’re secretive and mysterious, like most women,” I said. “With a little urging I think your inherent, vicious nature would show.”

Sakura seemed to consider that seriously. She stared into the gas flames for a long, long moment. “I could,” she said. “I could be very mean under the right circumstances.”

“You’ve been too far pressed toward running to learn and turn to fight,” I told her, watching her flinch. “You need to take back some power, Sakura, and face these people who mean to control your life.” I motioned toward her. “You’re exhausted from running.”

“I am,” she agreed, wiping at her eyes. “I’m so tired, Hojo.”

I watched her struggle with her emotions, understanding that a woman undergoing the hormonal demands of her menstrual cycle would be unusually emotional. If she was anything like other women she probably wanted chocolate and a heating pad right about now. When Lucretia battled this time in her cycle, she would take my head off without the slightest provocation…

“Your pager is in the bedclothes,” I told her, not looking away from her eyes. “I took the liberty of silencing it a few hours previous.”

Sakura hunched over a little, her shoulders drawing inward. “Did you answer it?”

“I did,” I said, unashamed. “And I took further liberties to read your past messages. I assume Damiana is your sister?”

She whirled on me. “You read them all?” she asked, her voice trembling with anger.

“I did.” I didn’t raise my voice or move in the slightest, testing her strike response.

She returned to glaring at the fire. “You didn’t have the right,” she said lowly.

“No, I didn’t, but I’m an unprincipled, unscrupulous bastard. I know you’ve done your homework on me, Sakura, so don’t act so surprised.”

She got up and bolted for the bathroom. I let her go. Let her indulge in a little snit. I wasn’t stupid. She knew far more about me than I did about her, and it was time we aired some of the inexplicable friction between us. Perhaps now she would reveal just exactly the reason she’d been so delighted to work with me, or the reason she seemed so intent on me altogether.

I went into the kitchen and took a cue from my son. Brownies were a good idea for nearly any woman on the warpath.