Happy Birthday was made for you

Rude's progress across the house sounds like an oncoming train so it's little surprise to Reno when the heavy thumps finally come to an end just inside the door of the bathroom. The redhead doesn't try to look up, a low irritable growl making its way out of his throat at the chuckle of amusement he hears at his expense, but it's a pissy sort of emotion at best and is fleeting as soon as he feels the hand on his backside. He glances up at Rude and offers a look that sits somewhere between apologetic and annoyed but he clings to the hand that reaches under him and allows himself to be pulled up into a sitting position, rocking himself easily back onto his haunches. "Har de har har. Smart ass," he grumbles, though there's no real malice to his words. Reno reaches a hand back and tentatively pokes at the tender skin of his ass, a grimace on his fine features as his finger rubs over irritated skin. "I think ya broke me," he snickers, the amusement of it all coming back now that he's not hurting as bad.





"You couldn't have gotten out of bed if I had," he corrects amiably, though his actions betray his concern- he still balances Reno between his hands as if he were handling a fragile doll, only letting go with one to test the water with a slight frown. "It will hurt a lot more at first if you sit in this... but it will help heal and cleanse you out better, too. I can..." He trails off a moment, his face darkening and taking on a slight reddish hue. "...I can help so it doesn't hurt as much. If you want. I... what we did... I'd understand if you were less than comfortable with it."







Reno looks up at Rude, a snarky comment fresh on his lips, but he stops when he sees the flush of darkening skin across his partner's nose and cheeks. Rude is blushing. The grin is splitting his face before he can stop it and Reno leans over, draping one arm across Rude's lap and resting his head on his own bicep as he peers up at the larger man. His smile is purely teasing, the type he gets when he knows he's got someone where he wants them, but there's no malice to it, only a good natured humor. His ever so big and burly partner is blushing and Reno can see it clearly in contrast with all this light. The sight makes something go warm and fuzzy in his chest knowing that the blush is meant for him and the innocent lack of pretense that comes with it only endears the action all the more. Reno's seen plenty of blushes from girls he's flirted with and he used to enjoy them thoroughly but after the sight before him, he's pretty sure they'll never compare again. Women are expected to blush, like it's something they learn in school, but the action takes on whole new and more genuine meanings when coming from someone like Rude.



Reno lazily trails his fingers along Rude's leg as he grins up at the other man. "Ya can say it, ya know.....what we did...." he urges softly, trying to pull Rude back out of the slowly closing shell he can see re-forming around his partner. He switches tactics and tries for humor instead, an old standby he finds works well in most situations. "Iffn' ya got a way ta make it hurt less, then I'm all for it. Sides, th' time for worryin' if I'm 'uncomfortable' has kinda passed, don't'cha think?" He winks suggestively and chuckles, poking Rude's thigh with one long finger. "I think it stopped bein' uncomfortable right about th' time I was screamin' 'oh gods' at th' top a' my lungs...ya know, in case ya didn't notice."









"You could have been yelling in distress," Rude suggests, half joking. "And I meant comfortable with me helping now." His head drops a little further with a tinge of embarrassment. "I have a balm for... sometimes my hands are cracked and bleeding after I wash them. I... it's not... well, I use the balm to help. It does. But I'd need to- to rub it..." and he trails off again, the hue on his face deepening further. "Maybe I should just give it to you and let you do it yourself. If I did it, I'd- I'd want... but we're tired," he finishes lamely, shaking his head, and if possible, his voice becomes smaller with the next confession. "I just... I wanna take care of you so we can sleep. It's been a long time since I felt like I could sleep with someone near me."





The fact that Rude is so damned embarrassed to talk about the ass he'd just been pounding into only minutes before is enough to amuse the hell out of Reno. He can't help wanting to press the issue just to see that flustered look on his partner's normally unreadable face. His grin grows into a purely devious thing the more his lover stumblingly hints at what he'd like to do and the redhead can't hold in the knowing purr of amusement that rolls up from his throat. "I can put it on...but I might need ya ta watch to make sure I'm doin' it right..." he teases in the most sultry tone his drunken body will allow for right now.



All of Reno's attempts to be sexy falter though in the face of Rude's one simple and brutally honest statement. "I wanna take care of you so we can sleep. It's been a long time since I felt like I could sleep with someone near me." The younger man seems to almost deflate a bit, his usual bravado faltering in the wake of such a request and his eyes drop to stare longingly at his own hand stroking along Rude's thigh. Things are so much simpler when feelings aren't involved but it's a bit late for that now and despite his best efforts, Reno knows it. "Been a long time since anybody's tried ta take care a' me...." he states ever so softly, echoing the timid but wanting sentiment in his partner's voice. His independence has always meant a lot to him and he's never had any need nor desire to be pampered before....but the idea seems so much less threatening, so much less fake when it comes from Rude and Reno can't bring himself to fight it right now. A tiny part of his mind, still clinging to his need to be utterly self sufficient (so no one can take it away from me...), cries out against the collapsing of his carefully built walls but it's his birthday...and he's drunk...and Rude is RIGHT there....and he'll have no one left to blame later if his heart gets broken, right?



Reno's knees squeak on the bottom of the tub as he shifts suddenly, propelling himself up and pressing the side of his face against Rude's stomach like a cat seeing attention. His arms come up as if to cling to the older man but he falters and rests them uncertainly on the edge of the tub, framing his lover's body. Aqua eyes squeeze shut and he nuzzles inward. He'll blame the muffled words on the alcohol later, he can always fall back to that excuse, but he doesn't have the heart to stop them tonight. It is, after all, his birthday... "I...'m gonna stay with ya partner....I got yer back...ain't gonna let nothin' happen to ya. Promise...."







"You deserve it," is all Rude can think of to say, at first. It's very simple to him, despite the complexity of this aftermath and everything preceding it. Despite the year of annoyance, clashing methods, attempts to ignore the immoral and complicated clamor in his mind, he has never seen Reno treated as anything but a TURK or a mechanical fuck. He realizes, now, stepping out of himself and watching tonight unravel between them, that this had made him progressively angry. The past, that isn't how one treats a TURK. That isn't how one treats a man or a god. Birthday... was a well-timed excuse.



Meaty arms circle as well as they can around Reno's shoulders and head, stroking at soaked hair and rubbing soothingly over the taut muscles of his back. The words make Rude ache inside, in a way similar to the nausea he's always felt watching Reno flirt, Reno walk away with someone else, Reno make jokes about the notches in his bedpost, but it isn't his stomach this time. Rude knows these words won't mean a thing in the morning, if they're even remembered. He frowns a little, though no more expression than a generic frown shows on his features. "...same. Same for you. Nobody will t- will hurt you and live to... to tell about it." He paused, staring thoughtfully at the rippling water in the tub. "I won't leave you... ahead or behind. Not until you don't need me there."









Rude's hands are surprisingly warm, a testament to the larger man's physical health and good circulation, and Reno is pressing up into them before he knows it. His scalp has always been sensitive and the stirring of wet hair ruffled by those large hands is enough to get a relaxed sigh out of him. Enfolded this way in Rude's embrace, the scent that seems to permeate every inch of him is all the stronger, heated by their proximity and Reno takes in a long slow breath to absorb it all. He nuzzles again into his partner's stomach, enjoying the resistance he meets there, silk wrapped over stone, and the way his scruff pulls against the soft skin. He's never felt so protected before, not with all the guns and EMRs he's had, not since the first time he'd turned to find Rude covering his back in an alleyway that seemed so very far away at this moment. In the end though, it's been there the whole time...this feeling of trust...of protection. Rude is his partner and has never let him down. With Rude at his side, he knows he'll never have to worry about someone getting the drop on him.



It's as if a light clicks on in his brain, somewhere behind the smog of drink and sex, illuminating the one thing he doesn't want to see... His partner has come to mean more than he had ever bothered to admit and gods help him if he doesn't want to just stay like this forever. No one would ever have to know, right? He could make excuses, lie, pretend to still sleep around. No one would have to know that he was going home to Rude's place, slipping in his partner's window to be at his side. Anything just to stay this way, in these arms, being held like this...being lov......



He drops the line of thought, slamming the door on it like a thief caught sneaking in, and tries to just concentrate on the dull throb in his knees from the porcelain and the low throaty rumble of his partner's voice. Rude is always the one that grounds him when the shit seems to get out of hand, it's part of why they work so well together. If anything, his rebellious nature and bad habits had gotten worse since being partnered with Rude if only because he somehow always knew Rude would be there to catch his back when shit got too rough. This time though, there's no grounding effect in the soft words that filter forth above him. Instead, there's a hurt, a desperate bid at detachment behind them and Reno reluctantly pulls his head up to catch his partner's look. A pang of worry hits his chest like a sledgehammer at the distance in Rude's eyes. Did he say something wrong? SHIT. Reno's mind races through all the possible things he'd just said and why any of them would make Rude look like that. Maybe he shouldn't have shown that kind of weakness, maybe he shouldn't have said the things he did...



Reno sighs and shoves that thought down. Rude's far away look hold the fairly familiar edge of doubt to it that he's used to seeing every time he tells Tseng he'll get a report done or that 'it wasn't his fault', only this time the look is tinged with a lot more sadness. It's not that he's given anyone much reason to just take what he says on faith seeing as his reputation is that of someone who'll do anything and everything to get what he wants. That little voice in the back of his head screams out that he knows what Rude needs to hear to make it all ok again but the words refuse to come out. Reno can't bring himself to say them. He's never returned a single profession of love to anyone he's ever slept with before, choosing to acknowledge most such comments with a derogatory grin at best, and while it's not exactly a point of pride, Reno can honestly say it's the one lie he's never told. He can't bring himself to lie about it now, not to Rude, not like this. He isn't really sure if it would BE a lie though and that's the thought that scares him most. Sure they'd been partners for almost a year but can he really say he loves the man next to him?



Gods above, help me....yeah...I do......



Reno handles the simple revelation, his brain's stubborn refusal to file such sentiments away into the dark corner they belong in, with the usual grace he's so known for....



"FUCK." Reno barks the word in irritation at himself. Why the hell can't sex just be as simple with Rude as everyone else?? "FUCK FUCK FUCK." He pulls back and tries to struggle to his feet. Alcohol. He needs more of it. NOW. Something to shove that sappy ass sentiment back into his subconscious where he won't have to think about it, something that will keep him from saying it like some love sick school kid. It takes a few tries but he manages to get out of the tub, every line of his body set into agitation and pain. He staggers out onto the crisp white tiles, slipping once and smacking his right knee against the tile before he gets back to his feet, and wheels on Rude, his finger out and shaking as he points accusingly. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? You think I'm not gonna NEED you?" his voice sounds hard and raspy even to himself and he knows it's the booze fueling his anger at this point. He wants to reject all the shit that's making his heart ache right now, wants to tell Rude that he doesn't love him, yell it loud enough so maybe he'll believe it himself. He's surprised to find his lips have mutinied and are now spewing forth of their own volition. "I don't fucking anything BUT need you....wait that don't make any sense...fuck..ignore that last part, but ya know damned well what I'm tryin' ta say. Fuck. FUCK. Ya don't fuckin'....gods....FUCK. I'm not good for ya! Don't'cha get that? "



"I ain't a good person, Rude. I'm a fuckin' slob! I'd wreck yer house and I sure as shit ain't wearin' a dress ta tha weddin' and shit. I mean...fuck I need a drink." He stumbles back and turns from the room, making it all the way to the door before he whips back around. He stares at Rude for a few long seconds before his knees wobble and give out. He slides down the side of the door frame as the last of the anger seeps away, the last of it's energy expended leaving him nothing but the dull ache in his chest. "Don't you say it," he whispers softly, dropping his eyes to the floor, "Don't you fuckin' say it...cause then I'm gonna have to....an' I ain't allowed to love no one...not no body like you...."





Rude waits for the tirade to peter out, willfully forcing himself to let Reno stumble until he's ready to get up again. A rant like this doesn't ask for help, and he knows Reno gets upset about being helped when he didn't ask for it. It's painful to hear, all the same. He listens as he turns his physical attention to the tub, draining and refilling it until the water is hot enough to relax, but not enough to sting too much. He winces when Reno insinuates lack of need. He cringes when he hears That Word- because the voice saying it is full of loathing for it. His fist clenches under the surface of the water in the tub, and his jaw twitches as he watches Reno collapsed in the doorway.



"Stop yelling in my house," is his first response, in a low and irritated tone. "You're not ten. You've got no reason to act like it, not here." He pauses, his face crumbling for a split second before it closes up again. It's hard to find words to address an odd sort of pain like this. It's hard to deal with something like this, period. "I... I didn't say anything to provoke that, anyway, but what I say... what I say is my privilege, and my business. You're allowed to love whatever you want... and I can say whatever I want."



His jaw clenches again, and he turns fully back to his task, swirling the water and reaching for cleansing medicinal bath powder. A very faint scent of mint and wet soil wafts through the bathroom, and Rude finally turns his head again to regard his partner. 'You're not drinking any more tonight. You've had enough. Get in the tub, Reno."