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Dirty Little Secret	By : crymsonpassion Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 834 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Three
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~-We Act Like Strangers
When You�re Holding His Hand
Cause There�s a Danger
That We Both Understand-~
Bon Jovi, �Dirty Little Secret�
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And that is how we got together. No one else knew, no one
else needed to. Not even Fujin and Raijin knew until the war. I don�t think
they expected me to say that the worse of the mind control was when she was
trying to turn me against my former lover. But technically, we never really
broke up, although, when you are trying to kill one another, it is sort of
implied. And that thought causes me to think over our entire two year
relationship. It wasn�t flowers, candies and dates, or getting jealous over
little things, but we did care a great deal about one another and stayed
devoted to each other. And the sex, it was incredible. Nothing changed to the
outside world, we still sparred to kill or main, we never held back, and we
still allowed our tempers to clash. But that�s all it ever really was, a lot of
great fucks and a lot of good fights. We were lovers, but not in the romantical
type of way. Sure we made love, but we didn�t have candle lit dinners to sappy
saxophone music. It was all about the bedroom antics and that was all either of
us really cared about. But everything changed drastically after the war.

I stand at the entrance of my former home, looking at it as
it sat there in its original spot. It�s been nearly six months since time
compression, and I still feel as if I had just left for Timber only yesterday.
I really don�t want to be here. But when there is absolutely no other place on
Gaia that will tolerate you, you make some personal sacrifices. Believe me, my
pride and ego were the first to go. I let out a heavy sigh, before my fucked up
mind reminds me just how many people in that giant hunk of metal I tried to
maim, hurt or kill. Not to mention Squall�s little kiddie bopper group that I
personally tried to kill numerous times. And the fact that I tortured the only
person I ever really cared about. Maybe this wasn�t such a good idea. I don�t think
that I am ready to apologize just yet. Or is it that I don�t want to see the
disbelieving looks on their faces? It could be that I am not ready to face
Squall yet. To look at him and see the hurt and pain that I caused. Not the
war, not Ultimecia, but me. Heh, maybe next time I�ll actually make it to the
front gates before I chicken out.

�Seifer?� I hear a quite voice come from behind me, just as
I turn to abandon my fear on the doorstep.

I would know that voice anywhere, anytime, any place. It haunts
my dreams, even my waking hours. Fuck, even the voices in my head normally take
that tone. I take a deep breath in hopes of preparing myself to see the only
person I have ever been scared to see.

�I turn around slowly,
fear still hindering my movements, to see him standing there at the Garden entrance,
gunblade strapped to his hip, sweat causing his hair to stick to his forehead.
Obviously he had just come from a spar, but with whom?

�Squall, listen, I�� I trail off, wondering why all those
speeches that I have practiced have chosen now to leave me. Everyday since time
compression I have planned exactly what I would say to him in a hundred
different scenarios. But none of those seem to mean anything, now that the
moment has arrived.

�Squall, wait up!� A laughter filled voice calls through the
courtyard. It is a deep commanding voice, a leader�s voice, one that demands
compliance. But more importantly, it�s a voice that I don�t recognize.

�Here.� The brunet calls back, his eyes never leaving mine.
What is it about those grey eyes that will leave me captivated for hours at a
time, uncaring about the outside world?

Before the eye contact is broken, a third figure joins our
little reunion in the courtyard. I�ve never seen this guy before, he certainly
wasn�t at Garden before the war. His long shoulder length black hair partially
covers his face, concealing his left eye. But I am actually glad for that. His visible
eye is the brightest red that I have ever seen. Even Fujin�s eye looks like the
colour of mud compared to the blood red of this man�s eye. He stands a few
inches over me, making him nearly a foot taller than Squall. Everything about
this guy, from his broad shoulders and muscular arms, down to the sinister look
his ruby eye holds and the large battle axe strapped to his back screams power.
It�s a good thing that I have selective hearing then. I should kick his ass for
interrupting.

The guy marches right over to Squall and takes a position
standing next to the brunet, causing the stormy eyes to turn away from me.

�Hey, lion cub. Why�d you take off like that? I thought we
could make use of the Fire Cavern after the brats all left.� The rough voice
held an edge that I was not expecting. A sexual edge.

�What�s all this about, Squall?� I growl, my hand
unconsciously gripping the hilt of Hyperion, ready to draw her at a moments
notice, jealously overtaking my soul.

Squall makes no obvious reaction to my emotions, as this
stranger wraps his arm around the lithe man�s shoulders. Squall lets out a sigh
and looks up into the face of this giant.

�Dante, this is Seifer. He went to the same orphanage as me
and attended Garden for a few years. Seifer, this is my lover, Dante.� This
statement catches me completely off guard. First of all, does this mean that
Squall finally came out? I never thought he had it in him. But then again, a
lot can happen in six months. But for some reason, this �Dante� fellow really
makes me feel uneasy. I�m not sure what it is, for all I know, it could just be
what I ate for lunch earlier. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it isn�t
that.

�Hey, you�re that witch�s lap dog!� the dark bastard
exclaims with a glare. �You destroyed my Garden!� Ah, there�s that feeling. A Trabia Garden
transfer student.

�Hey, I�ve already been proven to have been manipulated,
jackass. I�ve been cleared of all charges.� I sneer at him, not intimidated in
the least bit.

�You lying little fucker!� Before I know it, there is a
large mass flying towards me, axe drawn in front of him. With barely a flick of
the wrist, Hyperion is drawn and ready, waiting for some action. And frankly,
if this is Squall�s new boy toy, who better than to hack and slash at? Within a
moment, our weapons meet, Hyperion successfully defending off the giant axe.

�Dante, stop. He isn�t worth it.� Squall�s voice cuts
through the both of us, both in different ways. To Dante, it causes a smile to
eerily creep over his features, as if he recognized the threat I pose to
Squall�s tight ass. But to me, those words slice through me in the worse
possible way. To him I am no longer worth it. To the only person who ever
mattered, he no longer gives a shit about me. So why should I care either?

�Forget it, Leonheart. I came here to repent for my actions.
Obviously I�m not wanted here.� I pause to collect my thoughts, and to actually
think things through, but I hear something that sounds suspiciously like a
sarcastic �Obviously� come from Dante�s direction and I lose it. �You�ve
changed, Squall. I guess that the fame that comes from saving the world from a
bastard like me has gone to your head. Have a great life, Ice Princess.� I
snarl, and with that, I turn around to leave with every intention to leave this
hunk of metal forever. There will have to be somewhere that will accept me. But
I can handle the scorn and disgrace that seem to follow me everywhere. It will
be no match for having to live the rest of my life with Squall and I acting
like strangers.

Just as I turn to leave, I run into someone. By reflex only,
I grab the person before they fall to the floor.

�Pardon me.� I say, refusing to make eye contact. If I got
this far without anyone recognizing me other than Big, Dumb and Ugly over
there, I might as well keep it that way.

�Seifer?� the soft voice takes me completely by surprise,
being the last voice in the world that I ever wanted to hear again besides
Ultimecia herself. But even with all the panic creeping into my veins, I manage
to push a breathy response past my lips.

�Matron�� I quickly release the hold I had on her arms as if
it burned. I look into the soft brown eyes, praying not to see anything more
then the few lingering flecks of gold in the large round eyes that hold so much
emotion, including worry, compassion and strongest of all, love.

�It�s so good to see you again.� She gives me a warm smile,
before taking me into a tight hug. I can�t find it in me to return the embrace.
�I�m so glad to see that you are fairing well. Have you finally come home?� She
pulls back and I am freed from the suffocation that I am experiencing, only to
look into her face. The ivory skin is framed beautifully framed by her ebony
hair, a pair of warm chocolate eyes brightening with her smile. But even beyond
all of her natural beauty, all I can see is the taint of Ultimecia.
Manipulated, used, disgraced. The only mother that I have ever known, doing
things to her �children� that should never come from a mothers touch. I step
back and look at the woman standing in front of me. A small smile of hope is
playing on her lips. Although I don�t want to, I need to see the reaction that
comes from the only person who matters, or make that mattered.

He�s waving as the bastard blows a kiss and walks away from
him. Squall then turns to face me once again, a neutral expression on his gorgeous
features. Before I have the chance to reply, the dark haired man walks over to
me, an unreadable mask of indifference hiding his emotions well. Prior to the
war, I could see through any front that Squall could put up. But now, it�s as
if he is a totally different person. I can�t read him at all.

�Just forget about the past, Seifer. You belong here.�
Matron causes me to look up at her words, effectively breaking my eye contact
with Squall.

�Matron�s right. The past is behind us now.� Squall says,
very cryptically. Something is definitely different about him. This is not the
Squall I know.

I look at Matron, the hope and anticipation shining on her
features at a glaring level, and all the while Squall maintains his fa�ade.

�Fine. But for my re-entrance exam, I want a no holds, one
on one spar with you. You win, I come back, no questions asked. I win, the
choice is mine to make.� I smirk. �But you don�t need to bring your boy toy. I
can�t properly beat you when you�re holding his hand.� I can feel it inside me;
I am becoming the malicious bully that I was before the war.

�When and where?� the stoic brunet answers me, much to the
surprise of Matron.

�The usual, at sundown.� I say this, then turn and walk
away, not even giving him a chance to confirm or deny this duel. �It almost hurts me to think that this will be
our first duel in almost 3 years that we won�t fall into bed together
afterwards, but then Dante�s face comes to mind and I can�t wait to release the
hate building inside.

===================

By the time that Squall�s head pokes over the side of the
cliff, the sun has nearly set all the way. This is the first time since the day
that we traded scars that I have been back here, and from the look of remembrance
on his face, it is the same for him.

�Well, well. Look who actually showed up.� I grin, seeing a
rage start to burn in his eyes, but it is extinguished almost as quickly as it
started.

�You doubted I would?� he asks, drawing the mythical blue
blade out of its sheath. It still blows my mind that Squall has a Lion Heart
model gunblade. I mean, Hyperion has been greatly upgraded, energy crystals
worked into the edge giving it a violet shimmer, but nothing like the blade
that Squall holds in his hands. The adamantine folded into the energy crystal
blade causes the crimson glow of the sun to make it appear to be a blade made
of blood

�Ready to dance?� I reply, and without waiting for a reply,
I lunge forward, Hyperion at the ready. It comes to no surprise that he defends
immediately as if he had anticipated the attack. It may have been months since
our last duel, but we fight as if it had only been yesterday. I know every
single move of his, and he knows all of mine. I notice that there is more force
that usual behind every strike he makes, which means a couple of things. First,
he�s finally gotten stronger. Next, his current sparring partner must be going
harder on him then I ever did. But most importantly of all, he is taking his
aggression from something out on me. Or should I say aggression from someone.
But for now, I�m just going to let him work it out.

I meet every thrust, every strike he sends my way, not
allowing my rival to notice how much I�ve trained since the war, but certainly
taking note on how much he has. The battle ensues for what seems like an
eternity before I feel a sharp pain along my left bicep. Heh. So Squall has
managed to drawn first blood. Things aren�t going to go that way much longer.
Jumping away for just a moment, I quickly notice that Squall seems to be
favouring his right arm. Now that I can see a weakness, I am going to do everything
in my power to exploit it.

Smirking, I once again charge towards Squall, this time for
more than merely attacking him. My opponent takes a precious second to analyze
my new tactic, thus leaving him open to my blows. I seize the chance and slam
the flat of my blade against the brunet�s shoulder. What happened next was
something I was not prepared for.

The sound that escaped from his lips was one that no living
human should be able to make. A truly feral and bone rattling sound. Pain so
evident in the howl, it causes me to drop my blade, only in time to have him
fall forward into my arms. As soon as my hand touches his shoulder, another
sharp intake of breath escapes from him. His gunblade has been dropped along
with mine as he struggles to pull himself out of my grip. Finally he makes it
out of my reluctant hold.

�The fuck? You�re obviously hurt, why not except the damn
help?� I snarl, glaring over at him, previous thoughts leaving my head. This
earns me an icy glare, and funny enough, it feels good to be on the receiving
end of one of his stares for once.

�It�s none of your concern.� He hisses, clutching onto his
shoulder, the pain appearing to not recede at all.

I growl at the typical response before standing up and
walking over to the edge of the cliff. This place seems to have marked the
beginning of the end for me, and it almost seems appropriate for it all to end
here as well. I can see Garden about a half mile off, resting in the same spot
that it has always been in. To think that at one point I actually wanted to be
part of the killing routine that comes with the oh so alluring title of SeeD. I
contemplate throwing myself down the hillside, wondering if Squall hadn�t been
standing right there, how long would it take for people to notice that I was gone.
Months, probably, weeks if I�m lucky. But why would I do something like that?
Something that would bring so much happiness to so many others? But I�ve always
been a selfish bastard.

I sigh once again at finding a pathetic excuse for not
killing myself. I slowly take a few steps away from the edge only to hear a
sigh come from Squall�s direction. His face is still heavily contorted in pain,
but I could have swore that it had sounded like relief coming from him He looks
as if he wants to get his coat off, but the beads of sweat forming on his brow
from exertion tell me that it is a losing battle that he is fighting.

�For Hyne�s sake, Leonheart. I barely tapped you. I�ve done
more to you in the past and gotten less of a response.� I sneer; walking over
to him, then grab the cuffs of his jacket to help him remove it.

�Don�t.� he whispers, his voice caught somewhere between
pain and pleading. I huff out a displeased breath, trying to contain my temper.

�Fine. You�re the last person I would have expected
prejudice to come from. But I guess that�s what comes from open warfare.� I
grab Hyperion from the ground, keeping all but one emotion bottled up inside. Disappointment.

Turning to leave, I pause only to take in the sight of Balamb Garden
against the horizon one last time. Although I believe that I will never again
return to Garden, it was my home for nearly 13 years. One last look might
ensure that I am able to remember the few good times that I had there. But I�ll
try to find happiness elsewhere. It can�t be that difficult, can it, even for a
pariah like me.

�Wait.� I hear a soft voice call. I let out one more sigh
before I turn to face him.

�Wait for what, Squall? Wait until you can lift your blade
so you can kill me yourself? Or wait so you can retry me for all the crimes
that I didn�t commit? What the fuck do you want me wait for, Squall? Because
I�m done waiting, especially for you.� I growl out, looking into his stormy
grey eyes for the first time since we arrived at the cliff. The pain there is
unmistakeable, but there is something more there. There is a longing, a
wanting, not for love, not for lust, not even for sex. But a long for
companionship. �Well, Squall?� I ignore the vile look he is giving me.

Without a word, he turns his head away from me. I watch as
he slowly shrugs his trademark bomber jacket off his shoulders, withstanding
the pain, revealing a sight that I never thought I would see. �

His white t-shirt is stained with blood where I had made
contact. But something struck me as odd. Not all of the blood was fresh.

�The fuck?� I whisper before kneeling down and removing the
jacket from around his arms.

�Please�� he trails off, almost in a pleading manner.
Almost, but not quite. I know exactly what he wants me to do, although he says
not another word. Carefully, I pull the t-shirt up over his head, trying my
hardest not to aggravate anything that could harm him anymore. With as much cooperation
as possible while enduring the pain, Squall helps me remove the shirt. I
carelessly toss the shirt to the side, only to take in a sight familiar to me,
but completely foreign at the same time. There are scars beyond my imagination,
the largest being on his left shoulder, from where I watched in horror but
unable to do anything as the giant icicle pierced right above his heart. But
along side of all the scars are fresh cuts and bruises littered along his arms
and over his chest. Among all of these, my eyes are immediately drawn to one in
particular. Where I had struck him only moments ago, was a large cut, unbound
and unhealed. It formed the shape of a cross, one line from beyond the shoulder
joint running to his chest, the second line from the base of his neck down to
the middle of his bicep.

�Holy fuckin' Hyne, Squall.� I mutter while reaching into my
coat pocket for some sort of healing concoction.

�Don�t.� He murmurs just as I pull a hi-potion vile out of
my pocket, my last hi-potion.

I roll my eyes and pop the cork. �Give me one good reason
not to, and I�ll consider it, princess.�

�There�s a danger, with Dante.� He replies, his strength
leaving him rapidly now. He�s obviously left it bleed too long.

I stop dead in my tracks. I�m not sure if I heard him
correctly. Fuck, I hope to Hyne above that I didn�t.

�Did that bastard want you to throw the fight so that I don�t
come back?� I sneer, skirting around my true thoughts. Without waiting for an
answer out of him, I pour the liquid potion over his shoulder, using a gloved
hand to rub it over the worst of his shoulder. Unfortunately, it isn�t strong
enough to completely heal the wound, but it is enough to close it and stop the
bleeding. Unless Squall uses a spell or another potion soon, it�s going to
leave one nasty scar.

He lets out a deep sigh of relief as the pain begins to
recede finally. �He doesn�t want you at Garden.� That answer doesn�t surprise
me any as he reaches up and rubs his own shoulder. I lean back on my heels to
look at him.

�What about you?� Our eyes meet once more; his auburn locks
falling into his face makes me want everything from him that I know I can�t
have anymore. And with Dante around, I�m not sure I even want to fight for it.

�You belong there.� He says quietly, without hesitation.

I run my index finger down the scar on my face in a nervous
fashion, turning away from
Squall�s intense gaze. What I wouldn�t give to go back to
the way we were before and change everything that happened. For us to go back
to fucking and fighting. But that will never happen, I know that. But I can
hope, can�t I? Especially if everything with Dante isn�t all candy and roses.
All I want from Squall right now is the truth.

�No, Squall. It is a yes or no question. A choice of two
words. None of this bullshit about belonging or anything. You either want me
there or not. Because unless you want me there, there is no reason to go back.�
The look on his face is priceless. He looks completely torn on whether he wants
me to jump off the cliff or if he wants me to throw him down and fuck him
senseless.

�I�� he trails off, trying to gather his thoughts. And I
know that I am not the central focus of those thoughts. Dante is. �I do. But��

I see this as my cue to enter. �But Dante... Listen Squall,
I know that is not going to he the same between us as it was before. As you
said, the past is behind us. I�m glad you moved on. If that�s what you are
worried about, I know you have someone else now.� I stand up and make my way
over to where I had flung his shirt. He will need it to go back to Garden. I
kneel down to pick it up, and as soon as my back is turned, I hear a groan from
behind me.

�Seifer�� With the effort it took to stand up, Squall�s
voice sounds airy, just as it did on the night that we first got together. But
I can�t think of that anymore. All of a sudden, I feel his presence right
behind me, moments before I feel his hand come to rest on my shoulder, almost
using me as a support. That is when I think we both understand that things
can�t go back to the way that they were before. �Thanks.�

I swallow hard as I hand him the shirt in my hold, unable to
meet his eyes. Fuck, since when have I been suck a love sick fool? Squall has
moved on, has a new guy that could probably bench press me. But I also have to
remind myself that Squall and I never had a �real� relationship. Just a sexual
one. All of it was good, but I know that it could never have lasted to now.
Maybe if we had gotten together a little later in life, instead of when we were
both just beyond puberty, we might have stood a chance.

�No problem.� I look up in time to see him slide in on over
his head, giving me my last look at the bruised chest that I will ever have. I
quick avert my eyes once more as his head pops out of the top. Without another
word, he walks over and grabs his coat that he had abandoned before picking up
his gunblade with his left hand. He is obviously feeling the pain from his
shoulder. Now that he has his possessions once again, he spares one more glance
in my direction, our eyes unable to meet.

�You�ve gotten stronger.� He tells me, and not waiting for a
response, he continues. �You won. Your rules were that if you won, the choice
to return to Garden would be yours to make. I hope you choose to come back,
Seifer. You really do belong there.� And with that, he begins his decent down
the cliff side, and quite possibly walking out of my life for good, never to
return to me.

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Dirty Little Secret