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It's Just Trash	By : KSipesh Category: Final Fantasy VII > Het - Male/Female Views: 1079 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Okay, just another little warning. There�s male/male rape in this chapter. There, I said it.

It�s Just Trash

Chapter 4

My heart felt like it was about to leap from my chest as I followed Tifa through the darkened corridors of the ship. We went along in silence, knowing that it would look very bad to anyone who saw us together moving toward her room at this hour. If nothing else, I didn�t want to cause her the grief of having to suffer the taunts of the others that she would certainly receive if they thought even for a moment that she had any vested interest in me. We were merely going to talk, I held no other illusions about the situation.

When we finally reached her door, she opened it and waved me in, locking the door behind us. I stood frozen in place for a few seconds as she walked past me and went to go sit on the end of her bed. Once seeing her settle in, I went to the bed opposite to her and sat as well, knowing that I was upon Aeris� bed. I was grateful for the present darkness of the room, since it lent a calmness to the atmosphere that I desperately needed.

She was the first one to break the silence that fell over us. "So, what�s your story?"

I felt a sweat break upon my skin, and I took off my cloak, letting it pool behind me upon the bed. After, I leaned forward and stared into her eyes, trying to plan out my words so that the story didn�t come off as badly as it inevitably had to. I spoke quietly. "Twenty-seven years ago, I was twenty-seven years old. As you know, I was a Turk."

She nodded, her interest plainly written across her face. "Yeah."

I took a deep breath, regretting what I was about to say. "I�d been a Turk for a few years, and I was assigned to watch over the scientists in Nibelheim. One of whom was a woman named Lucrecia." I closed my eyes as I envisioned the female in question.

Tifa was staring at me still, I could feel it.

I forced myself to go on and met her gaze again. "Even then, I was somewhat introverted, but she seemed willing to talk to me and we became friends after a time." I probably smiled at the bittersweet memories. "We became�close."

Tifa lay down on her side so that she was still looking at me. There was concern and fascination in her eyes and I took in her image, feeling it burned forever into my mind.

"I began to think of her in terms beyond friendly." My resentment over my emotions back then ran through me. I went on, a frown coming to my lips. "Not that she�d ever given me any manner of sign to indicate that she had any deep sentiments for me. Nonetheless, as time went on, I�"

Tifa seemed to feel the need to push me onward. "As time went on you what?"

I closed my eyes once more, hating the truth that I had to tell. "I�fell in love with her."

I opened my eyes just in time to see Tifa smile. I took it as some sort of ridicule from her, as I wasn�t accustomed to feeling much else from those around me. "Does it amuse you to hear me say that I was capable of loving someone at some point in my life?"

I saw something behind her eyes that looked pained, and she shook her head as that smile quickly faded. "No, that�s not it at all."

"Then what?" I asked, feeling that I was justified in seeking an answer.

She looked frightened. I wondered what she thought I would possibly do, nonetheless, she answered. "I�I�m just happy that you�re telling me about yourself, that�s all. I�m not making fun of you or trying to annoy you in any way, Vincent."

I was filled with doubt and relief at the same time. I knew that she was speaking the truth, yet after all that I had been through, I couldn�t believe that fate wasn�t intending to pull the rug out from under me at any moment. I locked up.

She sighed and then came and sat at my left side. This didn�t help my anxiety in the least. "Vincent, I really want to hear this. I�m not just messing with you."

I was confused and scared. I�ll openly admit that I was actually afraid. I chanced a glance at her, and then looked down to the floor. I sat up straight, wondering if I should just leave her in peace. "So be it."

Then, Tifa surprised me again. She reached over and took possession of my left hand, weaving her fingers though those hellish talons Hojo had bestowed upon me, and placed our joined hands firmly in her lap. It was as though she�d picked up on my momentary impulse to leave and she was going to physically restrain me if that�s what it took.

However, I was touched that she had so willingly made contact with that part of me. "It doesn�t seem to put you off."

She shook her head, looking into my eyes compassionately. "Why would it? It�s just a hand, Vincent."

I corrected her. "It�s a piece of metal."

She offered me a merciful smile. "That happens to be your hand."

"If you say so." I considered our joined hands for a moment before looking down at the floor once again. "In any event, I continued to see Lucrecia outside of the lab as I escorted her around town. When we were together, she would talk to me and even hold my hand at times, seeming to be perfectly at ease in my presence. This did nothing to diminish my feelings toward her. She seemed so genuine in her interest in me, wanting to talk to me, learn about me. Although she was only doing this on the grounds of friendship, I suppose I read more into it."

I had to stop at that point and put my right hand to my eyes. There was the dreaded sting of tears there, and that was the last thing that I wanted Tifa, or anyone else for that matter, to witness. Once I had my composure back, I continued. "Finally, after having been in her company for a nearly a year, I got up the nerve to ask her if her feelings for me went beyond friendly." I laughed at my own stupidity in the past. "She�she told me that although she had some deep regards for me, that she wasn�t in love with me because she�d fallen in love with someone else."

I cursed myself silently, as the tears returned. I yet again fought them and seemed to win out.

Tifa then let go of my left hand to put her arm around my shoulders, then retaking my hand in her other. She was trying to comfort me. I couldn�t believe it. Tifa whispered quietly, "That�s sad, Vincent."

For me, sad was an understatement, but I was again feeling like I was going to freeze up with her touching me like she was. I knew I had to get it over with before I did run from the room, refusing to give her the rest of the story. "I know, and I should have handled it better than I did. When she told me that, I couldn�t help but question about who it was that she�d actually fallen in love with since she had never mentioned anyone to me." I shook my head, disgusted with my actions. "At that point, she ran away from me and down the street. I never quite figured out what she�d thought at that moment. However, I followed her at a distance, and then I saw all that I needed to."

Her eyes were burning into me in the darkness.

My body began to involuntarily tremble as I was coming to the part of the tale that would forever damn me in Tifa�s view. "She ran right to Professor Hojo and into his arms. Lucrecia had fallen in love with a man that I�d come to appreciate as a monster. I had seen his idea of scientific experimentation and I knew that he was above all else a sadist bent on harming others for his own gratification. Part of me, though, doubted that she did really love him. I think the truth of it was that she loved her job more than anything, and getting Hojo�s favors would allow her to advance her career. With this in mind, I faded into the shadows, still watching her, waiting for the moment when she would tell me that she had made a mistake. And wait I did. I didn�t hassle her, I rarely even spoke with her, not wishing to annoy her. I figured that as long as she carried on as though she was happy, that I would be happy myself."

I paused and looked at Tifa, seeing her nod as she took in all that I was telling her. There was once more a pain in her eyes, and I could see that it wasn�t just for me. Something about what I was saying was bringing up something from her own past that was hurtful.

I wanted so badly at that moment to stop and not go on, fearing that I would break down in front of her. Yet, I had told her that I would give her the tale and that was what I intended to do. I�d already come too far to stop now.

I hung my head as the past smothered me. My shaking worsened. "She married him."

Tifa perked to attention. "Hojo�s married?"

"Was," I replied simply.

She silently anticipated my continuation.

"They got married and still I kept my silent vigil, thinking it not my place to intervene. Finally, one day, she went out and I was sent to escort her. As we walked along, she told me she was pregnant."

I put my right hand to my eyes again. The tears were daring me to try and stop them. I knew that my voice was already displaying the fact that I was going to lose it. The memory of my heartbreak was just more than I could take. After all, it may have been nearly thirty years ago, but since I�d been in stasis since that time, the emotions and memories were still all too fresh.

I had to get it over with, and I had to do it quickly. "That killed me to hear that. She then went on to tell me that Hojo was going to allow her to be a part of his Jenova project by injecting her with the cells from that�thing�in order to see their effect upon the baby."

Tifa drew in a sharp breath. The story was getting to her. "Inject a pregnant woman with something like that for an experiment? That�s the most disgusting thing I�ve ever heard of! How could she let him do that to her?"

"Again, to Lucrecia, it was all a matter of doing what she felt she needed to in order to get recognized for her work for the company. Right then and there I should have killed Hojo and taken her away. Yet, I did nothing. I let events unfold as they did." And with that, my control faltered. My shaking had escalated and my voice became hoarse. "The Jenova began to poison her body and she fell ill. I watched her deteriorate as her pregnancy progressed. Only after things had gotten too far did I decide to act. Lucrecia went into labor and had the baby, but the stress of the Jenova along with what she�d gone through to have that infant proved too much. She died."

"Oh my God, Vincent, I�m so sorry!" Tifa held me closer to her. She wasn�t yet going to throw me to the wolves for my glaring failure, but she still didn�t know the whole tale.

"Not as sorry as I was." I stood up, no longer worthy of her comfort. "I went into the lab where Hojo was, determined to kill him, but before I had a chance, I was shot and killed."

"Killed? Vincent, you�re alive."

"I am very much dead, Tifa." Although, you�ve made me feel alive for the first time in twenty-seven years, my inner voice continued.

I knew at that point, I had to show her something in order to make my point. I turned toward her and pulled open my shirt. That done, I went and knelt before her, letting my shirt slip from my shoulders, so that she could see the evidence of the truth.

Hojo had shot me, in fact, he�d shot me a total of three times at point blank range, straight through the heart. I remember the searing sensation of those bullets penetrating my chest. I had staggered backward several steps until I�d hit the wall of the room. With each attempted beat of my heart afterward, I could feel the wounds pierced through it tear wider. It became impossible to breathe within a few seconds and I fell to the floor. I remember hearing Hojo laugh as my life failed me and my heart relinquished its faltering efforts at beating. Sure enough, I had been killed.

I was pulled back from the peace of oblivion, however, by the very man who had sent me there. I had been dissected upon death, my heart either repaired or replaced, I have no honest idea which, and sent back to the misery of life for the mere purpose of Hojo�s abuse. Now, as my evidence, she saw the horrendous scar that ran the length and breadth of my torso, from my post mortem surgery.

Tifa�s eyes widened upon seeing what had been done to my body. I wondered how repulsed she was by the sight of me, and how long it would be before she either asked me to put my shirt back on or she simply threw me out.

She did neither. Instead, her small hand slowly reached out until it was upon me. Tifa let her fingers trace the scar down toward my waist, then allowing her hand to linger where the incision terminated. "Good God, what did he do to you?"

I was unable to remove my gaze from where her hand was still making contact with me. "He cut me open, put me back together so that I would live for the purpose of more torture."

Tifa�s eyes seemed to threaten tears, and she shook her head. "Torture?"

I couldn�t believe that she was still willing to hear more. I lifted my left arm up, bringing it between us. "So-called experiments. The first of which was his desire to see if he could hook cybernetic limbs onto humans in such a way that they�d have sensation and acceptable ranges of movement. Of course, I was not an amputee when he got a hold of me."

Tifa reached up and clasped my artificial hand between hers. How she could still touch me I had no idea. "He�he cut off your arm?"

"While I was awake." The memory of having my left arm literally sawed off while I watched and screamed for mercy burned through me.

Finally, Tifa turned away. I figured that I had reached her breaking point and she was going to leave or send me away. That thought terrified me. "Tifa?"

Slowly, she turned to face me again. "Yeah?"

Maybe it was time to stop. I really didn�t want to lose her�friendship? I dared to think that maybe I had her friendship. There was again that damned sting in my eyes. "Do you want me to stop telling you?"

Her hand rose up, and for a second I thought that it was being brought up to push me away, instead, it was gently placed against my cheek, sending a jolt through my body.

"No, I want to know all of it," she said softly.

I placed my right hand over the one she had upon my face and closed my eyes. I was thankful for her continued acceptance and I turned my head just the smallest amount, until my lips met her hand. I placed upon it a small kiss, allowing myself a momentary escape from my past. That done, I drew her hand away from my face, and placed it over my heart.

We were almost to the end of the story. I opened my eyes and looked into hers, still amazed that I found nothing but compassion there. "He did many, many terrible things to me, Tifa. I was cut open, injected, tortured, and�"

I stopped myself. There were memories that I hadn�t even let myself admit as reality yet. Somehow, it was important for me to do so. Everything had to be out on the table, all of it, every detail. I felt tears fall from my eyes.

She moved closer to me. "And?"

I turned away from her, my shame taking the last of my pride. The memory of all that had been done played itself out. Hojo kept me strapped to a table in his lab for some time. After my initial resurrection, my amputation was the first thing he did from me. At some point during that, I passed out, mercifully escaping the actual moment when my arm was torn from my body. When I awoke, however, I found myself in complete darkness. I was no longer on my back, but rather, I had been placed face down, and restrained in that position. Weakened from the experience of having my arm cut off, I could only struggle in complete futility against my restraints. The way the cold steel of the table I was upon chilled my body, I knew I was unclothed-- completely vulnerable. I must have been like that for hours, before there was a brief moment of light and a sound as someone let themselves into the room. From the outline of them that I saw as they entered, I knew that it was Hojo. He stepped right up beside me, although I couldn�t see anything in the darkness.

"Mr. Valentine�" the madman�s voice has hissed at me. "How are you feeling? You seem to have lost consciousness during our little procedure."

I hadn�t given him the satisfaction of a reply. All I wanted was death. The pain throughout my body, from both my left arm and chest was unbearable.

I felt him moving around beside me, and I heard the sound of his belt being undone and his pants unzipped. I was dazed from what I�d been through, but I was savvy as to what was probably about to happen.

I heard Hojo laugh under his breath. "I think we both need a little break from my work, don�t you?"

When I felt his cold hand land upon the small of my back, I tried to struggle once more, but the straps held me fast to the table. I was defenseless.

Hojo�s hand slid away, and I suddenly felt the table I was upon move. The angle was changed and I found myself uprighted, being placed almost close to vertical.

"I can�t help but think that you had designs on fucking my wife, Mr. Valentine," he growled at me. "I think it only fitting that I now do so to you."

A wave of nausea crashed into me and I wretched, purging the scant contents of my stomach. Unfortunately, restrained as I was, that meant that I had no option but to throw up so that it ran down my body. That, naturally, made my sickness worse and I heaved several more times.

This didn�t seem to put Hojo off in the least. He�d come in there with one intent and was not going to be dissuaded by a little emesis. I felt him clasp my hips with his icy hands, and his body pressed against my back. "Are you ready, Mr. Valentine?"

Once more, I attempted to struggle as I felt his erection pressed against me. "Don�t�"

"I think I will." With that, Hojo drove into me. He�d slicked himself up with some manner of oily substance, allowing him to force his way in, despite my body�s piteous attempts to deny him access.

The pain�I can�t really equate it to anything else I�d ever felt. Physically, it didn�t hurt as much as some of the other things that he�d done to me, but emotionally, psychologically, it was by far the worst torture he�d bestowed upon me. He drilled at me relentlessly, only climaxing when he�d brought me to tears. I�d been stripped of my human dignity.

I was brought back to the present when I heard Tifa draw in a jagged breath. She was awaiting my answer still.

Not daring to look at her, I put it simply. "Raped."

I heard Tifa catch her breath and I wondered if she thought me less of a man for what had been done to me. Then, with anger in her voice, I heard her say, "That bastard�"

She was still here with me. I hadn�t yet lost her.

"What he did to me personally wasn�t the worst of it, though." I dared to look into her eyes.

Tifa was allowing herself to cry. I wondered if she was honestly crying for me. "How could anything be worse than all of that?"

"Lucrecia�s baby�" I pulled my headband away, allowing my hair to fall loose, trying to hide my face in my shame. "He made me watch his experiments upon the baby."

"What? He experimented on his own child?" Her hands came up and rested upon my shoulders. I wanted so badly just to take comfort in her embrace, but I didn�t dare to move.

"Yes. I have no idea how long I lived like that, strapped to a table, being tortured and watching him do the unspeakable to that baby. But one day, he seemed to lose his fascination with me and I was placed into that stasis box after being injected with one last chemical. I think that last drug was what put Chaos into me." I sighed, as the weight of the story finally lifted. Tifa now knew the truth and it was now out of my hands.

"Vincent�" She gave me her answer and pulled me to her.

I was shocked. She held me tightly, and she began crying against my neck. Tifa not only accepted me, but was willing to share my pain. In that moment, I felt my ages long misery cut in half and I allowed myself to cry freely, more over my relief and being accepted than the pain of my memories.

Still keeping me close, Tifa eventually asked, "But I don�t understand how any of that makes you responsible for what we�re going through now."

My blood ran cold. Tifa, throughout it all, still hadn�t grasped the true meaning of my tale. I reached out and wiped the tears from her face, suddenly feeling like she shouldn�t be wasting them upon me. "Have you not figured it out?"

She just shook her head.

My disgust at myself resurfaced. "Tifa, that baby�was Sephiroth."

Tifa gasped, and then several moments of silence passed. Finally, she whispered, "That doesn�t make this your fault, Vincent."

Tifa was wrong, so terribly wrong. "Yes, it does. I could have prevented all of this if I�d taken Lucrecia away or if I�d killed Hojo. Countless lives could have been saved. I watched the woman I loved sacrifice her life to a madman and a job. How can I ever live with that? I am responsible for everything that has happened at Hojo�s and Sephiroth�s hands since that time."

"No, you�re not!" she exclaimed. "You didn�t know. In fact, stepping aside and trying to let her find her own happiness�that just tells me how much you cared."

Tifa was defending me from myself. I took note of that. However, I couldn�t just let go of it that easily. "I could have stopped her from dying, Tifa. I could have stopped Hojo from turning that baby into a monster. And I will live forever knowing that." I closed my eyes, wishing to vanish from existence.

Tifa wouldn�t let me do that, so it seemed. She drew me back to her, and put her lips to mine. I submitted, disbelieving that anyone, much less this wonderful female, could be accepting of me on this level.

I wanted to tell her how I felt for her, but stopped short of doing so. I moved away from her and stood up. "Tifa�"

She shot to her feet. "What?"

I couldn�t contaminate this pure creature with my�being. "Don�t waste your affection upon me." I felt my lips pulled into a frown. It was killing me to keep myself away from her. "I�m not worth it."

Tifa refused to let me push her away. She neared me again and put her arms around my waist. "Yes, you are."

I was confounded. "Why?"

"Because I care for you, Vincent. This didn�t change that."

Surely, she was mistaken in her interpretation of her sentiments toward me. "Do you honestly or is it just pity?"

"I�m not going to lie, I do feel sorry for you to some degree, but Vincent, I was attracted to you before hearing this. I�ve liked you all along." She placed her head against my chest, causing my heart to beat faster. "How often am I going to have to say that?"

I was going to ask her flat out, so that I could quit trying to bend the meaning of her words out of my favor. I let my face touch her hair. "You sincerely wish to be with me?"

She nuzzled against me, causing something within me to stir. Tifa had the most extraordinary effect upon me. "Vincent, I wouldn�t be here like this now with you if I didn�t."

Her words sank in. She meant what she�d said. Tifa had some desire for me. That was overwhelming, but I knew I had to let her think about it just a little longer. I put my hands upon her shoulders and moved her back. I think I was smiling then. "Tomorrow night, come and find me again. You have another day to think it over."

Tifa�s eyes looked up at me, filled with emotion. "Can I at least have a kiss?"

I will give you whatever you wish, Tifa. I�m at your mercy, I thought as I placed my right hand behind her neck. I brought her to me and let my lips meet hers. She allowed me into her mouth and I crossed over, but just for a moment. To have given in much more would have just driven me insane with my desire and love for her. Slowly, I moved away from her.

I got my shirt back on properly and grabbed my other things, feeling her eyes upon me the entire time. I had to force myself to get to the door, fighting the urge to run back into her arms. I looked back at her before exiting. "Goodnight, Tifa."

She offered me a sympathetic smile. "Goodnight. Vincent?"

Hearing the question in her voice, I looked at her once more.

"Thanks, I know that wasn�t easy for you." There was still that hint of hope in her expression.

I felt a faint smile play upon my lips, my gratitude for her understanding intense. "Thank you for letting me do so, Tifa. I honestly believe that you care."

With that, I left. I made it back to my room without being seen. I slipped through the door and went over toward my bed. I stripped down to my boxers and got beneath the sheets, thinking that I�d successfully gotten in without waking Nanaki.

I was wrong.

"Did it go well?"

Damn it, I inwardly cursed. I was emotionally spent and wanted no more than sleep. I rolled onto my side, seeing that the cat wasn�t even looking at me, just speaking while keeping his head nestled beneath the sheets. "Everything is fine."

"You�ve not mated."

I sat up and glared over toward the lion. "Excuse me?"

He lifted his head, opening his glowing eye. "You�ve not mated. It would do you good to do so, Valentine. She�s receptive to you, you know."

Nanaki�s continued perception was unnerving. However, he was able to sense things as an animal that I was not. "Receptive to me?"

He purred. "Every time you enter the room, her chemical signals change. It�s almost sickening to be near the two of you with all of the pheromones you throw off in one another�s presence. It makes it hard for me to breathe."

That he had some sort of evidence of Tifa�s longing for me was pleasing to say the least. In fact, that was probably the understatement of the year. "I�ll try to keep it under control."

"I would appreciate it. Just mate and get it out of your systems." With that, Nanaki rolled onto his back, assuming his favorite sleep pose.

I couldn�t help it and I laid back down, an idiotic smile upon my lips. Tifa honestly wanted me. I was amazed, and I was in love.
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It's Just Trash