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Broken and Bonded Refrain	By : Crya2Evans Category: Final Fantasy VII > General Views: 837 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
Archer and Cid
�What Hurts the Most�

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house.
That don�t bother me.

He tried to ignore the fact
that his room was just on the other side of the wall from Cid�s, but it was
rather difficult at the present, considering all the noise that he could hear.
It wasn�t that they were loud per se or that the bed squeaked in specific
intervals, just that it was far too quiet in his room, allowing other sounds to
filter to his hearing as he tossed and turned, not quite able to go to sleep.
His mind was locked in a battle between worry and fear about the battle the
next day, about regrets he didn�t know whether he should voice or not.

It was raining, that much he
noticed. The steady sound of the rain striking against the hull of the airship
was the only other noise in his room, other than the sounds of lovemaking
floating through steel walls. It hadn�t rained in a while, but now, it seemed
that it didn�t want to stop, as if Gaia herself knew of the battle that was
going to take place and the battle raging in his heart.

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them
out.
I�m not afraid to cry every once in awhile,
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me.

He really had no one to
blame but himself. He had been the one to make the mistakes. He had been the
one to walk away from the best thing that had ever happened to him. So if he
was in misery, he couldn�t even point the finger and place the guilt elsewhere.
In many ways, that made it hurt even more, to know that he had fucked himself
up.

He should have known better
and really he did. Cid�s trust was a delicate thing, more fragile than he gave
it credit for. All that he had suffered and how many people had betrayed or
left him, and yet, Archer had shattered that trust, as if it meant nothing to
him. Years of a relationship down the drain all because he couldn�t shake his
own jealousy and envy. And yes, perhaps there was some resentment as well.��

It occurred to him, as he
curled up on his bed and stared blankly at the undecorated wall, that he was
brooding again, which seemed to be occurring a lot more lately. Where had the
happy, optimistic Archer gone? When had he started finding comfort in the dark
and dreary?

It was like he and Valentine
had switched places. Sooner or later he would be the one called �Vampy.� Maybe
then Cid would take him back.

Not that Archer had wished
for such a thing.

There are days every now and again I pretend I�m
okay.
But that�s not what gets me.

Tiamat had ventured a belief
that perhaps they were not meant to be. That there was someone else out there
for him, a soul mate, if he chose to believe in such things himself. And maybe
she was right. But for the moment, that thought was little consolation from the
pain welling deep inside of him.

Another moan, a murmured
response, and Archer had had enough. He jumped out of the bed, grabbed a shirt
from the floor and left his room without any destination in mind. So long as he
didn�t have to lay there any longer and listen to the sound of his heart
shattering into a million pieces, even though it was broken already. And he had
no one to blame but himself.

Did he still love Cid?

He wondered as he padded
down the empty corridors, aimlessly selecting paths and turning around when he
encountered a dead end. For a moment, he wished he smoked cigarettes because
they might have been the only thing that would calm his frazzled nerves.
Normally not a man given to moments of broody and contemplative thought, he
felt tilted from his world axis and wasn�t sure how to handle true depression
and not his fake attempts at it.�

What hurts the most was being so close.
And having so much to say. And watching you walk
away.

Maybe the Myst Dragon was
right after all, correct that he was only jealous of the others, which was why
he desired something that was never going to be again. Nearly everyone around
him was married or had someone in mind. To be honest, he couldn�t think of a
single person in their little group that wasn�t otherwise interested. It was
quite pitiful. And the one person he even considered, turned out to be a
traitor. How�s that for fairness?

He shivered briefly, bare
feet padding over the bare aluminum, as a flash of cold air washed over his
body from the vent he had just passed under. He noticed how very lonely it was.
He could hear the whirring of the propellers, the steady thrum of the engine,
his own footsteps softly echoing, but otherwise, it was solemnly silent.
Lonely. Kind of like he was.

And never knowing what could�ve been.
And not seeing that loving you is what I was trying
to do.

However, he had irreparably
lost his chance with Cid forever. He and Vincent were happy together, as much
as they were perfect for each other. He was no one to get in the way of that, not
even a close friend. He had lost that privilege as well when he turned his back
on his lover.

He had initially made it his
responsibility to watch over Cid after the battle with Sephiroth because he
felt he owed it to the blond. Little did he know how much of the past that
would bring up in him, how much it would hurt. But he had more pride and
dignity than to try and win back his ex while the man was hurting. He wasn�t
that desperate. If he could somehow ease that pain, even if only a little, he
felt that perhaps he could be forgiven for his past transgression.

Archer made his way out onto the deck for no other reason than the empty halls
were really starting to make him feel a little insane. It was slightly chilly,
as it always was above the clouds, even during the summer seasons. He made his
way to the railing, admiring the moon in the sky, thoughts turning back to the
past, when he had first met Cid ten years ago.

It�s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go.

But I�m doing it.

The blond had been a
mechanic and machinist for the ShinRa army for four years, joining up the
moment he turned eighteen. Before that, he had been working for a mechanic two
years after leaving home. He and Cid just happened to be working on the same
project, a precursor to the Highwind and Gelnika brand airships. He had been
attracted to Cid�s enthusiasm; Cid had just needed someone to appreciate him.

After several tentative
trips to the bar, where Cid had drunkenly professed his sexuality and reason
for leaving home, their relationship had begun. It was not exactly a fairy tale
story, but neither had really expected that from life. They had discovered they
had a lot in common, other than their love for engineering and machination. It
hadn�t been long before Archer had fallen in love, bright blue eyes always
dreaming of something more.

It�s hard to force that smile when I see your old friends and I�m alone.

Still harder...

To the world, they had come
off as best friends since, at the time, homosexual relationships weren�t widely
accepted. At least, not within the ShinRa military ranks. But they had been
happy.

That had been until Palmer
approached Cid with the thought that there was a power source somewhere in
space. Everything that he had been hoping for was going to come true. Except
that it had involved a move to Rocket Town, where most of the construction
would take place. Archer himself had been trying to work his way up the ShinRa
ladder at the time with little success.

They had fought; they had argued; they had said things they didn�t mean. And in
the end, Cid had packed up his bags and left.

Archer could confess it to
himself now, but then, he had placed the blame entirely on Cid. It was
completely his fault because he wouldn�t stay. It was entirely his fault
because he refused to give up his dreams for what they had had.

In truth, he had just been a
selfish prick. And admittedly, he had been insanely jealous. He was older than
Cid; he had been with ShinRa longer. Yet, it had been Cid who was a success. It
just wasn�t fair, and he had hoped that Cid would choose him over the chance.
He should have known better and should have never tried to make him choose.

Now, he didn�t blame the
blond. And when he heard of the failure of the initial launch, he had been
devastated himself, especially knowing that Cid must have been crushed. Still,
he couldn�t bring himself to pick up the phone and make the call. That would
have been admitting he had been wrong, and his pride just wouldn�t let him do
it, especially since he still hadn�t made it like he planned. He had still been
just a grunt.

He had dated on and off
after that relationship, but he never could find anyone special. Perhaps he was
just torturing himself with his own mistakes, but he never found anyone he
wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

And now, here he was ten�
no� eleven years after the fact, still pining for a love that he shouldn�t have
let go. It really was rather pathetic, but that didn�t make it any less
painful.

Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret.
But I know, if I could do this over�

A chill spread up his spine
then as a particularly chilly breeze ruffled at his shirt. It was getting
colder out, and a light spattering of rain began to fall. He sighed at his lack
of luck, quickly heading indoors before the downpour made him too sick to
fight. They would need Tiamat and him in the battles to come, and dreading
returning to his room, he made his way to the common area, seeking a cup of
warm coffee at least. �

There were a lot of things
he still hadn�t said, apologies that he needed to say, not that he thought they
would actually make a difference. It would be a lot easier if he weren�t so
alone and surrounded by couples. He had no one to turn to, and the nights were
cold� lonely. Even for someone as perpetually optimistic as him, well, there
was a limit to the pep and sunshine.�

I would trade, give away, for the words that I saved
in my heart.
That I left unspoken.

Words played in his mind,
moments of heated discussion and passionate memories that seemed to cycle on
and on. What could have been if he hadn�t been so stupid and selfish. What
would never be again.

That was probably the
hardest part of all.

-�� -�� -�� -

�Tell me about Archer.�

Cid frowned. �Why?�

The gunman shrugged,
snuggling down closer to his lover. �Because I want to know. He seems like a
nice guy.�

�Well, he was.� Cid sighed.
�You really want to know?�

�I told you about Lucrecia.�

�That�s different.�

�Cid.�

�Fine, fine, whatever.� The
pilot laid back against the bed as he thought about it, unconsciously rubbing
one calloused palm against Vincent�s scarred back. �I met him when I was
twenty-two, and I suppose you could say it was lust at first sight. Took a
while to realize he was attracted to me though, I still wasn�t really used to
the whole gay thing.�

Vincent laughed. �You say
that like it�s a religious movement or something.�

Cid shot him a baleful
stare. �Do you want to hear about Archer or not?�

The gunman shook his head,
waving a hand of dismissal. �Continue, please.�

�Whatever.� Cid grunted. �We
were together for three years. Come to think of it, it was his brilliant idea
for us to go see Loveless.� He snorted then as he chuckled. �I fell asleep. Too
damn boring for me. Anyways, when ShinRa came to me with plans for a Space
Program, we broke up.�

Vincent raised a brow.
�That�s it? No other reason?�

�He didn�t want to leave
Midgar for Rocket Town. I wasn�t going to give up on my dreams. It�s as simple
as that.�

�Is it?�

Cid grunted in response,
clearly not pleased with the line of questioning. �I don�t know what you mean.�

Vincent smiled, knowing that
his lover was being deliberately vague. People always accused him of being
tight-lipped, but sometimes, the pilot had him beat.

�Did you love him?�

�What the hell kinda
question is that?� Cid spluttered. �What does it matter anymore? That�s the
past; this is now!�

�Relax, chief. I�m not
jealous just� curious.�

The blond snorted. �Your
idea of curious frightens me.�

Vincent trailed a finger
down a lightly hairy chest, brushing briefly over a dusky nipple. �I won�t ask
anymore questions then.�

�What brought this up
anyways?�

The gunman shrugged.
�Something in the air, I suppose. It doesn�t matter anymore.� He leaned
upwards, quickly claiming the blond�s lips with his own.

�No,� Cid mumbled into the
kiss. �I guess it doesn�t.�

-�� -�� -�� -

Song credits, �What Hurts the Most� by Rascal Flatts

A/N: Well, thank you all for
reading. I hope you enjoyed this trip into the minds of our favorite
characters. Leave a review before you go and I�ll be most happy. See you in
Shattered Traditions!!
- 19
- 20
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Broken and Bonded Refrain

It�s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go.

It�s hard to force that smile when I see your old friends and I�m alone.