Adult-FanFiction.org : Final Fantasy

Mind Games	By : danihouse Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 940 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters represented in the story, and I make no profit from it.

Chapter List
- 1-Mind Games
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19.1
- 20-19.2
- 21-20
- 22-21
- 23-22
- 20
- 21
- 22
Squall’s office was on the list of places that Seifer didn’t enjoy being - not as high up there as, say, Galbadian prison, the Kastle, or anywhere near Selphie, but still pretty high on the list. At this particular moment, however, there was nowhere that he wanted to be less. Especially as Squall just sat there on the other side of the desk, just looking at him. Just waiting for him to start talking. Seifer wasn’t playing. They’d been up all night and he was at present in a distinctly bad mood, and anyway, it was all there in the mission report, which he had just spent the last hour writing up, and Squall had read at least half a dozen times.

Zell, in the chair beside him, had been quiet for a very long time, but Seifer suspected that was because he had dozed off with his eyes open. They were both exhausted, though it was some small consolation to know that Squall wasn’t happy about having to be having this meeting at the crack of dawn. He had wanted them out of Deling City as soon as fucking possible, and in fact the two of them had barely finished their debriefing with the General before a grunt of SeeDs came to usher them into the Ragnarok, which had been deployed very specially just for their convenience. They didn’t even have a chance to say their farewells with Dallia - not that Seifer minded, not at all. If he never had to see that woman again, it would be too soon.

Zell wrote up his mission report on the flight back to Garden, but Seifer hadn’t been able to muster up the concentration. No wonder Dallia Caraway had repulsed him on first sight - the woman was a goddamn sorceress all along. Even her touch made his skin crawl. The sooner he got far away from her, the better, as far as Seifer was concerned. Although even now that he was half a world away, he still felt creeped out - like she was right there behind him, lurking over his shoulder. Like he couldn’t shake off the unpleasant aura she’d left hanging all over him. If Zell had noticed anything, he didn’t mention it on the flight back; just sat in the next aisle and diligently filled out his report, and then kindly let Seifer copy it with some minor alterations. His attitude suggested he wanted to talk, but in any case, on a ship surrounded by SeeDs wasn’t the place to do it, and Seifer didn’t need the distraction.

He could use a bit of it now, though. He was about to fall asleep himself, sitting there and waiting for Squall to get sick of waiting for one of them to say something. He clearly knew that their mission reports were packed full of bullshit, but wasn’t yet sure how to call them on it. They - well, mostly Zell - had recapped the past four weeks in detail, only omitting some non-relevant things like fistfights, room service, making out, Zell’s minor cock-up last night, and oh yeah, that really amazing sex. They hadn’t left anything out that was really important, but considering their history, it wouldn’t be surprising if Squall didn’t take them at their word. Then again, he’d never believe the truth either, if Seifer were inclined to reveal it to him, so what was the alternative?

“So,” the other man finally said, shuffling some papers on his desk in an aimless sort of way. Zell jerked suddenly awake in his chair at the movement. He wasn’t even trying to look alert, which seemed to piss Squall off even more - which, in turn, made Seifer feel a little better. If there was one good thing about this whole debacle, it was that Squall was going to have to deal with the aftermath. Seifer almost smiled, but thought better of it at the last moment.

“So, what?” Zell replied, with an edge to his tone that Squall clearly wasn’t used to hearing, judging by his surprised expression. “Can we go now? I just want to go to bed.”

“Not until I’ve got your story straight,” Squall said in response.

Zell made a frustrated noise in his throat. “I’ve told it to you four times. What else do you want to hear?”

“Do you have anything to say?” Squall asked, turning his attention to Seifer.

“It’s all in my report,” Seifer replied coolly.

“Is it?”

They all three sat in silence for a minute or two more. Zell was beginning to look distinctly grumpy, which Seifer knew was due to a lack of sleep. He himself was desperately longing for a nice, soft bed - with or without Zell in it, didn’t matter - but he also had the recollection of certain of last night’s events to keep him feeling relatively cheerful, all things considered. In fact, if you edited out the entire portion of the night that included Dallia Caraway, it had been a very good night indeed. Zell had given him every indication that he was in favor of continuing what they had begun yesterday, and even if Seifer had to make that somewhat unseemly confession to get them to come to terms, it was well worth it. Besides, it seemed to gratify Zell whenever he acted like an idiot, not that that meant he would be making any more attempts if he could help it. There were other ways to gratify Zell.

“What are you smiling at?” Squall asked sharply, jerking Seifer out of a pleasant daydream and back to reality. He cleared his expression at once.

“I was just remembering that I’m glad I’m not you,” he said, watching Squall’s eyebrow twitch. “Again.”

Something in his expression must have been giving him away, because Zell shot him a a suspicious sideways look, but he ignored it. Not that he’d be surprised to find Zell on the same page - he had a nagging feeling that Zell’s mind, once you got past the prudish crust, was deep dark pit of perversity. He acted at being super straight-laced, and then suddenly morphed into a sexual virtuoso between the sheets... well, Zell had always been overly energetic; if that had once been a quality that annoyed Seifer, he couldn’t find a single reason to complain about it now. And who’d have guessed the martial artist could do more with his mouth than just yap?

“What I want to know is, what am I going to tell all the goddamn journalists that’ll be calling me in a couple hours?” Squall said, scribbling violently on a paper in front of him.

“Tell them to go fuck themselves,” Zell answered huffily.

“Zell,” the headmaster said sharply.

“What?” Zell said, scowling. “Alright, I’m sorry. That was too far. But, christ, really. Why do you have to tell them anything?”

Squall was torn between looking pissed off at Zell’s attitude and seeming curious at his point. Seifer didn’t chime in. He suddenly had a new respect for Zell. He’d always assumed the other man worshipped the seat that Squall’s frigid hind end sat on, like everyone else. Then again, maybe Zell was just tired and cranky.

“Let Dallia and her people deal with the press,” Zell went on in a tired tone of voice. “You don’t owe them anything. If anything, they oweus, don’t they?”

“Hm,” was all Squall said, which was his way of acquiescing that Zell was right.

“So can we go?”

Squall said nothing, and Zell made a loud, frustrated sound. Seifer continued to hold his tongue, ignoring the probing looks that the brunet was giving him. It was clear that Squall couldn’t think of a legitimate reason to keep them there, except for because he said so, but all the same, Seifer wasn’t keen on giving him more fuel by opening his mouth and saying something undoubtedly unwelcome. He’d been a very good boy throughout the whole meeting, quite in contrast to Zell, who could be distinctly catty when he was overtired. Zell, however, was a star player - rank A SeeD, war hero, and the headmaster’s best fucking friend - and Seifer was just a screw-up with a bad attitude who’d been on thin ice with the whole of Garden Administration even before this monumental cock-up of a mission. If Squall was looking for reasons to give Seifer the boot, he probably had a whole list of them by now. Perhaps he was just trying to pick his favorite among them.

“There’s just one more thing, I guess,” Squall finally said.

“Oh, just the one?” Seifer muttered, unable to stop himself.

The other man chose to ignore that bit of cheek, and went on, looking not at Seifer but at Zell, “neither of you knew that she was a sorceress? Before tonight, I mean?”

“No, ‘course not,” Zell replied without hesitation. After he said this, however, he seemed to have a second thought, and then cast a wary look over at Seifer. “You didn’t, did you?”

“No!” Seifer spat back, more than a little offended. Zell didn’t have much faith in him, did he? “As if I’d keep something like that a secret. Hell, if I’d known, I probably would have rolled out the red carpet for Seera and her goons.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Squall said dryly, while Zell shot him a very cross look.

“He’s kidding,” he said.

“Are you sure?” Squall replied.

“Yeah, are you sure?” Seifer mimicked, earning himself a scowl from the headmaster and an expression of incredulity from Zell. “Actually, I’m really starting to sympathize with these anti-sorceress groups. At least they get told shit.”

Zell jumped noisily out of his seat, looking very much like he wanted to clock Seifer a good one, while Squall watched on, with an expression of mild interest in the exchange. Of course, his expressions were rarely anything but mild, so that didn’t say much. “Would you stop talking already?” Zell hissed. “Or are you trying to get yourself fired?”

“Well, if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen,” Seifer said coolly, which only added fuel to the fire. Before Zell could make a move, however - physical or otherwise - Squall made a loud and very pointed throat-clearing noise that made him reconsider, and he sat back down in his chair. Seifer was somehow disappointed, although he couldn’t say why - making a scene in front of their esteemed commander was unwise for a whole list of reasons, and not least because Seifer had no intention of engaging Zell in another brawl; the emotions he was having toward the martial artist at the moment were less of a violent nature than they were of a passionate one. He rather hoped this wasn’t evident on his face; Squall was studying him with a peculiar look.

“He doesn’t mean that,” Zell explained, managing to sound both reasonable and frustrated at the same time. “He’s just being a dick likealways so ignore him.”

“Why are you defending him?” Squall asked.

“Yeah, why are you defending me?” Seifer repeated in a mocking tone, and he could practically hear Zell’s teeth grinding. Why he was suddenly determined to piss the other man off, he didn’t know - but he was suddenly very fed up with everything; with Zell and Squall, and this meeting, and the whole absurd farce that had been this mission. Zell was glaring daggers at him, but it was Squall who spoke next, and he didn’t sound all too composed himself.

“Shut up,” he said, heaving a sigh and putting his head in his hands. “Both of you shut up. Good god,” he said wearily, rubbing his eyes. “I’ve heard enough. Seifer, you’re dismissed. Do me a favor, and don’t show your face for a couple of days, alright?”

“Gladly,” Seifer shot back, getting up brusquely from his seat. Although a part of him would have very happily done the exact opposite just for the sake of pissing Squall off, what he really wanted more than anything was some time alone - away from Squall and Quistis, and even Zell, and just people in general - away from Garden life, if only that were an option. He needed to get his head straight about any number of things, and Squall was giving him an opportunity to do so, was more or less ordering him to keep his head down for the next few days, which suited Seifer perfectly. He wasn’t going to walk out, however, without being snarky about it. “Solitary confinement is starting to look like a vacation compared to this bullshit,” he said coolly.

“Am I dismissed?” Zell chimed in hopefully.

“No. I need a word with you,” Squall said in reply. Zell glared up at Seifer as though it were his fault. In fact, it probably was; Seifer didn’t doubt that he was going to be the primary topic of conversation once he left the room. It was Zell’s own fault; if the idiot would just stop defending him and let him dig his own grave, he wouldn’t even be involved. Seifer tried not to look too concerned about it as he exited the room, but he did hope that Zell wasn’t going to get chewed out too badly.

Xu and one of her DC lackeys were waiting in the hall outside when he closed the door. Seifer couldn’t help but feel a mild sense of satisfaction at the fact that she looked dog-tired and quite unhappy at having to be up at this hour of the morning. At least it was a comfort to know he wasn’t the only one having a bad day. She didn’t say anything as he passed her, but just gave him a very nasty look, which was mimed with less success by her companion.

It’s good to be home, he thought bitterly, as he made his way back to the dorms.

Squall must have been taking lessons from Quistis. He was doing that very Quistis thing of just staring at Zell, utterly in silence, until Zell gave up and let her have whatever she was after, which was usually gossip. Mostly this worked because Zell always knew what she was getting at, and if he didn’t, he always had some juicy little tidbit or other on hand to fob her off with. At the moment, he hadn’t a clue what Squall was getting at, and he was cranky and frustrated and altogether too tired to care.

"What's this about?" he finally asked, when it was evident that Squall wasn't planning to tell him anytime soon.

"I'm just wondering if there's anything you want to... add to your mission report," the other man said mildly, in an aggravatingly neutral tone of voice.

"Everything important is in there already."

"Everything important?" Squall repeated.

"Well, everything pertinent," Zell replied, which was a rather good answer if he did say so himself. Diplomacy might have been more Seifer's game, but Zell had a few things down too, although he rarely had to utilize such tact with Squall, of all people. But then again, he rarely had anything of such a nature as his and Seifer's relationship to hide.

"Are you two like that all the time?"

Well, not all the time, Zell thought, giving a little grin. He and Seifer were able to get along sometimes, and he could recall one occasion in particular where they'd managed to put aside their differences long enough to discover how to really get along. "Yeah, pretty much," was all he said in response to Squall's question. He could hardly answer otherwise; he'd practically begged Squall before this mission to reconsider their partnership for the very reason that they couldn't get along.

"You weren't exaggerating," Squall said, slumping down in his chair.

"Told you I wasn't. But I guess it's not as bad as that," Zell admitted, because the other man was starting to look rather grave. "I mean, as long as we stay out of each other's way, we're fine. But we can hardly have a conversation without bickering. I guess I'm just used to it."

"You guys fight?"

"Squall, what are you after?" Zell asked, and to his satisfaction, Squall began to look a little chagrined. "If you're looking for me to tattle on Seifer, you're barking up the wrong tree. He's a dick, and yeah, he needs to learn when to stop. But I'm not gonna go cataloging every little thing he does wrong and give you a report. We both could have been better."

Instead of taking offense at this little speech, Squall started to look amused at this, which was both strange and disconcerting. "You're defending him again," he pointed out.

"I'm not trying to. I'm just saying, a lot of shit went wrong, and you can't just blame him. And anyway, you should have known when you sent us into this how it was going to be. I mean, jeez, me and him?" Zell finished, now more than a little peeved. What was Squall expecting, anyway? Just putting him and Seifer together was already a bad decision in itself.

Luckily for him, Squall seemed to realize the same thing. "You're probably right," he said.

"And by the way, whose bright idea was that, I want to know? I'm sure it wasn't yours," Zell added, and was gratified to see the headmaster now looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"It doesn't matter."

"It kind of matters to me. I'm not gonna lie, Squall, that was just about the worst month of my life so far," he said. "Just about" were the key words there, he supposed, because it was true that the month had ended on a very much better note than it had began. But he didn't know if all the bickering, all the fights, and all the fucking attitude from Seifer were really worth it. Seifer could be hard to deal with on a good day, and he didn't seem to have many of those.

Of course, when he was disposed to be agreeable, he could be, well, really agreeable. Zell would never have guessed. And everything he'd learned about the other man - well, maybe it was worth it. For fuck's sake, it had to be worth it if he was considering being in arelationship with Seifer.

"Alright. You can go," Squall said, looking ever more desperate as he perused the mess of papers in front of him. Zell almost felt bad for him for the shit Garden Administration was going to give him when all the details of this mission came out, until he remembered that he'd brought it on himself. What was he thinking, pairing Zell and Seifer up? He should have known from the first moment that only disaster would follow. So Zell didn't waste too much of his pity on the brunet as he got up from his seat, without another word - god forbid Squall suddenly change his mind and try to stop Zell from reaching his bed - and left the office, still trying to wrap his brain around that last somewhat startling revelation.

Had it been worth it? The fights, both physical and verbal, the insults and jibes, the blatant taunts. Seifer's more often than not rotten moods and his ridiculous diva-esque behavior. His stubborn refusal to be honest even with himself, and his stupid determination to win whatever imaginary war he thought they were having. All that he'd had to deal with these past four weeks, and then some. By the time he got back to his dorm and crawled into bed, he already had the answer - it was easy to say it was worth it when he thought of what he had gained.

"There you are," Fuujin said, poking her head around the end of the bookshelf that shielded Seifer from the outside world. She said this as though she had spent hours searching for him, when in fact she ought to have known exactly where he'd be; he told her earlier that morning when they spoke on the phone, before she got back to Garden. He'd spent a lot of time in the library over the past few days, because it was the quietest place in Garden that wasn't his dorm room, among other things.

"Welcome back," he said to her, shutting his book. She joined him at the small table in the corner, looking very fresh and energetic and unusually tan from the week she'd just spent in Dollet.

"I should say the same to you," she replied, giving him a sly look. "You just got back in a few days ago yourself, didn't you?"

"On Sunday," he said. It was technically not a lie; it was very early Sunday morning when they were flown back from Deling City, but it was still Sunday. "How was Dollet?"

"It was good. How was Deling City?" she countered, and Seifer didn't need to see the devious look in her eye or the smirk on her face to know just what she was getting at. He had promised her details those couple of weeks ago, and she had hinted quite heavily on the phone that morning that she hadn't forgotten. And boy, did he have some details for her. But whether he wanted to divulge them at this time, in this particular place, he had yet to determine.

"The usual," he said, an answer so vague as to be meaningless, which is the effect he was aiming for. This was not the answer she was seeking, and the glare she gave him was probably meant to reinforce that fact, but he chose not to notice it, instead pretending to be absorbed in his book. Raijin chose that moment to come barreling around the corner in his usual oafish way, putting a quick end to whatever question had been on her lips just before she was able to ask it. Seifer found he was grateful for the distraction; he really wasn't certain he wanted to talk about Zell with her, and he knew she was itching to ask.

He was more than a little frustrated when it came to the martial artist. After their last conversation in Deling City, he had expected that they'd be getting together to talk about some things that had been rather up in the air at the time. In fact, he had only seen Zell twice in the five days since they'd returned, and at a distance; they hadn't spoken once. If he didn't know better, he'd think the other man was avoiding him, but he couldn't fathom why.

He'd fully expected to have the entire situation sorted out by now, and the fact that he didn't was aggravating. They had slept together. They had both admitted to not exactly disliking the other. It was not complicated. On a slightly less important note, Seifer was kind of pissed off that he had been sleeping alone the last five nights, after that amazing experience in Zell's bed.

He was always one to take initiative when he wanted something, and he had no problem making the first move again; the only thing that had stopped him was the fact that, considering the way he had deliberately tried to wind Zell up the other day in Squall's office, he might be something of a persona non grata at the moment. So he decided to give Zell a few days to cool down over it, and was actually fairly surprised that the other man didn't come calling the first few days after they were back. It appeared Zell wasn't as eager as he had seemed to get the answers Seifer owed him.

"Hey, guys," Raijin said in his "library voice", which was just a shade quieter than his normal voice, but the library staff had evidently agreed to compromise. "You shouldn't'a run off so quick, Fuu. I was trying to follow you, ya know?"

Her expression made it quite clear that she'd known, which, Seifer guessed, was the very reason she'd done it. Raijin sat down next to her, and Seifer was amused, and glad, to find that he was pretty much back to normal. He started chitchatting about their trip to Dollet, and Seifer nodded through the one-sided conversation, ignoring the pointed looks being sent his way by Fuujin. She appeared to be trying to communicate some kind of dire warning, or perhaps a threat, with the power of her eye alone. Seifer pretended not to notice, happily listening to Raijin's emphatic enumerations of the loads of fun they'd had at the beach instead.

"So how was your trip, Seif? You been gone a while," he said eventually, when he'd run out of adjectives to describe all the exciting things they'd done.

"It was fine. I didn't have that much fun," he answered coolly. This blatant lie caused Fuujin to finally look up from the magazine she'd been perusing in lieu of having to listen to her partner ramble on.

"Are you sure?" she said, every bit as nonchalant as he was. "You didn't even do any sightseeing?"

"Oh, I saw the sights," he said, and Fuujin smirked.

"I read in a magazine or something that Deling City has more outdoor gardens than anywhere else in the world. Ya know, with, like, topiary statues and stuff," Raijin remarked, with his usual utter lack of perception. Fuujin rolled her eyes.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Jus' some trivia," he said defensively. Fuujin shot Seifer a look which he avoided. She was clearly refusing to take the hint that he wasn't ready to have that conversation yet. "Did you see any while you were there?"

"Topiaries?" Seifer said, which made Fuujin suddenly snort in laughter. Raijin gave her a puzzled and hurt look as she dissolved into an uncontrollable fit of giggles, which made Seifer grin; he rarely was able to catch her by surprise.

“What are you laughing at? What’s the joke?”

“There’s no joke,” Seifer explained to his friend, who seemed to think that Fuujin’s laughter was at his expense, and looked accordingly offended. “Fuu has a tendency to make light of things that are really not at all funny.”

“I’d have to disagree,” she retorted, still biting her lip to keep her giggles under control. “You’re just too biased to be able to see the humor in the situation.”

“What situation?” Raijin said helplessly.

“There’s no situation, and if there were a situation, it wouldn’t be even remotely funny,” was Seifer’s answer to that, and he gave Fuujin a very stern look, hoping it would be enough to convey his desire to end the conversation before it started. Her grin faded a little, and her eye, still fixed on him, narrowed as she adopted an expression of suspicion.

“If there were a situation, in any case, I’m sure it’s something you could trust your best friends enough to talk about,” she said in response, sounding now a little irritated. Seifer was getting irritated himself. Why couldn’t she drop it? Was knowing the whole story so important to her that she didn’t care that Raijin was right there? It wasn’t that Seifer minded so much if they both knew, or that he trusted Raijin any less than his partner, but he didn’t even have his own head straight on the issue yet.

He decided to go on the offensive. “And what about your situation?” he asked, watching Fuujin’s expression transform from slightly bemused to just plain pissed as she realized what he meant. She’d obviously done something to get Raijin back to acting normal around her, but she evidently didn’t like being reminded of the fact that he was in love with her, or whatever was going on. “I don’t recall you finding that very funny the last time we talked about it.”

“Because it’s not funny, and also, we agreed to not talk about it again.”

“And we agreed to not talk about my situation again,” he said shortly, and she frowned deeply. “So maybe we should all just not talk.”

“But I don’t know what’s going on,” Raijin chipped in, sounding rather lost. The other two ignored him as they engaged in a silent argument, staring each other down across the table. Seifer knew from experience that the more he fought it, the more Fuujin would want to have her way, and she looked determined already. And it was too late, anyway, because Raijin would never let the subject drop until he was in on it, which she knew very well or she wouldn’t have said anything in front of him in the first place. This was probably her way of paying Seifer back for daring to scheme without her consent - which he maybe deserved a little, because she was, after all, his best friend, and he ought to have trusted her.

“Seifer’s in love with Zell,” she said, before he even had a chance to fortify himself to say it. Then she grinned, and the expression was so bursting with smugness that Seifer began to be pissed again.

“I was going to tell him.”

“I know, but I wanted to say it. It’s better than ‘I told you so’,” she said happily, sitting back and crossing her arms in a very satisfied way.

“Alright, alright. Are you happy now?” he asked bitterly.

“I’ll be happier when you tell me what happened after I left Deling City.”

“Maybe I won’t tell you at all,” he snapped. “I certainly don’t feel like it after what you just did.”

She began to look a bit chagrined, which eased some of Seifer’s anger. “Well, sorry,” she said defensively, but she did seem sorry. “I guess I was excited. It’s not like it’s every day that you’re in love with someone.”

This statement was at once so weird and so sentimental that Seifer was caught completely off-guard, and forgot all about being cross with her. He never knew what to do when Fuujin started acting affectionate, and it was his major weakness - his inner sap began to come out where she was involved. Fortunately for them both, her soft side was the one that she kept pretty well hidden. She had seen him through a lot of bad times, so he supposed that any little forward movement in his life was cause for celebration in her book. Well, she always claimed that she just wanted to see him happy - he was certainly happier now than he’d been in a very long time.

“That was a low blow,” he said, but he wasn’t irritated, and the half-smile that she gave him showed that she knew just that.

“Wait a minute,” Raijin said suddenly, re-entering the conversation as his brain finally caught up to Fuujin’s declaration. “Seifer, you’re in love with someone?”

“Yes,” he said, and his heart gave a little skip - oh, right, it was the first time he’d really admitted it out loud, wasn’t it? “With Zell.”

Raijin screwed up his face in earnest thought for a moment or two, while Fuujin watched him with a half-amused, half-incredulous look. “Hm,” he said finally, shrugging, “sorry, I don’t know her.”

“That’s because it’s not a ‘her’,” Seifer said coolly.

“Than what is it?”

There was a moment’s silence as Fuujin cast him a glance, looking slightly pained. “A ‘he’,” she said eventually, in the same tone one might use to explain maths to a child. Raijin was clearly not getting it; Seifer didn’t think it was deliberate, but just that the other man couldn’t quite connect the dots in his head yet.

He thought some more. “Who?” he asked, frowning deeply.

“Zell Dincht,” Seifer answered. He leaned forward over the table, smiling a little. “You know him. Short guy, tattoo, ridiculous hair. Always spoiling for a fight.”

“I think he’s genuinely in shock,” Fuujin remarked, as her partner’s expression took on the cast of someone trying to mentally work calculus.

“Forget it,” Seifer said, shutting his book and pushing his chair out. Before he could get up, however, Raijin’s brain finally jumped to attention, and he leapt out of his seat with a loud and vehement exclamation that had the library staff coming around the corner to shush the three of them with wagging fingers and cold stares. Raijin sat back down, looking chastened.

“Look,” Seifer went on, leaning toward Raijin and lowering his voice considerably. “It’s not a big deal. So don’t go making a thing out of it.”

“Not a big deal?” the other man whispered back. “Seifer, you’re in love! It’s kind of a huge deal!”

“Stop saying that. Don’t say that out loud.”

“Sayin’ what?” Raijin asked dumbly.

Seifer gritted his teeth, mostly at Fuujin’s expression, which was maddeningly smug. “You know,” he said lowly, grimacing as Raijin gave him an utterly blank stare. “Those... two words. Don’t say them anymore.”

“Well what am I supposed to say?”

“Nothing. Let’s all drop the subject,” Seifer suggested.

“No, but you don’t understand. This is great. We’re totally happy for you,” Raijin went on, ignoring his last comment. He looked earnestly happy, which was to his credit, Seifer supposed - in contrast with Fuujin, who was smiling, but mostly in a triumphant way. “I mean, Fuu and I seriously thought you were gonna be alone forever. We, like, talked about it, and-”

“Shut up, would you!” Fuujin cut in, giving her partner a hard whack upside the head. Raijin just looked at her cluelessly.

“Oh, I see,” was Seifer’s response, as cool as he could manage. A subject of frequent discussion between them was his love life? Well, he could turn the tables on this conversation. “Well, since we’re on the subject, I don’t recall the last time either of you two were seeing someone. How about you, Fuu? Got any secret hidden feelings you’d like to fess up to?” he asked, directing his smirk toward her.

“Consider the subject dropped,” was all she said, picking up her magazine and pretending to regain interest in it. Seifer might have been satisfied with just that, had he not been in a particularly sour mood to begin with, made worse by her refusal to take a hint, so he decided to go for blood.

“No? Not seeing anybody lately?” he said casually, sitting back in his chair. He turned his gaze to Raijin. “Good news for you, then, isn’t it?”

“Ha... ha... how’s that?” Raijin replied, laughing nervously. He looked lost, but was clearly uneasy about the direction the conversation was going. Seifer only smiled, while Fuujin made a violent attempt to kick him from under the table which failed because her legs were too short to reach.

“Well, you’re the one that’s in love with her,” he said, and for the split second before Raijin began causing a scene, Seifer was able to savor the look of pure irritation on Fuujin’s face. There was no mistaking that expression; she was going to get him back for this, and then some. But for the moment, the frustrated little part of him that called for revenge was satisfied.

“Seifer! If you tell her, she’ll know!” Raijin yelled, leaping out of his seat with a complete and total lack of coordination and knocking several chairs askew. His expression was horrified, and only grew more so when Fuujin punched him in the arm a moment later and declared, “I already knew, you jackass!”

Raijin fled the scene, dodging around one of the library staff, who had come around the shelves with arms crossed and an expression that radiated disapproval. “I’m going to have to ask you all to leave,” she said frostily, but it was unnecessary; Raijin was already long gone, and Fuujin was getting up from her chair, as well, clearly not intending to stay. The look she gave Seifer was hardly warm, but the fact that she was jumping up to go after the other man spoke volumes about her real attitude toward the situation, he thought.

“Thanks a lot,” she said crisply. “Do you know how long it’s going to take me to bully him into being normal again?”

Seifer only shrugged, smiling, which had her bidding him farewell with a sneer. He wasn’t much bothered; she’d get over it, and anyway, she’d probably wanted the excuse to bully Raijin, though she wouldn’t say as much. Besides, if pissing her off a little kept her away from him and off his case for a few more days, there was a plus side. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that he wasn’t the only one for whom things weren’t going as planned.

He gave the two of them a moment to get well clear of the library, and then he stood to leave himself, still aware of the cold eye of the library girl logging his every move. He didn’t mind being thrown out, as it were; Zell had never shown up, and that was the real reason Seifer had taken to hanging out in the library the past few days. He knew Zell was in tight with the library staff - he used to date one of them, if Seifer remembered correctly. In any case, he was always hanging about here, so Seifer figured it was only a matter of time before he ran into the martial artist here... except, for whatever reason, Zell was avoiding the library, too.

Well, it wasn’t worth stressing over. He wasn’t feeling impatient enough to be frustrated yet - Zell would have to come to him eventually, if he couldn’t manage to catch the other man long enough to get a real conversation out of him soon. Seifer had rather that it didn’t come to that, but if he had to wait, he’d wait. He’d done a lot of chasing over the last few weeks; now it was time to pull back a little and see if Zell would recoup the distance.

It was a fine enough plan, but the truth was, he was actually kind of missing Zell. After being confined to such close quarters with the man for four weeks, it was almost strange to not have him around twenty-four-seven, bouncing around, chattering away, and just generally being a pest in any way possible. Of course, living with Zell had been a challenge in the extreme, and only half because Seifer had wanted him more than he was even willing to admit to himself - he wouldn’t do that again in a hurry. But having Zell around was nice, sleeping with him - the warmth of another body next to him, the quiet sound of someone’s heartbeat lulling him to sleep. That was something Seifer had never known before, and that he had liked it so much he surprised even himself.

I’m turning into such a lamer, he thought, heaving a sigh, as he exited the library. Thing was, if he asked himself, he didn’t even mind. Living his life the way he had for the past couple of years hadn’t gotten him very far, after all, so maybe it was time for a change. If changing himself was the first step down that path, he found he was surprisingly unopposed to the idea. Fuujin would say, teasingly, that he was finally growing up... and he might not disagree with her. The feeling of moving forward after years of stagnation was refreshing. Thinking about it that way, he could easily wait a few more days to see Zell - what else did he have besides time, anyway?

Zell had just stepped out the door when he heard his name being called from down the hallway. He froze in place, and didn’t even look round; if he made eye contact, she’d never let him escape. Was it too late to turn right around and lock himself in his dorm room? He realized that he had spent too much time considering it when a tiny hand appeared on his shoulder, and he had no choice but to turn around and face his pursuer. He was happy to find, however, that it was only Selphie. “Oh, it’s you,” he said with a grin.

She gave him a sly look. “You sound relieved. Who did you think I was?”

He only shrugged, and she laughed, as if it were some kind of joke. He doubted she’d have found it funny if she knew he had been considering running from her - but of course, that was only because he thought it had been Miri finally catching up to him. He had been dodging her for the better part of a week already, and according to eyewitness reports, she was getting suspicious of his continual failure to report directly to her after returning from Galbadia. He knew he was going to have to face her eventually, but hell if he knew what he was going to say when she asked some questions that he wasn’t certain he could answer.

“So look,” Selphie said brightly, bouncing just slightly on the balls of her feet, “I’m in town for another whole week, and you know Rinoa is in town with the Owls right now, and Irvine is coming into Balamb tomorrow afternoon, which you know means that all six of us are actually going to be in the same place at the same time! So we’re having a party Saturday night, which I organized. I don’t care what your plans are, you’re coming, and here’s your invitation!”

She pressed a large, powder-blue envelope into his hands. It wasn’t like he had any plans to give up, but he didn’t tell her that. Even if she hadn’t been so excited that a refusal to attend her party would probably get him the business end of a nunchaku across the head, he would have been glad to go. He couldn’t remember the last time that the whole gang had been together at once, and they probably hadn’t all been at Garden since the last party that Selphie threw here, which was just after the war ended. He had some catching up to do with both her and Irvine, not necessarily together.

“I invited lots of people, so it’ll be a big party,” Selphie went on, with that cheerful, just-short-of-psychotic smile on her face that was trademark of her talking about her favorite topic: parties. “You know, Nida and Xu and a bunch of the SeeDs. But no one underage. We are gonna get all kinds of crazy.”

“Sounds great,” Zell said, taking a closer look at his invitation. The envelope was thick, which, knowing Selphie, meant that something was probably going to pop out of it when he opened it. All around the edges of the envelope were cute little drawings of chocobos and hot dogs, with glitter liberally applied, of course. Selphie was clutching a whole stack of envelopes in all colors, and upon seeing Zell admiring her artwork on his own, she brought out a few others to showcase.

“Rinoa helped me with the invites,” she said proudly, shaking pink sparkles all over him in her excitement. “We spent all day yesterday on them. Oh, do you want to do me a favor?”

“Sure thing,” he said. She filed through her stack of envelopes, and pulled one out to hand over to him.

“Pass that on to Seifer for me,” she said, looking somewhat sour. “Rinoa said I had to invite him but feel free to make it clear that he’s notwanted.”

Zell grimaced. She had to pick the one favor in the world that he’d rather not do for her. Seifer was the other person he hadn’t seen since their return from Deling City - it wasn’t exactly that he was avoiding the gunblader, not in the way that he was avoiding Miri, but they hadn’t happened to see each other for the past several days and Zell found that he didn’t really mind that. He wasn’t feeling all that clearheaded where Seifer was concerned. Despite all his resolution that last night in Galbadia, he was having some second thoughts about what he really wanted from Seifer. But that wasn’t something he could really explain to Selphie without revealing a bit too much, so he’d have to come up with some other excuse.

He glanced down at Seifer’s invitation. It was dark and considerably battered, as though Selphie had decided that it didn’t need as much care as all the others. It was covered in angry-looking doodles of skulls and missiles, and Zell was afraid to wonder what was going to pop up at Seifer when he opened it. And Selphie still claimed that she wasn’t holding a grudge.

“I dunno,” Zell said, trying to look nonchalant. “You might want to deliver that particular message yourself. I don’t want you blaming me if he shows up at your party because I wasn’t mean enough.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that,” she said, frowning.

“In fact, if it’s me, he’d probably show up just to spite me,” Zell added coolly.

“You’re probably right,” Selphie agreed, and she took the invitation back. “I’ll do it myself. I won’t leave any room for interpretation, if you know what I mean.”

“Well, don’t go hitting him.”

She stuck her tongue out at him, looking devious. “I’ll do what I want!” she declared emphatically. “No one’s gonna give me detention for beating Seifer up a little. But I won’t go overboard, okay?”

Zell was pretty sure she was joking, so he just grinned and nodded. She winked at him, and then skipped away, calling back over her shoulder, “see you Saturday! Bring something good!”

He waved as she went around the corner, and he could hear her whistling a random tune down the corridor until she was out of hearing. Zell almost felt tired just from that conversation; he had forgotten how much of a handful Selphie could be when she was on a party high. On the bright side, it usually only lasted until her post-party hangover kicked in, so he’d probably only have to hear about the decorations, or the guest list, or the caterer, or the fantastic new drink she’d just discovered a few dozen times between now and Saturday. He just smiled to himself, turning to go back into his room. Selphie never changed; she had been just as free-spirited the day they met.

He put the invitation on his desk without opening it. He had been taking it easy this week, really feeling the need for some relaxation after that debacle in Galbadia, but he found that he was looking forward to this party, as well. Hanging out together as a group was something that the six of them didn’t do often enough. With that thought, though, he couldn’t help but wonder if Seifer would show up. Selphie would no doubt make it crystal clear that he was neither expected to go nor wanted there, and anyway, Seifer never had any interest in hanging out with them. And to tell the truth, Zell would prefer it stayed that way - he really wasn’t sure he wanted to share the likable Seifer with anyone just yet.

Well, it probably didn’t matter; it was unlikely that Seifer would show up, even if Selphie presented her invitation on a gold platter on bended knee. That was probably for the better. Zell didn’t want his relationship with Seifer and his relationship with his friends mixing in any way whatsoever. Really, it was best if he and Seifer stayed as far as possible from each other in public, all things considered. He suddenly recalled what had happened with Quistis just before they left for Deling City; she would no doubt be watching the both of them, but particularly Seifer, like a hawk after being duped by him once already. With that thought, Zell was certain that no good could come of Seifer mixing with his friends. Things were best left the way they had been up until now: with Seifer very far away from them all.

Zell didn’t like it somehow. Wasn’t it kind of sad? He had to remind himself that Seifer had done just fine for himself up to now; and besides that, if he had wanted to be friends with anybody, he certainly could. He chose to distance himself from them by being a dick. Zell decided not to pity him too much. He had his own friends and he clearly didn’t want to mix with them, anyhow. Well... except for Zell, with whom he’d done a fair amount of mixing lately. Zell grinned to himself as he savored the recollection of it with satisfaction. Then he shook himself out of it, trying to shoo away the mental images; it wouldn’t do to get all hot and bothered now. In fact, if just thinking about Seifer was going to lead to this kind of mental block, it was definitely better if they avoided each other in places where such behavior might be noted by attentive individuals.

If only they weren’t avoiding each other in private, things would be just about perfect. Zell wasn’t going to worry about it too much; Seifer surely had his own reasons for keeping a distance, and Zell was satisfied with the assurance that he’d find out what they were eventually. Seifer still had a lot to answer for, after all; what was one more thing added to the list?
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Mind Games