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Lightning.	By : KittyMeowMaxwell Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 669 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Kitty: They cry?! Why are they crying?! Poor Zell and Irvine!

Eoko: You dumb arse. This is your chapter. You made them cry.

Kitty: I did?! -shock- As if I would do that! Heh. Who'm I kidding?
Hell, yes I would!

Eoko: Yes, you would, you angst whore. See, I'm still a closet angst
whore. Like I said before, "I hates, but I makes" and so do you,
except you love it... I'm getting confused...

Kitty: That's alright. Just accept the fact that they cry, and let the good
people read.

Eoko: Splendid idea, Kitty, splendid idea.

Chapter,
The Nineteenth: In Which Irvine and Zell Cry.

Irvine's heart was
beating at a rate he hadn't thought it could reach and he had to look away,
feeling hot, and not just because he was blushing. Blushing. He'd done a lot of
that lately. It really wasn't good for his image. It wasn't who he was... but then
again, who he was had been challenged recently in so many ways.

He swallowed, and a
tear ran down his cheek. Once it fell, several more followed, and again Zell
found himself holding a sobbing Irvine.

I didn't mean to
make him cry... Oh, Hyne...

"Irvine..."
he mouthed silently against the sharpshooter's hair and Irvine looked up.

"You said my
name..."

"Irvine,"
he mouthed again, so Irvine could see it.

The sharpshooter
gave a watery smile and his tears dried up. He burrowed into Zell's arms and
sought out the warmth of his body, curling there as though it was where he
belonged. The fighter stroked his hair again, because he couldn't resist the
silken strands, and wrote on the pad still set in Irvine's lap.

/I didn't mean to
make you cry./

"No, it wasn't...
I mean... I'm not cryin' because of you... I mean..."

/You're confused./

"Yeah... no...
I guess. I want... I..."

/What? You can tell
me./

"What if I...
What if I am gay..."

/What if you are?/
Rubedo shrugged. /Lots of people are./

"...I can't
be..."

/Why can't you be?/

"I... I just...
I..."

/I'm gay./

Irvine was silent
for a long time, then he nodded a little.

"I figured.
Since you..." That adorable blush fanned out across his cheeks.
"...you kissed me."

/I wanted to...
since... Well, for a long time. You're very beautiful.../

"Girls are
beautiful. A guy... isn't supposed to be beautiful... Seifer... Seifer calls me
"pretty"... All the time."

/You are
pretty./

"Like a
girl..." It was a bitter whisper.

/No. Like you. Like
Irvine. You don't look like a girl. Believe me, you didn't look like a girl
stretched out on that table at Relax and Sea. You didn't sound like one,
either. No one could mistake you for a girl. You're beautiful, yes, but you're
a man, too./ Irvine saw him grin. /If you weren't, I wouldn't have kissed you,
now would I?/

Irvine grinned too,
giving a slight laugh.

"I guess
not..." He was silent for a long moment, then, blushing again, he
said quickly; "Itwasnice."

Rubedo smiled at
him, brushing his hair back from his pinked cheeks.

/I thought so, too./

Irvine looked at
him, and tried to speak, but he couldn't make the words come.

Can you do it
again?

Asssk him.

Please?

He wantsss to
asss well.

I can't.

The sharpshooter
looked away again, worrying at his lower lip with a set of straight teeth. It
was a nervous habit Zell seemed to see more as Rubedo than as himself.

/Are you okay?/

"Yeah...
I..."

Zell couldn't
resist. Irvine's lips had formed a slight pout at whatever was on his mind, and
- Hyne! - he looked so beautiful in the moonlight, and it was so good to be
near him and not have him inches from terror. He lifted the sharpshooter's chin
and kissed him again, soft and warm like before. There was no surprise on
Irvine's features this time. He closed his eyes and relaxed in Zell's arms, an
unquestioning trust in him that took the fighter's breath away.

But Zell was only
human.

Irvine's response
was so ready and willing that the fighter was touching his tongue to the
sharpshooter's lower lip before either of them knew what was happening. Irvine
tensed, swallowing, and one hand fisted in Rubedo's shirt, but instinct parted
his lips and teeth, giving access.

He was expecting it
to be rough and demanding, taking, taking, taking - like Rikan - but he
supposed he should have learned by now that Rubedo was far removed from the
red-haired cadet. He didn't force anything. He asked. And when his
tongue took what was offered him, it begged that Irvine respond. And Irvine
couldn't say no. Tentatively, he ran his own tongue along Rubedo's and he
thought he just might die when a low, pleased sound came from the back of the
biker's throat.

It was as though
Rubedo could learn everything about him through just the one kiss, and as
though he wanted to make the best of it. He left nothing untouched, and it made
Irvine feel special instead of afraid. All thought of being anything even like
afraid fled from the sharpshooter's mind and his hand flattened against
Rubedo's chest.

You gotta stop,
Zell, his mind informed him. You
gotta stop or you won't be able to. Stop!

Zell forced himself
to break the kiss with a sigh, lips still against Irvine's. He could hear that
he had quickened the sharpshooter's breath, could feel the slender fingers flex
slightly against his chest. Hyne! Irvine wouldn't stop him! If he asked, he
would be given everything. He knew it. Knew it!

"...Rubedo..."
Irvine whispered, and it was like a bucket of ice-water had been dumped over
Zell's head.

He took a sharp
breath. He wouldn't be given anything. Rubedo would. Rubedo.
He closed his eyes, fighting an emotion he couldn't name.

/I have to go,/ he
wrote without looking.

"What...?
But... I... Rubedo, please..."

Zell flinched at the
name, teeth gritting against the tears.

He doesn't want
me...

"Rubedo..."

I can't...

"Please...
what's wrong?"

Zell shook his head,
shifting Irvine away from him as gently as he could. He tapped his previous
words again. /I have to go./

"But... But,
Rub-"

Zell put a hand over
Irvine's mouth, shaking his head. He didn't want to hear it again. He couldn't.

"Shh..."
he hissed, and leaned forward to press his lips briefly against Irvine's. /I
have to go./

It wasn't that far
of a walk back to Garden, Irvine supposed as he watched Rubedo drive away, the
helmet back in the seat, and his hat back in his hands - but why had the biker
gone?

"Did I do
somethin' wrong...?" he wondered, standing up. His eyes and throat burned
with threatening tears and he put his fingers to his lips, where he could still
feel the kiss...es. It had been so... so... right.

Why...?

- - -

Zell only drove
towards Garden until he knew he was out of Irvine's sight, then turned and went
tearing back to Balamb. He couldn't talk to Seifer, not after what had
happened, and besides that, the gunbladist had been strange about Irvine lately
anyway. He had to go to his Ma. It was late, but she wouldn't mind.

He drove the bike
right up to her doorstep and kicked the stand down, ripping the helmet off his
head and dropping it to the ground as he nearly fell down the stairs to the
front door. He knocked, hard and desperate, and he was so, so glad when a light
came on inside and his Ma called out.

"Who's
there...?"

"It's
me..." he sobbed. "It's-"

But she had already
opened the door and pulled him into her arms. She smelled of roses and cleaning
stuff, and home, and she sank to the floor with him, holding him and
rocking him while he cried, and cried, and cried. She didn't ask what was
wrong, not yet, she was just there for him, stroking his back and kissing his
sweat-and-tear soaked face as he sobbed into her pyjamas.

It was just like
when he'd been a little boy, waking up in the middle of the night to find his
friends weren't there in the room with him. He would come to her bed, and ask
her where they were, and she would gently remind him. It happened less and less
frequently as he grew up, but it was like that all over again, his hands fisted
in the front of her pyjama top, his body trying desperately to curl into her
lap, though he didn't fit there anymore. And she didn't think he had that many
tears left in him, but he seemed to cry for hours, and when there were no tears
left, he gave dry sobs that made her heart break for him.

When he finally,
finally stopped crying, the whole story came pouring out of him, from his and
Seifer's terrible treatment of Irvine to what had happened on the hill. She
said nothing for a long time, just sat him on the couch and made him a cup of
tea, and let him sit in silence while he drank it.

"You were
terribly mean to him," was the first thing she said and Zell looked
sharply at her. That wasn't what he'd expected.

"I...
guess..."

"There's no
guessing about it, Zell. You were awful to him. Think about what you've done to
him."

She gave him some
time to think about that, and it wasn't long before he was fiddling
uncomfortably with one of the slip covers from the arm of the couch.

"Yeah... I
know..."

"Then perhaps
this is your punishment. Hyne's letting you realize how bad you made poor
Irvine feel, and he's making you feel bad in return."

Zell looked down.
She was right. She was always right. And he deserved this.

"But..."

He looked back up.

"But
what?"

"But you have
to tell him who you are."

"I can't. He'll
hate me."

"Then, what?
You'll let him fall in love with someone who doesn't exist and break his heart?
I think you've hurt him enough, Zell Rubedo Dincht. You'll have to tell
him and let him decide."

"I don't want
him to hate me..."

"That's a
chance you'll just have to take, my love."

She came to him,
touching his cheek.

"But,
Ma..."

"No buts, Zell.
You already knew what you had to do before I told you. Frankly, I'm
disappointed in you. I didn't think you'd ever treat another person like that.
You need to show him who you really are and apologize for teasing him, as well
as lying to him. Then, it'll be in his hands. You jeopardized any possible
relationship with him by pretending to be someone else, and you'll have to deal
with the consequences."

His eyes were
terrified and she stroked his hair, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

"You said
yourself he's realizing the truth about who he is and what he wants. If his
feelings for who he thinks you are are deep enough, then whatever upset
you cause, he'll let you heal. Sleep here tonight, my lovely boy, and then find
the right time and the right way to tell him."

Zell nodded mutely,
tears pooling in his eyes again.

"I'm sorry,
Ma... I'm so sorry I disappointed you like that..."

"You should
be," she muttered, but then she smiled. "Everyone makes mistakes,
Zell. It's what makes us human."

He stood and flung
his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"I love you,
Ma. Thank you."

She smiled and
patted his back.

"Anytime, love.
Anytime. Now! Go to bed. Off with you!"

He smiled damply and
did as he was told, getting into his pyjamas and slipping between the
clean-smelling sheets, thoughts of only one person peppering his mind as his
fell into an exhausted sleep.

- - -

Back at Garden,
Irvine was also sliding into bed, reliving the feelings Rubedo had caused with
those kisses and storing them away.

He was afraid he
would never see the biker again, after he had left so suddenly, so he wanted to
make sure he would never forget any detail of how it had felt, being held and
kissed as though he meant something to the man who held and kissed him.

The man.

He'd better stop
denying it, then, hadn't he?

"I'm... I'm
gay..." he whispered to the dark, and it felt good to say it, even
if no one was there to hear.
- 18
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Lightning.