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Insanity	By : Naniris Category: Final Fantasy VIII > General Views: 611 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Insanity
- 2-Denial
- 3-Masks
- 4-Reaction
- 5-Dreams
- 6-Misunderstanding
- 7-Voice
- 8-Cruelty
- 9-Overwhelmed
- 10-Childhood
- 3
- 4
- 5
This is a SeiferxZell yaoi and if you don�t like it don�t
read it.
Disclaimer: I don�t own them, but somebody does.
��talking
~�~thoughts
{�} memories
//�// dreams
Italics Zell�s
self-preservation

// On a cliff next to the ocean sits a boy, not so much a
boy as a young man beginning in the road of life. One can feel that he has been
through more misery than any being should have to, however now he�s content
listening to the seagulls and feeling the sun on his face. His blond hair and
smooth complexion make him seem like a nymph, yet a striking black mark on the
left side of his face cautions that he isn�t defenseless. It doesn�t blemish
his beauty; the tattoo actually accentuates his features, creating a paradigm
of innocence and experience of pain. On the bottom of the cliff a lighthouse
can be seen, next to it is a broken down building no bigger than a house. He
ignores these and looks out into the ocean watching Fastitocalons migrate to
their mating grounds. He sighs feeling content, yet alone. Surrounded by
nature�s grandeur and unable to enjoy it fully, he wraps his arms around
himself. Suddenly a set of strong arms hold him and pull him against a broad
chest were he hears a soft heart beat. He didn�t fight back or even look
towards his would-be assailant, instead he breaths in
the musky scent and closes his eyes to drift to sleep. The stranger holds him
tighter and approaches his lips to the sleeping boy�s ear and whispers: �You can�t escape the inevitable.� This forces the unsuspecting small blond to
wake in fright and struggle to get out of his attackers grip, but it�s too late
as the stronger of the two digs his hand into the other�s left shoulder, just
as it happened before. �Don�t cry. It only makes me want to fuck you harder.�//

�NO!!!� Zell woke up in a cold sweat. He was still on the
floor next to his bed. His body hurt from the position he held for hours. ~ What was that about anyway?�It�s a nightmare, just like all
the other ones�No it wasn�t. You felt
happy when he held you�Shut up�Don�t
go fag on me now�What did you call me�I
didn�t call you anything, look we have a good thing going on with this Mary
girl�We met yesterday�So, who cares?...I
do, you don�t control my life. I made you, you�re just a figment of my
imagination�Come on. No need to get riled
up...Shut up already.~

He stood up and stretched his body, wincing when he tried to
stretch his left shoulder. �Must have been a muscle cramp.�
~Sure, keep telling yourself that~
�Gods, I stink. What time is it?� He looked around his night table and saw the
flashing green numbers showing 3:16 am.
�Quistis must have been looking for me.� ~Why
do you keep talking out loud? Nobody can hear you.~
�Because I don�t want to talk with you, so fuck off.� He grabbed some of his
clothes, a towel and some toiletries. �I�m sure everybody�s asleep at this
hour. I don�t want to talk with anyone.� He left his room and looked down the
hallway. There was nobody to be seen, so it seemed safe. Walking towards the
men�s shower room he listened for any strange sounds, anything to warn him of
another�s presence.

He reached the door and walked inside. The lights were on
24/7, so he didn�t need to worry about the dark. In the locker room, he started
to take off his clothes, looking every one in awhile to his sides to make sure
no one was there. ~Stop being so
paranoid. Who in their right minds would take a shower at 3:30 in the morning?~ �I�m here, aren�t I?. ~I said in their right minds.~ �Fuck off!� Zell slammed the
locker door hard and headed for the showers.

He turned on the water scalding hot and started to scrub
fiercely. It wasn�t the sweat or the grat blood what he wanted to wash away,
but the nightmare he just had. ~ Why was it different?...Oh, talking in your head again, I see�
Leave me alone�Sorry, can�t do that�Why
did it feel nice at the beginning?...Don�t confuse yourself�I can�t help it.
I liked beingged�ged�And then raped�NO�If you can�t accept both, then don�t accept
one�~

Zell started a mental debate and didn�t hear the door slide
open and close. He stood in the water, all the soap washed away, with his eyes
closed. The rushing water blocked out the shuffling of shoes and clothes in the
other room. ~Why do I feel this way?... You�re confused� I�m still scared
shitless, when I saw Squall yesterday I nearly pissed on myself�Exactly. How can you possibly even tolerate someone who made you afraid of your
best friend, much less feel anything but hatred for that person?... I don�t
want to feel this way?~

A shower head close to his left turned on, yet Zell was
still oblivious to his surroundings. He continued to think ~Just remember what happened in that
hallucination�You still won�t accept it was real�Of course, th, that bitch was fucking with your head�the pain was
real�You had a full body exam and passed
with flying colors�Doesn�t mean anything�It does and you know it. Your legs were fine as well as your shoulder.~

Someone stood next to him and started to talk, but after
several tries the stranger decided to shake the blond awake. ~My shoulder hurts
all the time, even without proof�stop
being a wimp and�~ A hand landed on his left shoulder and started to shake him.
Pain shot down his arm and across his chest and he instinctively grabbed the
hand with his right, twisted until he heard the wrist snap, then turned the owner
of the mangled hand around and dislocated his shoulder and elbow.

�Aaarrgh, what are you doing?! I only wanted some shampoo. Aaaahhh
let go of my arm, LET GO!� Zell let go and saw an
Asian man grab his crippled hand on the floor.

~What did I do? What did I do?...Calm down, grab some shorts, take him to the
doctor�s office and they�ll fix him right up�Oh gods! I fucked up his left
arm�Don�t worry about it. It can be
fixed. Now get him out of here before he bleeds to death�I know him. He
made SeeD with us and pilots the Garden�That�s
nice, but move your ass and help him�How could I do this?...Snap out of it and help him NOW!~

�Shit, I�m sorry. Are you ok?� Zell rushed to him and
squatted in front of the pained man.

�Do I look okay? My arm is fucking backwards and bleeding
out of the joints. What the hell do you think?!� The man snapped at Zell and
saw a look of regret in the other�s face. �Look, I�ll be fine. I shouldn�t have
startled you like that. Just help me to the Infirmary.�

�I�ll get some shorts for you.� Zell helped him up and sat
him down on a bench. �I�ll be right back.� ~See,
he doesn�t hate you or anything�I thought he wanted to kill me�He scared you and you reacted like you were
trained to do�I could have done a lot worse�But you didn�t.~

He came back with the clothes and a couple of towels and saw
that the man had his head down and was forming a pool of blood next to him.
�Shit, hey, hey wake up.�

�W-what? I nodded off, didn�t I?�
He grabbed his head and tried to stand up, but began to fall forward until Zell
grabbed him. �I don�t feel so good.�

�Shit, we�re leaving now.� Zell made a tourniquet with
several towels and hastily dressed the other to save him some embarrassment.
�Lean on me, ok�

�You say shit a lot.� He put his good arm around Zell�s
neck. �The Infirmary isn�t far away, I�m sure we�ll get there in time.�

Tbothboth left the showers and tried to go as quickly as
possible leaving a trail of blood behind them. �Maintenance is going to have a field
day tomorrow.�

�Yeah, they will. Keep talking to stay awake, um�uh.� Zell
couldn�t remember the brunette�s name. They didn�t talk much and only saw each
other on rare occasions.

�Nida, Niiiidddaaa. Don�t worry; everybody forgets it all
the time.� Nida tried to smile, but the pain was still unbearable. �I�m sure
you never go through that, being one of the heroes and all.�

�Fame isn�t all is cracked up to be.� He felt bad for not
remembering the pilot�s name. It was more than rude or impolite to forget
someone�s name. It makes that person feel non-existent. �So, what were you
doing out so late?�

�You actually care about my day.� He looked at the martial
artist to his right incredulously. �Well, I was in the virtual training center
practicing how to use the Ragnarok. I lost track of time and came out a little
after 2:00.�

�That�s all? What else did you do?� he implored in order to
keep the other awake and also to get to know the pilot better.

�You really want to know, don�t you? Well my day was boringly
the same as any other. Woke up, had breakfast, teach a few wannabe pilots the
basics, had lunch, gave maintenance to the Garden�s cockpit, went to meet my
girlfriend at 4:30, where she�� They had already passed the Quad, so the
Infirmary was close by. Nida remained silent.

�Nida, hey Nida are you still with me?� Zell began to shake
the bleeding man. �Come on, we�re close. You�re going to make it.�

�I�m awake; it�s just that my bitch of a girlfriend dumped
me. I waited for half an hour and when she finally showed up, she said some
crap about finding a better guy and how I didn�t meet up to her standards
anymore. I gave her everything she wanted and that�s how she repaid me. I
thought she understood me. That she actually cared whether or not I existed.�
Nida looked to his side and saw that Zell was paying attention to what he was
saying. �Look, man. I�m sorry for dumping this on you.�

�It�s okay, if you need somebody to talk to you can come to me.
It�s that why you were in the virtual training center? To
take your mind off things?� The blond warrior asked understanding the
pilot�s pain. He knew what it was like to be alone. Nida nodded and continued
in silence. �So does the chimera have a name?�

This caused the Asian man to chuckle. �It doesn�t matter.
You probably don�t even know her. She works in the library and kinds of fade
into the background, like me.� Nida looked up and saw the entrance to the
Infirmary. �Looks like we made it. I wonder whether or
not a doctor�s in at this hour. It would be funny if there wasn�t.�

�Don�t be so pessimistic.� Zell was practically carrying
Nida by this point, since the other could barely walk anymore. �Hey, is there
anybody here?�

�What�s the problem, Mr. Dincht?� Dr. Kadowaki left her
office and walked into the hallway spotting both of the still-wet boys. �Oh
dear, your arm has suffered severe trauma and you�re going into shocom
om
massive blood-loss.� Her tone made her sound like a mother inspecting a
scratched knee, but the look in her eyes was one of experience and seriousness.
She was looking at the mangled appendage and then turned to Zell. �Take him
inside and lay him inside room 3 with his legs in the air. I�ll look for some
type 0 blood for a transfusion and prepare for surgery.� She turned around and
hurried back inside.

�See, you�re going to be just fine.� Zell took him into room
3 and laid him down carefully, trying to avoid touching his arm. �She knows
what she�s doing.�

The doctor entered the room soon after with a tray full of
scalpels and other medical instruments, along with a hypodermic needle, several
bags of blood and some antibiotics. She sat next to Nida. �You�re lucky I�ve
been spending my nights in the office filing medical records, Mr.�uh�I�m sorry
but for the life of me I can�t remember your last name.� She cleaned an area
around his shoulder and injected a local anesthetic.

�It�s okay. It�s practically a running joke around the
Garden. Just call me Nida.� Nida smiled but winced when she tried to move his
arm. �FUCK, that hurts.�

�The anesthetic will start working soon. I need to fix the
bones before closing the wounds. Once that�s done I can begin the transfusion.�
The older woman began to organize her tools calmly.

Zell was spacing back
and forth behind her, looking over her shoulder to see how everything was
going. �I would have used a hi-potion or something to stop the bleeding, but I
didn�t have any on me.�

�I�m glad you didn�t, Mr. Dincht.� She was setting his bones
back in place, since the anesthetic started to take effect. �A potion would
have closed the wound, but his bones would be misaligned. It would have
deformed the arm. I�ve seen several cases where femurs or ribs had fused into
odd positions, leaving the patient with a painful and useless appendage.� She
had finished undoing the dislocation in the pilot�s shoulder and was working on
the elbow. �Those potions can�t disinfect an contaminated
wound, cure disease or mend bones correctly. Once the researchers manage to
create a pill that can do that and make a miracle elixir to cure minds, I�m out
of a job.�

�Really? I didn�t know that.� Zell
rubbed the back of his neck. �How come I didn�t hear about it before?�

�It�s just one of those important facts that nobody knows.�
The front of her garment was covered in blood, but it didn�t faze her in the
least. She had finished with the elbow and started on the wrist. �This will
take some time.�

�Will I be ableuse use my arm again?� Nida was looking to
the side, away from his broken arm. �Because you know, as a pilot, I kind of
need it.� He didn�t want either of the others to see his panic.

�You�re in good hands, Mr. Nida. Don�t worry, once I set
your carpal bones in place, I�ll use an X-potion. You�ll be fine by morning.�
She smiled reassuringly at him. �There
all dono yoo you want to know how these potions work?� She poured the liquid
over the open wounds.

�Sure, I guess.�

�They speed up the mitochondria in your cells, thus creating
more energy for self-healing. It�s an absolutely fascinating field to study in.
The phoenix downs are the strongest, since they practically use a jolt of electricity
from a chemical reaction to revive the patient, as well as some curing.� The
wounds had finally closed so she inserted the hypodermic needle into his right
arm and connected it to the blood bag. She covered him up with a blanket to
prevent him from catching a cold. �There, you�re as good as new, Mr. Nida.�

�Thanks, but just call me Nida.� He smiled at her grateful
for the recovery of his arm and his livelihood.

The Asian woman stood up and walked towards the exit, but
stop next to Zell. �I�m going to clean up. Don�t worry about your friend, he�ll
be fine. Keep him awake until I come back to make sure his vitals are stable.�
She put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. �Ms. Trepe came by
earlier, she was worried about you. Later on I need to speak with you.� She
continued out of the door.

�So, uh um, how do you feel?� Zell
sat next to Nida

�Like crap, I feel numb on my left side.� The fellow
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Insanity