Midgar Thearter 5002 and 3/4

Tseng: *On P.A.* Okay you crazy Turks, this one is by an author who asked us...Miss Havoc. And seeing as we can’t trust Elena to get permission...
Elena: I beg your pardon...
Tseng: *On P.A.* I went and did it myself. So here is a fiction by Miss Havoc.
Reno: Joy... hey, don’t I know her?
Rude: How would YOU know her?
Reno: One night drunken stand...
Elena: And you didn’t see that one coming?
Tseng: *On P.A.* This one is a Reno/Elena lemon.
Elena: *passes out*
Reno: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Rude: shut up Reno, or I’ll be forced to mute you.
Reno: -oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-

>Author’s Note: This is kind of an interesting little one-shot I wanted to try
>writing because I wanted to give writing fluffiness an honest try. Takes place

Reno: An HONEST try? If you want to give it an honest try, do a Tifa/Cloud....
Elena: *regaining conciousness* Yea... not a Slut and Virgin.
Reno: I didn’t know you thought I was a virgin El’.
Elena: *smacks Reno*

>on an undercover mission over the holidays. Not your usual holiday fluff, though.
> And plenty of Reno hilarity to go around.

Reno: Cool, aren’t I always hilarious?
Elena: Not if your going to be banging me.
Rude: *snickers*
Reno: Ugh... HEY TSENG WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS! *bangs on wall*
>Warnings:

Reno: Reno Crossing!

> None, really. Reno/Elena het, fluffy, no kink. Just pure sugary goodness

Elena: I honestly wouldn’t let Reno stick his Shiva-knows-where-its-been pleasure stick anywhere NEAR me.
>and humor.
Rude: That might soften the blow.
Elena: A whole keg of everclear wouldn’t soften this blow.
Reno: *still banging on wall* TSENG, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!
Tseng: *On P.A.* Should I even start?
Rude: No.

>Elena’s POV.

Elena: I get to judge how realistic she is when it comes to my thoughts.

>Drinking and driving is bad, kids

Rude: No duh, that’s why we have Reeve drive. He NEVER gets drunk.
Reno: It’d take one drink to knock him out.

>- just read and you’ll understand. Again, I promise NO major angst, except for getting screwed over by having to work on a holiday.

Elena: That’s always a major bummer.
Rude: Like now?
Reno: It ain’t fucking Christmas, dude.
Rude: I know, but I’ m sure there is SOME holiday today that we could get off of doing this for.

>~ Secret Santa ~

>Crystalline white flakes were slowly falling from above, landing on the windshield
>before melting into tiny droplets of water that rolled down slowly, only to hit
>the salt-stained hood of the car and return to steam once again. The low, struggling
>idle of the engine and the gentle hum of the heater provided the only sound
>around; the man next to me was sitting as quietly as I was, simply gazing
>languidly out the foggy glass.

Elena: Wow... that is actually really, really good writing.
Reno: El... we are going to get jiggy with it, so nothing can be good right now. TSENG! About that alcohol!
Rude: I’ll take you to the bar afterwards, shut up!
Elena: Isn’t this interesting Rude?

>He started the car with a sigh and shook his head slowly, looking over at me,

Reno: In UTTER DISGUST!

> then at the glowing turquoise numbers on the dash’s display- 2:14 A.M.
>“Nothin’ yet,” he whispered, his voice trying desperately to hide the tinge
>of frustration, probably sharing mine in the fact that we were both sitting
>on the side of the road, freezing, and bored out of our minds.
Elena: Typical lemon beginning, car broke down... leave it to Reno.
Reno: Shut up Elena.

>They didn’t send me out in the field often- I never really got to experience the
>“tactical” side of being a Turk.

Reno: No, nor will she ever, because going through such training would kill the woman if she went through such training.
Elena: It will not! *kick*
Reno: OUCH! My SHIN!

> Then again, if most fieldwork was like this, I was glad to be responsible for report
>generation and review in my nice, cozy office, curled up in an afghan with my
>shoes on the floor and a cup of tea in my hand.

Elena: Wow, that is EXACTLY what I do in my office.
Rude: While some of us go around and killing every day.

>I shivered a bit at the thought of being somewhere warmer than this, as I felt
>the soft, satiny lining of a standard-issue jacket being draped around my
>shoulders, one of the hands holding it carefully brushing a stray piece
>of hair out of my face.

Elena: Now I am cold...
Rude: Want ME to warm you up dear?
Reno: I think this fiction should be a Rude/Elena.
Elena: Like that will ever happen...

>Sure, we’d been enemies before- he’d always say I was weak, and I’d always
>call him out for being an asshole,

Reno: She is weak.
Elena: And he is the asshole.
Rude: And they always fight like that.

> but for some reason on this snowy Midgar night, things were different.

Reno: Yeah, it’s a fiction and I’m getting laid... *glances at Elena* By THAT!
Rude: You told me once Reno, getting laid is getting laid.
Reno: I mean by mysterious one night stands... not EL!

>It was one of the only times in this bustling, heartless city that people stopped
>to think about the small joys,
Reno: Wait... that really happens in Midgar? Where? When?
Elena: Come to think of it, why is it SNOWING in Midgar?

> the little things they usually took for granted during the course of busy days
>and siren-filled nights.

Reno: MY nights are normally filled with ‘sirens’ but not the kind the author is thinking of.

>I had a small get-together planned for tonight, just for some friends, but
>had to cancel last-minute because Tseng wanted me to get field experience.
>We’d thought everything would go smoothly, but something always has to
>happen to change that plan.

Reno: In a lemon, something always goes wrong.
Rude: Elena has friends?
Elena: *kick*
Reno: WHAT DID YOU KICK ME FOR?
Elena: You were closer.

> So, while every other Shinra employee was off for the holidays, we were
>sitting on the side of the last highway out of town with a flat tire and a car
>that wouldn’t start.

Reno: And Turks are suppose to be ready for anything.
Elena: I’d rather use your big head for a tire to get away from you.
Reno: Just kick me next time... that hurt.
Rude: *boot*
Reno: Good thing I’m wearing a cup.

>“We’re stuck, at least until morning,” he said, sounding slightly more annoyed
>now than earlier. “Not much we can do about it now, since everything’s closed
>and Tseng won’t answer his phone.

Reno: Typical Tseng...
Tseng: *On P.A.* that’s only because Elena calls me all the time.
Elena: DO NOT! I call you 30 times a day, not all the time.
Reno: Stop, El

> So we might as well make the best out of it.”

Reno: So get walking El.
Elena: *sigh*

>Nodding slowly as I pulled the jacket tighter around my shoulders, I looked
>over at him. “Wonder if they’re missing us at the party,” I asked aloud, trying >to break the tension between us and make this easier on both of us.
>“You, probably, but not me,” he said with an unaffected smirk.

Reno: No, make that the OTHER way around, they’d all miss me, but not HER!
Elena: No, no you said it right.
Rude: This is entertaining, between the fiction and these too fighting...

>“All I do is just get trashed off the free booze and end up telling Scarlet that
>Rufus is attracted to her.

Reno: Sad thing is... that’s TRUE!
Rude: Rufus is still mad as a wet hornet about last Christmas, it took four months to keep Scarlet away from him.

> Same stuff every year- if Rude’s my Secret Santa, I’m getting a pint of whiskey.
> If it’s Tseng, I’m getting office supplies. This is kinda nice ‘cause it’s

Reno: True, true...
Tseng: *On P.A.* I don’t always give office supplies.
Elena: Yes, you do.
Tseng: You don’t even remember what I got you this year, you were all drunk.
Reno: Yeah, Rude was my secret Santa, I had a whole pint of whiskey to drink.
Rude: You drank it all that one night?
Reno: Try one DRINK.

>something different, even if we are stuck in a car that won’t start. Anyway,
>what are we going to do about it now?”

Reno: I keep telling you... I keep telling you... GET WALKING ELENA!

>I’d fished half a chocolate bar out of the glovebox while he was talking,
> and offered him a piece. He took it, blew the few remaining pieces of lint off,
>popped it in his mouth, and flipping on the radio. Instead of the engine’s
> monotonous idle, the sound of those idiotically grating holiday songs filled the car.

Reno: Rude the bald head Turk-ie...
Elena: Had a very shiny head...
Rude: And if you continue singing... you two are going to end up dead...
Elena and Reno: *silent*

>“Well, we’ve got crappy music, grub, and free booze here. Who needs a
>stupid company party?” he said, proudly holding up a bottle-shaped gift wrapped
> in sparkly blue paper, handing it over for me to open.

Elena: Is there really booze in the car?Rude: Of course, it’s Reno’s car.
Reno: HEY!

>I took it and read the tag out loud, laughing a bit as I found it was meant to go to
>our bald co-worker as a gift.

Reno: See? Rude always

>“Hey, wait, I thought Rude always bought you the booze, right?” I asked, staring
> him down with a smile. “At least I’m creative- I guess now’s the time to tell you
>I was your Secret Santa.”

Reno: Wait... El was my secret Santa?
Rude: Yeah, go figure.
Elena: I hope I got you something strong...

>I sat back after pulling a long, thin box wrapped in black paper covered with
>tiny skull-and-crossbones, handing it to him. He took it and cocked his head
>strangely as he shook the box, obviously trying to figure out what was inside
>without even opening it.

Reno: Good Shiva, let it be something that will start the car.
Rude: Or something that will be strong liquor.

> After giving up, he ripped off the paper and opened it, a look of playful
>disappointment spreading across his face.
>“A pen. Nice, Laney,” he muttered as he sat there and played with it,\

Reno: Did I not see that coming? It’s useless
Rude: Office supplies, wasn’t that Tseng’s department?

>jumping a bit as it beeped at him, the LCD screen lighting up with the perfect
>mix for a gin martini. “A pen that has any drink recipe I could imagine
>stored in it? Now that’s cool. Booze and office stuff- looks like you’ve
>got the best of both worlds.”

Rude: As I was saying.

>I nodded and handed him a drink made out of a day-old flat soda and
>some whiskey, happy that he’d been amused by my present. Truth is,
>even if I wasn’t his partner for some stupid office morale booster,

Elena: No, if I wasn’t his partner in the Turks I wouldn’t have anything else to do with him.
Reno: Unless I caught you in a bar.
Elena: What the hell are you drinking?Reno: Apparently day old flat soda and some whiskey.

>I’d have bought him that anyways. The combo-pen-and-bartenders’-guide was
>just so Reno, it was perfect.

Elena: Yes, that is the truth.
Rude: That is so very Reno.
Tseng: *On P.A.* Now, if you really had that pen, I’d want ALL of the reports done on time.
Reno: IF, Tseng, IF...

>“Glad you like it,” I told him, laughing as he handed me his already-empty
>cup for a refill. “Looks like you’ll be getting a lot of use out of it.”

Reno: Especially if I have to spend more time with Elena in a small space.
Elena: I need to be drinking more.

>I finished the last of my drink and poured us both another one, raising my
>Styrofoam cup to his as he said a few words.

Reno: To DRUNKEN PARTIES!
Elena: To having a hot boss that I STILL want to sleep with.
Tseng: *On P.A.* Knew it.
Rude: To having some interesting figures to work with.

>“Here’s to psycho ex-girlfriends, having means but no ends, bills and
>cheap thrills, and paychecks to spend. Here’s to late nights and bar fights,
> and hookers low class, but it ain’t nothin’ big- they can all kiss my ass. Cheers.”

Reno: HELL YA! That’s what I am talking about!
Rude: I was wondering how you spent that money.

>“Personal experience, is it?” I giggled, the alcohol starting to take effect
>and immediately warming me up from the inside. He smirked and nodded,
> setting his drink down on the dashboard as the twinkling lights from all over
>the city cast a multicolored glow on the shadows inside the car.

Elena: I do like the visuals.
Reno: Man, Elena is a lightweight when it comes to drinking.
Rude: It’s WHISKEY!

>“So, what was the one thing you’d always wanted from Santa but never got?”

Rude: Hair.
Reno: *snicker* Alcohol...
Elena: A good job.Tseng: *On P.A.* How about some non-smart ass Turks?

>he asked, his hand resting on my knee as he ate another piece of chocolate from
> the half-wrapped bar I’d left sitting on the armrest. “If I remember correctly,
>I wanted one of those really expensive radio-control racetracks when I was
>like four or five. We didn’t have the money for it, so I never got it. I wanted
>the one where you could make the cars run into each other- always thought
>that looked like fun.”

Elena: Oddly, that does sound fun.
Rude: I had one.
Elena: YOU HAD ONE? I WANTED ONE!
Rude: Yeah, when I turned six, I got one, a red and a blue car.
Elena: How mean.

>“Doesn’t surprise me in the least,” I teased, my hand patting the back of his.
>“You’re never gonna let me live this down, but I wanted one of those really
>breakable porcelain dolls with all the clothes and furniture that came with- the
>ones that had the stories written about them. I wanted the ballerina,” I said,
>blushing furiously as I admitted how much of a girl I was as a child.

Elena: I did have one of those...
Reno: Figures.

>He was on his third drink now, and was laughing a bit louder while
>chain-smoking. “Nope, Prima Ballerina Laney isn’t ever going to live that
>one down. I can see you now, all dressed in a pink, frilly tutu,” he chuckled,
>offering me a smoke. I snatched it from his hand and tried to growl at him,
>but only succeeded in choking on a snicker as my elbow slid off the armrest
>and dropped my head against his stomach.

Elena: Figure it out... L-E-M-O-N
Rude: They had to get to the point some time.

>“You’re pretty when you’re mad, ‘Lena,” he said, running his fingers through
>my hair. “I can only guess what you wanted to be when you grew up. Bet your
>room had the girly white canopy bed and all kinds of dolls. And I bet you
>even played with those stupid Pretty Pretty Ponies!”

Elena: I like Pretty Pretty Ponies!
Rude: Yeah, she has them in her office.

>“They were not stupid!” I half-shrieked, realizing too late that I’d inadvertently
>admitted to making up fantastical stories using pony-shaped pieces of molded
>plastic with names like Buttercup and Sprinkles.
Rude: *laughing*
Elena: My favorite ones were named Rainbow and Fairy.
Reno: I torched the ones my Mom gave me, named them Rabid and Scar.
Elena: Figures.

> We were both laughing
>hysterically now, his hand still making trails through my hair as I poured us
>each another drink.

Reno: Drunken-ness...
Elena: A major part of the whole Lemon experience.

>“Well, Mister-Worse-Than-My-Older-Brother, what did you want to be
>when you grew up? Huh?”


Elena: I have a brother?
Rude: You have a brother?

>He gazed down at me, one eye squinting slightly to keep focus. “I was hell-
>bent on being a racecar driver.

Reno: Hell yeah, I am starting to LIKE this author!
Rude: Then wait about five minutes.

> The thrill, the fans, the fast cars, everything.
>Always thought it was too cool. You?”
>I answered before collapsing into whiskey-fueled giggles. “A princess.”

Elena: That’ s what I wanted to be when I was FOUR!
Rude: Then what did you want to be when you were older?
Elena: A ballerina.
Reno: Go figure.

>He burst out laughing, both of us obnoxiously drunk and belligerent.

Reno: Waaaaaaaaait, I cannot, repeat, CANNOT get drunk on three drinks!
Elena: yes you can.
Reno: Moonshine doesn’t count!

>“Well, Your Highness, there’s only one other thing that’d make this a great
>party. If it’s going to be anything like the company shindig, somebody’s going to
>have to get laid.”
Rude: Told you...
Reno: MAKE IT STOP NOW DADDY!
Elena: Oooooooh boy.

>“Yep,” I slurred, eyes half-lidded as I looked up at him, “and since Scarlet’s not
>here, guess that’s gonna have to be you.”

Reno: No, no, no, no, no.
Elena: LALALALALALA! Not listening! *plugging ears*

> His fingers clumsily fumbled with the buttons on my shirt as he slipped his
>hand inside, the chill of his palm startling me.
>“C’mere and I’ll give you the real present,” he taunted, almost daring me

Reno: Yeah, a trip to the gas station to get the car started... eep.
Elena: No... stop.

>to ignore his advances.

Elena: I want to ignore his advances.

> “May not be the man in the red suit, but you can always
>sit on my lap and tell me what you want.” He spoke quietly, his voice low

Reno: Yeah... go ahead Ele... sit on my lap and tell me what you want.
Elena: No, I can tell you here just fine... I WANT THIS FICTION TO END!
Rude: Yet you both liked it four minutes ago, so I can say... TOLD YOU SO!

>and heated in his throat as he turned my head towards his; I could taste the
>inimitable hint of whiskey and chocolate on his lips as we kissed, his hand
>running through my hair as mine struggled with the buttons on his shirt.

Elena: Although I admit, I still like her writing style.
Reno: You are still watching this?
Rude: *smirks*

>He slid his tongue deeper and deeper into my mouth, toying with mine
>before running it along my teeth, pulling it out slightly and licking my lips
>as I sighed his name softly. I was now straddling his lap, his slim legs spread
>so his hand could slide up my skirt, the windows frosted with fog as I started
>in for another kiss.

Elena: Is this wrong that it is turning me on now?
Rude: Yes.
Reno: Actually, it’s turning me on too.Rude: Wrong, wrong wrong... I work with you two.

>His fingertip found the moist spot that had been growing between my legs

Elena: If Reno could actually do that, I’d melt.
Reno: Hey, I’m not called the one night stud for nothing, you wanna give me a try?
Elena: Fuck you.
Reno: That’s what I am asking.
Rude: Oh brother.

>and was now stroking it gently, causing me to grasp futilely at the shorter
>spikes at the back of his neck as I gasped into our lips’ embrace.
>“...please, Reno,” I whimpered,

Elena: Leave me alone...
Reno: Aww...
Rude: Reno, don’t leave me out of it, I miss you too!
Reno: *smack*
Rude: OUCH!

>throwing my head back as I pulled out of the kiss, no thanks to the fact
> his finger was now inside me.

Elena: wow... I’m starting to get wet...
Rude: T.M.I. El’
Elena: Well, Reno’s getting a boner.
>“Please what?” he asked, leaning in to carefully nip at the hollow of my
>exposed neck, right between my collarbones. Unable to control myself, my hand slid
> down to the fly of his jeans and unzipped it, his cock so hard it took no real effort
>to get it to spring to its fully erect state, thick and slightly curved and surrounded
>by a neatly trimmed dressing of fire-red curls.

Elena: Wow... so Reno’s hair is NATURALLY that color.
Reno: *pulls open pants and looks down* Yep. It is.
Rude: I’m so out of place here.

>I began to stroke it slowly, my hand circling around his shaft and pumping
>carefully as he hissed sharply, leaning in to once again bite at the exposed tendons
> in my neck. My index finger worked at his already-leaking slit, the circular
> motions complementing the short, quick motions of my hand.

Reno: If that wasn’t El, I’d bust my nuts right about now...
Rude: But it IS her... so don’t

>“Holy shit, ‘Lena,” he sighed, sliding my thong aside and pulling me to him, his >hips bucking gently as he buried his shaft inside me. My uniform skirt was hiked

Elena: Wait... when do I wear a skirt?
Reno: Easy access... man, I’m getting turned on now.
Rude: Nice tent Reno.
Reno: Don’t... don’t say anything.

>up around my waist, my shirt unbuttoned haphazardly, and I was slowly losing
> my shoe between the door and the driver’s seat.

Elena: That’s GOT to be funny for anyone driving by.
Reno: Waaaaaait, rule number one, the Stud always wears protection...
Elena: No glove no love kind of man?
Reno: With the ‘things’ I stick my meat in? Hell yeah.


>I was sure it wasn’t any more comfortable in the company broom closet.

Elena: Where did that comment come from?
Rude: Think about Rufus and Scarlet last Christmas.
Reno: *snickers*

>Reno kept rocking his hips, his hands roaming my back effortlessly as I
>leaned in to kiss him again. The roads were still deserted this time of night,
>and we were the only two people in the world, as far as I was concerned. Reno
>and I, two unchecked names on the Shinra party’s guest list, stuck in a
>freezing-cold car, drunk, and fucking the shit out of each other.

Reno: I’d rather go solo.
Elena: I’d really rather fuck even Rude.
Rude: Thanks... I think?
Elena: take that as a complement...
Rude: Oooooookay.

>His breathing was heavy and labored as he pushed himself farther inside me,
>my sighed whimpers and moans drowning out the music from the radio as I nipped
>at the base of his neck, hands gripping his shoulders tightly as he massaged the
>swollen bud between my legs. He wasn’t fucking me hard, but hell, it was nice.

Reno: Wait, I’d be drunk, I’d be fucking her SO hard...
Rude: Reno, think of what you are saying!
Reno: Easy, I am not thinking it’s El, I’m thinking it’s the hot author of this fiction.

>I’m sure it would have been better if we hadn’t finished off an entire bottle of
>booze between the two of us, but it’s not like I was complaining. >I was incredibly tight around him, back involuntarily arched as I came with a s
>oft sigh of his name. He followed soon after, his warmth coating my insides
>and spreading out through my whole body, compensating for the chill of the
>frigid Midgar air.

Reno: That’s a nice way of saying I shot my load.
Elena: Yes, actually it was.

>He pulled me against his chest, my shallow breaths matching the rhythmic
>beating of his heart as sleep consumed me. As I drifted off, I swear I felt his
>lips against my forehead and a warm flannel emergency blanket wrap around
>our entwined bodies.

Tseng: *On P.A.* I really hope that I don’t see them in the morning... I’m starting to like Elena...
Elena: I knew IT!

>Tomorrow, everything would be the same, and we’d have to go back to being the
> rookie and the lazy one.

Elena: I am not lazy...
Rude: That is so very wrong.
Reno: I don’t think I’m the rookie El.

> We’d always have tonight, though, the events that
>happened in this car a better gift than any cheap piece of plastic crap. Neither
> of us had to put on an act like we would have at the company party; we were
>just able to be ourselves and share something beautiful. It’d always be our
>little secret, something that’d be wordlessly relived through a tiny glimmer
>in his Mako-turquoise eyes.

Reno: Worth what?
Rude: You two...

>We got the car towed early the next morning, going our separate ways for
>the last few days of the holiday season. This wasn’t something we’d talk
>about; it was just understood that it happened and was well-received by
>both parties.

Reno: Just like me, fuck and forget.
Elena: Like this fiction, let’s NOT mention this again.

> It was almost like if we mentioned it, the entire night would
>be reduced to trivial words, losing the finer points of its appeal, something
>neither of us wanted to have happen.
Elena: No. I didn’t want to remember I got banged by the company slut.
Reno: I am glad that... HEY I AM NOT A SLUT!

>So maybe that’s why I was glad I shut my door when I got into the office
>after vacation, only to find a silver plastic tiara and two tickets to Midgar
>Motor Mayhem.

Elena: Wow. I really am a princess...
Rude: Hey, Reno didn’t take ME to go see Midgar Motor Mayhem when we...
Reno: That’s enough Rude.
Rude: But I want a plastic tiara too!

>Author’s Note: Sorry this is a bit late for the holidays. I was attacked by the muses
>and they forced me to do it,

Elena: Sort of like the ‘muses’ that begged you not to do it?
Rude: Reno, you still have your ‘tent’
Reno: Drop it dude.
Rude: I can help.
Reno: I SAID DROP IT!

> and then I got busy doing stuff with the family. It’s done now, so enjoy. Please
>read and review; I don’t understand why people aren’t more generous with
>feedback. It’s not like it’s easy or profitable to write these stories; a little praise or
>criticism is always welcome and is a nice gesture.

Elena: I have two things to tell her... one, my vibrator is going to get some milage put on it tonight...
Rude: T. M. I.
Reno: *groan* There goes MY boner...
Elena: And... *lifts glass of whisky* We only flame those we love!
Reno: *lifts glass of whiskey*
Rude: *lifts glass of whiskey* Thank you for allowing us to MST you, and having a good time.
Elena: RUDE!
Rude: Well, I did...
Reno: *gulps his drink* Now, to go to the bar and get the very thought of Elena out of my head.
Tseng: *On P.A.* Hey, El’ want to go out and drink?
Elena: Tseng’s trying to get laid tonight.
Reno: I thought that’s what you wanted.
Tseng: *On P.A.* For that comment... I’m finding another Reno slash...
Reno: *whispering* nothing with AVALANCHE, nothing with AVALANCHE...
Tseng: *On P.A.* Okay... okay... I’m looking, Elena, about that drink...
Rude: Until next time... *finishes whiskey* Keep on laughing!