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Need For Control	By : KSipesh Category: Final Fantasy VII > General Views: 8033 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Need For Control

Chapter 2

Yuffie, Tifa, Cid, and a reluctant Vincent left the house and headed for the dive of a bar just a few blocks away. Once there, they settled into a booth with the girls on one side, the two men on the other. Drinks were brought out-- a beer for Tifa, a cosmopolitan for Yuffie, a whiskey sour for Cid, and Vincent ordered a mudslide, which naturally earned him a few taunts from the pilot for wanting �some God damned wienie drink like that�. This didn�t deter Vincent from consuming it though, as he didn�t take Cid�s barbs regarding his choice of beverages to heart. At least Cid made the effort to notice, after all.

As the alcohol began to get the females braver, Tifa and Yuffie started to insist on them all playing a game of Truth or Dare. Vincent was ambivalent about the idea, figuring that no one would have anything to ask him, but Cid seemed annoyed. It took a full twenty minutes by the girls for him to relent and agree to participate in their stupid game.

Tifa snickered to herself as she spun her empty bottle upon the table. "Okay, I get to go first. Uhm�Cid! Truth or dare?"

The blond huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "This is fuckin� retarded, you know that, right?"

She wouldn�t be dissuaded. "Truth or dare?"

"Fine," Cid looked thoughtful for a moment. Since he wasn�t one to have a public spectacle made of himself, he opted for the safer choice. Besides, he didn�t feel like he had anything to hide. "Truth."

Vincent kept his gaze trained on his drink before him, but listened in intently, wondering if he would pick up anything of interest from the game at hand.

"Okay." Tifa leaned over and whispered something in Yuffie�s ear, to which the other girl squealed before nodding and then whispering something in return. That done, Tifa fixed into Cid�s blue eyes and said with a smile, "Do you love Shera?"

The pilot outright scoffed. "Oh give me a fuckin� break! No."

Yuffie rested her elbows upon the table and leaned forward. "But you live with her!"

Cid slammed his fist down onto the table, startling Vincent a little. "Yeah, I fuckin� live with her, where�s she gonna go? After the space program got axed, everyone in town blamed her for it and no one would hire her or rent her a place to live. Shera lived in her car for weeks before I found out what was going on with her. I couldn�t let that woman do that, so I let her move in, thinkin� that eventually it would all blow over and she�d be able to get a job and get back on her feet. That never happened, though."

Tifa and Yuffie were a little taken aback by his reply, not having expected such a thing. Cid was apparently more caring deep down inside than he let on.

Vincent filed this information away, pleased on some level to know that Shera and Cid weren�t involved. The gunman just couldn�t imagine the mousy little woman being what Cid needed. Besides, she didn�t cater to him properly.

Yuffie broke the momentary silence. "My turn! Okay, Vincent� truth or dare?"

Vincent�s eyes betrayed the fact that he wasn�t well with being targeted. His crimson stare focused on the young ninja. He didn�t wish to participate, but it seemed to be too late for protesting. "Truth."

The young Wutain narrowed her eyes devilishly. "Do you think I�m cute?"

Vincent actually rolled his eyes at such a juvenile and pathetic question. He replied honestly. "No, not in the least. I find you immature, disgraceful, and abrasive."

Yuffie instantly looked completely crushed. "That�s not nice!"

"Shouldn�t have asked a question you might not�ve liked the answer to," Cid laughed back. He reached over and patted Vincent on the back, proud of his response.

Vincent, hidden behind the collar to his cloak actually smiled. He did this not only from Yuffie�s reaction, but from Cid�s seeming approval as well.

Tifa decided to move the game along. "Vincent, it�s your turn."

"I�ll pass." Vincent took another sip of his drink.

"You can�t do that!" Yuffie protested, still pouting. "You have to play."

Vincent cringed, realizing that he wasn�t going to get out of it. "Fine. Tifa, which do you choose?"

"Truth." She leaned forward, wondering what the gunman could have to ask.

Vincent took another long sip from his drink before setting his glass back down. "What do you intend to do if we are successful in saving the world?"

Tifa looked disappointed. "What sort of Truth or Dare question is that, Vincent?"

"There was no guideline given to me regarding the nature of the queries I was allowed to raise," he said back, picking up his drink once more. The alcohol was beginning to add a warmth to his skin.

"Fine," Tifa huffed back, getting to the task of tearing the label off of her bottle. "I guess I�ll reopen the bar and go from there."

Vincent nodded slightly, accepting this answer, and hoping that they would move on now.

Tifa quickly turned to Cid. "Go."

"Damn it." Cid turned in the booth so he could look at Vincent. "Truth or Dare, Sunshine."

Vincent swallowed hard, and then replied quietly. "Truth."

"What�s really eatin� at you, Vince?" Cid asked, his tone strangely serious.

Vincent�s blood ran cold. Obviously, the pilot hadn�t bought into his act of his state of mind being linked to Lucrecia�s fate. Cid had seen right through him and was calling him out. Scared and not knowing what to do, Vincent hastily got up from the booth and strode from the bar, wishing to get away as quickly as possible.

"Shit." Cid picked up his drink and took the remaining contents down in one swallow. Then, he slid from the booth and took off in pursuit of the gunman. He hadn�t set out to upset him, but realized that he�d done just that.

There had been a few times since they�d found Vincent that something would rattle him and he would vanish, sometimes for days on end. Cid wasn�t willing to lose track of the other man again, and especially not for something as lame as a childish game of Truth or Dare.

So, he stepped out of the bar and looked up and down the street, seeing Vincent vanish around the corner. Knowing that he had to catch up, Cid took off running in that direction. It took him close to three minutes to reach Vincent, and when he did, he tried to get him to stop. "Vince!"

Vincent was still compelled to flee and kept going forward at his quick pace, but was halted when he felt Cid�s firm grip upon his right wrist. His eyes wide, he spun around and faced the pilot.

"Okay, look, I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to piss you off." Cid relinquished his hold on the other man, struggling to catch his breath.

"I�m not angry."

"Then why did you leave like that?" Cid asked, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

Vincent just stared at him. He wasn�t sure why Cid would have bothered to follow him, but it was appreciated. Still, he didn�t think that Cid would be well to know the truth. "I opted not to respond to your question."

"I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to freak you out, Vince."

Not accustomed to seeing anything even close to remorse coming from Cid, Vincent was fascinated. Moreover, he was absolutely perplexed as to why Cid was acting this way toward him.

Cid looked away, not knowing what else to say. Like it or not, he had to admit to himself that Vincent was the only one that generally stayed around him and for better or worse, that the gunman was basically the closest thing he had to a friend. "Look, if there really is something bothering you that you need to talk about, you can tell me."

Vincent felt his heart rate accelerate as he began to debate whether or not to get into the truth with the pilot. He could choose to keep his secret, after all, Cid hadn�t demanded that Vincent tell him. Yet, Vincent knew that either he would have to seek what he actually needed or slowly continue to go insane. What it boiled down to is that he had nothing to lose. "Do you truly wish to know?"

Cid nodded and met Vincent�s gaze again. "Yeah, tell me."

For Vincent, that was an order. "I will, but not here on the street."

The pilot knew him at least that well and decided to humor him. "Let�s go back to the house."

Vincent followed at a short distance as Cid turned back toward home and started walking. They went along in silence, eventually getting there. Cid took Vincent around to the back of the house, and through the kitchen door. Once inside, he led Vincent to a door and opened it, revealing a stairwell that went downward.

Vincent looked at Cid questioningly before descending. "What�s this?"

"Basement. I finished it off to be a workshop, basically. It�s private if nothing else." Cid motioned for Vincent to go forward. Before he followed the gunman down, he locked the door as to keep anyone else from interrupting.

Once at the bottom of the stairs, Vincent looked around seeing that Cid had, indeed, finished off the basement as a work area. Engine parts and various bits of machinery littered the room. It was dismally cluttered, and it was clear that Shera was forbidden from coming to this space to clean. The smell of grease and solvents hung heavily in the air, and in a deadly combination, the distinct scent of cigarette smoke.

Vincent turned around just in time to see Cid lighting up. "Is that safe in light of what you have down here? The ventilation doesn�t seem--"

Cid cut him off. "I ain�t blown myself up yet, and I don�t intend to. Relax and go sit down."

Vincent complied immediately and landed upon the tattered couch in the corner.

Cid came over as well, sitting on the other end of it. "All right then, what�s the deal with you?"

"So, you can tell that it�s more than just Lucrecia�s unfortunate fate that�s in my thoughts?" Vincent asked, simply curious.

"Look, guys don�t generally let shit like that eat them up forever. There�s more going on with you than that, it�s obvious." The pilot settled back into the cushions, ready to get to the bottom of things as he flicked some ashes onto the floor.

"I see." Vincent had to give Cid credit for being more observant than he would have initially imagined. He felt the heat of color come to his cheeks, as the embarrassment of what he was about to reveal set in. "You�re absolutely right."

"I thought so." Cid crossed his arms over his chest. "So, what happened?"

"It started with Lucrecia, that much is true." Vincent unbuckled his cloak and let it fall behind him on the couch. "Although I was a Turk and ordered never to become involved with my charges, I fell in love with her none the less. I pitied her to some extent, seeing how her husband, Hojo, treated her. He was brutal, demanding, and quick to anger. I didn�t understand how she could tolerate that, and I wanted to help her get away. I confessed my feelings to her, and she instantly seemed terrified and ran to Hojo. I didn�t understand and I was hurt, but I figured that it was out of my control. Then, when I found out that she was pregnant and that Hojo intended to experiment upon her and the child, I became livid. I confronted him, unwilling to let him get away with such a thing, but before I was able to act, he spun and pulled the derringer he kept under his lab coat out, and shot me."

Cid looked intrigued. "And then what?"

"I lost consciousness." Vincent grew contemplative for a moment and leaned back. "When I awoke, I was strapped down to a table in the lab beneath the mansion. Hojo told me that Lucrecia had died, and I was, of course, devastated. He went on to tell me that he felt that I was responsible for her death, being as that my threat to grant her freedom had added to her stress, possibly pushing her over the edge. Because of this, he said that I would have to take her place, and that I would be �reconditioned� as she had been."

"Reconditioned?" Cid asked, not understanding. He extinguished his spent cigarette in the ashtray resting on the arm of the couch.

"Yes. He began slowly, his method was very systematic. At first, he used me for minor experimentation. An injection here, blood sample there, nothing too dramatic, but everyday, he would do just a little more. Soon, I was having small tissue samples taken without anesthetic and given various drugs that made me terribly ill." Vincent fell silent for a moment, before continuing. "The tortures grew little by little, making me always fear the next day. I dreaded seeing him in the morning, knowing that something more horrid than the day before awaited me. Weeks, perhaps months went by and I began to wonder when I was going to go insane. I found it amazing how much I could honestly tolerate. Then, came the absolute worst of it. Hojo arrived one day and set up a surgical tray next to the table I was strapped to. Over the course of several hours, he methodically began to dissect my left arm from my body, while I remained completely conscious and aware."

Cid watched as Vincent traced a line across his left bicep with his right index finger, knowing that he was being shown exactly where the amputation had taken place.

Vincent bit his bottom lip for a second. "I didn�t understand why he was doing it. All I could think of was the pain. It was the worst thing that I had ever endured in my life, and I thought that there couldn�t be anything worse. Nothing could be worse."

Cid moved a little closer, seeing that Vincent�s eyes were tearing up. "God damn, guy, I�m sorry."

Vincent looked into Cid�s eyes. "But that wasn�t as bad as it got. After my arm was removed, I was rendered unconscious again. When I awoke, I had no idea where I was. I found myself in the dark, unable to move. I couldn�t feel my body or hear anything. Even the air around me seemed to lack any type of smell whatsoever. At first, I found this to be a relief, thinking that if nothing else, that I wasn�t being tortured. However, that complete lack of external stimulation began to do something to me. Time seemed to have stopped, and I had no idea of how long I had been in there. I began to wonder if I was even alive� Not being able to feel, see, or hear anything does something to you after a time. I began to long for the torture. At least when that had been happening to me, I knew that I was alive. Suddenly, I no longer feared the pain, but found myself wishing that I had it. Anything would have been better than being in the darkness. Anything."

Cid was at a loss for what to say. He waited for Vincent to finish his tale.

"Then, one day, there was a blinding light. I realized that I had been in some sort of box for all that time that kept my body frozen but my mind active. I saw Hojo standing there above me, smiling. That was a strange moment. When I had first been put in the box, I had wanted to kill him, but when I saw him then, as he reached down and lifted me up, it was one of the most wonderful things� I know you can�t understand that, but I was just so grateful to be out of the darkness, that I welcomed anything. Even Hojo." Vincent paused again, dropping his gaze to floor.

The pilot knit his brow. Vincent was right, he couldn�t understand, but it was clear that Vincent was being completely honest and so he knew better than to question his feelings. "Okay�"

Then, the gunslinger almost smiled. "Hojo cleaned me up, and replaced my missing arm with this." He lifted his cybernetic left appendage. "Impractical, but better than nothing. Hojo told me that from that moment forward, as long as I obeyed his every command, that he wouldn�t put me back into the dark. From then on, I knew that whether it was pleasure or torture, that I would welcome it, and that I would bow to his every whim. I would do anything to avoid the darkness. And that is what I did. The longer that I was his slave, the better at it I became. I learned how to submit completely and what it meant to be ruled. I relished it, thanking God for every moment that I remained outside of that box. I did everything that he wanted�"

At that moment, Cid watched as Vincent�s composure crumbled. Vincent leaned forward and placed his head in his hands, his shoulders heaving with his emotions. "Vince?"

"I did everything, I did everything�and one day, he told me that I wasn�t worthy. I wasn�t good enough. I didn�t deserve to be his slave anymore." Vincent brought his bloodshot eyes up and looked at Cid. "He put me back in the dark�I never even knew what it was that I�d done wrong� He just put me back in the dark and forgot about me� Twenty-seven years, Cid� I was in there for as long as I had been alive before Hojo had put me in there�"

Never having expected to see Vincent come unglued like he had, Cid was unsure of what to do. He reached out and placed his hand upon Vincent�s back, trying to comfort him in some small way. "But you�re out now, right? And you�re free."

"Don�t you get it?" Vincent shook his head. "I can�t stand living like this! I don�t want to be free! Just like Lucrecia�I�m terrified to live like this. I�m�I�m miserable. I long for something to let me know that I�m alive. I�I need someone to let me know that I�m alive."

"Vince�" Cid felt sorry for the other man and wanted to help. "Is there anything that I can do for you? Suddenly, I feel like a complete ass for being such a jerk to you all this time."

"Actually, your treatment of me has been the closest thing to what I need as I figured I would ever get," Vincent admitted quietly.

This hit Cid hard. Never would he have thought that someone could thrive on abuse. "So you like the shit that I give you?"

Vincent met his gaze again. "It�s all that I have."

Cid felt a sweat break across his skin as a particular thought crossed his mind. "What can I do to make you happy?"

Vincent�s whole body began to shake as he prepared to make his confession. He moved from the couch and knelt on the floor before the pilot. "Rule me."

Cid caught his breath. Although he didn�t want to instantly admit it, Vincent�s simple request appealed to him deeply. The thought that this person was willing to do anything that he requested, was an idea he knew he could get used to. Seeing Vincent there before him, without that cloak obscuring his face, Cid could appreciate how delicate, vulnerable, and beautiful the gunman was. "Vincent�I�ve never really been a part of anything like this, but� I mean, if you�re game, I�ll give it my best shot."

Vincent reached out with his right hand and grabbed one of Cid�s. Gently, he placed a kiss upon it, before looking up into the pilot�s blue eyes once more. "I will be more grateful than you will ever know. I will never let you down."

"Okay," Cid swallowed hard, realizing that he was becoming painfully aroused. "We�ll just take it slow though, okay? And I�m guessing this isn�t the sort of thing we want the others knowing about."

"Of course." Vincent scanned the other man, searching for any signs that he could pick up that would let him know what to do before Cid even asked.

"So, when we�re around them, we�ll just act like we always have, right?" Cid realized that Vincent was still holding onto his hand, but made no move to pull it back.

"Yes."

Cid nodded. "You�ll do anything that I want?"

"I will." Vincent relinquished Cid�s hand. "And I will be grateful for any reward or punishment that you lavish upon me. I will accept anything that you do to me, thankful for the attention. You may hurt me and I will endure without complaint."

Cid wasn�t sure about harming the other man just for the sake of doing so, but there were several things that ran through his mind that he was willing to do with Vincent. Still, he knew that he wasn�t going to just rush into anything too dramatic until he knew exactly what Vincent wanted or needed. "Okay, we�ll just take it slow. Tonight, after we�re back on the airship, come to my room after lights out and I�ll try and help you out. For now, we should probably get back to the others, all right?"

Finally having something to look forward to, Vincent seemed far more at ease than he�d been since being found by AVALANCHE. He knew that he wouldn�t let the pilot down. Slowly, he rose and then picked up his cloak, throwing it around his shoulders. "All right."
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Need For Control