Lamentations
folder
Final Fantasy VII › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
10
Views:
737
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy VII › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
10
Views:
737
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
My Blackest Hour
*yaaaay final fantasy seven soundtrack ^_^ (it makes writing easier) Thank you for those who reviewed, your feedback means a lot to me ^.^ speaking of feedback, since the site happened to reset itself, I didn’t get a chance to check out the last two reviews… would it be too much trouble to repost??? Thank you all!!!!*
Lamentations
Chapter Three
My Blackest Hour
Guns didn’t have names to me anymore. Not the ones they came with anyway. AK .47, Glock .17 … no, not these names. Numbers only mattered when I needed more ammunition; size was instinct to me. Names like Peacemaker and Quicksilver mattered.
Didn’t need a long range like my sniper SR… Death Penalty was overkill. The Lariat would do nicely. With a silencer of course. And a mastered Ice Materia, just in case things got out of hand. Never underestimate thy enemy; another cardinal Turk Commandment. One I never broke, and never will.
The corridors were stifling with the muggy dark that roamed between the doors, catwalks, hatches and bulkheads of the Highwind. The crew handled the ship well enough without him. One less man in the world would only make a temporary and insignificant ripple. Chaos agreed.
Cid’s door was unlocked. So trusting… so unfathomably foolish. Even among allies… well, not everyone received the cold punishment of ShinRa’s training regimen I suppose. I eased it open and slipped inside.
Snoring. Loudly. An occasional mumble or a twitch. He was even half off his bed, sprawled muscular limbs waving at some dream—batting away imagined demons half sluggishly. Pathetic.
I aimed at his head. Point blank shot. His head would have been bloody clumps of brain and bone smeared all over his pillow if it weren’t for what he mumbled that instant.
“He’s… beneath the red…”
My aim wavered. It could have been just awkward coincidence that the tattered cloak the kept me sheltered was red… If you must trust, trust only thy instincts Another commandment. Cid, you fool… you were dreaming about me?
Yes, the Sense Materia still nestled next to the mastered Ice told me so. About the tapes. About my demons. They plagued him now as well.
He jerked up in a daze. My gun was back in its holster in a moment. Damn my futile curiosity. It took a moment for him to realize I was there, and when he did the shock nearly launched him a foot off the bed.
“Sweet mother-fucking Mary on ecstasy, what the FUCK is wrong with you?!!!”
I almost smirked. His instincts were dead on—he’d have made a decent Turk given the right training. It’s a pity he never followed his first impression. “I told you I was a monster,” I reminded him.
Cid caught his breath. “Don’t be stupid, I … just didn’t recognize you…” he mumbled gruffly. “Without your cloak you’re…”
His voice faltered. You really are a monster… You’re a fake…“I’m what?” I prodded, curious to see what politically correct insult he could muster.
“Ah…” Cid mumbled. “Nothin’…”
He’s either too polite to say or too dumbfounded to piece it together. It was hard to say which because Cid was really neither polite nor stupid. “A freak, I know,”
Cid almost laughed. He reached for a cigarette on the nightstand. An instinctual motion obviously; he did it without even looking. “You didn’t come here to beat up on yourself, did you?” he asked.
Awkward. And odd. Now that he initial shock had passed, he didn’t seem uncomfortable in the slightest in my presence. As if it were perfectly okay to have a cigarette while a monster was sitting on the edge of your bed. What was Cid trying to prove?
Nothing. The sense Materia told me. Just the intense curiosity and even an unsteady affection from afar. He wanted friendship perhaps? Let’s see how he likes the abomination that I REALLY was… Besides, I couldn’t sit here forever in silence.
“Don’t make me regret this…” I told him, tossing the yellow orb his way. It was warm and sweaty from my restless thumb roving over it repeatedly. Cid caught it and our consciousnesses collided, mine a storm cloud trampling over his daily apathy and pet peeves.
I’m not sure how much he processed. I gave him the full brunt of my pain, my hatred and my suffering. It was so much that maybe it was just a jumble. It was all a jumble to me, and startlingly accurate.
Nothing’s changed… The senate is still corrupt and the emperor remains insane…
“You listen to me, Vincent Valentine! You are a NOTHING now! You belong to ME! Don’t you look away from me, or I’ll do what I did yesterday, you piece of shit!”
Hojo kicked me in the chest and I crumpled under the constant abuse, drained and utterly hollow. My hands were tied, my feet were bound and I could do nothing but just take it I was so damnably exhausted… take it as he raped me with random phallic objects and shoved things best not spoken down my throat. Hate, hate, HATE! I’ll kill you someday for doing this to me!! “I’ll tear your heart out and EAT it fucker! Not her! Not anyone!”
A franticness that hovered in the deepest recesses of my mind tumbled out into full view: My weaknesses, my fears…my incoherencies…
“This was MY choice, Vincent! You don’t have the right to condemn me for it!”
“What about US, Lucrecia?! That didn’t mean anything to you? You’re a liar and a WHORE! With HOJO of all people!”
“Get away from me!”
There is no place to run … all the nightmares and all the monsters… all the monsters they come alive! “Okay… okay, I’m sorry Lucrecia, come back inside, I didn’t mean to yell… We can… laugh a little…”
BURN!
“—die a little…”
Chaos would rip out of my skin and consume her if I let it. But I loved her too deeply. If that’s what would make her happy, then… But it’s HER blood it wants, and it’s HER entrails it wants to devour. It can smell her out, hunt her down and shred her pale trembling flesh into bloody tatters…
“Only you, Vincent… you, you, you…”
Filthy…beautifully filthy… “Not you… not you, not you, NOT YOU!”
Is this what you dream? Cid thought in horror. This is what torments you?
Hojo is dead but he lives in the throbbing illness of my memory… he decays but his scars remain.
No… enough…!
The real world snapped back into place. Cid flinched as if he had suffered injury, sending the Sense Materia rolling. “Dear GOD, what the FUCK was that shit?!!”
I retrieved the orb and unconsciously started to run the fingers of my good hand over it again. “That was me,” I told him. “Do you understand now? My punishment cannot be expressed by meager words. You see now. I can’t possibly be human.”
The expression on his face said it all. He was pale and sweating; I could hear his heart pounding from here. I had scared him badly, and it had served him right to want to get that close to a wild animal like myself and Chaos. He wanted me? There. He had a piece of my charred and rotting soul. I hoped it haunted him for eternity for invading my privacy in the first place.
“What could you have POSSIBLY done to deserve THAT?” he demanded after regaining his composure.
“I allowed her to die. I let a madman do the same to many. It’s only fitting,” I explained with a shrug. What else do you want?
Silence.
“I… dunno what to say,” he finally managed, putting his ruined cigarette out (probably from clenching his teeth onto it). He had a hand to his chest, perhaps to steady his adrenaline saturated system.
“I didn’t think so,” I said, rising to leave.
“Vince, hold up!”
The urgency in Cid’s voice made me pause, leaving my hand lingering on the bed post. Had he come up with something pathetically profound to say? I turned to see. He had jumped to his knees to try and stop me from leaving. He hesitated.
Out with it man… words rarely offend me anymore…
No words. He had cast aside his doubts and very suddenly thrust himself forward into me, initiating a shamelessly lustful kiss.
I tensed. Advances were mostly unwelcome on my part. Cid had snuck into where I dwelt, he had a look into my deepest nightmares and now he was worming his way into my intimate space as well? I should have shot him!
But the kiss was so warm and brutally honest—I WANT YOU he was saying, without fear. It was an honesty Cloud had never offered; he was lying to himself when we embraced.
No one had ever been that honest with me.
I found myself wanting more, drinking in the humanity that Cid was offering with his hot lips and scruffy but tender closeness. I didn’t even realized how hard I was until Cid fumbled in the dark to relieve me of my belt. Oh I wanted him—I wanted him to want me. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fuck or be fucked by him, you delicious being…
But no. Nothing could possibly be this easy. Besides, one lover was hard enough to conceal. Loyalty scared me, and Chaos was itching to bite Cid’s face off.
I broke away and made a quick exit, determined to keep Cid at arms length. What was unexpectedly a void in my pain had startled me—what had Cid done? It was an alien sensation, but seemed familiar in a long buried way…
Cid’s true intentions were sexual it seemed. And though I was tempted, I would not bite his lure.
But for now… he could live.
End Chapter Three
**********************************************
There are pieces of Vincent’s memory I’m still pounding out, but there’s more… oh so much more *evil laugh* lol
Lamentations
Chapter Three
My Blackest Hour
Guns didn’t have names to me anymore. Not the ones they came with anyway. AK .47, Glock .17 … no, not these names. Numbers only mattered when I needed more ammunition; size was instinct to me. Names like Peacemaker and Quicksilver mattered.
Didn’t need a long range like my sniper SR… Death Penalty was overkill. The Lariat would do nicely. With a silencer of course. And a mastered Ice Materia, just in case things got out of hand. Never underestimate thy enemy; another cardinal Turk Commandment. One I never broke, and never will.
The corridors were stifling with the muggy dark that roamed between the doors, catwalks, hatches and bulkheads of the Highwind. The crew handled the ship well enough without him. One less man in the world would only make a temporary and insignificant ripple. Chaos agreed.
Cid’s door was unlocked. So trusting… so unfathomably foolish. Even among allies… well, not everyone received the cold punishment of ShinRa’s training regimen I suppose. I eased it open and slipped inside.
Snoring. Loudly. An occasional mumble or a twitch. He was even half off his bed, sprawled muscular limbs waving at some dream—batting away imagined demons half sluggishly. Pathetic.
I aimed at his head. Point blank shot. His head would have been bloody clumps of brain and bone smeared all over his pillow if it weren’t for what he mumbled that instant.
“He’s… beneath the red…”
My aim wavered. It could have been just awkward coincidence that the tattered cloak the kept me sheltered was red… If you must trust, trust only thy instincts Another commandment. Cid, you fool… you were dreaming about me?
Yes, the Sense Materia still nestled next to the mastered Ice told me so. About the tapes. About my demons. They plagued him now as well.
He jerked up in a daze. My gun was back in its holster in a moment. Damn my futile curiosity. It took a moment for him to realize I was there, and when he did the shock nearly launched him a foot off the bed.
“Sweet mother-fucking Mary on ecstasy, what the FUCK is wrong with you?!!!”
I almost smirked. His instincts were dead on—he’d have made a decent Turk given the right training. It’s a pity he never followed his first impression. “I told you I was a monster,” I reminded him.
Cid caught his breath. “Don’t be stupid, I … just didn’t recognize you…” he mumbled gruffly. “Without your cloak you’re…”
His voice faltered. You really are a monster… You’re a fake…“I’m what?” I prodded, curious to see what politically correct insult he could muster.
“Ah…” Cid mumbled. “Nothin’…”
He’s either too polite to say or too dumbfounded to piece it together. It was hard to say which because Cid was really neither polite nor stupid. “A freak, I know,”
Cid almost laughed. He reached for a cigarette on the nightstand. An instinctual motion obviously; he did it without even looking. “You didn’t come here to beat up on yourself, did you?” he asked.
Awkward. And odd. Now that he initial shock had passed, he didn’t seem uncomfortable in the slightest in my presence. As if it were perfectly okay to have a cigarette while a monster was sitting on the edge of your bed. What was Cid trying to prove?
Nothing. The sense Materia told me. Just the intense curiosity and even an unsteady affection from afar. He wanted friendship perhaps? Let’s see how he likes the abomination that I REALLY was… Besides, I couldn’t sit here forever in silence.
“Don’t make me regret this…” I told him, tossing the yellow orb his way. It was warm and sweaty from my restless thumb roving over it repeatedly. Cid caught it and our consciousnesses collided, mine a storm cloud trampling over his daily apathy and pet peeves.
I’m not sure how much he processed. I gave him the full brunt of my pain, my hatred and my suffering. It was so much that maybe it was just a jumble. It was all a jumble to me, and startlingly accurate.
Nothing’s changed… The senate is still corrupt and the emperor remains insane…
“You listen to me, Vincent Valentine! You are a NOTHING now! You belong to ME! Don’t you look away from me, or I’ll do what I did yesterday, you piece of shit!”
Hojo kicked me in the chest and I crumpled under the constant abuse, drained and utterly hollow. My hands were tied, my feet were bound and I could do nothing but just take it I was so damnably exhausted… take it as he raped me with random phallic objects and shoved things best not spoken down my throat. Hate, hate, HATE! I’ll kill you someday for doing this to me!! “I’ll tear your heart out and EAT it fucker! Not her! Not anyone!”
A franticness that hovered in the deepest recesses of my mind tumbled out into full view: My weaknesses, my fears…my incoherencies…
“This was MY choice, Vincent! You don’t have the right to condemn me for it!”
“What about US, Lucrecia?! That didn’t mean anything to you? You’re a liar and a WHORE! With HOJO of all people!”
“Get away from me!”
There is no place to run … all the nightmares and all the monsters… all the monsters they come alive! “Okay… okay, I’m sorry Lucrecia, come back inside, I didn’t mean to yell… We can… laugh a little…”
BURN!
“—die a little…”
Chaos would rip out of my skin and consume her if I let it. But I loved her too deeply. If that’s what would make her happy, then… But it’s HER blood it wants, and it’s HER entrails it wants to devour. It can smell her out, hunt her down and shred her pale trembling flesh into bloody tatters…
“Only you, Vincent… you, you, you…”
Filthy…beautifully filthy… “Not you… not you, not you, NOT YOU!”
Is this what you dream? Cid thought in horror. This is what torments you?
Hojo is dead but he lives in the throbbing illness of my memory… he decays but his scars remain.
No… enough…!
The real world snapped back into place. Cid flinched as if he had suffered injury, sending the Sense Materia rolling. “Dear GOD, what the FUCK was that shit?!!”
I retrieved the orb and unconsciously started to run the fingers of my good hand over it again. “That was me,” I told him. “Do you understand now? My punishment cannot be expressed by meager words. You see now. I can’t possibly be human.”
The expression on his face said it all. He was pale and sweating; I could hear his heart pounding from here. I had scared him badly, and it had served him right to want to get that close to a wild animal like myself and Chaos. He wanted me? There. He had a piece of my charred and rotting soul. I hoped it haunted him for eternity for invading my privacy in the first place.
“What could you have POSSIBLY done to deserve THAT?” he demanded after regaining his composure.
“I allowed her to die. I let a madman do the same to many. It’s only fitting,” I explained with a shrug. What else do you want?
Silence.
“I… dunno what to say,” he finally managed, putting his ruined cigarette out (probably from clenching his teeth onto it). He had a hand to his chest, perhaps to steady his adrenaline saturated system.
“I didn’t think so,” I said, rising to leave.
“Vince, hold up!”
The urgency in Cid’s voice made me pause, leaving my hand lingering on the bed post. Had he come up with something pathetically profound to say? I turned to see. He had jumped to his knees to try and stop me from leaving. He hesitated.
Out with it man… words rarely offend me anymore…
No words. He had cast aside his doubts and very suddenly thrust himself forward into me, initiating a shamelessly lustful kiss.
I tensed. Advances were mostly unwelcome on my part. Cid had snuck into where I dwelt, he had a look into my deepest nightmares and now he was worming his way into my intimate space as well? I should have shot him!
But the kiss was so warm and brutally honest—I WANT YOU he was saying, without fear. It was an honesty Cloud had never offered; he was lying to himself when we embraced.
No one had ever been that honest with me.
I found myself wanting more, drinking in the humanity that Cid was offering with his hot lips and scruffy but tender closeness. I didn’t even realized how hard I was until Cid fumbled in the dark to relieve me of my belt. Oh I wanted him—I wanted him to want me. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fuck or be fucked by him, you delicious being…
But no. Nothing could possibly be this easy. Besides, one lover was hard enough to conceal. Loyalty scared me, and Chaos was itching to bite Cid’s face off.
I broke away and made a quick exit, determined to keep Cid at arms length. What was unexpectedly a void in my pain had startled me—what had Cid done? It was an alien sensation, but seemed familiar in a long buried way…
Cid’s true intentions were sexual it seemed. And though I was tempted, I would not bite his lure.
But for now… he could live.
End Chapter Three
**********************************************
There are pieces of Vincent’s memory I’m still pounding out, but there’s more… oh so much more *evil laugh* lol