Holiday Surprises

Disclaimer: I so do not own these characters.

Warning: kelle makes fun of religion! Even my own…DON'T FLAME ME! -hides-

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Cloud slumped down in his chair, peering at the feuding pair in his kitchen. He had yet to figure out why Rude and Rufus were fighting in his kitchen, he was pretty sure there were plenty of places the pair could fight. But there they were, yelling at one another while Cloud, Zack, Sephiroth, Reno, Angeal, and Genesis watched. Though it seemed that Zack and Reno were just betting between each other over who was going to throw the first punch.

"I cannot believe you!" Rude yelled and the group watching winced. The bald Turk may not speak regularly, but when he yelled he was LOUD. "Why won't you just accept other people's beliefs into the company policy?"

"I can't very well have every fucking holiday be a company holiday!" Rufus bellowed back.

"I demand a day off for Kwanza!" Rude snarled.

"What did I miss?" Tseng asked as he plopped down on the couch next to Cloud.

"Rude wants Kwanza off, Rufus won't budge," Zack whispered.

"I do not negotiate company policies with the likes of you!" the blond President growled, taking an ominous step towards the bald Turk.

"You wouldn't would you?" Rude harrumphed.

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?"

"Your kind never does."

"And what is THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN YOU LITTLE INGRATE?" Rufus screeched and the entire apartment, aside from Rude, flinched.

"Oh nothing Mister Christian," the Turk said airily, "Just that you fuckers think you're so superior to everyone. Would it kill you to concede that maybe there are other religions and beliefs out there that are just as valid as yours?"

Rufus sputtered for a moment before turning a lovely shade of red. With a growl the blond launched himself at Rude, tackling the Turk to the floor and attempting to strangle him. This plan may have worked if not for the fact that the bald man was a Turk and quite capable of protecting himself. The group in the living room turned away from the commotion, content in their belief that neither man would be able to do any lasting damage to the other.

"So what's everyone else doing this holiday that we won't mention because Rude will rip our throats out?" Sephiroth asked lightly.

"Well for Hanukah," Zack said happily, "I'm going to make my mom's famous chili!"

"…you're Jewish yo?" Reno asked.

"What of it?" the raven haired male blinked innocently.

"Nothing really…" the redhead looked away sharply.

"What's with the look?"

"Nothing!" Reno held up his hands defensively, "It's just that I thought Jewish people couldn't eat pork."

"Officially no, we cannot," Zack shrugged slightly.

"Then what's with the chili? And is that really a good Jewish holiday dish?"

"What's with all the questions man?" the SOLDIER growled, "Can't you just accept the free food and shut up?"

"…that's a very good point yo," Reno said looking thoughtful, "I think I'll shut up now."

"It's a Yule miracle!" Cloud gasped.

"Yule?" Tseng frowned.

"Yeah," Cloud smiled slightly, "I'm Wiccan."

"So you're into all that hocus pocus shit?" Genesis laughed slightly as he cast the blond an amused look.

"Oh fuck you Goddess boy!" Cloud snarled.

"I'd like to see you try," the auburn haired male snorted, "As I hear it you get tied to the ceiling, I don't think you could take me on."

"…I'm going to kill you Reno," the blond said softly before leaping at the redhead.

"So Tseng," Genesis said cheerfully, completely ignoring the screams of pain coming from the Turk on the floor and Rude in the kitchen, "What are you doing this glorious holiday season?"

"I have no holiday this time of year," the Turk Commander shrugged slightly.

"What?" Genesis blinked slightly, "What religion are you anyway?"

"I practice voodoo."

Genesis looked startled but Angeal smirked slightly as he sat in the seat Cloud had vacated. "That actually explains quite a bit," he said thoughtfully.

"You gave me that rash didn't you?" Genesis asked as he stared at the Turk, "The one on my a…arm, on my arm."

"No," Tseng said, "That was an STD."

The entire group halted and stared at Genesis who was turning a lovely shade of pink. "So Angeal!" Zack said suddenly as Genesis buried his face in his hands, "What are you doing for the holidays?"

"Same thing I do every year," the older brunet said, "Go to the VR room and kill computer generated monsters since everyone else is gone."

"What? Don't you have any holiday traditions?" Cloud asked as he sat on a defeated Reno's back.

"I'm atheist actually," Angeal shrugged, "I found that I can't believe in anything. I'm just not really the religious kind."

"Oh…"

"YOU GET A PAY CUT!" Rufus yelled from where Rude had him in a headlock.

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