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Drifting	By : NiaraAfforegate Category: Final Fantasy Games > Final Fantasy XIII-2 Views: 1980 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 1-Drifting
- 2-Pt. 2
- 3-Pt. 3
- 4-Pt. 4
- 5-Pt. 5
- 6-Pt. 6
- 7-Pt. 7
- 2
- 3
- 4
====
Maybe it was because her own thoughts were so distracted, and in need of sorting, or perhaps it was just chance of that particular moment, but when the flow of time in the Historia Crux has swept them out again, they arrived in a place that resembled the timeless stillness of Valhalla itself. Noel was right, though; he had said it wasn't the same as the Valhalla where he had met Lightning, the same one in the recording Hope had shown them, and she believed him. This wasn't right, couldn't be... It felt... dead. She wasn't even sure if that was the right way to think of it, but something deep inside her knew, without any reason for knowing it, that beyond the edges of the small chunk of land they could see, was nothing; not empty space, but truly, the void of nothingness.
The small pocket didn't even have a proper gate that had left them there, but rather a distorted rift in space time, warped and wild, without any structure to focus or contain it. A part of her was worried enough of getting stuck that she wanted to dive right back into the rift and hopefully return to the Crux, and yet... the rift seemed stable for all its wildness, and wasn't this stolen moment exactly what she needed?
As she looked across the small space to where Noel was already finished with his exploration of what little there was, Serah remembered her earlier resolution to look at the positives. Perhaps they'd stumbled into a dead end, for now, but, wasn't some time out of time just what she needed right now? Time to think?

“I need a break...” Dropping down to rest on one of the fallen pillars made her point, and Noel nodded in response. For all that they didn't get hungry, or tired when travelling the Crux, the sleep there didn't refresh, either, and it felt as though moments to rest and sleep properly, no matter the time they were in, had been very few recently. Above all else, finding Lightning and saving the future was something that she'd need to do with a clear head and all her focus, and that meant sorting out her emotions now, at least, as best as she could. She must have looked worried or upset, lost in thought, because when Noel approached, he came bearing another story.

“We had a legend, back home... about a goddess.” She looked up at him, an unconscious tilt to her head. “We hunters passed the story down, from father to son. It gave us strength when times were tough.” As he drew close, she could see a sombre, serious set of his features, and she nodded.
“What is it?”
“Never give up, for the goddess Etro watches always, and helps those who help themselves.” There was a moment where Serah waited for more, before she realised that that little adage, delivered in complete, profound seriousness, was the whole of it. She wasn't quite sure how to respond, until her ears caught the quietest hint of a chuckle from Noel. So the deep and meaningful tone was an act, after all. It made her grin and giggle quietly in return, and Noel was smiling back by the time she looked up again.
“It's not really much of a legend, is it? It sounds more like common sense to me.” When she laughed this time, Noel laughed too, louder now. That was a sound worth treasuring in itself. As positive and practical as the boy was, she could count on one hand how many times she'd truly heard him laugh, and have fingers to spare. It wasn't a surprise, with the world he came from, but that just made the moments when he did all the more important.
“Yeah. But when the going gets rough, you don't need anything complicated. Just a reminder to stick things out.” For a moment, his hand brushed her shoulder, and she heard his breath catch. Suddenly, though, he was skipping away again, running a few paces and spinning to face her in a brief show of energy. Perhaps it was meant to be a part of his 'keep on going' pep talk, but she knew what had really caused the reaction. What had his little legend said? Etro helps those who help themselves?
“Noel, listen...” Oh goddess, what was she actually going to say, now that she'd started? Noel caught the serious tone in her voice at once, and his grin faded, but she made herself push on. “About... before... you know, when...” Her voice got quieter as her cheeks grew pink, and she could see Noel looking down at the ground instead of at her. As she fumbled for what to say, Noel rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.
“It's alright. These things happen, right? I mean, you were asleep and... It's not like we did anything, uh, together, really.” He stopped, biting his words back and Serah hung her head too, embarrassed.
“Yeah. You're right...” She sighed, slumping, but then another thought took hold. No; that wasn't what she wanted to say at all. She sat up straight again, squaring her shoulders.
“I don't regret it!” The words came out with more force and volume than she'd meant, and Noel started visibly. His features grew uncertain, and conflicted at the awkward moment.
“Uh, Serah...?”
“I don't!” She went on, firmly, unwilling to hear any take back or apology from him. Even so, articulating the thought was elusive. She tried anyway. “I... don't know what I feel, exactly. But I do know that I don't wish it hadn't happened.” she drew a breath, pausing before she tried again. “I don't... I don't feel like it was wrong.” If she had hoped the words would make things clearer, they didn't seem to. Noel turned a little, taking a few steps that fell just shy of actual pacing. The look on his face was one she recognised by now of many confused thoughts. When he turned back to her he still held his chin in one hand.
“What about Snow? You haven't really spoken about him a lot, but, you've called him your hero, and said he's your fiancé... so I'm guessing your lover, too.” Despite herself, Serah couldn't stop the stark blush that sprang up. She should have been offended that he'd presumed to say the last bit aloud, but perhaps it was less of an issue, in Noel's time. Either way, she wasn't actually upset by it, she realised, just embarrassed.
“Well... yeah, once.” There was no stopping the weary sigh that followed. “But then, I wasn't sure how to tell Lightning, and then I got made a l'Cie, and everyone thought that was a death sentence... and when Snow found out he proposed, and I said yes, of course, because I loved him and I thought I was going to die... and when we told Lightning together, it all went wrong, and after that... It was just, just one thing after another, right up until we all woke up at the base of the crystal pillar.” She felt herself tearing up again as she thought about it, but the words just kept coming, now that they'd started.
“And Lighting was there, and she gave us her blessing, and it was all going to be fine, but then... then she was gone, and everyone else thought... that she never made it out. Snow... Snow knew what Lightning's word meant to me, but he didn't remember. For him, she hadn't accepted us yet. And then he wouldn't... I would have, but he wouldn't... he said it wasn't right, not if Lightning was out there, and he could still find her for me, and get her blessing. He wouldn't do anything with me, after that. We even ended up sleeping in separate beds!” Her face was tracked with tears, but Serah grew aware of how tightly her fists were clenched in her lap. She could feel her fingernails digging into her palms.
“It wasn't long before he said he was going to go find her, and bring her home. And he's been gone so long.” The next words on her lips faltered, and caused a dull, leaden sensation to sink through her as she realised how true they were. “I've been apart from him, waiting at home, alone, now for longer than were were together in the first place...” Noel had come to sit beside her as she went on, listening and watching her as the words poured out, and she found herself unconsciously leaning against his shoulder, and resting her head down.
“I'm sorry, I didn't meant to go on like that. I don't know why I said all of that. I've never told any of that to anyone, for all these three year.” Silence returned for a moment, then she felt Noel shift slightly. One arm curled about her shoulder, uncertain and hesitant at first, but growing more sure and comforting as she leaned against him. His voice was quiet, almost in contrast to the emotional pitch she'd worked herself into.
“Then that's probably why you said it. Things like that; they sit on your heart, crushing it slowly if you don't ever let anyone else know what you're feeling. That's what my Gran would say, whenever someone died, and she'd see the younger ones of us, trying to be brave and act like we weren't hurting.” She sniffed, trying to compose herself, and raised one hand to scrub at her eyes.
“Lebreau knew some of it. We talked about a lot of things, but we always avoided that topic... but she knew what I was feeling. I think.”
“So then, what are you feeling now, Serah?”
“I... I don't know.” Her eyes drifted down to where she could still see the tiny crescent marks her nails had pushed into her own skin. “I feel... It wasn't fair. I was grieving for Lightning... I love her, more than anyone in the world I love her, and she should have been there with us, but she was gone. I loved Snow, too, and he should have been there for me when I needed him. That's what heroes do, isn't it? But instead... He left as well, and I was alone, and I missed him too. It wasn't fair!”
To everyone else, she'd always been smiles and hopeful patience about Snow. It made her realise that the words she was saying now were easily most critical things she'd ever said about her hero. Before now, he'd always been perfect; a little rough around the edges, but perfect all the same. But now, really thinking about it, talking about it aloud for the first time in years, it felt like pushing her fingers through the holes in a veil. She didn't like the feeling, but she couldn't patch the holes up, either, now that she was starting to see them. Instead, she turned her body more towards Noel, and hugged him, pressing her face to his chest as she cried. The hand rubbing slowly against her back was exactly the kind of warm comfort she'd needed so many times on her own, and she was glad of the way her held her until her tears eventually slowed. They slept again, briefly, before stepping back into the rift, and this time she didn't hesitate in curling up against him, still wrapped in the warmth of his arms.

Then, as if on cue, that was how they'd come to find Snow again, after all this time. She had barely had time to recognise the Sunleth Waterscape before her sight had been clouded by visions; strange words that weren't hers and sights of Snow fighting, and in trouble. She remembered Noel catching her as she collapsed, but little else until she's already run far ahead. Snow had been there, and he'd been fine, of course. Fine, like he always was.
In all the time they'd been apart, Snow hadn't changed one bit. He was still as reckless as ever, still doing his own thing. A part of her had felt stupid for having worried so much over him in the first place, and another part, she was surprised to realise, just felt so mad at him.
It had been a strange, disjointed reunion, that had done more to leave her feeling bereft and apart from the man than simply missing him from afar ever had. He'd been dazed at first, when they found him, and wondered if he was dreaming, but after that... at best he'd acted like she was an inanimate object, to be protected, and at worst, like she wasn't even there at all. Beyond that first glance, he'd never even looked her way. She had been waiting to hear how much he'd missed her, that he loved her... but the words never came.
Instead, the first thing he'd said to her directly, was that she had to get away, and after that, it was all about fighting. Even once they'd gotten clear, he'd been more interested in playing alpha male at Noel, than so much as looking at her. Even when she'd introduced the two of them to one another... He hadn't even glanced to her when he told Noel that their marriage was 'on hold'. It wasn't even that his words had hurt; they hadn't, really, but after years apart maybe she'd hoped for some sign that he missed her, maybe even regretted the way things were; not that casual, comfortable repetition of where they stood? She had felt... silly, at first, then lost.

The two had bickered more; Noel had met her eyes, going back and forth between her and Snow as he argued against reckless heroics, when survival and working together were more important. Snow still wouldn't look at her, though, talking about her to Noel, as a thing to be protected, while she stood right there, having fought alongside them only minutes before. She was stronger now; she was part of the team, wasn't she? Not to Snow. She had wanted to defend Snow to Noel's criticism, and explain away all his bravado about saving everyone, one hundred percent, and how it was his mission... a part of her had, at least. But she had said nothing; she'd always admired Snow's unstoppable confidence and optimism, and she still did, of course, but... Noel's perspective, backed up by the harsh reality she knew he came from, was making her doubt and question it more.
As much as he always remained positive and confident, and as much as Snow always spoke about saving everyone, and protecting everyone, all the time, she knew that he couldn't always, and that every time he didn't manage to, it tore him up inside. Looking back on those times now, it had made her wonder if Noel was right; no one hero could ever protect and be responsible for everyone else, no matter how strong; it was selfish, and needlessly dangerous to try. If everything was done Snow's way, now, then she would never have learned to look after herself, never gained the strength to protect herself, and help others. No-one would have, because the hero would protect hem all... only, he couldn't, not everyone, not always.
There had been something off about the way he explained why he was there, in the future, too. The danger was real, of course, she didn't doubt it, and maybe Lightning really had told him to 'save cocoon' in his dreams... but... she had known that he was hiding something, keeping something back, that he felt guilty about, and wasn't going to tell her. If it had been Noel, she could have just asked, and he would have told her straight up, but... that wasn't how it worked, with Snow.

He had finally looked her in the eyes, right as they had to leave Sunleth, but even then, even after Noel had already stepped into the gate to give them a moment alone... He just told her to take care. That was all. He wouldn't even have touched her, if she hadn't grabbed his arm. At the least, she had wanted to feel his arms around her, even if only for a moment, but he hadn't. Just 'Take care' and 'Don't do anything I would.', like he might say to any other good friend. She had found herself answering back in kind, like she would to a friend, rather than her fiancé.
She had been silent as they travelled the crux, after that. Her thoughts were messy and confused, and Noel had sensed it. He kept quiet as they drifted onwards, but even so, he'd put out a hand for her, and she'd taken it. Even that simple, small gesture was more affection than Snow had shown her during their three year reunion.
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- 2
- 3
- 4
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Drifting