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Walking Out on Destiny	By : HarliqueenNight Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2575 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all things associated are owned by Square Enix and Testuya Nomura respectively. I own nothing save for the characters and places created for the sake of this fan fiction and recieve no profit in the creation of this fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 37
- 38
A/N: So I've moved into my own place. Gotten a job. Working on finishing a manuscript to be published. And I now have a website/blog. It's thecerebralhedonist dot wordpress dot com. If you guys wanna be added to the mailing list and get updates about my life and writing. I plan to do a lot with that site and hope to have people to support me in doing it. All you have to do is join the mailing list and you'll get updates about the fic as well. I'm working hard on it. It's just slow cause moving to live alone and starting a job has been really uprooting and turbulent but I'm finally settled in. At any rate, I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for sticking with Walking Out on Destiny and giving me a lovely crowd to come back to. THANK YOU for being there unwaveringly all these years. Now without further ado.

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Cloud was in a sort of hypnotic state with the buzz of the tattoo gun. The tip scrapped his skin and he felt a blissful pain with each inch of flesh that was marked. It was ritualistic, taboo, and seductive. Once or twice he found himself thinking about sex, Zack, sex, Sephiroth, sex, even Tifa's too curvaceous body once or twice, and then sex again. Why the steady stream of pain did that to him he wasn't sure but after a while he slipped into the zone where the endorphins took over and left him relaxed and drunk under Reno's care.

He'd shown up early that Sunday and Reno had been waiting for him. They'd talked only for a moment about safety and sanitation – a talk Reno had with everyone on their first time. Then his shirt was of, the lights were dimmed save for the bright lamp that was directed on his unmarred back. Reno had carefully run a gloved hand over the skin, soothing Cloud's nerves before he began. He heard the machine come on and Reno went to work.

Reno had refilled the ink several times. Had taken smoke breaks. Had given Cloud breaks to stretch. Each time they returned, Cloud slipped under and he lay their comfortably. After hours upon hours, the sun coming to near set, they were almost done. Reno was filling in the last bit of detail on the eyes of his wolf, adding beautiful blue tincture to the iris making it come alive on Cloud's back. He smiled, green eyes aglow with a deep satisfaction with the piece. He stood back admiring it before he pat Cloud's side.

"Alright, blondie, we're done."

Cloud blinked a few times and stood up, wincing at the slight tightness in his back. It tingled. He went to the mirror and turned over his shoulder to view the exquisite monster on his back in awe. The wolf's eyes were the same almost unnatural crystalline blue as his.

"Happy Birthday, kid. Whatdaya think?"

"It's perfect…" Cloud whispered.

We're going to be okay….

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Walking Out on Destiny: Season Three

Episode Eight: Heart of Stone

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Three Months Later…

Rufus slipped Tseng's feet from under him and pinned him with knife to his throat with such grace Tseng almost didn't see it coming. His moves had often been telegraphed long before he implemented them, but lately Rufus was getting better – stealthy. He gave no hints, his body language a blank page. Tseng was intrigued by the change and was impressed with the boy. He'd felled him.

"Good," Tseng said, swallowing against the blade. "Very good."

Rufus smirked and stood up, offering his hand to Tseng who took it and stood. Rufus was going fast – one could argue abnormally so, but it was to be expected with the Mako regimen Hojo had designed for the boy. His eyes were sharp, his breaths were deep, and his stamina was becoming formidable. He'd even grown an inch or two.

Between Rufus and Cloud – or so he heard from Reno – their little subtle coup may work. Cloud of course wasn't privy to his roll, but he was an upcoming future SOLDIER they could trust. Sephiroth was on their side no matter what the reasons and members of the board had already sworn their loyalty. Reeve practically threw himself into the plan. But Rufus was the key. Because when you unseat a king, you must replace him with another lest the kingdom fall into chaos.

Rufus would be a king. Tseng would see to it, swore it on Elloria's corpse.

"Are we done for the day?" Rufus asked, toying with the knife. His face was that of one who was intensely in thought and Tseng wondered if he had plans.

"If you wish for it to be, sir."

"I do. I have…something I want to do."

Tseng nodded and did not question the boy. He was making moves of his own – smart ones Tseng hoped. He watched the boy pull on his shirt and jacket and grab his bag. He looked back at Tseng.

"Forgive me." He said before leaving.

Tseng always would.

Rufus made his way home to the ShinRa mansion and stepped inside. Dark Nation met him at the door, her soft mewls and purrs relaxing him. She was already bigger than his father's prized show dogs and boasted almost 80lbs of pure muscle. She could knock him down with a simple tackle but she was gentle with him, already comfortable with her strength and accustomed to his weakness. Reginald never touched her, didn't dare go near her. After digging, Rufus found out that Reginald had someone else to kill his mother's Quenn Couerl because he was too frightened of it. It was much the same situation with Dark Nation. He no longer feared for her safety now that she'd grown and soon he would be taking her everywhere once he finished his permit.

"Brother?" he called, motioning for the Guard hound to follow him.

"Up here," Lazard called, approaching the top of the stairs. He came down with his hands in the pockets of his slacks. He smelled faintly of gasoline. "I don't really think anything about this is a good idea."

"I think putting distance between us and our father is more than a good idea. Have you packed everything that matters to you?"

"Yes. Anything important I've already moved…but what about Mother's things?"

"I've already taken what truly mattered to her, including her guns. They're hidden away. Anythign else is replaceable."

"But…Mother's study…" Lazard said woefully.

Rufus turned and stared at him. "Objects. Nothing but objects. They will not make us weaker or stronger."

Lazard nodded, conceding the point. Rufus nodded and moved towards his father's study where he kept the good scotch and his favorite dog – a pure bred Rottweiler. He stared at the dog as it growled and snarled at him. Rufus didn't even flinch. He grabbed the scotch and emptied the bottles contents all over the desk staining paperwork and the like. He picked up the picture of his mother and father together when they were young. He removed it from its frame and sat it ritualistically ontop of the day planner now soaked in the alcohol. He then took a canister of gasoline and coated the room as best he could making sure the carpet and walls were as soaked as the contents would allow.

Rufus walked out of the study, leaving the dog inside and locked it. Lazard looked at him, a slight shudder in his spine. He said nothing in protest. Instead, he mused about this particular situation.

"I don't remember when I stopped being your older brother."

Rufus walked past him and opened the door for Dark Nation to go outside. He handed Lazard a match.

"Liar…you can never forget the day," he said emotionlessly as he pulled his own match. "Now…here's to every bad memory he gave us…and to the ones we'll give him."

Lazard chuckled. "I…was never here."

"Of course you weren't."

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The board room was quiet. Veld kept his eyes adverted to the wood table while the other members sat relaxed. Well, except Hojo. Hojo found himself snickering. It was an obnoxious sound, one that was wholly inappropriate but he couldn't help himself. The look on Reginald's face, the steam coming from his ears. The man looked like a fire engine with how red he was.

"As we all know, my home was burned down last night," Reginald said stiffly.

Hojo snorted and did nothing to hide it. What the hell would President ShinRa do to him anyway?

Lucrecia's shoulders shook, though she kept her giggles to a minimum.

Scarlet kept licking her lips to keep the smile off her face.

"My prized pup was killed as well as much of my personal belongings destroyed."

Hojo cackled. "The dog to, eh?"

Reginald growled. "AN investigation is underway. It was arson…a heavy prank done by someone I suspect doesn't value his position in this company."

"Oh I can't imagine who would want to burn your house down, Mr. President," Lucrecia said, her voice getting higher as she tried to hold in her laughter. Honestly she'd never been so childish but Hojo's unending laughter made it difficult.

Reginald ignored her. "You wouldn't know anything about this, would you Hojo?"

"Not even my genius has the time to do something as brilliant as burn your house to the ground."

"Either way, the insurance is unwilling to pay for it because it was arson and it cannot be proven that I had nothing to do with it."

Hojo's laughter overcame him. "I commend whomever had the balls, President ShinRa. How much is this going to put you in the poor house? A couple mill?"

"It was a billion-dollar manor," Reginald snarled. "the ShinRa legacy was made in that house! I'd appreciate it if you showed some respect?"

Hojo abruptly stopped laughing. "Why? It's not my house."

"Sir," Reeve cut in before this turned ugly. "What is being done?"

"For now, I am staying in a hotel. Lazard is living in the building and Rufus has…drawn up emancipation papers and my wife's greedy lawyers have decided to see it through. He is currently living somewhere unknown to me. I'm certain your Turks know, Veld."

"If they do sir, I will find out."

"Good. In the meantime, the rebuilding of the manor will be a company expense."

Reeve shook his head. "That's not possible sir. The reallocation of funds in that manner is highly illegal – "

"And who exactly is going to investigate me, Reeve?" he said patronizingly.

"I am only suggesting that considering how public this has become, its best you don't do anything that might cause further ire. You're under investigation for the burning of your own manor…I suggest you use one of the inner city villas until this matter is…dealt with."

Reginald couldn't deny the logic of Reeve's words and that angered him more than Hojo's obnoxious laughter – only by a little. "Perhaps someone here has something good to say? Lucrecia, how are the SOLDIER studies coming along."

Lucrecia cleared the laughter from her throat, though she threatened to giggle at Hojo's amused smirk. "Well, ahem, sir. We've had much progress made, we may have found a better way to control the Jenova cell. I've written a detail report on my findings that you can peruse at your leisure. Suffice to say, great leaps of progress are being made."

Reginald nodded. He was quite pleased with the information. Stronger SOLDIERs who were easier to keep under thumb would be a value asset when he cut those cancerous Turks out of ShinRa. He nodded and looks at Scarlet. "And the plans for the Junon Canon?"

"Have I reported any problems?" Scarlet said snappishly.

"I suppose not," he said with narrowed eyes.

"If we don't talk, then things are fine."

Reginald hadn't expected much more than Scarlet doing her job these days. He wasn't not immediately put out about her attitude. She'd been in a tiff since he'd had her sister's brains blown out. Meh, women.

"Anyone else have anything of note to report?"

"There's a new Turk in the ranks," Veld said, his expression gravely serious. "The gunrunner Rude has signed his life and service to Turk."

"Good, we could use another spy –"

"My thoughts exactly…but Rude's contract is in Rufus's hand. He'd have it no other way. Rufus has controlling power over the Turks no matter who at face value is in charge. The only ones who do not owe their allegiance to him or the newer Turks. Those Turks are not given the Mako regimen either so they will remain under control, but there's nothing I can do about Rude."

Reginald took a deep breath, eyes closed. "It matter not. Rufus is under my control and will not be otherwise. Nothingn will come of it as long as I am in charge." He looked at his board members. "Anyone here harboring any ideals about changing that, will soon find themselves unemployed and derelict, I make myself clear."

"Oh very much so, sir," Hojo said as he stood. "I rather enjoy my well-earned gil. But do understand you're not my only source of income, you're just a fraction."

"Where do you think you're going, Professor Hojo?" Reginald spat. "The meeting is not over yet."

"Yes, but large minds like mine can't be content in this atmosphere. Enjoy your circus, sir. Some of us have things to do. Will you be coming, Dr. Lucrecia?"

Lucrecia pushed back from the table and stood. "Projects will not run themselves now will they. Good afternoon, sir."

Reginald watched them both leave, blood boiling. Honestly, if he didn't have a real fear that they those two would do something "unnatural" to him if he went against them, he'd have replaced them long ago.

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"Did you hear?" Dom said as he scrolled through his phone.

"Hear what?" Kyle asked as he did pushups.

Cloud sat texting on his bed, his head leaning back on Rosso's breasts, but he kept his ear open to the conversation.

"Dude, ShinRa Mansion burned down today. Somebody burnt it and killed Big Daddy ShinRa's dog man. Like legit locked it in the house and set on fire."

Kyle paused and sat up on his knees. "Dayum…that's fuckin cold blooded. Killin' a man's dog."

"Bet it was a woman," Dom commented. "Women always wann hit ya hard where it hurts the most!"

"I take offense to that," Rosso said carding her hands through Cloud's hair.

Dom chuckled. "Oh come on, I ain't sayin he don't deserve it. I think this serves him right. I hear he's a real fuckin psycho."

"Hope his kids are okay," Cloud remarked as his finger hovered over the send button.

"Nobody was home," Dom said, putting Cloud's fears at ease. "I tell you one thing, he's probably pissed as a hornet's nest that's been hit with a hose."

"Good," Cloud said. "Maybe he'll be too busy to torture the people who work for him."

"Doesn't mean we won't still be tortured," Rosso said placing her chin on Cloud's head.

"Yeah, his crib burnin' down don't do shit for us," Kyle said with a sigh.

Cloud shrugged and held his phone up to Rosso. "What do you think?"

Rosso read the text message twice and nodded. "I think it gets the message across. It's a bit blunt, you sure you don't want to dial it back?"

Cloud shook his head and sat up, pressing send. "No."

"Oh you're finally doin it, Princess?" Kyle asked.

"Huh, doin' what?" Dom asked in confusion.

"Yeah," Cloud murmured softly.

Kyle rolled his eyes at Dom for not being up to speed on their squad mate. "He's going to see Zack, man."

"Awe man, really? You're gonna go through with it?" Dom asked with concern. "I mean, he's high ranking. He could make things hard for ya if he wanted to."

"Yeah, I know. But he won't," Cloud said. "I'm kinda tired…I've been too distracted and if I'm distracted I can't do well. I want to be in SOLDIER. It's what I came here for and I can't let Zack get in the way of that. So…this is gonna happen."

They all agreed, offering words of encouragement that helped Cloud's confidence. He put on a brave front, but they knew how hard it was for Cloud to step up. He could react, he could talk back, he could go tit for tat. But taking initiative was not something Cloud had strength in…so he was relying on the strength of his friends, because without talking to them – really talking to them, he would've never built up the nerve.

"Just so ya know, Spikey. No matter what happens, we're here and if he come at ya we'll all go at him." Dom said confidently.

"He'd wipe the floor with us, but we'd make sure he hurt a hell of a lot before we went down!" Kyle spat. "Nobody deserves to get cheated on like they don't matter. Nobody."

Rosso scooted forward and wrapped her arms around Cloud. "Remember. Don't cry until its over."

"Don't cry until it's over." Cloud repeated, already feeling his eyes burn.

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Cloud stood at the edge of sector six with his eyes roving over the dim lights. There were more now since construction had proceeded and Sector 7 was beginning to look more and more like it belonged in Midgar. It still held its whimsical quality, the soft lamps appearing like will-o-wisps in the darkness. It was beautiful…

"Cloud?"

He'd heard his footsteps before his voice, but only chose to acknowledge him when he heard his voice. It was broken, unsteady. For once Zack Fair stood before him unsure of himself.

Cloud merely turned half way and looked at him, not even choosing to face him. He waited. Waited for explanations, but there were none. He waited for justification, but there were none. He waited for apologies and regrets, but there were…none…

"How long?" Zack asked softly, his blue eyes filled with a dark type of acceptance…no fight…no defiance. It hurt really.

"Three months now…" Cloud said softly, a chuckle at the irony of it. "I saw you in the locker room. No, I guess that's not right. I guess I've always known. I knew when you gave Angeal priority over me. I knew when you stopped coming home at night. I knew…when you went on mission on my birthday."

Zack's eyes lowered to the ground. He said nothing in his defense. What was there? He'd honestly fucked up. He acknowledged he'd fucked up. His real regret was that he didn't say anything to Cloud. He didn't tell Cloud the truth.

"I believe you when you say you love me," Cloud said, filling the space that Zack could not. "I believe you when you say you care. You do love me and it hurts you to hurt me. I know. I can see it even now when I'm the one doing the hurting. But...Zack you don't respect me."

"Cloud that's not true—"

"It is…" Cloud's eyes narrowed as he fought the buildup. He would not cry. Not yet. "You didn't respect me as your lover…and you don't respect me now. If you did, if you had back then, you would've told me. You would've broken up with me. But you don't Zack."

Zack was silent. His nose was burning and his eyes stung. I do respect you, Cloud. I'm just a coward.

"You're just a kid, Zack. We're just kids. We're not old enough to play the games adults play because we don't know how to keep secrets, we don't know how to not be honest with each other. We don't know how to lie – at least not well enough to be believed. That's why I knew, always knew and you knew I knew. You may not have wanted to notice, to admit it, but you knew I wasn't stupid, that I would figure it out."

Zack shook his head. "I didn't wanna hurt you."

Cloud's eyes met Zack's. "I know you didn't. We're kids, Zack. We don't know how to be in love…we don't know how to do it without hurting each other. You need to grow up and so do I. I would just love to clear the air. To just put it on the table and give you an ultimatum. To tell you that its either me or Angeal because you can't have us both!" Cloud said angrily. "I want to be a child about this! Stomp my feet and yell and throw a tantrum and call you out on your bullshit! But I'm not going to."

Zack bit into his lip. "Then what do you want to do, Cloud?"

Cloud furrowed his brows, thinking about it. What did he want? He tilted his head. "I want you to kiss me. I want you to kiss me and mean it."

Zack stood still, frozen in the moment before he took steps towards Cloud. Steps that took him further and further away from Cloud the closer he got. He stopped in front of him, looking down at him. He touched his cheek as if he'd never realized how soft it was. He slid his arm around Cloud's waist, how lovely it felt to have Cloud pressed against him. His body was no longer soft, the muscle was hardening him. No longer baby soft.

He stared deeply into Cloud's eyes, taking in that blue…that beautiful blue that didn't exist in nature…that shamed the Grassland sky. I don't wanna lose you.

"You won't," Cloud said with sincerity.

Zack hadn't realized he'd said that out loud. He gently tipped Cloud's chin up. "I love you."

"I know you do. I love you too," Cloud whispered and sealed their lips together. He kissed him like he meant it and he felt the passion in which Zack pressed into him. A soft moan turned whimper passed between them though neither of them knew who'd made the sound. Neither of them cared. This was how Cloud wanted to be kissed. Like he mattered, like he was significant to the world. But it wasn't how he needed to be kissed. This was not the flavor of passion that would keep him up at night. This was not the color of love that had him pressing his face to Zack clothes. That warm lover's thirst that kept him parched and on the edge of reason. That was what he needed….and Zack…. he didn't….

Cloud pulled away slow, easing from the kiss and pressing a small peck to Zack's kiss as a closing…as an afterthought….as an ending.

He pressed himself into Zack's arms and hugged him tight. Zack squeezed him hard, reluctance laced in the tension of his hold. Cloud smiled. They really were just kids. Trying to have everything…instead of just what they needed.

Cloud felt Zack hiccup. He pressed his lips against Zack's ear. "We're friends…right?"

Cloud pulled away without an answer. He'd slipped Zack's key into his pocket and walked away from the older boy.

Zack turned as his reddened eyes dropped tears. "Why can't we…"

"Because, Zack," Cloud said without turning around, without stopping. "There's something I'm after. Something I came here to do. Try to remember what you're here for too and I'll meet you there!"

Zack laughed through there was a soft melancholy in its edge. "We're friends!"

"I know!"

Cloud walked away, left Zack behind, left his injuries in the dust. He was hurt. He could admit it, he could touch it, hold the hurt in his hand. In his hand, he took that hurt and wrapped in determination, in ambition, and melted it to stone. Everything would be alright.

He didn't cry.

Cloud let his feet carry him. He didn't know where he was going…no that was a lie, he knew where he was going. He just really hoped that he wasn't stupid for going. As he walked, he called his mom. It was probably morning over there, other side of the world and all.

"Mm, Cloud?" he mother's sleepy voice came in a bit muffled.

He started to cry.

"Oh sweety, what's wrong?" she asked in alarm. "What happened?! Did someone hurt you?!"

Cloud shook his head and laughed through the tears. "I…I made decision mom."

"W-what? What's going on, baby?"

"I quit Zack, mom."

Alina sat up so that she could comfortably hold the phone. "Oh…what…happened?"

"I don't wanna tell you that, mom."

"Well why not?"

"Because I don't want you to hate him. You don't need to be mad at him. He made a mistake and…well he's paying for it."

Alina was silent for a long while as Cloud cried into the receiver. She closed her eyes wishing death on Zackary Fair, despite Cloud's assurances that he'd been dealt with. He hated the sound of Cloud crying – always had even when he born. His distress hurt someone deep and primal that made her violently enraged. But what could she do. She was weak and halfway around the world. Her baby was hurting and she couldn't even touch him.

"I'm okay, mom," Cloud said after a bit. He sniffled. "I'm fine actually. I feel…I feel light. I love him so much. But I get it. I get that he's not it and I rather that he hurt me before I hurt him."

Alina nodded, a soft smile on her lips. "My brave little boy," she said. "You're always looking out for everyone else. You have somewhere to go?"

"Yeah, I…I have place I want to be right now."

"Is it another lover?"

Cloud didn't know how to answer. No…yes… "I don't know. I don't think so. Not now anyway. I just…I don't want anyone for that right now…but maybe someday yeah?"

Alina chuckled. "You're all over the place over there aren't you." She wiped a tear from her eye. "Be careful, Cloud. Be careful with yourself."

"I'm trying to be. It's why I called you. I need to be careful with myself."

"Remember, Cloud, you are worthy of love. You are worthy of being first in someone's life. You are worthy of being in SOLDIER, you are worthy of success. This is only phase…a season in your life. You'll move on the greater heights and when you look back, you'll understand what it was all for."

Cloud sniffled and rubbed away the tears. "Right. I came here for a reason."

"You came there for a reason and you know what…it's okay to be weak sometimes. It's okay to lean on someone else when you need them until you find what makes you strong. When you find it, never let go of it because it will help you and protect you."

Cloud nodded. "Yeah. I just…I need to be weak for a little while. I was so strong tonight that…I'm tapped out, Mom."

"I know, sweetheart. Go where it's safe. Go where it feels good. Don't get hurt and be careful with yourself," she reiterated.

"Be careful with myself," he repeated. "Thank you, mom. I love you."

"I love you, Cloud. Always."

Cloud sniffled and looked up at Sephiroth's building. "I'm there mom. I'm safe."

"Good. Call me tomorrow if you can."

"I will…sorry to wake you up."

"Oh come one, Cloud. If you can't call your mom, who can you call?"

Cloud chuckled. "Alright. Goodnight, mom."

"Good morning, Cloud."

He hung up and went inside the foyer. He went to the bathroom and cleaned his face before going to the elevator and pressing Sephiroth's floor. He leaned against the elevator wall trying to think up a reason to be there. What was he going to say? "Seph, I broke up with my boyfriend, can I sleep here?"

Actually that didn't sound bad. It was the truth. Okay maybe this wasn't as bad as it looked. He just felt so helpless and so completely cut off from the things that used to make him comfortable that…well it was damn hard to admit he needed something stable.

He tapped his fist against the door only once before it was opening. He ended up staring wide eyes at Sephiroth, held by their gaze. Sephiroth had been expecting him…how had he known he was coming? Had Zack called him.

Cloud turned to leave.

"Wait."

Cloud froze and looked up at Sephiroth. He worked his mouth to say something but Sephiroth shook his head. He didn't need to say anything.

"Come in."

Cloud came inside.

They went to his room and Sephiroth pressed the controller for the blinds, lifting them so that he could see the cityscape. Cloud went to the window and pressed his hand to it, taking in the beauty of the city. No matter what happened to him, no matter the bad that came his way, this view of Midgar would always be beautiful to him. He chuckled to himself.

"I came here to join SOLDIER," he said. "I came here to become a SOLDIER. I came here because of you."

Sephiroth came up beside him, though he remained quiet and let Cloud talk. Cloud needed this.

"You gave me purpose…and I held on to that purpose. Kept it until suddenly I forgot it. I was suddenly going through the motions. I'd made a simple life that could withstand whether I passed or failed. Funny how fast that happens in a big city. Funny how it works." Cloud glanced up at Sephiroth with a gentle smile that made the man's heart stop. "But I remember why I'm here now. I'm not here to fall in love. I'm not here to build a life or relationship. I'm here because I have a destiny to beat. I have a goal…destiny be damned."

Cloud inched closer to Sephiroth and turned to face him completely. "This city is full of complexity that…I didn't appreciate until now. People are complex in ways I never thought they could be. Zack is a wonderful lover and I think he'll be fine and that we'll be friends. But, he's not what I need. I think I know what I need, but I can't say it because I'm not ready to be wrong."

He looked up at Sephiroth with saddened dejected eyes. "I'm not ready to be hurt. But…just maybe I carve this path, I make this work. Say I get there…if I promise to meet you at the end…will it be enough?"

"It's enough Cloud. Even if we take the long way round…it's enough," Sephiroth said.

This was what Cloud liked, what he needed. Someone who understood what he was saying, someone who heard him. Someone who saw him.

"Then…I'll meet you at the end?" Cloud said, his voice but a whisper and his eyes welling with tears. "Will you be there?"

Sephiroth tilted Cloud's chin up and pressed his lips to the boy's lips, caressing the plush mouth with his own. A shuddering breath passed against his lips before he was allowed to delve into the sweetness of Cloud's mouth. Even though the boy had come to him in tears and rejection. Zack had chosen Angeal as was expected of him by all…even Cloud. Cloud had practically chosen for him. The blow to Cloud's heart was still just as hard as it would've been had he not expected it. Through all of this, Cloud was in his arms now, promising him a chance even if that chance was not now. There was no way Sephiroth would allow the heartbreak mar what perfection he strived to achieve in Cloud.

Those blue eyes, still glowing from Mako infusion, gazed up at him in wide eyed innocence as they broke a part for a moment.

Gods help him not to betray the trust in those eyes.

He pulled Cloud off his feet, lifting his slighter frame up to eye-level and kissed him deeply. Cloud hesitantly wrapped his arms around the bigger man, his legs encircling the General's waist. Sephiroth supported Cloud with his big hands gripping Cloud's behind. They fit perfectly like this, pressed together as if the fair haired boy was made for him. No matter the age difference, no matter the wrongness of it, Sephiroth couldn't bring himself to stop kissing the blonde, his soulmate, his destined partner…his equal….

"Cloud…"

"Zachary Fair…love Angeal Hewley," Cloud said against Sephiroth's mouth. "I can say it now. It hurts but I can say it."

"Say it again."

"Zack loves Angeal. He doesn't love me." He said affirming it and the tears stopped.

"Don't cry, Cloud."

Cloud nodded. "Never again."

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Tseng sat in what Vincent continued to refer to as his house. He still refused to acknowledge that he was the owner of his former house and Tseng gave up arguing semantics. They sat comfortably for the first time since Vincent's return, sharing a Wutain meal as they listened to soft music and drank wine.

"So…the brat who blew up the Turk floor is your lover now."

"My lover…yes. That is what he is," Tseng said with a slight smile.

Vincent found himself captivated by that smile and nodded to himself. "Good. Good, Tseng."

"I guess I shouldn't expect jealousy from you," Tseng said, the smile fading quickly.

"I'm actually quite happy with it. I just wish you would let go so that he can have all of you," Vincent said bluntly. "I wish I didn't have this hold of you."

"That's…actually what I wanted to discuss," Tseng said placing his wine glass aside. "I…I don't know the side effects of us being tied to chaos. It seems to have left us irrevocably tethered and our anger towards each other…our violence…it feeds off it. But I feel it more strongly in our passion."

Vincent looked Tseng in the eye, a flash of goal in his irises. "I don't know how to stop it."

"I'm afraid there is no way. There will always be Chaos and Chaos will always have his chosen. If I am to be such, then it is something I accept. Violence…chaos itself has been who I am since the day I was born. These are things that have always been true of me…but…"

"You need me to accept it. You think that if perhaps we face this head on, it won't control us and we will be stronger because of it."

Tseng shook his head. "I do not think this. I know it. The harder we fight each other, the more violently we clash, the less control we have. But, if we accept what we are – what we're to become, then we will have control. So…when the chaos calls we should answer. We should feed it and then return to our lives."

"Do you hear yourself?"

"Why is it so hard to accept that you're a killer?"

"It's not! I was doing this before you were even born, Tseng. Don't lecture me on what monsters we are!"

"Ah…you said it."

"What?"

"You said we…what monsters we are?" he said, his lips forming a warm enigmatic smile. "I think your problem is not that you don't accept the monster that you have become…but that you don't accept the monster I've always been and Chaos is forcing you to see it. You want to see me as your surrogate son, the little boy you saved. But Vincent he never existed. There has always been me…you saved me and its time you saw me."

Tseng reached for his glass and took a sip of wine and Vincent rubbed his temple.

"You're precious to me, Tseng. I want you to be happy."

"I'm not unhappy. I have my work; I protect my Turks. I filled the void you left behind, happily. I have Reno now. Someone I want to be close…someone who wants to be close to me. Someone who is willing to accept what is happening between you and I – "

"Nothing is happening between us," Vincent said firmly. He wanted Tseng to stop. He wanted Tseng to stop this, wanted him to move on and be with Reno and only Reno.

Tseng sat serenely watching him. "See? You won't accept it. I love you Vincent. I will not be denied that. It is the one thing you can't take away from me; the one thing no one can take away from me. Because of it, I've decided that – needs must – I would gladly give into the violence and do whatever necessary to keep you safe and alive. My love for you will never fade and I will always want you. That is something I cannot and will not change, but it is also something that has nothing to do with you. You don't have control here, Vincent."

"And what about Reno?!"

"He'll be here shortly."

"What?"

Tseng stood up and took their plates. "I said he'll be here shortly. See, I told you, I've made a decision. I will not give up Reno for you or for Chaos…but I will not give you up to Chaos either. Reno understands, I've explained it, told him everything I could and I swore I would be open and honest. Reno belongs to me and I do not have to share him. That is mine. You, however, are not. There is someone who wants you badly Vincent…someone who is burning for you hotter than I ever could in ways far deeper than I could fathom. I just wish you could escape this darkness and see it."

"Tseng, none of this makes sense. What are you saying."

"I'm saying I love you. I'm in love with you, Vincent Valentine. But I will not let you destroy what I have fought for because of your sensibilities…and I will not idly watch you destroy yourself after all I sacrificed to have you back." Tseng gazed directly at him, his face stoic. "Vincent, you have another chance at life. After this is over, find a way to live it."

Vincent shook his head and lowered his eyes to the table. "The people I wanted to live a life with are either dead or missing or traitors."

"You are quite short-sighted, Vincent Valentine," Tseng said with a sigh as he brought the plates to the kitchen. "Or perhaps that should be narrow-vision? You can't seem to see what's right next to you, what's close. I offer no more advice to a man older than me."

Vincent rolled his eyes and stood. "I should leave. Your lover is coming as you said."

"Yes," Tseng agreed, but came from the kitchen and approached Vincent. He lifted himself a bit on his feet and pressed his mouth to Vincent's in a gentle kiss, warm and filled with that emotions Vincent still had a hard time accepting from him. "When you remember who cared the most, you'll be happy Vincent. Until then, needs must."

Vincent closed his eyes and breathed in, taking in Tseng's scent. He couldn't deny how good it felt to be wanted, how warm Tseng's affections were and how longed to simply accept them. But he was a relic of Tseng's past and had no right to his present or his future.

"Needs must…"

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Vincent kept his head bowed as he walked back to Hojo's house. Living there had been…awkward to say the least. He'd helped Hojo as his assistant and in exchange he had free reign of Shinra files, free reign to plan President ShinRa's demise and get close to Veld to murder him. Most of all, he wanted those collars off Tseng and Reno. He knew he could take them off, just a print and a number. But Tseng insisted they stayed. He insisted because they had appearances to keep. It did nothing against his anger every time he saw it, but he stayed in his place, stayed at Hojo's side.

When he entered Hojo's house, there was a sweet night time blues floating in the air. He closed his eyes for a moment and listened, taking in the melody of a generation that no longer existed. His sherry colored eyes rove over to the couch where Hojo lay on his couch. The man's trench coat hung on the arm of the couch and his shirt was unbuttoned at the top for comfort. His head was tilted just so in sleep, glasses slightly askew on his face. When Vincent saw him like this, hair loose from his face, he could see Sephiroth. He could bear their resemblance. He closed the door and locked it securely, checking it twice and went to the doctor. The evil part of him wanted to knock the ornery bastard off the couch, but there was another part of him…somewhere deep that wanted to cover him up and place a pillow behind his head.

Choosing neither, Vincent lifted the scientist from the couch. Hojo didn't stir. He carried the man effortlessly to his bedroom and lay him in bed, pulling the covers up over his shoulders. There, his good deed. He moved to return to the living room but he was jerked lightly by a hand on his wrist.

"No good night kiss, Turk?" Hojo said, no smile on his face.

Vincent jerked his arm from him. "Why didn't you wake when I picked you up?"

"I did. But I figured why interfere with a free ride?"

"Oh we can't have that," Vincent remarked scathingly.

"Oh no, we can't. I glean your kindness when I can, because it's just as sweet as your ire, Turk."

They fell silent. Vincent wanted to move but something was holding him there and it caused him to glare at Hojo as though it were all his fault. Hojo sat up and pulled a cigarette from his night stand, pressing it between his lips. He glanced up at Vincent.

"Oh for gaia's sake, you can't possibly hate me as much as that," Hojo remarked, lighting it.

"You'd be surprised."

"And yet you haven't killed me."

"And you haven't killed me…even though I've cost you more than anything you've ever cost me," Vincent sneered. "Are you enjoying this? Enjoying me picking up the pieces I left behind?"

"As exquisite as it is, Valentine, your suffering does nothing for me. I can't even get it up when I think about you crying over the loss of my ex-wife's cunt."

Vincent glared at Hojo for his crass speech.

Hojo blew smoke in his direction. "See, that's what gets me going. That anger, that violence. The fact that you feel so justified in your hatred for me and your cuckolding of me. Like I deserved my wife cheating on me because what? Because I was a scientist? Because I was just too honest to pretend to be a nice person like you? Because I placed what I wanted above the feeling of others – oh wait, you did the exact same thing when you let her spread her legs for you."

Vincent was breathing through his nose but he had nothing to say.

"Let it go, Turk. I can no more change who I am than you can change who you are and your meddling in my life."

"You've always been honest in your hate for me…haven't you?" Vincent suddenly said.

Hojo paused, his eyes meeting Vincent's in a test of wills. A test of the past. "That I have…"

"Then why do I feel like you're lying right to my face? What are you hiding behind all of that spite, Ka-na-ye?"

Hojo almost flinched at the way Vincent enunciated his name.

"You don't have to say…I can already see it," Vincent spat, disgust in his voice. "I can see it because I feel it too. You're hurting, aren't you Kanaye?"

It was Hojo's turn to feel that rage, licking at the surface of his skin…covering for something worse.

"You're hurting and I can't figure out why. It's not Lucrecia…it's me isn't it?"

Hojo's pupils slit and he averted his gaze. Vincent mentally backed off satisfied. He told himself to let it go; he'd done enough, but he didn't stop the words that came out of his mouth next.

"I can scent your wounds, Hojo. Just as clearly as you can scent mine. All I can think about is digging my nails into them and showing them to the world. Showing everyone that Kanaye Hojo isn't the boogieman, he's just a man."

Hojo's head snapped up at Vincent, a face pure rage and Vincent was suddenly pinned against the wall, strong tentacles pinning him aloft. He remembered this position, remembered it well – especially the way Lucrecia had looked at him before she filled him full of lead. Hojo got up from the bed and walked closer, keeping a tight hold on Vincent as his eyes took on Jenova's alien tincture.

"Do it," Vincent said. "Undo all your hard work…you seem to be apt at destroying things that give you the proper results."

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, TURK!" Hojo growled. "That's your problem. You can sniff out my wounds but you make the mistake of believing they are weaknesses. Each wound you've dug into my skin has been one I have overcome…except one and that is one you'll never be able to get at with your dull claws and teeth, dog!"

"Why did you bring me back! You hate me, hate what I've done to you so WHY!"

"I DID IT FOR YOU, FILTH! I DID IT FOR YOU!" Hojo shouted. "I did it because you were important and I was not. I accept my place in life. Maybe you should start accepting yours! Accepting that there are more important things than your guilt! Than your suffering!"

He slung Vincent onto the bed. Vincent was quickly crouched, hissing with fangs bared instinctually. He punched the wall with his normal hand, willing the tentacles to retract.

"For once in your pathetic existence stop focusing on the monsters and focus on the people! My suffering is far greater than yours will ever be, but I am not so pathetic as to take it out on someone else and blame them for it. I am not petty! Not towards my faithless cunt of an ex-wife, not towards an imbecilic Turk who thought his dick was so good he could have someone else's woman with no consequence! I wasn't even petty when you took my son from me! I didn't kill you, Vincent, but, gods, I wish I had! Just to put you out of your self-induced misery!"

Hojo took a deep breath and shook his head. "I've done nothing against you, Vincent. All of my hate, all of my rage sits here and yet I have never allowed you to suffer it. Why must I suffer yours?!"

Vincent blinked and tilted his head Hojo in a sudden awe. He got it…he saw it. For this one moment he saw into Hojo and Tseng's words echoed back in his head.

When you remember who cared the most, you'll be happy Vincent. Until then, needs must.

Needs must.

Hojo understood his need to hate him. Hojo had let him hate him. Hojo needed Vincent to hate him. He was hurting because…

"…Kanaye," he whispered, understanding finally dawning him.

"Don't say my name."

Hojo shook his head neither confirming nor denying Vincent's revelation. He would not give him the satisfaction of a straight answer. He turned and went into the bathroom, slamming the door hard enough to shake the house. Vincent relaxed on the bed and stared at the comforter.

What the hell was happening?

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A/N: Should I…should I stop here? I'm gonna stop it here…lot of emotions to unpact for you guys so yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. I know not much took place but this baggage is about to unpack the fuck out of itself. Next chapter will have more plot, more Cloud becoming Cloud and more Sepiroth…definitely more Sephiroth. See you soon, for real this time!
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Walking Out on Destiny