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The Pursuit of Pleasure	By : ArdwynnaMorrigu Category: Final Fantasy VII > Het - Male/Female Views: 1130 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Ad Spot: "Seeking
a Sephiroth X Vincent Doujinshi that has a scene with
Vincent in PJs and getting his hair molested by
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Warnings:
This chapter involves something that sounds a bit like �mastication�.
The Pursuit of Pleasure
Stage Three: Climax
In the middle of an
open field some distance outside the town of Not-Perfect, an unclothed young woman lay spread out on a coat of buttery soft leather, waiting
for her would-be lover. The stars shone down, winking at her and she waited.
The man in the moon ogled her naked form and she waited. The wind whistled as
it shook the shrubbery around her, and still, she waited.
After a while, she
got pretty damned tired of waiting.
She was hungry and
the man who had the meat she wanted was nowhere in sight. It couldn�t take that
long to pick up a pack, could it? She waited and waited and waited some more.
She waited so long that her appetite threatened to lose its edge. Aeris was not
about to miss out on a good meal. She was quite comfortable dining alone,
especially since her companion had been so inconsiderate as to let the meal
start turning cold.
Aeris let her
fingers do some walking. She crossed the finish line like a champion marathon
runner and sat up, quite satisfied. There was still the minor issue of her missing
man, but she�d had quite enough of waiting.
Her mean streak
kicked in right then. That man was going to pay for keeping her waiting. She
rolled over and went through the pockets of the coat. She found his wallet
first. �That idiot!� No wonder it was taking the man
forever. Aeris did not stop to wonder why he had not come back for his wallet.
There were a lot of pockets in that coat and she was going to search them all.
She emptied the coat
and surveyed the cache. There was a comb and a little bottle of leave-in
conditioner, a compact mirror, some lip gloss, a small
tube of a skin-toning facial mask (cucumber-melon scent with aloe extract), a
nail file and a healthy collection of coupons to Spa Works.
�Oh my god, he�s a
flaming metrosexual!� Aeris could barely believe her
eyes. Then she thought about it a bit and realized that it did explain a few
things. She got dressed quickly and made her way back to her camp with all of Sephiroth�s questionable belongings. Despite the long wait
and the unexpected discoveries after, she slept very well that night.
Sephiroth, on the
other hand, barely slept at all. The pepper spray still had not worn off by the
time he was led into the police station. He had to be led through the booking
process like a blind man.
�Come on, don�t lock
me up,� he pleaded to whoever would listen. �I have a starving little kitty to
feed. She won�t sleep well if she doesn�t get cream.�
The bright flash
from the camera used to take his mug shots made his eyes water and by the time
he was yanked down the hall to his holding cell, things began to look much
clearer. He did not exactly consider that a blessing though. Most of the cells
were packed beyond sane reckoning with human vermin of the �Desperate and
Depraved� variety.
�Whooooeeee! That�s a pretty one! Put him in here!�
�Yeah, we�ll keep
him company!�
Officer Smythe, a petite woman with a permanent expression of
�Just-Sucked-a-Lemon�, took a wild swing at the bars with her baton and
succeeded in momentarily driving the wild monkeys back. �There�s no room in
there for him,� she snapped.
�Sure there is,�
someone hollered. �We might be out of bench space but he�s welcome to sit on my
flagpole!� The entire cell erupted into laughter. Sephiroth was relieved when
young Officer Bransen led him further down the hall.
It saved him the trouble of setting fire to the building immediately. He needed
a moment to collect himself before starting the fireworks.
The cell at the end
was almost empty. �You should be okay in here,� Officer Bransen
whispered as he ushered a sulky Sephiroth inside. �Don�t worry. I wouldn�t put
you in there with those hooligans.� He kept staring at Sephiroth through the
bars as he shut the door. �I can tell you need to be treated�special.�
Sephiroth edged away
from the bars. The sooner he set this place on fire, the better. As soon as Bransen was gone, the swordsman whipped around to look at
his cell-mates. He was relieved to see only two.
The first was a
skinny old man with an eye patch. He looked Sephiroth over and went back to muttering
grumpily in the corner. The second, however, one gave Sephiroth a turn.
What could only be
described as a tattooed mountain of a man sat against the far wall. His mustache, long curly hair and wardrobe of spiked
leather all screamed �Biker�. It also helped that it was emblazoned in red on
the sleeve of his jacket. He gave Sephiroth a grin and stood. He was easily
about a foot taller than the soldier. Every alarm in Sephiroth�s
head went off. In this small space, without a weapon or materia,
this fight could take a while, maybe a whole minute.
The man approached
and Sephiroth found himself stepping backwards again. Just as he was getting
ready to pounce, the man stopped and offered him a hand and spoke with a voice
that seemed to rumble up out of the deepest caves of the Planet. �Hi, my name�s
Lucille. What�s yours?�
�Uh,
Sephiroth.� The swordsman was confused now, but he shook Lucille�s hand
anyway. Lucille pulled him into a massive bear hug and then walked him towards
the metal bunk.
�Sit down, Jailbird Seph. You don�t mind if I call you that,
do you? What are you in for?�
�Armed robbery,�
Sephiroth murmured. The pepper spray seemed to have shorted out a significant
portion of his nervous system. He was beyond being disturbed by anything now.
�Armed robbery, eh?�
Lucille was saying. �That could land you in the big one. You got a good
lawyer?�
Sephiroth
considered. His sword had always been a good enough lawyer for him, and if the
judge happened to be female, he did have Mr. Masamune
to plead his case. �Yeah, I got a lawyer,� he mumbled. He did not really intend
to stay long enough to need one anyway.
�That�s good. Me,
I�m in for a good, old Drunk n� Disorderly,� Lucille stretched his legs out. �Barfight. Somebody insulted my
Jessica and you know, it�s a man�s place not to let
things like that slide.�
�Yeah,� Sephiroth
nodded. �I know that.� He slumped forward, utterly depressed. The night had
started off so well. He had practically been assured of getting his wick
dipped. Goddamn his lack of preparedness! Curses upon his forgetfulness! He�d
had the woman right under him, for Titan�s sake! How had he gone from being
about to sauce the clam to sitting in the slammer with a big guy named Lucille?
Sephiroth sighed. It
could have been worse. He could have ended up in one of the crowded cells and
he�d had quite enough of the �Shower Touchy� game as a recruit. At least
Lucille kept his hands to himself, crazy bear-hug aside.
�Hey, what�s the
matter, Little Jailbird?� Lucille prodded him with an elbow. �This your first time, isn�t it?� He nodded knowingly. �I
know it�s hard at first, but it gets easier.�
�No, no, it�s not
that,� Sephiroth leaned back against the wall. �It�s just that, well, I had
plans for tonight and this sure wasn�t in any of them.�
Lucille nodded
knowingly. �You were gonna do some rough riding,
right?�
�You bet your life
on it! I was gonna nail that cat!� Sephiroth stood,
wild-eyed and frantic with the thought of what he had come so close to having.
�Dammit, I am Darkness Incarnate! My purple-headed
demon was supposed to storm the Pearly Gates of Paradise! I was supposed to
invade Heaven! I was going to set the snake free in the Garden of Eden and
taste some fine forbidden fruit!�
A raspy voice hit
him. �Ya wastin� ya time, boy!�
Sephiroth spun
around to face the old man. The one dark eye was fixed on him and the man�s
toothless mouth was twisted into a snarl. �Wimmin�s a
waste o� ya time.�
�Don�t mind Willy,�
Lucille put in. �He�s a regular nut.�
�I see that,�
Sephiroth said as he reclaimed his seat.
�You don�t know the
half of it,� Lucille said, then dropped his voice to a whisper. �He�s in here
for abusing the sheriff in public.�
Sephiroth was
confused. �What?�
Lucille glanced up
to make sure that Willy wasn�t listening. �He did it on the highway. I heard
when the posse came out it hit somebody�s windshield and that�s when they
called the cops on him. Public Indecency and Lewd Behavior.�
�Oh.� That was all
the swordsman could say as realization dawned. Sephiroth had no problems with
fisting the friar, but he drew the line at aiming at traffic.
Willy hobbled over,
wagging a gnarled finger at the seated pair. �You young �uns
think the four-legged frolic�s the best thing in the world, dontcha?
I�m tellin� ya straight, wimmin�s an entanglement no sane man keeps round forever.
Better off beltin� yer own
hog.�
Sephiroth and
Lucille exchanged a glance and Willy kept on going. �See, when you start with a
female, it�s all good, but then they gets to thinking
about marriage and kids and alimony. And if ya
marries �em, ya can�t ever
get some when ya want it, cuz
they�re too tired, or on the rag. After wife number fourteen left me, I was
done widdem. No more wimmen,
no, sir, I had enough! I been running the one-legged race ever since and that�s
more than enough fer me. Now there�s some method to
milking the lizard for maximum satisfaction. I personally prefers��
Sephiroth groaned
and rubbed his forehead, wishing the cops had used bullets instead of pepper
spray. Lucille leaned over as Willy continued the lecture on snake charming.
�Got a headache?�
the biker asked. Sephiroth groaned again in response. �Lie down here.� Sephiroth�s eyes flew open as Lucille yanked his head down.
The swordsman�s cheek met hard leather biker pants. He was alarmed for a second,
but Lucille only stroked his hair. �Take a nap. You�ll feel better in the
morning.�
Sephiroth groaned
again, but he could not really see any other options. His head hurt, he was
tired and frustrated beyond belief and just did not have the energy for the
spectacular blast his position as Evil Bad Guy required. He let Lucille keep
stroking his hair as he closed his eyes and tried to tune Willy out.
�O� course, since
you boys is young, ya probably gonna
head after the females anyway, but if ya want to keep
out a trouble, ya got to treat �em
like postage stamps. Lick �em, stick �em and send �em on their way.�
--------------------------
The early morning
sun found Aeris and Tifa bathing in a stream a short
distance away from their camp. Aeris was unusually glum.
�What�s the matter,
Aeris?� Tifa asked. �You�re unusually glum.�
Aeris sighed. �I was
supposed to get laid last night, but when I sent him to get a diving suit he
didn�t come back.�
Tifa
went wide-eyed with shock but after a few speechless moments, was able to voice
her anger. �Cloud�s got some nerve! Want me to beat him up for you?�
Aeris giggled a
little. �Thanks for the offer, but it wasn�t Spike.�
�Oh,� Tifa said. �Vincent?�
Aeris grew serious.
�Try not to flip out too much on me, okay?� She waited for Tifa
to nod. �It was Sephiroth.�
�WHAT!�
A flock of birds
fled from the trees.
�I said it was
Sephiroth,� Aeris repeated.
Tifa
was furious. �Aeris, what the name of Titan�s tallywacker
were you thinking?�
�I was thinking��
Aeris grew misty-eyed and her hands reached up to drift over whatever image her
imagination was showing her. �I was thinking the he had the finest, tightest
ass I�ve ever seen.�
�Oh,� Tifa said. �There is that.� There was silence for about a
minute. �So,� Tifa began, �did you see if the carpet
matches the curtains?�
Aeris grinned. �Yep. It sure does.� The women giggled and finished their
bath.
--------------------------
Cloud and Co. pulled
into the quiet little town of Not-Perfect
in the late morning. Eager for any opportunity to sleep in actual beds, they
took rooms at the inn (which, in true Not-Perfect town spirit, did not offer a
continental breakfast) with the intention of spending the night. The group
split up to while away the hours with some well-deserved rest and relaxation.
Aeris, Tifa and Yuffie hit the downtown
area for a shopping trip. Aeris had acquired some great coupons for Spa Works
and the girls were not about to miss out on that. Barret
had damaged his gun earlier and needed to get it looked at so it would fire
straight again. Cloud locked himself in his room to sharpen his sword. Red XIII
wandered off to the wharf in the hopes that someone would have pity on a kitty
and give him some fish.
Cid and Vincent
opted to keep each other company at the table in the common area. Vincent had
bought a copy of the town�s newspaper and graciously offered Cid first pick of
sections. Cid took the Classifieds and immediately flipped to the Personal Ad
section.
�Hmm,� the pilot
scanned the pages. �Single White Female seeking Burly Man for long walks on the
beach. Nope. Youthful Divorcee seeking someone who can take punishment, leather
fetish preferred. Not bad. Hey!� He zoomed in on one ad. �Young
woman seeking Hot Yaoi Dou�Douji�Doujinshi!� He looked up from the paper. �What the
hell is a �Hot Yaoi Doujinshi�?�
Vincent was
completely absorbed in reading his section of the paper and did not reply.
�Hey,
Vinny!� Cid hollered and got the man�s
attention. Vincent looked up calmly. Cid pointed to the ad. �Am I a Hot Yaoi Doujinshi?� Vincent arched a
dark eyebrow.
�Not by yourself,� he said quietly and went back to reading.
�Oooh, kinky woman, eh?� Cid was intrigued. �Vince,
are you and me together a Hot Yaoi Doujinshi?� He looked at the former Turk, grinning.
Vincent sighed
sadly. �If that�s what turns you on�� He ducked his head and went back to
reading, though he spared a moment to wish that everyone would stop trying to
get into his pants.
Cid frowned down at
the paper. �That�s no kind of answer. I still don�t know what one of these
things really is.� It was just then that Barret
returned from having work done on his gun. �Hey, Wallace,� Cid turned. �Are you
and me a Hot Yaoi Doujinshi?�
�Hell,
no, Fly-boy! What�s gotten into you?�
Cid was exasperated.
�I�m just trying to figure out if I�m what this woman�s looking for.�
Vincent looked up
over the edge of the newspaper. �You�re not.�
�Well, alright
then,� Cid settled into his chair. �Moving on.�
Barret
took the chair opposite and reached to the coffee table for part of the paper.
�Oh shit!� The other two men looked up at him. Barret
held the front page up. �Sephiroth�s been arrested!
Why didn�t you guys tell me?�
Cid was surprised.
�He was? I didn�t know. Didn�t look at the front page.�
Barret looked at Vincent, who seemed just as
surprised.
�Goddammit,
Valentine, I expected better from you!�
Vincent looked down
dejectedly. �I just wanted to read the funnies.�
Barret
banged the chair in frustration. �We gotta go tell
Cloud.�
--------------------------
�I don�t usually do
this,� Officer Bransen said as he walked down the row
of holding cells. �But since it�s the new one you�ve come to visit, I�ll let
you ladies through.�
�Thank you, young
man.� Irene smiled at him. She followed a couple feet behind him with her hands
carefully holding a big cardboard box and her eyes steadily directed below Bransen�s waistline.
�Here he is,� Bransen announced. He opened a small section of the bars,
took the box from the old woman and slid it into the cell. �Be good to him. He
needs�gentle handling.� He turned and left. Ethel and Irene stared through the
bars at the swordsman sleeping with his head pillowed on a huge biker�s lap.
�Well, there�s
something you don�t see everyday,� Ethel murmured. �I didn�t think he�d go for
the husky kind.�
�Now, Ethel, beauty
is in the eye of the beholder, and I think it�s sweet that he�s found someone
to look after him in here.�
�If you say so,�
Ethel grumbled. �Hey, Sleeping Beauty! Rise and shine, pretty
boy!�
The cell�s three
occupants stirred to life. Sephiroth got up and looked around. �What�s going
on?� He spotted the two hags beyond the bars. �Oh, god, I died and Hades is
cleaning himself off with my soul.�
�We brought you a
present, dear,� Irene said sweetly. She pointed to the box in the center of the
floor. �There�s plenty more where that came from.�
Sephiroth stared at
the box with apprehension and did not say a word. He had a sinking feeling in
the pit of his stomach. While he stared, Willy studied the visitors. The old
man leaned forward on the bench and turned his one eye on Ethel.
�Sweet mother of
pearl,� the man murmured. �Them�s
a mighty fine pair of sweater puppies ya got there.�
Ethel gave him a look that could have withered any vine. Willy had been sent
round the bend at the sight of a pair of large knockers and had apparently
forgotten his previous policy. �Why so sour?� he drawled. �Is your basement
leaking or is them hound puppies just not getting enough air? Tight underwear�s
a killer.�
�I�m sure you know a
lot about that,� Ethel said acidly.
�Tight bra, I knew
it,� Willy nodded sagely. �You gotta set them
critters free. Yard dogs like them ain�t meant to be
penned up. Ya got to let �em
socialize with other pups. I got a schnauzer that
loves to play in pumpkin patches.�
�That�s a surprise.
I thought your dog would be dead by now.�
�Spunky, aren�t ya? The Trouser Schnauzer might be old but he�s as frisky
as a pup.� Willy grinned. �And he knows all the new tricks.�
Ethel�s glasses
glinted. �Hey, I recognize you. You�re the Highway Gobdropper.�
Willy grinned some more. Ethel was not impressed. �You are one sick piece of
work.�
�Oh my,� Irene
exclaimed. �Maybe we should go.� She turned back to Sephiroth. �Enjoy your
present, dear. There�s plenty more where that came from. We�ll be back
tomorrow.� She touched Ethel�s shoulder. �Let�s go, Ethel. We did what we came
to do.� They turned and began to walk down the narrow corridor.
Willy pressed
himself against the bars. �Me and the dog�ll be waiting for ya, if ya change yer mind.�
�Roll over and drop
dead!�
Irene looked even
more worried and pushed Ethel along, hurrying her friend out of sight.
Sephiroth was relieved to see them go. Lucille stretched and nudged him.
�Aren�t you going to
open your present?�
Sephiroth sighed. �I
guess so.� He retrieved the box gingerly from the floor and raised the lid.
Inside there was a fresh cream pie. Sephiroth set the box aside and wrapped his
arms around his bare chest. He could not stop shuddering. This whole thing was
some kind of sick joke. It had to be. How else could he have gotten here?
He rocked back
against the wall. Being propositioned was nothing new to him, but the shock of
having so many proposals coming from such different sources in such a short
space of time was beginning to get to him. The more time went by, the more
unlikely it seemed that he would ever get to surf the Delta of Aeris.
�You
going to eat that?� Lucille asked. Sephiroth shook his head. He wanted
nothing to do with Old Lady Cream Pie. Lucille patted the man�s shoulder
gently. �You should at least break out a slice.� He leaned in closer and
whispered, �There might be a file in it.�
Sephiroth shook his
head. �Not likely.� Lucille shrugged and reached into the box. He had to scoop
the pie right out of the tray and break it by hand since his knife had been
confiscated.
Sure enough, as he
cracked the pie in half, something hard poked out. �Ah ha!�
He grabbed hold of it and yanked, sending cream flying across the cell. Then he
stared at the thing he held, confused.
The object, too soft
to be a file by far, proved to be a Double D cup underwire
brassiere.
A
red one.
With
lace.
�Uh,� Lucille stared
at the thing then held it up in front of Sephiroth. �I think this is for you.�
Sephiroth looked up.
There, inked into the left cup, was a note.
Put out if you
want to get out.
Sephiroth buried his
face in his arms, too distraught to speak or even remember his plan to set the
entire place on fire. He had seen too many strange and terrible things in the
last twelve hours. If things kept up at this rate, Mr. Masamune
would probably drop dead, never to rise again. The twins would be orphans.
Sephiroth whimpered at possible fate of his very best friend.
It was a cruel
world.
TBC�
Thanks to Akira Majere for lending support for this chapter.
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The Pursuit of Pleasure