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It's Just Trash	By : KSipesh Category: Final Fantasy VII > Het - Male/Female Views: 1079 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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It�s Just Trash

Chapter 3

Cid, our self appointed leader, decided that we would spend the following day in Junon. As he led us through town, going from place to place on our supply run, I hung back from the group, a little further than I typically did. The simple explanation for this was that I was exhausted.

The day before had been hard, and after speaking with Tifa that night, sleep had come grudgingly. Pathetically, my mind had kept trying to scrape together some possible deep significance in what had taken place between she and I. Now, I feared even looking at her, afraid that I would catch a glimpse of she and the others laughing at me, or perhaps I dreaded seeing regret within her. Either way, I kept my distance. I resolved that I would get whatever answer I would receive come that night if she showed up to speak with me some more�or not.

Cait Sith and Nanaki had gotten out of this shopping trip, and for that, I was envious. The two of them ordinarily had a negative effect upon shopkeepers, and so they were spared being pulled along on these sprees. Along those lines, it would have made sense to have left Yuffie, ever thieving Yuffie behind as well, but never would we be that fortunate.

Highwind, in the meanwhile, was in his generally foul mood. His negativity ran deep, I had quickly learned. Perhaps he could have been a poster child for psychiatric medications, although they would have to be administered to him with a dart gun. He was the type of man that thought he had no problem, but the rest of the world did.

Confidence is often mistaken for arrogance. If I was guilty of making such an error in judging Cid�s demeanor, then he must have been the most confident person in all of creation. Then again, I rarely made mistakes.

As we departed the third store we�d visited, Cid came to an abrupt halt, causing all of us to nearly run into one another. With my mind elsewhere, I had almost plowed into Tifa when this happened, but I caught myself, winding up standing directly behind her. I caught a glimpse of the shopping list in her hands that Cid had given to her a while before. I committed it to memory out of instinct.

The pilot spun around and leered at us. "Guys, we�re never gonna get this shit done unless we split up. Cloud, you�re with me. Barrett, you take Yuffie and shoot her if she starts shop lifting."

That, of course, instantly elicited a protest from the supposed ninja, to which I paid no heed. I found her abrasive at the best of times, and this was not the best of times.

Cid then turned his attention to the woman before me. "Tifa, why don�t you and Sunshine hit the ammo stores? Keep your neck covered, though."

I suppressed my desire to pull out my weapon and place a round into Cid�s heart at his use of what he undoubtedly thought to be a cleaver nickname for me. I wasn�t overly delighted with his little vampire barb, either, but I had almost become accustomed to them. Besides, he had assigned Tifa to go with me, and for that, I possessed no reservations. Cid had done something right, if only by accident.

Tifa seemed a little surprised by this and she looked over at me. She offered me a smile before facing Cid again. "Okay."

She seemed�pleased with the assignment. Tifa was apparently well with the notion of being sent shopping with me. Once more, that annoying spark of hope alit within me, but outwardly, I displayed nothing. I had read too much into the words and actions of another female once, and that had gotten me into my present station in life. I needed to keep myself and my enthusiasm reigned in.

Everyone split up and headed off on their own paths, but I took notice of the brief glare that Tifa received from Cloud as he was hauled off by the pilot. I tensed my jaw and turned to go in the direction of the ammunition shop. I knew that if I did so, Tifa would quickly follow and be spared further exposure to Cloud�s disapproving leer. Soon enough, I heard her jogging to catch up with me.

I found the store that was our goal and headed within. Tifa stood a short distance from me and watched as I began collecting the items that I�d seen upon the list she had. The way she was looking at me made me question what was on her mind.

"Vincent?"

I braced myself for whatever query was going to come, and I looked over at her.

Tifa held up the list before her, her head cocking to the side. "How do you know what to get?"

I know I just commented upon Cid�s mood being less than pleasant, but I will confess to the fact that on that day, mine wasn�t much better. I was tired and confounded as to what this woman thought of me. I hate not being able to read people. Usually, I can without much effort, but Tifa was a mystery to me.

Nonetheless, my retort came out a little more clipped than I would have liked. "When Cid was speaking to us, I looked over your shoulder and saw the list, Tifa."

Her eyes fell to the paper in her hand as she attempted to hide her recoil to my words. "You memorized this whole thing in just a few seconds?"

I was a Turk, Tifa. We were trained to observe and remember everything. You should know that, I thought, but managed to keep myself from saying it. If I wasn�t careful, I was going to push her away before she ever got the chance to hear my story which would do that for me. Of course, it wasn�t just having been a Turk that gave me an exceptional ability to memorize things. I had been cursed with the type of mind that records absolutely everything. It made it easier for fate to keep tormenting me with visions of the past that way, I suppose.

I pulled one more case of rounds from the shelf and then faced her. "I have a photographic memory. I know exactly what�s on that list, and I will never forget. I never forget anything that I see."

"Oh." She frowned at me. Tifa knew what I�d just thought, and that was both thrilling and terrifying for me.

I pushed my thoughts about her and the past to the side. For the time being, we had a job to carry out and I wasn�t really in the state of mind to become rapt up in such things. I went back to gathering the items on her list. "You can help, you know."

Tifa shuffled over to me and held out her arms, allowing me to laden her with some of the supplies I was amassing. She remained silent as we trekked up to the register.

I paid the clerk with my own money, finding that fitting since much of what I had just gotten was for my own guns anyway. Besides, what use did I have for money otherwise? The only things that I ever went out of my way to purchase were bullets and�candy bars.

After that was done, we headed back to the ship. I held the bag containing our items to my chest, inwardly regretting the tone with which I�d spoken to Tifa in the store. I once more found myself unwilling to look at her, not wanting to see any potential negative expression upon her.

As we neared the airship, Tifa stopped walking. "Hey, I have to go back for a little bit."

I wondered if she was going to go find the others and tell them how I�d snapped at her. I continued walking.

"No, that�s fine, Vincent. Of course I�ll be careful," she said wistfully as she headed off the other way.

Upon hearing that, I looked back as she retreated. Yes, she perplexed me. On absolutely every level. Mentally, emotionally�and physically. I stood there for a moment, wondering what she was up to, but soon I shrugged it off and went into the ship.

After putting the supplies I�d purchased where they belonged, I returned to my room. My tiredness was getting the better of me and in the off chance that Tifa did want to talk that night, I knew I needed to get some rest.

Upon entering my room, I went to my bed, threw off my cloak and fell onto my bed. With Nanaki not present, I was free to do whatever I wished. I reached over and lifted up one of the ammunition charts I�d taped to the wall next to my bed. Beneath it was a picture of Tifa that I�d found lying around on the bridge shortly after I�d been awoken from stasis. I looked at her image there and sighed.

In the picture, she was waving at whoever was holding the camera, leaning forward slightly, and smiling as though she was giggling. Tifa�s hair was loose in the photo, a rare sight, and hanging over her shoulders in a most alluring way. It was an exceptional picture of an amazing woman.

I know I�ve stated that I was attracted to her. Very attracted to her in fact, but after her small hint of interest the night before, I realized that it was probable that my sentiments for her went beyond some childish infatuation.

I found myself dwelling upon the incident from the night before and involuntarily, my body responded. Since it was entirely possible that Nanaki could return to the room at any given moment, there was nothing I could do to�alleviate my physical desires for the time being.

To be honest, I hadn�t done that at all since coming out from beneath the Shinra mansion. Yes, I�d been aroused a few times as my mind fantasized about this or that, but I�d done nothing to acknowledge it. Typically, it tended to happen at night before I went to sleep and since that four hundred pound cat was just a short distance away at that time, I ignored my body�s request for release. Honestly, I�d never been one much for that anyway. I know hearing that from a male promotes certain doubts, but I assure you, it�s true. Besides, I feared what Chaos would do if I dared.

So, I let go of the chart and allowed it to fall back in place, cutting off my view of Tifa�s image. I rolled onto my side and curled up a little, clearing my mind of all thought so that my body would comply and go back into submission.

I awoke with a start some time later when the door to the room opened and Nanaki entered, jumping up onto his own bed. I looked around, seeing through the small porthole in the wall that it was dark outside. I had slept longer than I had anticipated.

The cat began to knead at his bedding, as was his pre-sleep ritual. "Frighten you, did I?"

I shook off the last of my tiredness and stood up, grabbing my cloak from the floor. "I needed to get up anyway."

"You�ve been out for a while."

I looked over at him as I buckled my cloak. "I was tired."

"So I gathered." He circled a few times and then collapsed into his blankets. "Going out?"

"Just up to the deck for some air." I started for the door.

The cat purred in his contentment of being in bed. "Well, good luck."

"Good luck?" I stopped and looked back at him, seeing his one glowing eye fixed upon me.

Nanaki bared his teeth in his mockery of a human smile. "Yes. With Tifa."

Just what he thought was going on I didn�t know, nor was I sure that I wished to. I considered him for a moment longer.

"You humans and your pheromones�makes you too simple to read. Your secret is safe with me." With that, he closed his eye and rolled onto his back, his legs sticking up in the air in a most undignified manner. "Go on, Valentine."

This cat knew too much, but since he didn�t ridicule me as a general rule�only laughing at the taunts the others threw at me�I figured I needed to let it go. I left the room and silently made my way up to the deck, hoping that it wasn�t so late that I�d missed Tifa-- again, only if she�d chosen to speak to me some more.

I leaned over the railing and stared down into the abyss. I waited for nearly an hour and began to accept the fact that she wasn�t coming. I was disappointed and possibly hurt to some degree, and decided that I�d leave in just a few more minutes.

Then, the door to the deck opened and I heard her walking up behind me.

My heart rate doubled and inwardly, I smiled. She had arrived. Despite my misstep earlier that day, Tifa had shown up.

Tifa came to my side, holding out something to me. "Here."

I looked over and saw that she�d brought yet another candy bar for me. Having missed both lunch and dinner, I gratefully accepted it and gave her a small grin. It was fascinating that she could make me do that with such ease. I pulled back the wrapper and ate it eagerly. It was sweeter than all of the other candy bars that I�d ever had. It was the same brand as I had always loved, but something was making seem better. I mused that it could simply be that Tifa had given it to me. That seemed a little absurd, but�I think that it was true. Good God, I felt as though I was becoming a teenage girl with such idiotic romantic notions. It was emasculating.

Tifa had one, too, and crumpled her wrapper and stuffed it into her right pocket when she finished.

When I was done, I turned toward her, holding out my trash. "I suppose you don�t want me throwing this overboard again?"

"Right." She nodded at me and took it, carefully placing it into her left pocket.

I leaned upon the railing sideways and thought about the meaning of her actions, and then just opted to call her on it. "Why separate pockets?"

Her eyes went wide. "What?"

In my amusement, I felt another small smile pass my lips. "Your wrapper you�ve placed in your right pocket both tonight and last night, and mine has gone into your left, an awkward maneuver since you�re right handed. Ergo, you must have some reason for keeping my wrappers separate from your own. Why?"

The poor woman turned beet red upon my query. "You actually noticed that?"

There was some intent behind her action and I had to know what it was. My trash seemed important to her. "I notice everything."

Tifa turned away and faced out toward the night. "You caught me, and you�re gonna laugh and think I�m completely retarded when I tell you."

I would never be able to laugh at you, Tifa. In fact, if you tell me what I desperately hope this means�well, laughing would be the last thing that I would do. I remained silent as such precariously optimistic ideas crossed my mind.

She made me wait for several seconds before she offered up her explanation. Tifa was clearly feeling self-conscious about what she was going to say. "Okay, I keep a journal of everything that happens, and I taped your first candy wrapper in there last night, and I was gonna put this one in there, too."

I struggled to keep from showing any emotion. There was a part of me that wanted to believe that this was a sign that she cared about me in some meaningful way. It was just trash, but to her, it seemed to mean more. I had to force myself to ask, "And what did you write about last night?"

Her lower lip was pulled between her teeth for a second. "Well, that I, uh, talked to you for a little while."

If that was all she�d written, I was going to find myself disappointed, even though I�d tried not to place any manner of expectation upon the situation. I needed to know, so I pried on. "And?"

Tifa looked over her shoulder toward me, her blush having deepened. "And that you let me see you, and that you kissed me."

I took some solace that she at least thought the moment worth mentioning and memorializing in her journal. However, there was no concrete evidence in her statement about there being any feelings within her about me. I knew not where I stood. "I see, and what will you write about tonight?"

She graced me with that wonderful smile of her and came closer. "I don�t know, yet. I do believe that you were supposed to tell me your story."

The weight of my past immediately crushed in upon me. I�d been keeping the focus of the conversation upon her, not wanting to have to give her the inevitable truth about myself. "My story. So, you wish to hear it, even at the risk of coming to hate me for it?"

She shook her head slightly, her eyes softening. "You�d have to tell me that you�d killed my family or something to get me to hate you, Vincent."

Then you will, I thought. I gazed upon her, feeling that these would be the last moments that she�d be willing to spend with me alone. "Your family is dead, or so I was led to believe from your conversations with Cloud and Aeris."

Her eyes left me, tears making her voice waver. "They are. My mom died when I was still a kid, and my dad was killed when�"

I already knew the story and it stung something within me. "Sephiroth burned your hometown, is that when he died?"

She nodded, wiping her eyes as she tired to hide her tears.

"Then hate me, Tifa." Since I was responsible for what had become of Sephiroth, I was also responsible for her father�s death. I hated myself more in that moment than I had since Lucrecia�s death. I couldn�t bear looking at her and I turned and walked away. "I killed him."

"What?" Her voice reflected her confusion. "You didn�t kill him! You were asleep at the time under that damn mansion!"

I wanted to vanish and not have to burden her with my presence any more. I dared to look back at her. "I may as well have. His blood is on my hands, I assure you."

"Vincent�" There was something in her eyes for me right then, but I just racked it up to pity once again. "How can you say that?"

I turned from her. I was going to give her one more chance to back out. Somehow, it seemed wrong to share my miserable past with her. "Do you really want to hear it?"

Tifa came closer. "I wouldn�t have come here if I didn�t!"

I resolved to go ahead and tell her. If the truth was going to push her away from me forever, then it was better that I get it over with now before I found myself more hopelessly�in love with her than I was. That�s what it amounted to. I was in love with Tifa and I hated myself for it. She�d done nothing to have such a horrid thing happen to her. I would tell her and lose her friendship, but I needed us to be in some other place than where we were. To do so would mean that I would never be able to be up on deck again. I hoped she would take me somewhere I�d never go under normal circumstances. "Not here."

"What?"

"I will tell you, but not here. We need to be behind locked doors." I closed my eyes and let the wind remove some of the heat of my anxiety from my face.

Quietly, she offered a location. "I have a room to myself."

That was both the one place I most wanted to go and the place I most feared being in. I was in a paradox. Fate was going to do what it willed with me, and I was just along for the ride. "That will do."
A/N-- Well, how's it going so far? Am I keeping you interested even though you've already read this story from Tifa's POV?
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It's Just Trash