Angels In Flight

Author's Note: The song for this chapter is 'Time Of Dying' by Three Days Grace.
Pronunciation Note: The name Siobhan is pronounced 'Sheh-vahn'. Aren't Celtic spellings fun?

Part IV

Time Of Dying

On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain

The sun is warm on my skin; its light burning my eyes despite my closed lids. The pain is starting to fade now, but I know it isn't because I've healed. Clearly the Puppy doesn't know his own strength. He may have stopped short of killing me, but the wounds he left me with are beyond my ability to regenerate.

In short, I'm dying.

I hardly blame him though. I was the one trying to destroy the world. I was petty and juvenile in my anger, and a lot of innocent people paid for it. Angeal, my parents, the people of Banora, Junon, and Nibelheim-- my beloved Sephiroth. They all got caught in my quest for vengeance and I tore their lives apart. Even Zack and Cloud suffered because of me. I may not have destroyed the planet, but I did destroy a lot of people's worlds.

I can see my life flashing before my eyes

Unable to move-- barely able to breathe-- all I can do is think back on these things. All these things I've done. The innumerable sins I can never repent for.

The Goddess assures me I won't die, and I almost wish she were wrong. She has given me much, but the one thing I want most of all, she can't give me. That thing is you, Sephiroth. What I wouldn't give to have you here beside me. Like that night when my body came very close to rejecting the Mako freshly injected into my veins. What little I remember of those hazy hours is your arms around me and your hands soothing my pain away.

But I threw your love away along with everything else in my life. I took it for granted. For that, I can never be sorry enough.

I took everything for granted... I was a rich kid after all. My petulance upon learning of my origins wasn't surprising, all things considered. I was spoiled. I was used to having everything I wanted. So to find out that I wasn't normal-- that I was a monster-- and that no matter how much I wanted to be human, I couldn't be... It frustrated me. And spoiled rich kids don't handle frustration well.

In the depths of my anger and depression and shock, I sought out those I felt were to blame and I exacted my own twisted justice. I gave no mind to those who would get caught in the crossfire. And I paid no heed to the reasons.

"Genesis... son, please. Let us explain!"

"No!" Genesis roared, the tip of Rapier never wavering from where it was aimed. "You let them do this to me! How could you?!"

"We didn't know what--"

"Don't lie to me!" Genesis' eyes burned with rage.

Arturius stepped quickly between his wife and the tip of the crimson blade, his eyes betraying no fear as he looked into his son's. "You put that sword down, young man. I will not have you pointing that at your mother..."

Out of nowhere and without warning, Genesis lunged, acting without thinking. Rapier found it's mark, plunging into Arturius' stomach. Mutely, Genesis heard his mother's cry of grief as dark blood spilled to the floor-- staining the white shirt that her husband wore. Grey eyes remained locked with cerulean even as the light left them-- widened in shock and pain. Even as Arturius slumped to the hardwood floor, the resounding thump carrying a leaden weight of finality.

Genesis stood there, trembling with anger-- blood dripping from Rapier's blade and pooling around his father's body; soaking into his black hair. His eyes left the corpse, and fixed murderously on his mother, whose face went pallid with fear.

"Genesis... I... We did it for a reas--" his mother began, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"What?! You wanted a perfect child?! You wanted to be special?!"

"I did it to save your life!" Siobhan snapped. "The doctors said you weren't likely to make it full term. You weren't well. They said... you'd probably be stillborn and they couldn't do anything."

Genesis scowled, stepping over the body on the floor and toward his mother as she recoiled.

"We were desperate... I heard that some Shinra doctors were in town... working with Gillian..."

"So you went to them?" Genesis snarled. Rapier lowered, but Siobhan knew better than to think her son was backing off. With an echoing crack, the sword was driven into the maple floorboards, where it remained rooted, like some twisted grave-marker-- a bloodied cross. Unarmed, Genesis took another prowling step.

"I'm not sorry for what I did," Siobhan hissed, her green eyes locking on Genesis' blue. "I wanted you to live. You were my son! I wanted you to have a chance!"

"I would rather have died human than lived a monster!" Genesis roared.

"I was your mother! It was my choice!" Siobhan shouted equally as loud. Her red curls bounced around her face-- filled with both terror and fury. "I will not apologize for saving your life!"

Genesis' leather-clad hands were around her throat before she'd even had a chance to take a breath. He shoved Siobhan back until she was against the wall, his fingers tightening and cutting off her air.

"You ruined my life," Genesis growled, his eyes like twin torches; ablaze with rage.

Fresh tears escaped Siobhan's eyes as she choked, her lungs burning with the need for oxygen. Her delicate hands gripped her son's where they girdled her pale neck.

"Don't throw your life away, Gen..." she whispered.

Genesis' grip tightened, and Siobhan's head swam; her vision darkening at the edges. Genesis was still shaking with his anger when his mother's eyes fluttered closed and her body went limp. Her hands slipped from his, her legs collapsing beneath her.

For a moment Genesis held her there, still gripping her bruised throat. But as the fit of rage subsided-- adrenaline and fury leaving his bloodstream-- and he calmed, he let go, jerking his hands away as if burned. Siobhan's body slumped to the floor with a disproportionately loud thump and Genesis swallowed, staring wide-eyed at his own hands as if he'd never seen them before.

What had he done?

"Mom," he called futilely, his voice quiet and hoarse. He knelt at her side, brushing her hair from her eyes gently, stroking her cheek. She was too still... too quiet. "Gods... Mom, please. I'm sorry..." He felt for her pulse. There was nothing. "I'm so sorry... Please wake up."

He tried to resuscitate her, but no matter how hard he tried-- no matter how many times he called her name-- she didn't wake. Her skin went pale and cold, her lips grey and dry. She was dead.

Genesis was still kneeling beside her when the door to the kitchen opened, hinges creaking, and heavy bootfalls resonated off river rock walls.

"What the hell...?!" Angeal's voice broke Genesis' thoughts, sounding horrified. "What did you do?!"

Genesis just stared, frozen in horror and disgust, the smell of blood turning his stomach. Why had he killed them? He should have been able to control himself-- should have been able to curb his fury. Gods, he really was a monster.

"I... I got angry..."

"So you killed them?!" Angeal roared. "Gen, they're your parents!"

Genesis felt his eyes start to sting with oncoming tears; Angeal's words hitting him like a slap to the face. Wordlessly, he rose to his feet, bolting from the house and into the grassy courtyard outside, shoving past Angeal as if he wasn't there.

"Hey! Gen, what is wrong with you?!" Angeal shouted, chasing after him. Genesis' boots had just hit dusty-green grass when Angeal's strong fist closed around his upper arm. "Hey, answer me--"

Before Genesis had even turned around he was crying, the first sobs wracking his body as he was wheeled around and he collapsed against Angeal.

"Oh Gods, Angeal, what have I done?" he choked, tears streaking his cheeks and sparkling at the corners of his eyes-- clenched shut as he wept. "I've murdered them... my own parents!"

Angeal's arms wrapped around Genesis' trembling shoulders as the redhead's fingers wound in Angeal's black uniform sweater. Angeal found himself completely unable to be angry with Genesis-- confused, disappointed yes-- but not angry. Not when he was this broken. If he'd done it out of maliciousness he would have stood by his actions, he wouldn't be bawling against his friend's chest. Angeal hadn't seen Genesis cry since they were children.

"I really am a monster..." Genesis mumbled against ribbed fabric.

"We all make mistakes," Angeal replied. For once, he wasn't sure what to say. His best friend was looking for comfort, and he had next to no words to supply. What did one say to someone who'd just made an irreversible mistake on this scale?

"We don't all kill our parents!" Genesis wailed, pushing Angeal away from himself. "Oh Gods, if I'd had a Phoenix Down..."

"You know those only work if eaten before--"

"I could at least try!"

"Gen," Angeal said, his tone calm and measured. "What's done is done." He stepped toward where Genesis stood, looking frail and shaky-- his face that of a lost child. He gripped Genesis' shoulders, trying to hold his friend steady. "You can't turn back time."

Genesis relaxed, still sobbing nonetheless, and Angeal once again held him in a comforting embrace.

"I'm never going to forgive myself," Genesis nearly whispered. "I've murdered two people who meant the world to me!"

Angeal had nothing to say, and instead he just held his friend, comforting him as best he could, until he once again was pushed away. This time it wasn't forceful-- less a push and more a request to be released.

"Will you help me bury them?" Genesis asked, wiping a few tears from his eyes.

"Of course," Angeal replied.

Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream?

Killing my parents was the first irreversible mistake I made, but it certainly wasn't the last. What I truly regret is that I didn't learn. I didn't turn back. I could have; I know that you, Sephiroth, would have taken me back. You would have demanded my reinstatement as a member of SOLDIER. But I didn't try to go back.

By the time Zack got to Banora I was back to where I'd started. I'd placed the blame for my parent's deaths on Shinra, and I set out for vengeance anew.

Perhaps, had you come to Banora instead of the Puppy, I would have returned to you. You could so easily have taken advantage of my moment of uncertainty. But you refused the mission. It's the one thing I will never forgive you for.

We had so many happy memories in Banora. I think that's why you didn't take the mission. You didn't want those memories replaced with unpleasant ones. I can understand it. After all, the recollections that kept me relatively sane were those of our time in my parents' orchard.

When I first met you, I already knew who you were, though I never told you that. How could I not know of the great Sephiroth? Hero at 11, slayer of rebels and terrorists, protector of the peace. Had you been into reading small town newspapers you would have known me too. But the Banora Times didn't generally make it to Midgar newsstands.

On my first day at Shinra I got the impression you didn't like to stand out or be showered with attention and praise, so I didn't mention that I recognized you. It was my little secret.

That day in the training room, when you took my virginity, it was the happiest moment in my life. When I'd started that little business venture in Banora I had said that my dream was to share that juice with you. Never did I imagine that I would share my body with you first.

Gods, we were such lovesick children at first. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other, couldn't keep from touching. Angeal alternated between exasperation and teasing us mercilessly. I didn't care. I had you, and nothing else mattered.

Our time at my parents' orchard was even better. No training, no missions, no instructors. Just us. I can still-- if I concentrate long enough-- feel the long green grass against my back as I writhed beneath you with Dumbapple trees above us. I can still feel you.

But the more I try to hold on to those memories the more they slip away, replaced with the smell of smoke, the crackle of flames, your back as you walk away from me.

"You will rot..."

Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I was still getting Shinra updates on my PHS the day they declared you KIA. I remember hearing my PHS chirp and plucking it from my pocket. I remember seeing those three little letters on the screen. It took a moment for it to sink in, but when it did I fell to my knees. I couldn't stop the tears leaving my eyes. At first I believed it. The grief was unbearable. It felt like my soul had been torn in two; I felt broken. You were gone. My Sephiroth; the one thing I'd felt I'd never lose... gone. And I'd never got the chance to say goodbye.

You were dead, and it was my fault.

Perhaps, had I been with you, things would have been different. At the very least I could have been there for you; to hold your hand as you slipped away. But alas, I had been off crusading against those I felt at fault for my condition, and I had abandoned you. In my infinite selfishness I had forsaken the one person who had, and always would, love me regardless.

I found out later that it was Cloud Strife-- a mere Infantryman-- who had dealt the fatal blow, throwing you into the raw Mako beneath the Jenova storage facility. A boy who under any other circumstances would have been nothing to you. And yet, you had fallen to him. I wonder... did you let him? Was death what you wanted? Was that the only way you thought you could escape her?

And despite everything, it was still my fault. Cloud had only been fighting back; defending himself against the monster that Jenova had made of you. The monster I helped create.

Four long years have passed without you, my love. Four lonely, painful, tiresome years of searching out my torturers, dealing swift justice, and watching my body die around me. I would give everything to bring you back, especially now. But I fear that she would return with you. Has death freed you? Or does she torment you still.

I will not die I will survive

I feel so vulnerable here, lying where Zack left me, propped against a chair. Lazard and the creature that Angeal was possessing are long gone, as is Zack and his unfortunate companion-- Cloud. I feel for them. After all, I know what it is to be hunted by Shinra. For the first time in a long while I feel true terror. I am alone. Defenseless and injured beyond repair. I wonder what will happen to me if any of Hojo's men get here before I die. What torturous indignities will they inflict upon me. And more importantly, how much of it will I deserve.

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive when you're beside me

Wind brushes my cheeks and I can smell the blossoms from the apple trees. I don't open my eyes because I know it will break the illusion. I can almost feel you next to me...

Genesis felt his back hit the ground and in an instant Sephiroth was over him, arms bracketing his head; knees bracketing his hips.

"Seph... we're outside! What if my parents catch us?" Despite his protest, Genesis didn't try to push Sephiroth away, only glancing worriedly around.

"Then we'll have to be quick."

Sephiroth's fingers worked up to unclasp Genesis' figure-hugging jeans, slipping the snug fabric from his girlish hips. Pushing them down to rest around Genesis' knees, Sephiroth's attention turned to the pair of scarlet briefs that were becoming increasingly tight. Uncomfortably so.

A wolfish grin passed over Sephiroth's face, and Genesis felt a warmth spread in his gut at the intensity of that gaze, even as he felt cool, dew-moist grass against the skin of his backside. Sunlight was warm on his skin, and the breeze cool.

Sephiroth's fingers played over his thighs, just brushing smooth ivory flesh and sending shivers up Genesis' spine. Sephiroth smiled to himself. The red briefs had been a birthday present-- after all, how could he have passed up buying them. They were red-- Genesis' favourite colour-- and they had apples on them. They were girl's underwear, but he knew that wouldn't matter to Genesis. His jeans were usually from the girl's department.

The redhead let his eyes flicker shut, losing himself in the sensations flitting through his body. He smiled and hummed in contentment when he felt Sephiroth's lips brush skin-- kissing up his leg toward his hips. Genesis opened his eyes, watching silver hair cascade over his own knees, tickling sensitive flesh. Intense, feline eyes met his gaze, and Genesis felt all his blood vacate his brain in a heated rush.

Sephiroth's hand was quick to find the growing hardness, stroking and massaging it as it engorged. Genesis groaned at the feeling of his lover's fingers around him; soothing the raw edges of his desire, but building something much deeper. Those talented fingers twisted and squeezed, teasing over all the little spots that made Genesis squirm.

When Sephiroth pulled his hand away Genesis went to protest, but stopped himself as he saw Sephiroth leaning down with lips parted. He gasped, feeling the hot wetness of Sephiroth's mouth closing around him and moaned shamelessly.

"Ahh... Seph," he hoarsely whispered, reaching down to wind his fingers in the other boy's long, silver hair. He relaxed, massaging Sephiroth's scalp and focusing on the pleasure building at the base of his spine and the sensations traveling up it. He could feel firm, tensed lips around his shaft-- moist with saliva. Warmth enveloped him, Sephiroth's tongue stroking the underside of Genesis' cock. He could feel the delicious slide of wet flesh on wet flesh which he'd felt so many times inside himself.

Sephiroth groaned and Genesis' hips bucked violently upward. The vibrations in the younger boy's throat sent jolts through his nerves-- his gut throbbing with the need for release, his fingers and toes tingling. Cool hands held Genesis' hips at bay, pinning him to the soft earth as he writhed desperately. He could feel Sephiroth taking him deeper, his lips brushing fiery red hair. Genesis gasped, tightening his grip on the back of Sephiroth's head.

That was when he felt Sephiroth swallow-- sucking at him. The feeling-- all heat and pressure and tightness-- was fantastic. Genesis shouted, his back arching as he, despite Sephiroth's hold on his hips, drove himself deeper into the silver-haired boy's mouth.

Sephiroth could taste a salty sweetness that he was sure heralded Genesis' orgasm. As if he needed any other sign but the sharp, high-pitched cries that were tearing their way from the redhead's throat. Sucking back again, Sephiroth scraped his teeth along Genesis' length, and was satisfied when his lover gave another cry, this one longer and more passionate than the last.

"I'm close, Seph. Just a little more..." Genesis panted, his hands leaving Sephiroth's head to grasp fistfuls of silky grass.

Sephiroth looked up at his lover, letting his feline, teal eyes sweep over his flushed, breathless face, his bright, azure Mako eyes, his parted lips, the porcelain skin of his exposed waist. Sephiroth smiled, and with a final, seductive sweep of his tongue, he pushed Genesis over the edge.

Genesis screamed in pleasure, the sound echoing off through the orchard as briny fluid washed over Sephiroth's taste buds and down his throat. Effortlessly, Sephiroth swallowed, taking in what Genesis' body offered up, as if it were some sacred offering. A not-so-silent sacrifice, if you will.

Genesis was still emitting small, whimpery noises, shuddering with the aftershocks, when Sephiroth crawled back up so they were face-to-face.

"I thought you didn't want to get caught?" he teased. "You made enough noise--"

Genesis silenced him with a deep, ravenous kiss, gripping Sephiroth's face and forcing his tongue past his lover's lips. He could taste himself there-- on Sephiroth's tongue, salt lingering on his teeth and the insides of his cheeks.

It was strange. Genesis had gone down on Sephiroth enough times to know his flavour, but it seemed so naughty, and oddly intimate to taste his own fluid, straight from his lover's mouth as they kissed. Genesis' eyes were closed but he wasn't surprised when he felt Sephiroth start to grind against him; not breaking the kiss for a moment.

Their world narrowed down to the slow, sensuous motions of their bodies and the ragged, panting breaths leaving Sephiroth. Soft groans and grunts were the only sounds. Finally, with a near-silent moan, Sephiroth stilled, his body going rigid and heavy against Genesis as he came.

Genesis delicately looped his arms around Sephiroth's neck, watching the silver-haired boy's face light with pleasure, his teal eyes shut tight. Genesis let his fingers dance over Sephiroth's back, massaging through powerful aftershocks. The weight of him pinning Genesis to the ground was nearly enough to get him up again. But it wasn't long before Sephiroth relaxed, his breathing returning to normal. Genesis silently wished they could stay that way forever. It was a moment more before Sephiroth's eyes opened; their Mako depths shining with the afterglow.

"Gen... that was..." The normally exceedingly well-spoken SOLDIER 2nd Class stuttered breathlessly, unsure of how to express how he felt-- what he felt.

"Exhilarating?" Genesis provided, cocking an auburn eyebrow. "Doing it outside where we could get caught." A mischievous gleam had crept into his eyes and he was grinning malevolently.

So he liked being an exhibitionist?

"You liked that, did you?" Sephiroth asked.

"Immensely," Genesis replied, wiggling his hips enticingly. "We should do it again."

"We should," Sephiroth whispered, nuzzling affectionately into Genesis' neck. The smell of his lover's skin was intoxicating, all spice and fire. In that moment Sephiroth knew perfection. The warm, supple softness of his lover's body beneath him, the sparkle of fathomless blue, the pink of painted lips upturned in a blissful smile. Unfortunately, the moment was brief.

Distant voices interrupted the soft caresses that Sephiroth and Genesis were sharing, carrying on the wind from somewhere up the hill. With Mako-enhanced senses the two boys heard it sooner than anyone else could have, and their heads snapped around to face the sound.

"Oh shit! That's right! Mom said we were having inspectors over today!" Genesis scowled and frantically reached to refasten his jeans. He fumbled with the button in his haste, but it took him little time to slip it through the buttonhole. Once the garment was properly affixed Sephiroth lifted his companion to his feet, their hands remaining clasped as they darted through the trees and deeper into the orchard. Genesis' slightly heeled boots clomped in the ground cover rather spectacularly, his tousled, fiery hair dancing about his face-- flushed with satisfaction and pure joy. His cerulean eyes positively glowed. Sparkling asymmetrical earrings caught the sunlight like prisms and Sephiroth couldn't help but think of an angel. Some heavenly being trapped in a mortal body but completely unable to conceal its divine nature. He was perfect. And he was Sephiroth's.

Full lips curled into a warm smile as Genesis glanced back at his lover as he ran. Gods, he was beautiful, Sephiroth thought.

Genesis watched sunlight stream over flowing silver hair, cascading past Sephiroth's shoulders like molten steel; white gold. Silver-green eyes shone like raw Mako from his pale face, their catlike slits contracted in the bright daylight. He was smiling and Genesis couldn't help but smile back.

I will not die
I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

Despite what the Goddess says, I can feel my body slowly growing cold. I know I'm dying; I know I've lost too much blood. I can't feel my limbs anymore. I wonder how Gaia intends to preserve me. What fate awaits me?

Surely it can't be as bad as the fate I've helped inflict upon you. After how much I loved you, I can't believe I so badly misunderstood you. I never truly appreciated what I had. I just wish I could have another chance; an opportunity to right my wrongs. But as Angeal would say, 'What's done is done.'

I do believe you're still out there. I believe you're capable of fighting her. But the question is, will you? I truly hope you do, because without you, my life will forever be empty. I've already killed my parents; Angeal is dead. I can never return to Shinra. Though, never let it be said that I am impatient. I can, and will, wait for you forever if that's what it takes to see you again. Gaia herself could not stop me. There's so much I need to say to you-- sorry being the first and foremost.

On this bed I lay
Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by

You see, I never meant it when I said I would destroy the world. It just sounded good; dramatic. I craved attention, and that kind of drama was what got it for me. I'd been second place to you for ten years. I wanted to be the center of attention for once. Childish, I know, but I didn't care. I was going to have my share of the fame if I had to threaten an apocalypse to get it. You should have known that... but then again, I had never confided my desire for your fame to you. How could you have known?

Alas, it went badly. Not just for me, or you, but for the people of Nibelheim. The ones you didn't slaughter became subjects in a twisted experiment conducted by your daddy-dearest-- albeit, I still refuse to believe that someone so perfect as you is related to that piece of shit. Others burned to death in the fires you set in that marionette rage.

I hope, for your sake, that she doesn't allow you to hear them. They hate you, and it wasn't even you-- though they don't know that.

Was it all too much?
Or just not enough.

Sometimes I wonder if, had I been more open and honest with my affections, we could have avoided this mess. I know you would have willingly given me the limelight I craved had I only asked. You were always heartwrenchingly selfless and generous of yourself. I think the only people you weren't that way with were the corporate pigs that President Shinra surrounded himself with. You always hated those slugs.

I never appreciated your generosity; never saw it for the virtue it was. I took advantage of it on many occasions, but I never appreciated it. Gods, I was selfish. A spoiled, self-righteous, demanding, melodramatic, fickle brat. How could you ever have loved me?

Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare
I will not die, I will survive

I hope one day to find out. I hope to be able to ask you why you gave me your everything. You, the perfect SOLDIER, the hero, the White Nightmare-- who thought I was perfect; worthy of your affections.

Was I?

At the very least, I promise I will live long enough to find out. I will ask you. I'll wait for you...