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The Path to Redemption	By : Nakkinomiko Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1095 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters. SquareEnix does. I make no money from this…I just like to play with them.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters. SquareEnix does. I make no money from this…I just like to play with them.
A/N: No real warnings for this one…just an anxious and twitchy Kadaj.
******
Chapter 2
“Would you look at that. Sleeping like a baby.”
Rufus smiled slightly at Reno, who was standing outside the helicopter and looking in at Kadaj, who was, indeed, asleep. His silver head was resting against the window, and his breaths were coming in slow, regular intervals. The doctor had insisted on giving Kadaj a sedative for the trip, just to make sure there were no problems on the chopper ride to Shinra headquarters. Kadaj hadn’t protested, and Rufus had allowed it, even though he didn’t necessarily like it. He’d been serious when he had told Cloud that he had no intentions of doing anything to harm Kadaj. The sedative, in Rufus’s mind, walked the line between voluntary and forced a little closer than he liked--but Kadaj hadn’t seemed to mind the suggestion.
Maybe he was looking for an escape, Rufus thought to himself. Rufus had to admit that if their roles were reversed he, too, would have welcomed a nap. He must find this all overwhelming, with Jenova gone and his brothers dead--everything in his life has been turned upside down and inside out.   Rufus fought the urge to feel pity for Kadaj--it wouldn’t help him, nor would he welcome it. But, he certainly felt something for the young man, although he would have been hard pressed to actually name the emotion had anyone asked him at that particular moment.
“Should we wake him, or just carry him up?” Reno asked.
“Hm, good question,” Rufus said with a smirk. He doubted that they‘d be able to wake him, even if they tried. If the sedative was strong enough to allow Kadaj to sleep through a helicopter ride, then waking him would most likely not be easy. “Rude, what do you think?”
“Let him sleep,” Rude said softly. “He’s been through hell today, hasn’t he?”
Reno snorted. “And he didn’t make our lives hell? And speaking of which, do Tseng and Elena have any idea at all what you’re up to, sir?”
“Of course,” Rufus returned. He felt no irritation over the question at all--it was a valid one. “I would have never done this without consulting them first, not after what happened.”
“And?” Reno prompted as his crimson brows arched into his hairline.
Rufus smirked.
“They seem to be much more forgiving and understanding than you, Reno. Either that, or they just plain remembered who’s boss here,” Rufus drawled.
He kept his tone light, but the warning was there. It was one thing for Reno to worry about his safety--it was something else entirely to allow the man to question his authority. Reno snorted, but said nothing further on the matter. Reno may have had a big mouth, but no one ever said he was stupid.
“Well, now that that’s settled,” Rufus said, “Rude, if you would be so kind.”
“Yes, sir.”
Rufus watched as Rude unbelted Kadaj’s sleeping form and carefully eased him out of the seat, and with Reno’s help, out of the helicopter. For all of Reno’s griping, the red-head was extremely careful as he helped his partner move Kadaj, and his whole demeanor was one of gentleness. Once they were clear of the confined space, Rude carefully shifted Kadaj until he had the smaller man cradled in his arms with the silver-haired head resting against his shoulder.
“Heavier than he looks,” Rude commented as they walked across the helipad.
“Hardly surprising,” Reno said. “Guy’s passing good with a sword--there’s probably nothing but muscle on his bones.”
Passing good? Rufus snorted with soft laughter at the understatement.
“Something funny, sir?” Reno drawled, his tone of voice telling Rufus that he knew exactly what had amused him.
“Not at all,” Rufus replied with no little amusement. “When you’re through cracking me up, you can get the door for Rude.”
“Yes, sir!” Reno gave him a mock salute before pulling a key card from his pocket and using it to gain access to the building.
It was much cooler in the building than it had been outside, and Kadaj’s sleeping form shivered visibly in Rude’s arms. Dr. Graham had warned them that they’d need to keep Kadaj warm until the sedative had worn off--his metabolic rate was slow under the influence of the drug and he couldn’t generate proper body heat on his own. Rufus frowned as another shiver wracked Kadaj’s frame.
“He’s cold,” Rufus said as they entered the elevator that would carry them to his living quarters. He unbuttoned his suit jacket and removed it. “Here.”
Rude shifted Kadaj in his arms enough so that Rufus could wrap the jacket around Kadaj’s shoulders. Once Rufus had done so, Rude cradled the sleeping form close again. The jacket seemed to do the trick--Kadaj ceased to shiver, and by the time the elevator had reached the topmost floor he was sleeping deeply again.
“Where should I put him?” Rude asked as Rufus keyed open the penthouse door and stood back to allow Rude to enter first. He switched the light on as he followed them into the penthouse’s spacious living room. The entire far wall was a glass window that overlooked the city, which at that very moment was twinkling like a thousand stars in the dark night.
“The couch, for now,” Rufus said. “Reno, would you be so kind as to light a fire?”
“Right,” Reno said. He set to work in the huge fireplace that took up a substantial amount of the living room’s right hand wall.
Rufus watched as Rude eased his burden onto the room’s black leather couch and then backed away. Rufus stepped forward and removed his jacket from Kadaj’s sleeping form, tossed it into a nearby armchair, and then took the folded quilt from the back of the couch, shook it out, and covered Kadaj with it.
“There we go,” Reno said. “One fire, as requested. Now what?”
“The two of you go and get some rest, that’s what,” Rufus said. “Both of you fought long and hard today--you’ve earned a night off.”
“I’m not sure I like the idea of leaving you alone with him,” Rude said.
Rufus’s brow arched in surprise. Usually Rude was not quite so candid with his views, which meant he was extremely worried about the situation.
“None the less,” Rufus said once he’d recovered from his shock, “You will go rest. I’m no longer a cripple, and nowhere near defenseless, as you well know.”
“Yes, sir,” Rude said. His thinned lips were the only indicator of his reluctance to leave Rufus alone with Kadaj.
“Come on, Rude,” Reno said. He reached out and grabbed his partner’s tie and tugged him towards the door. “You know it’s completely pointless to argue with him, so let’s go get some rest, ne?”
Rude said nothing, but followed Reno to the door, and didn’t seem to mind the hold Reno had on his tie. Rufus swallowed the smirk that wanted to steal onto his lips. It was moments like these that made the President wonder if there was more than just a work relationship between the two men. It would explain a lot about their behavior towards one another, not to mention the fact that on the job, they were a most excellent team.
“Goodnight, sir,” Reno said. He waved as he shoved Rude out the door. “We’ll be here at 7:00 a.m. sharp. You know where to reach us if you need us before that.” Reno didn’t bother to wait for an answer before exiting and quietly closing the door behind them.
Rufus gave the door a bemused expression before he turned away and gave his full attention to the man sleeping on his couch. His expression became quite serious as he gazed down at Kadaj.
This is not going to be easy, he thought to himself. Not that he believed it should be. There were so many things that Shinra had to atone for. There were so many things that he had to atone for. Over the past two years Rufus had wondered on more than one occasion if things might have gone differently if he’d just once spoken up and given voice to the misgivings he’d had with some of his father’s and Hojo’s policies. He wouldn’t have been alone--there were many board members that would have backed him up, if only he’d been brave enough to just stand up to his father’s madness.
This is getting me nowhere, Rufus thought to himself. He sighed heavily and turned away from the couch. There were several fiscal reports he needed to audit, and a proposal or two he needed to look at before he retired for the night. It seemed as if Kadaj was going to be out of it for a while, so Rufus decided to make the most of it. He went to his office to retrieve the needed files and returned to the living room. He settled himself on the opposite end of the huge leather couch, spread the files out on the low coffee table, and set to work.
Rufus found that he was unable to concentrate on the numbers and words in the report, for his eyes kept wandering to Kadaj’s sleeping form. His expression looked so serene and so completely at odds with what Rufus knew the man was capable of. His silver hair stood out in sharp contrast against the black leather of the couch and his pale skin was almost translucent. There were spots along Kadaj’s temple where Rufus could see the barely-there shadows of veins. It did nothing to subtract from Kadaj’s beauty, rather it further solidified the illusion that an ethereal being was sleeping on the President’s couch.
“Yes, beautiful,” Rufus murmured to himself.
It was in that moment that Rufus realized he might have, subconsciously, had ulterior motives for taking Kadaj in. It gave him pause, and a slight frown pulled at his lips as he brought the emotion to the forefront of his conscious mind and examined it. The attraction was there, and as Rufus thought about it, he realized that it might have very well started in the moment that Kadaj had kidnapped him from Reno and Rude. At the time, he’d not noticed because the danger that Kadaj might have killed him was very, very real, and he’d been frantically trying to figure out a way to keep Jenova out of Kadaj’s hands.
But now that the danger was over, Rufus realized that he had indeed been attracted to Kadaj. The Remnant’s skills with hand to hand combat had been most impressive, and he moved in a way that reminded Rufus of a great jungle cat--stealthy and deadly. If he closed his eyes he could almost see it again, the way Kadaj’s muscles had rippled beneath the black leather he’d worn as he’d easily disarmed and disabled Reno and Rude. He opened his eyes and swallowed hard. This complicated things a great deal, and Rufus found himself wondering if it might not be better to make other living arrangements for Kadaj.
Rufus discarded the thought almost immediately. There wasn’t anywhere else Kadaj could, realistically, go. At least, not until his Jenova induced psychoses had been dealt with. No, Kadaj would have to stay, and Rufus would have to be the adult he was and control his own urges. Kadaj had more than enough on his plate to deal with--unwanted advances were out of the question. Rufus would resort to cold showers if he had to, because it was important to him that Kadaj feel safe in his new home. It was the only way he’d be able to heal from the Hell Jenova had put him through.
Rufus gave himself an internal nod and forcibly pushed aside the attraction he felt for Kadaj and forced himself to get back to work. It was probably passing fancy, anyway, and he was far too busy with his Presidential duties to even entertain the thought of a relationship--it would be unfair for him to expect anyone to put up with the odd hours he kept, and Rufus was the kind of man that would want to be fair to his partner.
Now that that’s settled, time to get some work done, he thought wryly. He turned his attention back to the report he’d been working on, and within moments, was fully immersed in it.
*****
Kadaj woke nearly three hours later. He was aware of the warmth first, and then the crackling of the fire in the hearth. His brow furrowed slightly as he tried to remember where he was, or why it was that he’d been sleeping so deeply. His eyelids fluttered a few times before fully opening, and the first thing he saw was the fire. He settled for watching the flames as he tried to put his thoughts and memories into order. The sound of rustling paper drew his attention, and he shifted onto his back and slowly sat up.
“Ah, there you are.” Rufus Shinra spoke the words without looking away from the paper he was studying. “I was beginning to think you were going to sleep through until the morning.”
His memories finally fell into place, and he remembered that he was now under the watchful eye of the Shinra President. He‘d allowed the doctor to drug him, which explained why he felt as if his muscles were lead. Even though, he felt better for the rest, and was grateful for it.
“Where . . .”
“My home. Or rather, your home, now,” Rufus replied easily.
Kadaj turned his head slowly to survey his surroundings. The room they were in was large--the far wall was nothing but glass and the fireplace took up most of the wall directly in front of him. The couch was situated directly across from the fireplace, and there were two matching chairs on either side of it. The oval coffee table that Rufus was bent over was black lacquer. The furniture stood out in sharp contrast to the cream carpet and walls. Closer to the glass wall the carpet gave way to hardwood, so that there was a good expanse of expensive-looking parquet floor.
“Are you hungry?”
“A little,” Kadaj answered after thinking about it for a moment.
Rufus set the piece of paper down he was looking at and finally turned to look at him. His expression was unreadable, but he met Kadaj’s gaze steadily with his ice blue eyes. It amazed Kadaj how utterly unmovable the man seemed--not exactly cold, but more like calm, completely collected, and totally sure of himself.
“Then I’ll make you something to eat,” Rufus said. “Feel free to explore while I do so. Your room is the last one on the right down the hall there. Mine is the last on the left. The rest I leave to you to discover.”   Rufus rose from the couch and disappeared into what Kadaj assumed was the kitchen.
Kadaj didn’t move right away. Instead he sat on the couch for a little longer and tried to figure out what it was he was feeling in that moment. There was still anger--some for the man currently in the kitchen, some for Cloud, and a lot of it for the being he had called Mother. Most of what he felt, though, was confusion. Why was he still alive, when both his Mother and brothers were dead? Why had Cloud helped him instead of executing him? Why was Rufus Shinra acting like he actually thought Kadaj could make a place for himself in this world, a world that 24 hours ago he’d been Hell bent on destroying?
Most importantly, what was he going to do? When he’d allowed himself to absorb Jenova’s remaining cells, he’d really thought that it was going to be the end. He knew that Sephiroth would be resurrected and that Cloud would beat him. It was funny, but Kadaj had never had any doubt at all that Cloud was going to win--in fact, he’d been counting on it. The pain he’d felt when Jenova had chosen Sephiroth over himself had been sharper than any emotion he could ever remember feeling, and he hadn’t wanted to live with that.
But he hadn’t died. Cloud had figured out a way to defeat Jenova and Sephiroth without harming him, and the next thing Kadaj remembered was Cloud holding him close on the roof of the old Shinra Headquarters. It began to rain, and Kadaj remembered hearing a woman’s voice, although he didn’t remember what she said, and after that nothing. His next memory had been of the hospital. He’d realized that he had somehow survived, when he really hadn’t wanted to, and he’d been angry. He’d tried to attack Rufus simply because he was the first person his conscious mind had thought to blame.
Or maybe you hoped they’d kill you for trying, a part of him suggested. And even though Kadaj didn’t really want to admit it, he realized that it was the truth. He didn’t want to think about the why of it. Not now--maybe not ever. Because it hurt. It hurt to think that the only reason he’d had for living had been to serve Jenova, and she had betrayed him, and now she was gone. What purpose did he have now? What reason did he have to live at all?
“Kadaj? Don’t you want to explore your new home?”
Kadaj looked up sharply and found that Rufus was standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, a slight frown on his face. The frown deepened at his reaction.
“Are you well?” Rufus asked.
“Define well,” Kadaj found himself replying, a faint sneer pulling at his lips. “You and Cloud have already told me that I’m ill. Why ask a stupid question?”
“There are no stupid questions where your safety is concerned,” Rufus returned, his tone colored with slight reproach. “So, again, are you well?”
“As well as can be expected,” Kadaj snapped. He rose from the couch and prowled to the picture window. He let his forehead rest against the cool glass as he looked out over the twinkling lights of Midgar.   Had he been less preoccupied, Kadaj might have found the view breathtaking. “Do I get to leave this place, ever?”
“Not right away,” Rufus replied. “But I think you knew that. It was not my intention to keep you under house arrest, if that is what you are thinking. If you want to go somewhere, just say so, and I’ll take you. But until we’ve had a chance to have you assessed by a psychiatrist I am not taking any chances by letting you out of here on your own.”
“So, I’m crazy now?”
“I’m not going to justify that with a response,” Rufus said with a snort. The President sighed and moved to stand beside him at the window. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and serious. “Regardless of what you might think, I’m on your side, Kadaj. I want you to get better and eventually leave this place and live on your own. I believe you are capable of success. I don’t think you realize your own potential.”
“The world doesn’t need me,” Kadaj whispered after a moment.
“Is that what you believe? Why? Because Jenova didn’t want you, because she thought Sephiroth was so much better?” Rufus made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat, and his words came out almost angry after that. “Jenova was a crazy bitch, Kadaj, and instead of feeling jealous of Sephiroth, you should feel sorry for him. She used him more terribly than she used anyone else on this planet, and he’s paid the ultimate price, hasn’t he? I knew Sephiroth, before he went crazy, and he was a good man. He and Cloud were friends . . .” Rufus’ voice trailed off and he sighed heavily. “Do not base your self-worth on Jenova’s opinions--you are doing yourself an injustice if you do.”
For a moment, Kadaj couldn’t speak, because Rufus’ words had taken him by surprise, as had the realization that the President actually believed his life was worth saving. And even after his shock had worn off, Kadaj felt awkward, because he really had no idea what to say in response. It was a foreign emotion for him, and he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. He was saved by the soft ding of a kitchen timer.
“That would be the pasta,” Rufus said. “Dinner’s going to be ready in about 10 minutes. You’ve still got time to check the place out.”
Kadaj turned his head to watch as Rufus sauntered back to the kitchen. The President didn’t seem bothered at all that he had his back to Kadaj. But then again, Kadaj was fairly certain that the President would be able to defend himself, now that he was healed. It was just something in the way he walked and carried himself. Only people well-versed in martial arts had that kind of aura.
Rufus disappeared into the kitchen, and Kadaj went to explore. His first stop was the bathroom. The tub was huge--large enough to fit three people comfortably. A shower stall was tucked away in one corner, a sink and toilet in another. The whole room was done in a black marble motif with shining silver fixtures on the tub, shower and sink. There were two doors to the bathroom, and Kadaj exited from the one opposite the door he’d entered.
He found himself in what he surmised was Rufus’ room. The room was done in midnight blue, and outside of the bed there was no other furniture in the room. The same held true for the room across the hall--Kadaj’s room--except that the room was done in forest green. Kadaj poked his head into what looked as if it were Rufus’ private office before he moved back into the living room and wandered into the kitchen.
“Done already?” Rufus sounded amused.
“It’s not very big,” Kadaj found himself saying.
“Yes, much smaller than perhaps what you were expecting.” Rufus poured the marinara sauce he was stirring over two plates of penne pasta. “The living quarters at the old headquarters were much larger, but I’ve no need for such grandiose things. The honest truth is, I don’t really do much here but sleep, shower, and grab the occasional meal. I spend most of my time in my office, ten floors below.”
Kadaj made a non-committal sound as he moved past the small kitchen table and entered the apartment’s dining room. The floor here was the same wood parquet that graced the living room, and the long table and matching chairs were dark hardwood. The table looked as if it could hold at least twelve people comfortably, if not a few more. Kadaj found himself imagining Rufus sitting at the end of the table, alone. It made him frown slightly.
“Do you eat out here?” Kadaj called.
“No,” came the reply from the kitchen. “Come sit out here. The food is ready.”
Kadaj wandered back into the kitchen and found Rufus already seated at the room’s small table and waiting for him. It occurred to him as he was seating himself across from Rufus that he was ravenous, and it was a strange feeling for him. He couldn’t remember ever actually feeling hungry before. Perhaps it had been the influence of Jenova’s DNA, but Kadaj had never really needed much in the way of food. Now, however, he was so hungry his stomach was trying to tie itself into painful knots, and the delicious smells wafting from the plate set before him had his mouth watering.
“Please, eat,” Rufus said. The President picked up his fork and dug into his food, and Kadaj was quick to follow suit.
He couldn’t help the pleased sound he made after the first bite. The wonderful taste took him by surprise, and he was quick to chew, swallow, and take another bite.
“I’m glad you like it.” Rufus looked decidedly amused.
“It’s good,” Kadaj said in between bites.
“Good,” Rufus said. “You might want to slow down a little. If you continue to eat at that pace you most certainly will end up with a stomach ache.”
“Oh.” Kadaj felt something that might have been a blush creep over his cheeks, even as he had the sudden urge to yell that he wasn’t a child and therefore didn’t need to be told such things. Never the less, he did slow down, and was actually still eating when Rufus finished nearly twenty minutes later. They’d been quiet during the course of the meal, and it was the President that finally broke the silence.
“Have you had enough?” Rufus asked as he took his plate to the sink.
“I think so,” Kadaj replied before eating the last bit of pasta on his plate. His stomach was almost uncomfortably full, but the experience of eating something so good made it more than worth it. “Do you always cook like that?”
“Not usually so elaborate, no,” Rufus admitted. He returned to the table long enough to take Kadaj’s empty plate. “But I thought you might appreciate a larger meal. It’s probably been well over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten.”
“I don’t remember, really,” Kadaj said.
“That doesn’t surprise me at all.” Rufus began to load the dishwasher.
Kadaj watched him in silence. Again, the President seemed to have no qualms about having his back turned on Kadaj. The man was either very stupid or very confident in his abilities to defend himself. Kadaj was betting on the latter--he’d already experienced first-hand Rufus’ cunning. He felt a stab of fury as the memory of Rufus tossing Jenova from twenty stories up replayed itself in his mind’s eye.
“You’re angry again.” Rufus’ calm voice cut through his sudden rage.
Kadaj realized with a start that he’d actually stood from the chair and had crossed half the distance between himself and Rufus without even realizing it. He met Rufus’ somber gaze with wide, emerald eyes and found that he couldn’t stop the sudden trembling that had started in his limbs. Why couldn’t he remember getting out of the chair? And what would he have done had Rufus not turned around and spoken to him at that moment?
“Kadaj?”
“I . . .” Kadaj let his words trail off as his jaw started to tremble and he felt the sting of tears. “What’s going to happen to me?” he finally whispered. He was afraid, suddenly. Cloud had been right--he was ill.
“You will get better,” Rufus said. The man was exuding calm as he spoke. “I’ve called a psychiatrist, and she will be here tomorrow to speak with you. And as I’ve already told you, you are not a prisoner here. If you need to get out of here, just say so. I’ll take you out for a while. I want you to get better, Kadaj, and that is the only reason you are here.”
Hot tears stung his cheeks, and Kadaj shook his head slightly.
“Why do you even care?” Kadaj found himself asking. His voice was choked with tears, and he suddenly felt as if the world was coming down around him. The sudden, inexplicable pain he felt in his soul wasn’t quite as bad as that he’d felt when Jenova had chosen him over Sephiroth, but it was damn close. He didn’t even realize he was falling until Rufus rushed forward to catch him.
“You need to lie down again,” Rufus murmured as he wrapped an arm around Kadaj’s waist and drew the younger man’s arm across his shoulder. “And I care, Kadaj, because I feel responsible for all that has happened to you, and Cloud . . . and even Sephiroth. Beyond that . . . I couldn’t tell you. But I do care, and that is all you need to understand.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Kadaj whispered as Rufus helped him back onto the couch.
“Not directly,” Rufus conceded. “But I am all that is left of the Shinra family. I will set things to right, Kadaj. All you need to concentrate on is getting better.” The President covered him with the comforter again and resumed his post at the opposite end of the couch.
Silence fell between them once again, and for a while the only sounds in the room were the crackling of the dying fire or the occasional rustle of paper as Rufus worked on whatever it was he was working on. Kadaj contented himself with staring at the flames again. He was still spooked by his sudden rage, and what he’d almost done. Would he always be like that? Rufus obviously didn’t think so. Rufus wanted him to get better.
I want to get better, Kadaj thought to himself. His gaze flicked to the opposite end of the couch. Rufus was frowning slightly as he skimmed through a sheaf of papers. He’d removed his suit jacket at some point, and the sleeves of his crisp white shirt were rolled up to his elbows. Kadaj felt a strange sensation within his chest as he watched Rufus impatiently push blonde bangs from his eyes, and swallowed hard at the intensity of it. It was an emotion, of that he was sure, but he couldn’t name it--or he just wasn’t willing to.
“Rufus?” Kadaj barely whispered the name, but the President must have had his attention spilt between his work and Kadaj, for Rufus immediately looked up and at him.
“Kadaj?”
“I . . .I still don’t understand why you are helping me,” Kadaj murmured. “But . . .thank you. I will do my best to get better.”
The smile that suddenly lit up Rufus’ features was small, but it reached his blue eyes, and Kadaj felt that strange tightness in his chest again. It somehow scared and thrilled him at the same time.
“Good,” Rufus said, still smiling. “Would you like to go to bed? It’s starting to get late.”
“I . . .would it be okay if I just stayed here for a while?” He didn’t want to be alone, truth be told. It was too quiet in his head--he was too used to Jenova’s incessant muttering in his mind, and now that it was gone, he was left alone with his own thoughts, and Kadaj wasn’t entirely sure he liked that.
“Of course,” Rufus said. “This is your home for now. You can sleep on the couch if you want. It’s allowed.”
Kadaj felt the corner of his lips twitch in a quick smile before he pulled the comforter up to his chin and resumed his fire watching. And tired as he was, it wasn’t long before he was asleep again.
*****
TBC.
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The Path to Redemption