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Nocturne - Kuja's Fugue	By : SavageSavage Category: Final Fantasy VII > Crossovers Views: 1309 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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AN: I'm just gonna go ahead and tack on a second star to this story. It can get depressing and feel really wrong at times...especially to Kuja.

"These are your sleeping quarters."

I blinked. Not especially hideous…but not very friendly, either. The room was Spartan at best; even Amarant Coral would thumb his nose at the idea of sleeping here. But Vivi turned around to smile at the General.

"Th-Thank you, sir."

"Sephiroth will do. For both of you. Now get some sleep, Vivi; it's late. Kuja, come with me--I haven't figured out where you're sleeping, but it's not in here. The bed's barely large enough for him, and not long enough for you…." A soft frown touched his face as he stood in thought, likely considering an easier alternative. "Do you want milk, Vivi?"

"N…No. But thank you, Sephiroth."

"The manners on this kid," the General gave in accolade. "You created him, right, Kuja? You should be proud; most of my SOLDIERs don't have the demure nature he does. He almost seems frightened of me…. But it's more respect than anything. He isn't shivering like a green cadet…."

Vivi nodded, stripping out of his coat. A man's long shirt sat there for him to sleep in. "I think you're really nice to let us stay here…. And not kill us."

The innocence made us both laugh there. "Why would I kill you?" Sephiroth had finally been confused. "You're a child. You both are rarities we've never seen. If nothing else, you'll stay here until I can get you back home." But the sag of my shoulders there told him all he needed to know about my thoughts of 'home'. One hand slid over my back.

"You're not welcome there, I take it."

"I almost destroyed Gaia, and certainly made Bran Bal and Terra utterly uninhabitable. Granted, I did so because of Garland…but still, I feel unworthy in my own land. Even in my own time, as I've learned."

"It was a long time before I was restored, myself." He frowned in return. "It's almost as if it never happened…but I had to sacrifice Mother and everything else to bring Midgar and Planet back to the way they were."

"Sacrifice your own mother…." I sighed with the tragedy of it. "I never knew if I had one. But you…. Aren't you angry that you had to do so? Didn't you love her?"

Sephiroth nodded. "I loved her, but she didn't even know who I was aside from some victim she could pollute. So I killed her. And then…it all returned. For some reason, in an odd and unimaginable way--everything's right again. But in the process of restoring Planet, I might well have caused the present tears in its chronology, which led you here."

I pondered the idea. "…I really must thank you." I hadn't expected to tell him everything…but there, watching Vivi drift slowly away to sleep, I told Sephiroth all of it--expecting him to destroy me on the spot. All the things I had done, everyone I'd killed and betrayed, even Zidane's misery over me…. I told him all, and did not expect what he said next.

"You'll sleep in my room," he murmured low. "It's right next to this one…if Vivi needs you, you'll hear him. You still have him--he still loves you, despite what you said about the Black Mages…what you did, how you hurt them…."

"I could have made them live." I realized it with a hollow ache in my heart. "All I'd've had to do was make them dependent on winding mechanisms rather than Mist. But like an idiot I just wanted to conquer the world."

The hand on my back slid down to my waist. "Everything will be all right, Kuja. You're not with Garland…you're not being forced into doing anything that feels sick or twisted. And you're not ill--or at least, not like the History of Planet has told me. The book's basically tried to make every revolutionary sound like a madman, and someday they'll say the same thing about me."

"I doubt it," I whispered, turning around to face him. "Sephiroth, you're sensibly behaved…very militant, but not in the unreasonable sense. I thought you'd be a nasty fellow with a penchant for murder. I'm sure you might consider yourself just that. But really…I believe I could be fond of you."

My fingers rose to trace his lip--so angular and yet soft, before his hand gently drew them away. It seemed he still had things to sort out with himself; he shook his head.

"I'm not the person you think I am, Kuja…. But that's talk for another night." Removing his hold from my waist, though I'd been fond of it to say the least, he reached for my hand and lifted my arm over his shoulder. "You drank a bit much of that ale. I could've told you it wasn't going to treat you well, but I think Rufus wanted a piece of you too."

"The President…wanted me." I pondered this with a frown as he led me out of the room, and turned off the light.

Once alone and away from Vivi, he nodded, closing the door.

"I'm sorry. The man can be extremely philanderous when he wants to be. But I think the novelty of having you here was why he wanted to keep you in his office…and my insistence on taking you with me was the only reason he let you leave. He's afraid of me."

"I would be too…," I recalled how small he'd been in comparison to Sephiroth's smoothly rippling muscles, "if I looked like Zidane Tribal in a business suit."

The General briefly smiled. Too briefly. "Yes, I'm aware of how small-bodied your…friend…was. I saw the painting in the book. Didn't look like he could've stopped your coup as well as he did--how did he manage to, anyway?"

"He and his friends…even Vivi…they injured me--very nearly killed me. But Garland's act was the last one before Necron showed his face. I had to save them, Sephiroth, I couldn't let them die…. And I dared not lose the one man who considered me his brother, and the poor tiny life I'd created and given such an awful existence to. The others…I didn't even know them. But somehow--I just couldn't take those lives away, when my hands were already stained."

"Every drop of blood is a forgivable one," he whispered. "I didn't think there was any hope for me. But when I see you here…I remember how I was. Kuja, you're free. I may not be aware of how badly you sinned against them, and your world, but I've heard enough--I'm absolving you of all of that. You're in a time where all of them have been long dead. Somehow, you survived. And from what the book said, you weren't responsible for any of your friends' deaths."

They were gone. I knew this from Rufus's discussion earlier, but still the idea bled like a new wound. I hadn't had time to even tell them half the things I wanted to.

I'd wanted to tell Steiner his cuirass was horribly rusty, and that if he'd let me synthesize it, he'd look considerably nobler and might feel better.

I'd wanted to tell Zidane that being hit with a Mage Masher had added ironically laughable insult to injury.
I'd wanted to commend Freya on her stoicism. And give Fratley some of Bran Bal's water so he could remember her…they really had been a tragic pair. So pretty.
I'd wanted to ask Quina if she knew how to dredge frog legs properly…she wasn't the only one who ate strange things, and for that reason alone I'd liked her.

I'd wanted to teach Eiko some decent fashion sense, and try to help her figure out the proper cooking for twenty Moogles. Chaos knew Artemicion had been a sweet enough fellow with my mail, though he'd been nigh useless to everyone else…. I'd made him look so lovely before he'd left.

I'd wanted to go drinking with Amarant. He seemed roughly fun.

I'd wanted to take Garnet to Lord King's mansion, play the harpsichord he'd taught me before the damned old mess with Garland. I'd wanted to prove to everyone I could be reached, that as I'd wanted to so long ago, I could be a person and not some…thing…blasting magic at them.

I'd really just wanted to get to know them, in the end…to understand what made so many different people come together to be friends. The idea had been so alien to me then.

"You can't possibly still think you are," Sephiroth murmured, startling me from my grief. "Your part in their lives was over before theirs had even been truly affected by the rest of the world. You affected them, but I think you made them all the stronger. And when they did die, you'd had nothing to do with that…."

My face burned. "H…How did it happen? I mean…. Zidane…." How cruel that I'd cared most about him of all the casualties…when I'd roasted his brain and dumped him near Lindblum. I'd thought to get him away from Bran Bal, make him forget everything--

But when he remembered, it'd been worse on him than before. I'd helped him not one bit in the end.

"The Plague. It nearly destroyed Alexandria…the Black Mage Village was one of the only surviving regions, after every refugee from the capital of Gaia fled to their original lands. Burmecia was crushed in the weight of disease--Freya Crescent died as a martyr, seeing to every one of her children, her husband Fratley, King Puck and eventually Zidane himself."

"Garnet?"

"Childbirth. She and her twin sons died…they were named for you and Vivi. Ironically so, it seems." As he spoke, we walked down the hall, though I was really only sagging into his shoulder with the burden of my life. Every soul I knew was gone…all but Vivi.

"Quina Quen, Amarant, Eiko--"

"Eiko Carol died childless, having been the last summoner of Madain Sari. She left for an ocean voyage, she thought she could find some slip into another land…. And she drowned. Her body was found on a remote island, half-decayed and bloated with sea water." Sephiroth shook his head and reached to open a door. "And even though Amarant Coral had an…interesting…life to say the least, he returned to aid Alexandria as a survivor; he, Adelbert Steiner and Beatrix Steiner were among the people at Garnet's funeral. However, the civil wars that exploded later resulted in their deaths." He frowned. "Lindblum seemed the instigator…and was completely destroyed in the end, along with Alexandria. No one in either country survived."

Alexandria had been such a breathtaking place. As had Lindblum--I couldn't help but feel responsible. I had started the upheaval, after all…. I was the matchstick to their raging fires. The thought depressed me more.

"Quina had the most merciful life of them all. She died of old age. And she'd eventually married someone, but her children were black-faced, yellow eyed…. They settled several areas within their lifetimes, along with five Black Mages whose names were…II, III, IV, V and VI. Just as you'd say them numerically." Sephiroth puzzled over this one, but thankfully there was one thing I remembered.

"Vivi's children…the numbers followed his name. They were all named Vivi…." The levity was short, but sweet. "I made him with the effort to eventually animate him, but the Mist repropagation actually managed to give him the rudiments of a soul, and a functioning body to match. All of those little pieces formed a whole--as astronomical as the odds were. My magic might've done one good thing in that short time of mine…." Heading with him into the room, I found it wasn't a bedroom, but somewhere with tiled walls and floor, an odd porcelain fixture, all in pale white light.

He waved one hand. "There's the bathroom. Shower, latrine, sink…. I'm afraid there's no tub, but you probably don't need one. If you're really hard up for a bath we'll travel sometime to Costa del Sol." A cabinet nearby showed soaps, bottles of something, and an amber flask that held his unmistakable scent.

I traced my fingers over the curved vial, charmed. Everything about him was understatedly elegant.

"I see you're enchanted with the cologne," he murmured into my ear. "I'm not typically someone for it. But Wutai was a trip I hadn't imagined I'd make last month, and the girl in Tseng's favorite shop stared at me until I'd found something."

"One of those merchant types, eh?" I could never resist them either; it'd been how I'd found Vivi's materials. He was the best of anything I could have made or procured, really…and when I told Sephiroth this, he laughed softly.

"Might be. I myself am at a loss to explain him." He didn't relinquish his hold on my arm. "Now then--" Lifting me, he proceeded to the latrine, turning the lid down. "You sit here. I'm going to start a shower, and come back with something suitable for you to wear to bed. I'm not sure how well you'll fit my things…but for tomorrow, you'll wear a SOLDIER's uniform. That's the only way you and Vivi won't be noticed."

I smiled weakly. "It seems you want to keep us, then."

"With what I've heard and read about your world," He sadly shook his head, "it'll be the best thing for both of you."

Cleanliness never felt so good. I knelt there under the spray of the shower, holding the movable head over mine--watching lather, blood and dirt wind down the drain like a miniature whirlpool. "I do love this," I realized, "that is, having someone dote on me for once. But I feel so damnably guilty…. Even knowing what happened to them wasn't my fault, I feel I could have done more…."

"I don't think this will fit you." Sephiroth's handsome bulk swam in the rivulets against the glass doors. "The other item I bought from Wutai. I saw it, admired the material more than anything, and when I wore it for the first time I thought my skin was too dull. It's really too gaily-colored for me."

A soft, silken thing slid over the door frame. Printed upward and down with violet, silver, vermilion…. Curious trees and beautiful little scenes greeted my eyes like a wonderland I could fall into. The back, I found, bore a warrior with sword at the ready, a young powdered sylph in his other arm.

"It's stunning," I breathed, tracing my fingers ever so gently over it--my nails would be rough enough now from the 'slip' to catch threads of Sephiroth's robe with their jagged edges. "I adore it. I'll treasure such a soft garment on my skin…."

"Then it's yours. It'll look better on you in any case."

It gave me pause to think on that. He'd noticed enough about me to consider this sort of clothing, and as well, the idea that the material and the colors would suit me more. Either he'd read a lot more of our history in Gaia than I knew of, or Sephiroth was some bewildered clairvoyant…, whether in body or mind. In any case, I wasn't going to argue with him……but why he opened the door was another question entirely.

"You're sitting on the floor, Kuja…Are you feeling well?"

Dizziness wasn't uncommon with me; my boots were weighted and flat-heeled for exactly that reason. I shrugged as he stripped off his coat, though, and allowed him to take the shower head. "I'm just a bit overwhelmed," I admitted, which was the most accurate thing thus far. "I just can't believe I'm so far away from them, and I somehow not only lived, but traveled through millennia…. I can't help but wonder which civilizations I might've seen or moved through. And…. And I miss my friends, my family…Zidane and the other Genomes were the same race I was. I just didn't look that similar after being fused with a large quantity of Mist…."

"So…like Vivi had. You ended up with your own soul and conflicting body." A look of sympathy hung in those green eyes.

"Yes," I tried, though I didn't know if he understood. "I'm sure most of those dregs were female. But I have enough of a masculine bent that people must've found me terrifying to be around. I look like a man, albeit a thin one, above the waist…. But I sound like a woman, and no one can believe I'm male until I strip. I can't believe how backward I ended up, compared with how I carry myself…I'll admit my upbringing might've led to this far-flung behavior of mine."

"I was tested with Mako, Kuja. That's similar to Mist in at least the property of control and power. Both are usually mutually-exclusive in the first stages, I've found…it took me a long time to get my brain back. I'm thirty-six now, and it said you died at twenty-four." Sephiroth sat beside me, reached an arm for my shoulders in support.

"And for the record, I've never been terrified of you." He smiled with more warmth than usual. "You're just confused, and given the same origin you had, I would be too." But did he really understand? Did he know how desperate I felt inside, like a drowning man clinging to a driftwood spar?

I'd lost everyone, and everything, except Vivi. And I wasn't sure he'd be unharmed if he continued to stay with me. Everyone else I cherished met their end…. The early days of his creation had been so tenuous, hiding him from Garland, Zorn and Thorn, and eventually even Brahne…. He'd been just a tiny little thing throughout the year, and at six months he'd met Zidane.

Six months. Vivi hadn't even qualified as a toddler, and he'd been endangered, empowered, respected and feared…. Zorn had grabbed his hat, Thorn had pushed him off the side of the airship, and I'd been so tearfully angry I banished them both. The Black Waltzes…they'd been Zorn and Thorn's pathetic return to my somehow intelligent and contemplative Vivi.

He hadn't done anything vain or rash. He'd been so different from me…. But if I'd been hidden from Garland so much, protected, loved…perhaps I'd've had the same life he did now. Zidane had loved Tantalus, a band of thieves, and his favorite of haunts was a den of rogues. He'd learned his own way with them--somehow become more virtuous than I, even in a life of danger and separation from us.

That, I reasoned, had to have been Vivi's case as well. The people I pushed away were better off without me, and yet when I told them such things, they never wanted to be…Zidane had cried that last night in the remains of Iifa. He'd wanted so badly to take me home, but I realized now that if he had, the civil wars and plague wouldn't have had the chance to kill them. Something would've come after me and murdered them first, or Pandemonium would've hatched anew in my brain--and I would have destroyed them all, along with my own wretched frame.

I curled up on the tile floor, ignoring the water that alternatively grew colder and hotter around me. I couldn't bear this, I could barely even breathe with how awful I felt….

N…No……, I…really could barely…………breathe
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Nocturne - Kuja's Fugue