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It's Just Trash	By : KSipesh Category: Final Fantasy VII > Het - Male/Female Views: 1079 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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It�s Just Trash

Chapter 2

So there I was, in the arms of this beautiful, innocent young woman, who was willing it seemed, to do whatever I had in mind. And I assure you, there was something on my mind. However, this was quickly shattered by the idea that this girl had no idea what sort of monster I honestly was. If she knew what I had done, if she knew what I was, certainly she wouldn�t be here. I couldn�t contaminate her with my touch any longer. I gently pushed her back, looking away in my shame as I struggled to get myself back under control.

I�d permitted myself to be delusional for a short time.

"Vincent?" I heard her ask, her voice laced with concern.

"I�m sorry," I said back quietly. I found myself unable to look at her, fearing that she�d see the horrific truth in my eyes. "I�I shouldn�t have done that."

I may not have been gazing upon her, but I could tell that I�d crushed her somehow.

Her response came reluctantly. "Why not?"

I moved to face out toward the night again, gripping the railing before me to stop myself from turning back and putting my arms around her once more. I had to let her know that it wasn�t because of anything that she had done, but that rather, it was my issue. God, doesn�t that sound cliché? "I don�t do that kind of thing."

She took one tentative step toward me. "Huh?"

I closed my eyes as the memory of the last woman that I had longed to touch and kiss playing across my mind. "There was a point in time when I thought that I could be wanted like that, but I learned that such things�aren�t meant for me."

I felt her move to my side, leaning upon the railing. "You don�t think I wanted what just happened between us?"

I glanced over at her, unwilling to let go of the railing before me as I struggled to get my physical arousal to die down. "Perhaps you were caught up in the moment."

"Vincent�" She seemed at a loss for a moment. I know that I had confused her by pushing her away. Surely, no one in their right mind would ever have refused her.

Then, she asked something that revealed to me that she was far more perceptive than I had initially given her credit for. "Who was she?"

I closed my eyes again, drawing in a good amount of the cold night air. The story wasn�t one that I was yet ready to tell her. For once I did, I knew that Tifa would be beyond my grasp forever. "You do not want to know."

I heard her laugh a little to herself as she turned to face out at the night, mimicking my pose. Hearing her small twitter of nervous laughter, I couldn�t help but look over at her, wondering what she was contemplating. I leaned sideways upon the railing, considering Tifa for a long while.

Perhaps she had thought of Cloud�s reaction upon inevitably learning that she had let me kiss her. The idea of the young man-- no, boy-- plagued me. He and Tifa were close, and I had believed them to be�exclusive. I had to address it. "Besides, there is the whole issue of Cloud."

Her eyebrows darted up. "Cloud? You think I�m involved with him?"

I was confounded by her response. "Are you not?"

She plainly laughed at me, seeming to regret having done so after a few seconds. "No, no way. He and I have been close for a long time, but we�re not involved like that."

I became pensive upon learning this. From the way he behaved around her, I found this difficult to believe. "He is awfully protective of you, Tifa."

Tifa faced away from me, her face suddenly looking pained. I understood that expression and it hurt something within me to see it upon her face. She sighed and said, "Yeah, I know, but we�re not together. We�ve been friends for most of our lives. Maybe I felt more for him than just that, but he never has and after all that happened with Aeris, I don�t think it ever will. He made things clear enough."

She understood. Tifa, this perfect creature, understood what it was like to be brushed aside. How anyone could do that to her� again, an idea beyond my comprehension. Still, I had to make things clear for myself. "You love him?"

Tifa closed her eyes, obviously reflecting. The way the breeze toyed with her hair as she stood there� "At one time, I did, but eventually I came to realize that he was never going to love me back. I know they always say stupid things like never give up on love or whatever, but I sort of did. I have a knack for only being attracted to men that will never want me, I guess."

Strange that I had the same problem. I was only drawn to women who would never be able to love me. No one would be able to love me. Not after what I had done and what I had become. Surely not Tifa. I wouldn�t let myself even fathom the possibility of her ever harboring any honest feelings about me. How Cloud could have turned her away though, seemed like an act of idiocy. There had to be some reason for his actions.

I gazed at her. "It�s not a matter of not wanting you, perhaps. It could be that you tend to choose those who are too blinded by something else to be able to give you what you need."

Her eyes seemed threatened with tears. Tifa seemed so lonely and fragile. "I don�t care anymore. I�m sick of being alone."

Was it simply a desire for a temporary escape from that loneliness that had brought her here to me? I dared to ask, "What did you want from me tonight?"

Her complexion deepened from a blush that crept into her cheeks. I had embarrassed her, it seemed. It hadn�t been my intent. She dropped her gaze to the deck. "To get to know you. To let you know that I cared and that I wasn�t like the others on the ship."

My previous assumption that she�d simply come to me to seek some distraction from her solitude was wrong. She wasn�t looking for some physical diversion. Tifa was looking for a friend, and the poor, misguided creature had come to me. I knew I couldn�t fulfill that role for her, and I most likely frowned. "I misread you, then."

She knit her brow. "Misread me?"

"Yes." I crossed my arms, putting up a front that would hide what I honestly wanted from her. "I thought it possible that you were seeking�companionship for the night."

A somewhat peculiar expression overtook her at that moment. I will admit I rather liked it. Awkwardly, she replied, "If you had asked for anything�"

Her voice failed her and she flushed red. Apparently, Tifa had just embarrassed herself.

I knew I needed to give her a way out, but not necessarily an easy one. "If we�re going to have to be together for the duration of this mission, then we need to clear this up. If I go back to ignoring you and in doing so anger you, then that will just be one more hopeless interpersonal relationship between a member of AVALANCHE and myself."

"Okay, I like you, Vincent. I have since you joined us. I wanted to see if I could get you just to talk to me tonight, and the fact that it went a little further than that�well, I was all right with it." Her anxiety was palpable, and she had my sympathy.

She also had my undivided attention. Tifa had just admitted to liking me. Juvenile of me to get so hung up on a word, I know, but rarely had anyone admitted possessing any regards for me. Certainly not someone like her. I contemplated the situation, and decided to delve deeper into her mind. "Why do you like me?"

Tifa looked a little confused. "I don�t know, I�m just drawn to you, I guess."

The answer suddenly seemed obvious to me. "Do you feel sorry for me?"

Her body language answered before her voice did. "Maybe a little."

I turned my eyes away from her, as I felt a small inward twinge. That had not been what I had hoped to hear. My disappointment was probably clear. I didn�t want to be felt sorry for. I didn�t want to be as some injured stray on the side of the road that she would pay attention to simply out of a sense of duty. This stray had bit more than one hand, and had achieved his position within the universe. "Don�t. I don�t want people doing things for me out of pity. I earned absolutely everything that has befallen me. I deserve what I�ve been dealt."

"How so?"

My resentment for my failures reared up, smothering the small flicker of hope that I�d possessed just a short while before. "I am responsible for all of this, you know. All that we�re going through�I could have stopped this from ever happening."

Tifa moved a little closer, seemingly intent upon getting me to reveal everything to her. "How can you be responsible for all of this?"

I knew that telling her would slam shut the door between she and I ever having anything of substance between us. Not that I thought there ever could be anything of substance between us. I closed my eyes, sighing. I wouldn�t lie to her, but I would let her rethink learning the truth. "If you truly wish to know tomorrow, come back after the others have gone to bed and I will tell you my story."

She seemed content with this. "Then I�ll see you tomorrow."

I nodded and then forced myself to leave. As I walked past her, I lost my usual concern for my personal space and I let my arm briefly glance against hers as I went. I would have rather given her a kiss goodnight, but that would have been highly inappropriate and I wasn�t confident that she would have permitted such a thing in any event.

I went straight to my room. Nanaki, who I had been assigned to bunk with, was already molded down into the pile of blankets he had upon his bed. His head raised up as I dropped my cloak to the floor. "Valentine?"

I didn�t bother to look at him as I landed upon the edge of my bed, kicking my boots off. "Yes?"

He took a few deep breaths of the air and purred. "Chocolate and Tifa?"

I let my hair fall loose and I cocked an eyebrow. The cat was too damn perceptive. He put me to shame. I glanced over at him. "She gave me a candy bar. Nothing more."

His one, glowing, amber eye narrowed. I could see that he was debating my honesty, but quickly, his exhaustion got the better of him and he put his head back down and resumed snoring.

The cat was not impressed.
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It's Just Trash