Like a Cherry River

Author's Notes: Creepy stuff in this chapter! Object insertion!!! Of course...with the EMR, is it really so surprising.

“…Before someone ends up looking…”

He could hear it again,

“…Enjoying yourself, are you...?”

Just like the night before,

“…You look like a drowned chicken…”

And the one before that,

“…I wanted to kiss you, but…”

He couldn’t get it to go away, or stop.

“…When you don’t say anything…”

Reno couldn’t do anything.

“…You’re pretty cute…”

It had been years. Five years. More than five damned years since he’d seen Zack. Since he’d seen that playful grin that was the only rival to his own, since he’d heard that voice, and seen those surreal eyes.

More than five solid years since Reno had kissed him.

Zack Fair.

Zack fuckin’ Fair.

The name was still bitter on his lips, and still caused his throat to sting. No matter what he was doing, no matter who he was doing at the time…he just couldn’t get that damned SOLDIER out of his mind.

But…why was it so hard?

Zack was dead.

He was fucking dead,

And he was never coming back.

Never.

There was a chance that this reality was what had left Reno so bitter, so sarcastic, and so much more sharp-tongued than he’d ever been before. But who could really blame him? Well…since no one knew about what happened with Zack, everyone could and did blame him for his sour attitude.

Who did Reno blame?

He blamed Zack.

It was all his fault.

If Zack hadn’t always been so coy. If Zack hadn’t always come onto him like that. If Zack hadn’t been so handsome, so insanely handsome and world-rocking. If Zack hadn’t been so charming, so virtuous, so dashing, so…loving…Maybe he wouldn’t have lov…

No, if Zack hadn’t have been those things, He just wouldn’t have been Zack.

And that wouldn’t have been right at all.

That’s all that there was to it.

And if there was one thing that Reno never would have changed on this Earth, It was Zack. Everything about Zack. Every single thing was perfect.

From those haunting eyes, to his ridiculous hair-style, to that big dumb goofy grin he tossed around like spare change, to the way that he would pout out his lips like a child while begging foolishly, and even the way that he used to do squats before he went to bed every night and even when he first woke up every morning.

There were far too many things about Zack that he missed, even though he would never tell a soul. Not a single one. Not Rufus, not Tseng, Elena, Reeve…Hell, not even Rude. But…there were a lot of things that Reno never told anyone.

This was just one more thing, right?

No…wrong.

Zack was more than a thing.

Zack was everything.

And he was exactly what Reno missed on one specific Autumn night when the air would nip at exposed skin and tease deviously at uncovered ears and noses. Tonight, that air carrying the fresh scent of leaves, dew, and moonbeams drifted in through an open window of Reno’s apartment, the very same apartment that was so far away from trees, grass, or any living form of nature.

The apartment; with it’s dark fabrics and plush, the blocky industrial detailing of the kitchen and the doorframes, the simplistic decorating and it’s shabby paint job, that would seem so warm and worn-in…was freezing. Absolutely freezing.

But Reno, on the other hand was absolutely burning-up, at least on the inside.

His lanky form and tawny muscles were strewn out over the mess of navy blue blankets and sheets, his thin limbs entangled and hanging from one side of the bed. His pale form that contrasted so well with that fiery red hair of his was exposed almost completely, his only modesty other than the bits of sheets were a pair of thin black cotton boxers.

It was pathetic…but, they belonged to Zack.

They were, his only connection to Zack anymore. The only real thing that he had left. The only thing about Zack that he could physically hang on to when he needed the SOLDIER. Which was of course, twenty-four-seven.

But despite the comfort that they brought, they were almost a burden…that terrible reminder that Zack would never return to take them back like he used to.

It wasn’t like the two of them had ever…

…Ever slept together, but Reno –being the joker that he was- found it all too comical to sneak away a pair of Zack’s boxers from time to time. He always said that it was to see if Zack would notice, but…that was a lie. The only reason he did it was to make sure that Zack kept coming back around, whether he really wanted to or not.

But damn, he wished that he would have had that chance to be with Zack like that.

He wished that he had memories like that to look back on, but…he had to imagine, had to pretend.

Reno had no fond romantic memories of moonlit evenings and candlelight dinners that led up to passionate nights spent by fire-places or tangled in sticky bed-sheets. He didn’t have anything like that…with Zack.

He’d been with more than enough people. He should have died of dozens of different diseases by now; someone should have quarantined him and shot him by now, but no. He was still here, and he was still needing Zack, just like when they first met.

As the Turk let his mind wander away with him, his aqua-hued eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, a milky-glaze lingering in those eyes, baring even blinking anymore. But…a battle raged in the depths of those orbs.

A battle to break down, or just keep on holding it back.

After far too long of being unable to make his mind stop, Reno let out a low growl, his eyes showing the first sign of emotion as his brows knitted together in a sudden frustration as he proceeded to flinging the blankets off of his form.

“Fuck it, just fuck it!”

He growled out, nearly shredding the blankets when he finally became so flustered that he just balled them up and threw them against the wall, ignoring the mirror that tumbled down and shattered in the corner.

Pausing, he bit down on his lip, staring down between his legs, the look in his eyes growing more desperate by the minute.

Dammit.

He just had to be thinking about Zack.

Again…like always.

Even after all this time, those thoughts of Zack never failed to excite him, and…there was only one way to get rid of it.

Groaning out unhappily, he flopped back down against the bed, his head hitting the pillow and causing him to wince as the pony-tail holder in the back of his head ground into the back of his skull. Reaching back with lean fingers, he pulled the hair-thing away and threw that across the room just like he had with the blanket, this time hitting the door instead of another mirror.

Those impossibly long locks of vermillion satin fanned out beneath him when he laid back down, stretched out like flames against the dull blue cotton sheets.

His eyes closed in frustration, his breath going lower and deeper as his body became hotter and continued to ache more and more.

It took him only a moment to move his hand down his chest, dancing silently over his sweating skin, ghosting over tender nerves before his fingers began to pluck at his waistband. Or rather, Zack’s waistband.

A hoarse gasp suddenly jumped from his lips as he lowered his hand further, palming himself through the front of those boxers, feeling a damp wet spot already forming, surprise evident in the tone of that single sound. His back jerked lightly as he wrapped his fingers around his clothed erection, the fibers slightly scratchy on his sensitive flesh, massaging it wonderfully.

His other hand lifted to his mouth, playing lightly over his lips as he imagined that those fingertips belonged to Zack. Letting his imagination take over, he pushed the digits past his lips, his tongue curling around one and then another, sucking them…just the way that he would have done so to Zack, had he had the chance.

However, as he increased the pressure of the teasing upon his lower-half, he suddenly bit down upon his fingers, jerking his hand from his lips. Nothing but a tiny strand of saliva connecting his lips to what he wished were Zack’s sword calloused and sun-tanned fingertips.

His breath suddenly hitched in his throat as his hips jerked up into his grasp, but…it just wasn’t enough.

Roughly, he shoved his own pants down the front of those boxers, tightly gripping himself as he moaned out thickly, his head tossing back in ecstasy.

It’s how he imagined Zack would have done it.

If Zack had been here, he would have been teasing and coy, never quite giving Reno what he wanted, but being forceful and somewhat demanding at the same time, even if his only goal was to get Reno to cry out for him.

Zack was far too selfless for his own good.

Reno’s hips continued to jerk, moving up into his own hand as he ground down his teeth. But…his mind still wanted to believe that it was Zack, so in accordance, his fingertips slide away, teasing only at the tip, swirling lightly and not squeezing enough to accomplish anything. Suddenly with the slip of a thumbnail over the bare and leaking tip, Reno cried out, his partially open eyes clouding over as his lips parted and hung slack, his lungs straining for oxygen.

His own fingers were just too smooth, they weren’t like Zack’s, they weren’t close enough.

But…he didn’t care, besides…he needed more than just fingers teasing the sensitive skin in the open….he needed something, anything, to tease and torture the skin inside of him.

Letting out a choked out moan, he pulled his hand away, lowering both of his hands to his hips, slowly and almost seductively sliding the boxers down his thighs and below his knees, tugging them away from his feet…but, he didn’t throw them across the room, instead, he carefully allowed them to pool in a single spot upon the bed. Right next to him.

Fully exposed to the night air, he closed his eyes momentarily and let out a low breathy moan, arching his hips up against a pretend body as he spread his fingers between his loins, pressing down just enough to give resistance when he arched. Just a little bit of friction.

It was all too exciting.

Too arousing.

And just too hot.

But gods, if Zack had really been there…No, he didn’t want to think that.

He wanted to believe that Zack was really there.

Well…in a way, Zack was there…wasn’t he? And not just because he was haunting his undergarments, but because Zack was watching over him, right? He was in the lifestream anyway…right? And didn’t the ones in the lifestream watch over the ones still on the planet?

That’s what Reno thought.

No. That’s what Reno hoped.

Wished for.

“Nnnnhh, Z…Za…”

No matter how much he wanted to say it, it hurt. Made his throat sting and his eyes burn.

Gulping in gasps of air, he craned his neck back, lowering his hands to the bed as he lifted his hips up, grabbing a nearby pillow and wadding it up, propping it beneath himself as he writhed wantonly against the cool night air.

If Zack was there, if Zack was watching, Reno was going to give him a show dammit.

It was the least that he could do.

His fingers once against found his mouth, his tongue slathering them liberally before he pulled them away with a ‘pop!’ Taking a deep breath, he lowered his hand down, wasting none of the lubrication as he slipped them against the puckered muscle of his entrance. He whined out almost pathetically, turning half-lidded eyes to the ceiling as he purred out, a look of pain mingled with desperation crossing his eyes.

“You…watchin’…Z...ack…?”

A whisper was all that escaped his lips before he suddenly plunged his finger deep inside himself, past the rings of muscle made to protect and guard such a secret channel. His breath suddenly caught in his throat as his free hand suddenly snapped behind himself and groped for the head-board, needing stability that should have been offered by Zack.

“Ngh, C…ome on…”

He moaned out through gritted teeth, forcing another slicked finger into himself, causing a higher-pitched sound to flee from the confines of his throat.

Gods…it felt good.

It was hot, and made his skin tingle, made his thighs quiver and made his blood boil, his member twitch with need and desperation.

But, he needed more than fingers.

Jerking his hips down against his fingers, he hissed in disappointment.

This just wasn’t enough for him, he could be so much fuller than this. He needed it.

Needed to fill the void.

Physically…and emotionally.

Giving out an unhappy growl, he jerked his hand away, his breath coming in pants as he sat up. Marine-toned eyes searching the dark frantically.

There!

That was perfect!

…Almost.

Either way, he grabbed it, snatching up his e-mag rod and laying back down on the bed.

This would work? Right? Hell no, he wouldn’t turn it on, but…he could use it. It would definitely fit. Maybe Zack had been this big. But…Zack wouldn’t be so cold.

Absently, Reno ran his palms over the surface of the rod, feeling cold metal.

It was disappointing.

After all, Zack would have had flesh, unless his cock was robotic and Reno just didn’t know but…if Zack was normal as far as penises went…

He would have been so hot for Reno, so hard and so…so wet. Zack would have been burning for him.

As these thoughts passed through Reno, he felt himself growing all the more excited and exhilarated.

He let himself fall away into imagination, lifting the rod with both hands to his lips, curling his tongue over the tip and scowling at the taste of metal. Either way, he continued, sliding his tongue along the sides, leaving thing trails of saliva that lightly ran down onto his own fingers due to the force of gravity.

Of course, he imagined that it was Zack.

That Zack was being tortured and taunted by his tongue, that he was able to tease Zack for once…and just like this.

Pulling the rod into his mouth, he purred around it, closing his eyes as he pushed it deeper before pulling it out and coaxing it back inside with his tongue.

For long moments, he pushed it into his mouth and ever so slightly down his throat, only to pull it back and keep at it, going just a little bit faster…pretending, imagining, wishing that he wasn’t just forcing a weapon down his throat and wishing that it was Zack straddling his head and fucking his mouth.

That was what he really wanted but…

He couldn’t have it, he couldn’t have that.

Ever.

Finally, when breath escaped him, he jerked it from his mouth, his breath heavy and his lips now bruised from the harsh and inflexible metal.

Reno didn’t even notice but…his eyes were watering.

Actually, that was a lie.

He was crying, he was full-out crying…just like a three-year-old that couldn’t have a sucker after visiting the doctor. Of course, Reno’s reason was more liable…but still, he didn’t care.

Trying to catch his breath, he shook his head as he adjusted his hips, shakily lowering the rod between his legs.

Gods…

It was huge.

Maybe it really wouldn’t fit.

But maybe, just maybe it would.

He took the chance…

And less than a second later, he was screaming.

Loud.

Tears fell from his eyes as he forced nearly half of the rod deep inside of himself. Oh gods. It hurt. It hurt.

Hissing out, he gave a choking sound as he wrenched his hips, trying to find comfort in another angle, but only succeeding in making the skin stretch and burn.

“Sh…shit!” He moaned to himself, tiny trails of tears tracing and illuminating his cheekbones in the night…but, they weren’t tears brought on by the physical pain. The pain beneath him, was nothing like the pain wracking his chest, his mind, everything else.

“Za…ack!!” He sobbed out, suddenly clapping one hand over his mouth as an uncontrollable cry fled from his lips. Despite the pain, he kept his hand moving, shoving that rod deep inside of him until it scraped and pressed against that tiny pleasure center, only retracting it when it became almost too much, drawing it all the way out and sheathing it back inside.

The rhythm became faster and faster, his movements grew jerkier and more of erratic, driving himself quickly to the edge. His chest was wracked with painful cries as he moaned out, trying to breath through his sobs as he screwed his eyes shut tight, still unable to escap Zack’s eyes, that stare.

“Hhh…nnn…a…AH!” He arched painfully off of the bed, digging his nails into the sides of his mouth as he screamed out, his lungs aching from the effort as white hot liquid poured across his stomach. His thighs were trembling, his fingers shaking and that rod still wedged deep inside of him.

It was nothing like Zack would have been.

It had been cold, unforgiving, unyielding, almost torturous and he’d just known that it had torn him. Maybe that was why he didn’t pull it out yet? Falling limp against the bed, he bit his lip, his face twisting in that deep horrid pain as he opened his eyes.

“D…Dammit, Zack…you bastard,” He sobbed out quietly, meaning it only half-heartedly.

How could he blame Zack for dying, when Zack had faced thousands of infantrymen, and especially when Reno had been sent out to hunt him down and kill him himself?

Jerking the rod from inside of himself, he hissed and tossed it to the side before he rolled over and stared out of the open window.

“…Why?” He breathed out hoarsely, whimpering out pitifully as he closed his eyes, “It shouldn’t…have been you….” He whispered breathily against the pillow, “It should have been m…” He cut that off and cursed some other heavenly creature once again, “…It shouldn’t have been you,

…Shouldn’t have been you,”