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Tseng's Company	By : Turkaholic Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1072 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII or any of the characters. I make no money from this story

Chapter List
- 1-Tseng's Company
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-Epilogue
- 24
- 25
- 26
Tseng took another slow, silent sip from that coffee cup, staring at me over the rim of it calmly, with a look that made it feel like he was inspecting me, standing there totally naked with a bottle in my hand, probably looking more than half-dead in the low green glow streaming through the window and lighting my face enough for anyone with half a brain to see the relief in it. I stood there, paralysed, completely unable to speak as it finally hit me that Tseng, standing in the corner, was actually real, and not just another goddamn illusion. Like a dick, I couldn't do much more than watch as Tseng looked me over, those eyes that earlier had been completely overrun with lust were back to their old icy, fucking unreadable indifference as he blinked at me. For a second it was completely silent as we watched each other. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something, but even if my mouth had been in the right capacity to speak, I doubt I would've been able to find anything to say. I was just so goddamn relieved he hadn't up and left, even if this silence was suddenly driving me a little crazy, but I could live with that. He was still here. Tseng hadn't just took what he wanted and left like I'd been so damn scared of, and in my brain that was a damnably good thing.
The silence lasted a few more seconds, before Tseng let out a quiet sigh and turned back towards my coffee machine silently. Well, Tseng had sure found his way around my damn kitchen quick, hadn't he? I wondered how long he'd actually been standing in here, draining my apartment of its coffee supply. An hour? Two hours? Who knows how long he'd been awake... maybe he hadn't gone to sleep at all. He was fully clothed again now though, heh... more's the pity, and somehow, despite his Turk uniform being just thrown on the floor last night in a complete frenzy, it still seemed so insanely crease free, like he'd ironed the damn thing before he'd put it back on or something. Damn, I felt my heart begin to sink slowly back into shit again as he turned his back. He looked like cold, hard, Tseng of the Turks again, completely pristene, crease-free, fucking untouchable, especially to underling scum like me, and he wasn't speaking. I gulped silently as he poured himself another cup, the only sound breaking this suddenly awkward silence was coffee being poured slowly into that cup. I frowned and instinctively took another gulp from the bottle in my hand, not exactly sure what the hell was going on in Tseng's goddamn annoyingly obscure mind. Tseng and his fucking awful mood changes were geting to me now, I couldn't work him out at all. He was still here, sure, but he was as good as ignoring me, as if nothing had happened, as if I was still 'Reno, the scumbag' to him. Damn my mind for making me fall in love with such a confusing bastard! Couldn't I have fallen for someone dumb like... Rude? Ah geez Reno, why couldn't you have just stuck to quick fucks with waitresses rather than getting involved with such a strange son of a bitch? I'll tell you why: because you're a stupid asshole, that's why.
"Coffee?" Came Tseng's low, rumbling Wutaian accent, finally breaking the silence, though he didn't turn back to look at me.
I frowned stupidly for a second before replying, and I have to say, my reply must have been the most suave thing I have ever actually said.
"Huh?" I mumbled, like the dumbass I am, and wiped a hand across my eyes tiredly.
There was another pause. Another goddamn long pause, and I stared at Tseng's back intently as he shifted in the dark. Damn, was it really that much of a thing to ask for him to speak to me? Even when we'd been on purely employee/employer grounds, he hadn't simply ignored me. Ah damn, call me a sucker, because I just wanted to hear him speak to me, even if it was a fucking insult! Anything was better than him just goddamn ignoring me as though I didn't exist.
"...I said," he carried on suddenly, my heart sinking even further so it felt like it was scraping the floor at the unsentimental tone of his voice, "do you want some coffee?"
I shook my head instinctively, for a second being just too goddamn stupid to realise he couldn't see it with his back turned. Tseng stared out of my kitchenette window silently and calmly as he waited for a reply. How the fuck could that guy be so goddamn calm? Was he even human? Christ did he even remember any of the shit from yesterday? I frowned harder and clamped my jaw, that nervous shake coming back to my muscles as I wondered what the hell Tseng was thinking behind that stubborn facade of his. In the space of a day, he'd changed his damn attitude towards me so many times I wasn't even sure wether he was exactly mentally stable any more. I was so fucking confused! I was beginning to wonder wether it would've been better if he'd actually got up in the night and left, at least then I knew what to make of him, but nope, he'd stayed and yet again he'd surprised me with a new level of twisted fucking insanity. Even though we'd screwed in a total frenzy only a few hours ago, even though he knew damn well how much I wanted him, he was treating me as though nothing had happened.
I felt like screaming at the bastard, telling him to stop being such a heartless fucking prick, but I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere with Tseng. He was used to being shouted at, it was part of the job, working under a short tempered asshole like Heidigger, and he'd just shrug it off and tell me to get a grip. But oh fuck, I dont have much patience in this bloodthirsty little head of mine, and I wanted so goddamn badly to just flip, but I just... ached too much to even try, and even if he is a confusing son of a bitch, I was still too much of a sucker for him to be quite ready to lay into him like that.
Heh... Just call me Reno: the head of the Turks' very own fucking lapdog.
I finally pulled back a little self control by gripping at the bottle in my hand hard, and I forced myself to speak.
"No thanks I think I'll stick to this." I said, waving the bottle in the air as Tseng glanced over his shoulder, probably just as shocked as me by the bitter undertone that had come out in my voice. Shit, it hadn't meant to sound that harsh, it just came out, and Tseng turned back to the window with narrowed eyes as I showed him what I meant, by throwing my head back again and pouring some more burning liquid into my mouth. I heard Tseng sigh disapprovingly as I half fell back against the cupboard, eyes closed and the lip of the bottle up against my still bruised lips. I'm not quite sure what the hell I was thinking at this point, I think I was on the verge of cracking up, and I just couldn't be bothered with bidding for Tseng's approval, if he was just gonna throw everything back in my face like this. To tell the truth, I was just so anxious he was regretting it. Damn, but all I'd wanted was a little fucking reassurance. That was the least Tseng could do. Just a simple 'I like you' would do. Jesus Christ, in this state, I was even prepared to accept 'I had a great time, but you're not my type'. Just something... anything to tell me what he was thinking.
"I dont think you should be drinking in your state."
I laughed coldly.
"Yeah well... I've never been too good at doing things that are good for me have I?"
"You could do yourself some serious damage Reno."
Now... here's an odd thing, I could swear I actually heard concern seep through in that last sentence of his. My eyes flickered open when he said my name, to see Tseng, finally goddamn facing me, the look in his eyes could've been bordering on concern. My heart goddamn flickered again just at the sight of it. Damn, my head must be so screwed up: one minute I'm ready to strangle this coldass son of a bitch, and then just one change in his expression and I turn into a complete ass kisser. Fuck, what the hell's wrong with my psyche? I swear, if I got through this night alive, I was seriously considering getting my head examined.
I stared at him for a second, not even bothering to blink as those damn gorgeous Wutaian eyes played their old trick on me and made me just melt into a pile of Reno jello. Eventually I sighed, pushed myself unsteadily back onto my own two feet, and put the bottle down on the cupboard, still staring at Tseng's dimly lit figure the whole time. Damn him, even when I was fucked up this bad, he could still curl me around his little finger.
Tseng looked me over once, as if judging me or some goddamn thing, nodded concisely and then turned back to the window, staring out wordlessly at the crummy street at the back of my apartment, as if there was something really important out there that he had to watch.
I licked my lips nervously as the damn room went back into silence. Trust me, silence bothers me to hell. Even a normal every day silence and I'll feel like I have to talk over it, more often than not about random shit, but hey in my opinion random shit is better than silence, which is why being friends with Rude is generally one hell of a pain in the ass for me. The guy never goddamn speaks, so I end up filling all the time he doesn't speak with utter nonsensical crap that, looking back later, even I dont understand. Sometimes I wonder wether Rude thinks I'm completely outta my damn tree with all the crap I talk, but that's not the point I'm trying for here. The point I'm trying to make is that if normal silences, friendly every day silences, bug the hell out of me, then this silence, this damn awful, virtually fucking painful silence right here was enough to drive me insane. I hate silence. I really damn hate it, I'd rather turn goddamn celebate than be forced into any more awkward silences, so figuring I had pretty much nothing to lose, I decided I was gonna ask him 'The Question', my heart starting to pulse dangerously close to heart attack speeds even before I opened my mouth.
"Tseng?" I forced out, cringing at the sound of how stupidly fucking whiny my voice was. Tseng shifted uneasily at the sound of my voice, but his gaze out of that window didn't even budge.
"Reno?" He said lowly, narrowing his eyes and frowning. I gulped silently, forcing the next words up through my throat so difficultly that It was goddamn painful. Now this question was a real damn pride-killer, but goddamn it, I just needed the answer so fucking badly I didn't care much about my pride right now. And damn, for me that's pretty desperate. Over 50% of my personality is pride.
'Come on Reno, say it. What have you got to lose?'
"Why the hell did you come back here last night?" I demanded. Damn... I hope Tseng didn't hear the crack in my voice just now, or it would've sounded so very fucking pathetic.
Tseng just stood there, stone still like a fucking statue, probably trying to let what I'd just said actually sink in. Heh, he probably never expected me to be so blunt, and hell, but I didn't either: both as a Turk and as a womanising asshole, its generally my expertise to twist the truth, lie, do any goddamn thing to hide reality from the suckers I'm duping over, and here I was, asking for the truth. Geez... can you say 'ironic'?
I stood there holding my breath for what seemed like an eternity, just waiting for an answer from that confusing son of a bitch. The answer didn't come. Tseng just stood there, smooth as ever, taking sips of his coffee as he stared harder out the window, pretending he hadn't heard me.
'Great... and now I'm non-existent to the bastard.'
"Tseng!" Well, either Tseng desperately needed his ears cleaning out, or he was definitely trying his best to ignore every word I said, because instead of even acknowledging I was there, he turned back to the coffee machine to pour yet another cup. Damn! At this point, I'm pretty sure a sane person would've crawled back inside their shell and accepted the fact that Tseng didn't want anything to do with them any more, other than as degenerate scum, but damn, I wasn't about to let Tseng beat me back another time, especially after all the shit yesterday.
Even the most laid back guy has his trigger, his limit, and though generally I'm about as laid back as they come, I'd had nine whole days of being shit on by someone or other, wether it was that sick little vice-president, Don Corneo and his cronies, or even this gorgeous... but confusingly changeable asshole here, and I guess I'd just had enough. My trigger had well and truly been pressed. That limit of mine was about ready to burst. Maybe the whiskey gave me a little courage, but I just remember knowing I sure as hell wasn't about to let Tseng get his way and ignore me into silence this time. He could kick my puny ass for standing up to him if he wanted, but one way or another, I was gonna get my answer. Finding some kind of strength from fuck-knows-where, I frowned, gritted my teeth, and went over, slamming a hand down on the coffee cup in his hands, causing it to crash to the floor at Tseng's feet.
This is the point where, had I been in a normal state of mind, I would've been running for cover right now, but I wasn't in a normal state of mind, and even when Tseng's death threat of a glare met with mine, it just didn't affect me. I was way too fucking fed up with my shit luck to back down again. I'd been shit on by the world for nine whole fucking days, and I wasn't about to be shit on again. Did Tseng even care? I was damn determined to find out, right now.
No more fucking with my head.
"Gimme an answer Tseng!"
Tseng just looked at me with that dangerous glare, trying to intimidate me into shutting the hell up.
"Don't even -"
"Jesus Christ, is it that hard a question for you?" My voice was cracking, I was all too aware that my eyes were starting to sting, and sooner or later tears were going to start forming, but I didn't give a shit. He'd seen me cry before and I didn't give a fuck if he saw it again. There was a pause, a long, forboding pause.
"I'll assume from your breath that it's the alcohol talking," he snapped, "which is why I'm not about to put you on charge. But I warn you Reno - "
"Oh come on don't try to pass this off as corperate crap!" I snapped, out on a complete trip. I think my overworked brain had finally had enough. I glared at him seriously, not giving a damn about his expression right now. I was just too far gone to back off. "Tseng, I've taken more shit this week than any normal guy would've put up with in a fucking lifetime, and I've had enough! I'm not about to lay back and take you treating me like I'm fucking non existent in my own goddamn apartment. You don't just come in, screw someone then blank them like they're fucking scum, even if they are! Jesus Christ even I don't sink that goddamn low. You can do that shit to me at work, but not here. You can't play the political bullshit on me out here..." by now I was actually nearly whispering. I'd started off angry but now I was just so dog tired and pissed off, "...I just want a little fucking respect. Answer the goddamn question."
I slouched back against the wall miserably, watching Tseng's dark face for anything that could indicate he cared even slightly about what I'd just said. He stared at me blankly, not even moving a damn muscle, then he calmly looked my face over and turned back to stare out of the kitchen window, up at the green-glowing reactor looming up overhead, and for a moment I completely fucking despaired... I couldn't help but just frown.
Damn Tseng and his screwed up head. I guess this meant, despite everything that had happened, he really didn't give a shit anymore.
I opened my mouth to speak, couldn't think of a damn thing to say, then just grabbed the bottle I'd put down on the cabinet and went to walk away. I mean, what the fuck was there to say? May as well just resign myself back to the title of 'womanising, scum-sucking son of a bitch' and leave my boss to it.
'Fuck Tseng then, a bottle is as good as him anyday.' I lied to myself.
"Personal relationships get in the way of this business Reno." He said flatly, and then shut up again.
I turned back as something struck me. Dont ask me what the fuck it was about those words but hell, this brain must've latched onto something, because before I knew it, the cogs in this tired old scrapheap of a brain were screeching into life.
Holy shit...
Something finally clicked.
"Fuck... you're scared, aint you?" I said, not bothering to hide the wonder in my voice.
Tseng just carried on looking up blankly at the Mako reactor, that stupid goddamn indifference on his face, but something just told me I was right.
"That's it, ain't it? You're fucking scared."
"You watch your mouth." came the reply, still not moving.
... Bingo.
For a few seconds I just stood there, looking at his face. He was thinking. Tseng gets this look when he's thinking, I've noticed. A kind've glazed over, distant look - kind of like me when I'm dazed, but damn he pulls the look off ten times better, because of that perfect Wutaian face, which at the moment, was completely in thought mode. I was betting my left ass cheek that there was a reason behind it as well.
"Admit it." I was walking back towards him now like the complete goddamn kiss ass I was, I was longing for him to just admit it. Hell, at least then I'd have some sense of goddamn closure instead of just being left out on a limb here. Jesus I still had three weeks of sick leave, and if I was gonna have to go through them alone, the least Tseng could do was tell me where I stood.
"Don't even try it." He warned, but as damn dangerous as he tried to make it sound, it didn't quite work this time, and his expression looked more strained.
There was more utter silence. I'm not exactly perceptive, hell I'm about as insensitive as Scarlet at a funeral normally, but even a useless asshole like me could figure there was something Tseng was hiding. He was normally good at hiding that shit, but I knew from the rings around those dark eyes of his that he was more than a little tired, so obviously that ice barrier of his was having a little trouble keeping its power up. And... being the way too nosey son of a bitch I am, I was determined I was going to find out what the hell it was. I mean fuck, as whiny as I know that sounds... I just needed to know.
"Tseng?" I said, and was rewarded with a low 'mmm?' that sounded more like he was sulking than trying to freeze me to death with the tone of his voice. I smirked weakly as I opened my mouth the next time, pretty sure he was going to recognise the words I was going to say.
"Talk to me?"
Tseng glanced over his shoulder at me, finally making some sort of goddamn eye contact as he obviously remembered the last time those words had been spoken. A halfhearted smile flickered across that serious face of his before it sank back into thought again, though he seemed at least a little more relaxed. He stopped standing like someone had shoved a four foot pole up his ass and sighed.
"You never learn when to shut up, do you Reno?"
"Never been a quick learner."
Well... he sure couldn't accuse me of lying anyway.
There was another pause. Damn, but I was sick of these godawful pauses by now. Tseng might be a master at silence, but I sure as hell aint. Still... at least it wasn't one of those brain-killingly painful silences from earlier. I could tell something was going on in that confusing head of his, and fuck, but I was just hoping it was something good. Ah fuck, I found myself just staring like a gormless prick at Tseng's long raven, gorgeous hair, just longing to reach out and touch it. My fingers were just twitching to do it...
But Tseng opened his mouth long before I had the chance to start. Fuck knows what made him decide to speak. I never was too good at understanding Tseng's thought train and to tell the truth, I'm not exactly sure I'd ever want to get inside that man's psyche, incase the things in it screwed up my already pretty warped head even more. But considering I was completely obsessed with the guy, what he came out with next struck me dumb so that all stupid, aching Reno here could do was stand there, naked and half drunk, gulping back the lumps in my throat as I realised what in hell's name Tseng was doing.
The stoic son of a bitch was finally opening up to me.
"My mother -" he started, then stopped. Knowing Tseng, he was probably suddenly wondering why the fuck he'd started speaking in the first place, but holy fuck no, I wasn't gonna let him start and then just shut up. I was willing him on painfully in my head. Even if when I went back in 3 weeks and we were back to the crappy goddamn Shinra heirachy 'don't-even-look-at-me-if-you-havent-got-a-half-million-gil-in-the-bank' shit, I guess I still wanted to know. My stomach was in about a dozen knots again as he took a deep breath. It was obvious he'd never seriously told this to anyone before...whatever it was.
'C'mon Tseng...' I had a feeling this was the first time he'd opened up to anybody. I mean, hell, you don't become head of the Turks by being all smiles and friendly service. It's called 'keeping to yourself' and 'acting like you have a stick up your ass all day'. Whatever Tseng was finally trying to say, he was having trouble saying it and as much as this goddamn lapdog right here wanted to reassure him somehow, I resisted. When Tseng speaks, you goddamn listen, and you listen hard. It's just too damn rare to risk shutting him up.
There was another sigh, and then I just stood there like a brainless jerk, trying to stop my jaw from dropping down onto the floor in complete and utter fucking shock as he spoke.
"...The war started when I was 14. I wanted to become a doctor so war meant nothing to me. It was beyond my grasp at that age. I had no idea what it could mean. But then... before long things began to happen. Things that I'd never even considered happening in my own village. Stupid prejudices that at first I didn't comprehend, but..."
Tseng paused for a second here, me still standing there, every muscle in my body stiff as a goddamn board as I listened.
"There's a lot of anger in war. Illogical anger. Me and my mother were not completely Wutaian so we were suddenly regarded with suspicion, even though my mother and my father had lived happily in Wutai for years, it didn't seem to matter. Friends of the family suddenly became enemies, enemies became bullies... In the end, things got out of control. My parents were forced to think of a way... out of things before the population turned against us. One night I simply remember being bundled into a cart carrying supplies for the docks with my mother, and being told to keep quiet as we made our way to a ferry that would take us across to the Western Continent..."
Tseng's voice had changed. I'd never heard him speak like this in the whole two years I'd known him, and believe me when I say it was one fuck of a shock to the system, especially after the way he'd simply ignored me earlier. His voice was barely recognisable: quiet, confiding... shit, and I'd been surprised outta my head when he'd even been willing to touch me of his own free will, or kiss me, or say my name without it being an angry growl or him mocking me... and now this was something completely goddamn different. This was a trip inside Tseng's mind, and I wasn't expecting an easy ride. No boquets of flowers or fluffy pink bunnies here. But then, how could the past of a guy who'd gone from doctor to hired thug in the space of a few years be in any way easy?
Me? I'd gone from scum to slightly higher scum when I joined the Turks, but for Tseng it was one hell of a step down. I stayed rooted to the spot like a gormless idiot. Damn it I didn't want to disturb him, so I just watched as Tseng shifted uncomfortably, still staring out of that window.
"That night there was a purge in Wutai. We were losing the war, and the town got together and decided that someone was betraying our secrets to Shinra. The suspicion fell on us, obviously, and a few other non-Wutaians. They came for us all in the night. The only person they found at our home was my father, who had decided to stay in Wutai. He was arrested, and eventually someone we had trusted with the plan betrayed us, and they came after the cart. We were caught only a stone's throw away from the docks, and my mother distracted them while I ran for the ferry. I ran without looking back, and that was the last time I saw her. I was later informed she was killed right there, trying to distract them so that I could escape." He sighed, frowning into space. "I drifted for a while, unsure of what to do, but eventually I ended up in Junon... and that's where Shinra found me, and they gave me a chance to take revenge on the one who betrayed me and my mother, which I took, in exchange for a blue suit and a gun."
He finally turned back to look at me, still with that damnably cold look on his face, but by now I could see it beginning to slip. I suddenly realised I'd been holding my breath the whole time and my lungs were burning like hell, so I took in a quick breath as I watched Tseng's face.
Jesus... he looked so goddamn sad. I'd never seen this far into Tseng before, and even though I'd been expecting something like this, something fucking twisted, it still surprised me. Eventually the stoicism just dropped completely and I was face to face with the side of Tseng I'd fucking longed to see again. Not that asshole, Tseng: Head of the Turks, Tseng 'stay - away - or - I'll - rip - off - your - genitals - and - shove - them - down - your - throat'. I wasn't being blocked out in the slightest, and my heart was fucking burning as he opened his mouth and said slowly:
"Do you know... who it was who betrayed us, Reno?" I didn't respond, didn't even move. "The one who betrayed us, was my father."
Tseng sighed resignedly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes.
"Given a choice between dying, and giving us up, he chose to save his own worthless life..."
Fuck. So that was his problem. All these goddamn years, Tseng had been so damn distant to everyone, such a pain in the ass and such a stoic son of a bitch, and why? Because his old man was a treacherous bastard.
Heh... and I thought my past was fucked up beyond repair, huh?
It was silent for a second, Tseng still standing there with a frown on his face and his eyes closed, before it finally sank in what the hell it was Tseng was trying to say.
"Tseng, I ain't your damn father."
At least, I hope I'm not, because Tseng's a lot older than me, and that'd pose some pretty interesting biological questions.
Tseng didn't even seem to notice I'd opened my mouth. He just frowned harder and started talking again. Probably now he'd started, he didn't want to stop until it was all out.
"Living for yourself is easy. There's nobody to blame but yourself, nobody to praise but yourself, and nobody to betray you but yourself. It's hardly a difficult thing to do. At first it takes a little thought, but as the years go by it gets much easier, until it becomes second nature.
"And then-" I blinked in shock at the sudden power in Tseng's tone, not quite sure what to make of it at first, "- one day some smart alec, stubborn... insubordinate son of a bitch is marched into your office with a super inflated ego, and a nack for nearly getting himself killed, and you begin to think you're losing your mind, because somehow this ignoramus of a Turk makes you want to trust again, and no matter how hard you try to push him away and give him a hint, he's just to damn stupid to take no for an answer."
I smiled slothishly as I realised what he was talking about, and Tseng opened those damn gorgeous dark eyes and humour glinted somewhere in there for a second, beyond what in a normal guy could be called sadness.
The best I can say, is that what he'd just said phased out any sickness that might've been left in my stomach through anxiousness. It was pretty obvious what Tseng was saying here. Call me egocentric, call me vain, call me whatever the hell you like, but I couldn't help but revel in the fact that Tseng had just admitted I'd been the one to crack him.
Me.
Okay, so he'd described it more as an insult than a compliment, but even an asshole like me could see past the bullshit and see what Tseng - in his annoyingly detatched way - had just admitted.
I made him feel.
I wanted to say something. Anything. But yet again, just when I needed it to be working, my brain had frozen up in shock. See what I mean by my brain hating me? The one point in my screwed up life when I wanted to say something, and my brain wasn't gonna let me.
Bastard thing.
Considering what had just come out here, I was finding it damn hard to resist the urge to just reach out and comfort him. Heh... damn, what can I say? I'm a complete sucker, I know I am. Or at least... I am now. A couple of weeks ago, if Tseng had come out with this shit I might've laughed rather than get the urge to comfort him.
Tseng blinked a couple of times slowly and started to frown, the humor fading from his eyes suddenly and his mouth turning into that straight humorless line. He frowned harder, closed his eyes, shook his head, and turned back towards the window.
If I know anything about Tseng psyche, then I can only guess he'd just realised how much he'd just given away, and was cursing that damn miserable mouth of his for opening in the first place. Me? I was still trying to get over the fact Tseng had let me know the truth, and I just stood there for a second like some gormless bastard, trying desperately to get my brain into forward gear.
A Turk telling the truth is one thing... two Turks telling the truth within the space of 24 hours is fucking incredible. Now all it needed was for Rude to dress in a tutu and start dancing Swan Lake around Shinra's office, and the utter bizzarre insanity of the situation would be complete.
Tseng had opened up to me. Jesus Crist! And now... he was just standing there again, but this time I don't think he had the look that said 'speak, Reno, and I'll put your genitals in a food blender'. If anything... holy crap if anything he looked sad.
I licked my lips for a second. I wanted to do something, and like I've already said: when my body wants to do something it does it. It's like the entire thing has a mind of its own that just bypasses my brain... heh, not that my brain is that helpful in any case, but I'll give it its dues: every now and again it does manage to stop me doing something stupid... like what I was about to do right now. Maybe drinking so much crap affected me more than I'd realised, but all I could do was watch nervously as I stepped forward. Tseng didn't even seem to notice me walking up to him, Jesus Christ, didn't even blink, too lost in whatever shit he was thinking of.
I should, if I wasn't out of my head and already fucked up beyond repair - I should have just left him to it. Gone back to the couch and sat there silently like some worried asshole and waited. But I wasn't exactly in a stable state of mind, and holy crap I wasn't about to risk him just walking out, deciding in that way too serious brain of his that it was better to keep his distance, because I could swear... if Tseng blanked me when I went back to work, after all this shit? I'd seriously lose my goddamn mind.
My hands slipped instinctively round Tseng's waist, my defunct little brain suspending belief of what the hell I was doing - trying to comfort a guy that up until yesterday, had scared me half to goddamn death, and who I thought hated my scummy little guts. A guy who acted so fucking cold all goddamn day, you could've dropped him in a whiskey glass and called him an ice cube. The strangest, most fucked up thing was that I didn't feel scared. Tecnically I should've been bracing myself to be hurled across the goddamn room or beaten to a bloody pulp as soon as my hands touched that dark blue suit, but somehow I didn't give a damn. At all. I just closed my eyes and for once showed some real damn emotion as my hands met around his waist and I leaned a head on his shoulder slowly.
Tseng tensed up completely. For a goddamn second I wondered wether he'd just turned to fucking stone or something, standing there on that traditional Tsengian pose, arms clasped so damn stubbornly across his stomach as he stared indignantly up at the goddamn Mako Reactor as if it was something of some unbelievably goddamn endless interest. The next thing I knew my hands were on top of Tseng's... and my heart was about ready to jump out onto the damn counter.
He shifted uncomfortably and clamped his jaw.
"Reno..." He hissed, about as viciously as he could manage, "take your hands off me... now."
I just stayed there, frowning to keep some kind of damn self control as the alcohol started to go to my head.
"I aint your damn father, Tseng..." somehow I managed to keep a slur outta my voice as I spoke, fuck knows how, considering how much I'd been drinking, and what kind of hangover I had. Jesus christ this was me being serious. It felt one hell of a weird thing to be doing... this is me for Christ's sakes, but Tseng was more important than my useless fucking pride, so I just gulped it down and held on. "I ain't going to betray you. I am scum, yeah... fucking dirty scum. If I had a mom she'd've fucking disowned me by now... but I aint a treacherous bastard. I'm no fucking traitor." I was practically murmuring in his ear, head on his shoulder from behind, waiting for something... goddamn it, anything to indicate he was gonna relax and not throw me across the goddamn room like I had such fucking horrible visions of. "... come on Tseng..." I found myself whispering, threading my hands through his, "... just try it, trust me."
Damn, how fucking stupid did that sound coming from me? Incredibly stupid... mind numbingly stupid... but I didn't give a fuck. This was Tseng, goddamn it! If he walked outta my door still with that stoic, stupid look on his face, I was pretty much fucked. More than fucked, I may as well just drink myself into a goddamn sleep I wasn't gonna wake up from. I tightened my grip around him and repeated it... I was pretty sure that was the only reason he was acting like such an asshole now... even for a drunken bum, I can be pretty perceptive when I want to be.
"Tseng... trust me."
You would've thought I'd had enough of serious crap this last week to last me a goddamn lifetime... and I had... just trust me on this one: this brain was never made to cope with the shit that had decided to pile itself on my doorstep lately, and I was sick of it, but my heart was in my mouth, I was shaking from the alcohol and the pain in my back... at least that's what I told myself it was, and Tseng was standing in my kitchen... he'd opened up to me a second ago, and now he was trying to put that barrier back in front of him. Jesus I'd just asked him to trust me, and I was clinging to his fingers as though it was somehow gonna help the situation. It was quiet for a while... the worst minute of my goddamn life passed, and then Tseng leaned back reluctantly.
"You're asking for a lot, Reno." He mumbled.
"I know."
"Trust is a difficult thing to give."
"...I know." I wasn't sure where the hell this was going, but my heart sure wasn't having a fun time getting there.
...more fucking... awful... stupid... silence.
Tseng audibly sighed in front of me, probably still staring up at the godawful ugly Mako reactor out my window and after a few more seconds...
...he threaded his fingers back through mine and pulled them tighter around him with what at first I thought was a sigh... till I realised it was actually a laugh, and then my stomach flipped over inside me and tried to burst out, along with the rest of my innards.
"...You're a bastard, Reno."
"Yeah... I know that one too." I grinned, knowing damn well I had him now. He chuckled eventually and just grabbed my neck. The next thing I knew he'd turned around and I was in a kiss... Jesus Christ Tseng can change his mind quickly! It worries me sometimes how the Head of the Turks can be so goddamn flippant with what he decides. But hey, that wasn't what was really on my mind right now. My mind was completely absorbed by the fact that Tseng was fucking kissing me... again. Not that I was about to protest. I just moaned slightly, sighed and gave myself up to it. Who the hell cares if the guy treats me like shit sometimes? I'm an asskisser, well and truly. A fucking sickly little lapdog. But damn, Tseng and me had had one hell of a shit day, so I guess a little leeway was allowed. I just leaned back against the counter behind me with a grin and somehow... fuck knows why, probably the alcohol in my brain - ended up with a leg up around Tseng's waist.
Well hell... call me forward if ya want, but it was damn comfortable... and I didn't see Tseng complaining either so thats neither here nor there. Besides, I could be forgiven: drunk, tired, in pain, and completely in shock at how Tseng had actually just gone through another complete 180 degree turn on me. Besides, Tseng had just damn well admitted to fuck knows how much! And I owed him... a goddamn lifetimesworth. Jesus he'd risked his fucking life to help me out, and now I half knew why... I guess a little trust between us wasn't too much to ask, and damn, but I was willing to give it a shot, and from the way Tseng was pressing himself up against me desperately right now, running his hands anywhere he could get them, I'd say he was pretty much willing to give it a shot too.
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Tseng's Company