Holiday Surprises

Disclaimer: I own a laptop, some clothes, a spork, a gold fish named Sepheroony (if you've read Training you get this) that killed my fish named Axel, and a plant that for some reason has yet to die. Notice what's missing, that's right, Final Fantasy rights.

Warning: Excessive drinking, horrific singing, and Cloud molestation. So an all around good time right?

What kelle611 is pimping: Go read The Eleventh Hour, it is an awesome vamp fic and needs some recognition. I love it and so will you; it has Zack getting nailed by Genesis and Squall, what's not to love? This has been kelle611 pimping other people's stories because people need to read them. Kelle611 does not pimp stories on request, only when she finds them and falls in love. Do not ask her to pimp your stuff, she won't.

"Why are we doing this again?" Sephiroth glanced over at his raven haired second in command as they left the Shinra building.

"Because it's fun," Zack chirped.

"Why do I have to come?" the blond under Zack's arm whined, "I'm not even old enough to drink."

"Because Spiky, I can totally slip you a few beers and no one will say anything," Zack smiled widely, "Plus I really want to see you and Seph drunk."

"I'm not going to drink anything Zack," Sephiroth sighed.

"Oh yes you are," the raven haired SOLDIER retorted, "I'm going to make sure of it."

"And neither is Cloud," the silver haired man continued as if Zack hadn't said anything, "He is underage and I will not have him involved in illegal activities."

"If that were true last night wouldn't have happened," Zack smirked.

"Hey!" Cloud squeaked, his cheeks burning a deep crimson.

"Oh you know you liked it," the raven haired man smiled down at the blond, "At least if all that screaming and those 'oh god oh god, harder's were any indicator."

"I hate you," Cloud disentangled himself from the brunet and went to stand on the other side of Sephiroth.

"But we love you," the silver haired general wrapped an arm around the blond and pulled him against his side.

"Then be nice to me," Cloud said as he leaned into the embrace.

"I am nice, Zack's the ass."

"Hey!" Zack smacked Sephiroth on the arm, "Be nice. Anyway, we need to get going if we're going to meet up with Leah."

"Leah's going to be there?" Cloud peered around Sephiroth's bulk to look at Zack.

"Yup, she said that this one bar is the best place to go on this most holy of holidays," Zack smiled.

"Zack," Seph sighed, "Cinco de Mayo is not a holy holiday."

"It is if you like beer," the raven haired man shot back.

"True," Cloud said thoughtfully.

"And how would you know?" Sephiroth frowned at the blond.

"I grew up in a small mountain town," Cloud shrugged, "There isn't exactly much to do except sit around and drink. Plus there's no drinking age in Nibelhiem."

"Way to go Spiky!" Zack whooped.

"Cloud," Sephiroth growled, "I do not want you drinking tonight."

"Fine," Cloud said as he nuzzled into the silver haired man's side.

Zack mouthed 'I'll get you something' while Seph was distracted and Cloud grinned in response. "Well come on you two," the raven haired man poked Sephiroth to emphasize his words, "We need to get going if we want to get there before all the beer is gone."

"Oh what a horrific fate that would be," Sephiroth drawled, following the excited first class none the less.

About ten minutes later Sephiroth stopped dead, staring at the sign in disbelief. "Something wrong?" Cloud asked before looking up and smiling himself. Tonight was going to be goooooooood.

"Yeah Seph," Zack turned to look back at the pair curiously, "What's up?"

"You didn't say it was a karaoke bar," Sephiroth pointed at the bar in an almost accusatory manner.

"Relax," the first class SOLDIER waved a hand, "You don't have to sing. I'm going to of course, but you don't have to."

Sephiroth did relax a bit at that. The last thing he needed was for it to get out that the scary as all hell general had been singing some song at a karaoke bar while heavily intoxicated. He made a silent oath not to so much as touch anything alcoholic for the entire evening. His arm still around Cloud, the silver haired man followed Zack into the club and watched as the raven haired man bounded up to the bar to order drinks. Leading the blond under his arm to one of the few unoccupied tables, Sephiroth sat down and watched a giddy Zack return with three drinks. Scowling slightly, Sephiroth watched the SOLDIER place one in front of Cloud, a large pink smoothie from the look of it. "Zachary," Sephiroth said warningly.

"It's a virgin," Zack waved his hand as he placed a soft drink in front of Seph. The silver haired man just stared at him and Zack smiled widely, "You know, no alcohol. I thought Spiky would like a daiquiri, it's fruity. And for you a rum and coke."

"Zack, I'm not drinking tonight."

"Oh yes you are!" Zack jabbed his own beer bottle at his commanding officer, "I am not going to be the only one to get trashed. Besides, you have the alcohol tolerance of a…well I don't have an analogy, but no one can get you drunk so it doesn't matter. Besides, one drink won't kill you."

"Hello boys," a cheerful woman's voice called.

The group turned to see a small chestnut haired woman stumbling over to them, her cheeks rosy and eyes unfocussed. "LEAH!" Zack squealed, "Wait, you started without me."

"Hell yeah I started without you," Leah leaned against the now pouting soldier, "Took you too damn long to get here. Hey there Cloudy, I see Zack has started operation get the blond cadet smashed and molest him in the corner."

Cloud choked on his mouthful of not in the least bit virgin daiquiri and glared at the raven haired man. "I have no idea what you're talking about," Zack said airily, avoiding the blonde's death glare.

"Really," Sephiroth said thoughtfully, taking a sip of his drink, "Here I had the impression that was all you have been talking about for the last week. I would have told you Cloud, but I figured simply keeping you from drinking would be enough."

"You two are horrible," the blond growled, "I don't know why I put up with you."

"The sex," Zack said in a far too casual manner, causing Sephiroth to choke on his drink.

"Gaia," the general breathed, "If this is how the night is going to go I need something stronger."

"That's the spirit!" Zack shouted and ran off to get the silver haired man another drink.

"Seriously," Leah said looking over at Cloud, "Why do you put up with them?"

"I have no idea," the blond took a large gulp of his drink, fully intent on getting as drunk as possible so he didn't have to deal with anyone, at least not coherently.

Zack returned with an entire bottle of vodka and several shot glasses. "Bottoms up people!"

Half an hour later Cloud was giggling under the table while Zack poked him with his own shoe which the blond couldn't really remember taking off. Sephiroth was slightly amazed by the blonde's antics; he had downed over half the bottle of vodka, two more daiquiris, and stolen the silver haired man's rum and coke all in the short time frame. And he still wasn't passed out drunk, just giggling. Zack was gone. He had that dazed over grin that meant he had three too many beers and was no longer completely aware of where he was. He seemed far too amused with poking Cloud with his own shoe for his own good. Leah was on stage singing, at least that's what Sephiroth thought she was doing, he couldn't actually make any words out of her vocalizations. The general was feeling rather buzzed himself and if the spinning of the room was any indicator, he should leave before he did something stupid. Suddenly Cloud stood up, knocking the table over in the process. Grinning like a madman, the blond grabbed Zack's hand and pulled him away. Sephiroth was about to follow, to make sure Zack didn't do something to the blond that they would regret in the morning of course. He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Looking down he found the swaying Leah holding him in place, a loopy grin on her face.

"Ou needs tsu swing," she slurred. (Translation: You need to sing)

"I do not," Seph said, completely understandable despite his heavy intoxication.

"Yesh tsu sdo!" (Yes you do!)

The woman brandished her finger threateningly and Sephiroth knew that there was an actual threat behind it. Leah wasn't someone to mess with; she would mess with his schedule, send memos on his behalf that were far from appropriate, and mess with his computer. The last time he had crossed her he had been twenty minutes late for every meeting, gotten numerous phone calls asking why he was offering sex, and a few acceptances from some rather unpleasant people, and found his desktop changed to kittens, screensaver set to porn, and alert noise to Barbie Girl. The small brunet may not have been able to technically go against him, but she was definitely a threat. "Fine," he said as gruffly as possible.

"YAY!" she squealed.

Grumbling the entire way to the stage, Sephiroth caught sight of Zack pinning Cloud to the wall in one corner, firmly attached to the blonde's neck. It appeared Zack's plan had worked out after all, though the silver haired man wasn't so sure how much it was Zack's plan anymore, Cloud had been the one to drag him off. Glancing at the screen that the words came on, Sephiroth scowled. "I am not singing that song," he growled.

"Swing zit bimch!" Leah yelled. (Sing it bitch!)

"I'm still your boss!"

"Pfft, sike I car." (Pfft, like I care.)

"Come on Sephy babe," Cloud had suddenly appeared at the edge of the stage, a disgruntled Zack right behind him, "We wanna hear you sing."

"Then get another song," Sephiroth shot back.

"Come on," the blond clambered up onto the stage himself, "I'll sing with you."

"I don't know," Seph said, "You know what, I'll just sing later."

Before anyone could protest, the general was off the stage and sitting back down. Cloud just shrugged before he was tackled from behind by Zack. The pair went sprawling on the floor and the raven haired SOLDIER immediately started to take the blonde's shirt off. Cloud began whining while Sephiroth just burst out laughing. Zack wasn't going to stop no matter what anyone did, might as well enjoy the show. Once Cloud was shirtless, the older man started to lay bruising kisses along his neck and shoulders, causing the blond to squirm under the attentions.

"Grab his ass!" Seph yelled.

"Don't give him suggestions damn i-eee, let go!" Cloud squealed as Zack pinched him rather hard.

"Don't wanna," the raven haired man muttered.

"Zaaaaaaack," the blond whined.

"Screw you into the floor you say?" Zack smirked, "Why of course Cloud."

"Yeah!" Leah yelled, "Gis zit tsu im!" (Give it to him!)

"Get your hand out of there!" Cloud ripped Zack's hand out of his pants, "Help me Seph!"

"Ze ant selp su, (He can't help you)" Leah waved a hand in dismissal and everyone stopped moving, staring at the brunette and completely unable to understand her.

"Okay," Sephiroth said as he took the brunette's drink away, "You've had enough."

"Swing damn zit!" (Sing damn it!)

"Fine!" Sephiroth snapped, "But I need something more to drink if I'm going to do that." Without waiting for the small woman to further accost him, the silver haired man headed over to the bar.

"Don't leave me!" Cloud yelled as Zack started to attack him again.

A bottle of scotch later, Sephiroth finally felt up to singing.

The next morning found Sephiroth passed out, butt naked, on the kitchen counter. Groaning slightly he raised himself up and looked around. Zack was on the couch in his boxers while Cloud was no where to be seen. That didn't make sense, Cloud was always right next to Sephiroth in the mornings, usually refusing to get up or kicking the silver haired man away when he tried to start something. Glancing over at the clock, Seph grimaced. He had never in his life slept until 10 in the morning. Sliding off the counter, Sephiroth stopped as the world spun and someone hit him over the head with a hammer, well, at least that's how it felt to the general. Once he was reoriented, the silver haired man started towards his second in command, but was stopped once again. Cloud had come out from the bedroom, a large smile on his face.

"Bought time you got up," he chirped and Sephiroth winced, a hand going to his forehead, "Oh, headache?"

"Yeah," the silver haired man muttered.

"I can't believe you got a hangover," Cloud shook his head and headed into the kitchen, "With your tolerance I would have thought you'd be perfectly fine today. Why don't you wake Zack up and I'll make you guys some breakfast. Just remember to be careful, Zack with a hangover is dangerous business."

Grunting in reply, Sephiroth moved over to the couch and started to poke the raven haired man. When he got no initial response, the general grabbed the half empty beer on the coffee table and dumped it over Zack's head. "What the fuck?" the first class SOLDIER bolted upright and stared around wildly.

"Morning Zack," Sephiroth mumbled before stumbling back into the kitchen.

"I hate you all," Zack spat, throwing the beer bottle at Sephiroth's head.

"You die now," the silver haired man hissed when struck from behind.

"No one is killing anyone," Cloud called from the kitchen, "Besides, you need Zack."

"Fine," Seph growled as he stalked towards his second in command, "I'll just maim him."

"Don't get blood on the carpet," the blond responded.

"I love you too," Zack called into the kitchen before both he and Seph winced at the volume of his voice.

"You two are pathetic," Cloud said as he leaned over the kitchen counter to look at them, "Can't handle your alcohol at all."

"How come you don't have a hangover?" Zack asked once he was sure Seph wasn't actually going to maim him.

"I've been drinking for years," Cloud shrugged and went back into the kitchen, "Since I was twelve actually. I haven't had a hangover since I was fourteen, think I got a tolerance."

"That is so not fair," Zack pouted.

"Exactly how much did you drink when you were younger?" Sephiroth asked, moving to lean against the bar and watch the blond fry them some bacon and eggs.

"Two, three times a week," Cloud shrugged again, "Like I said, there's nothing to do in a small town. Anyway, I wouldn't be worried about my state so much as what Leah's going to do to you when you get into the office today."

"And why would I worry about that?" Sephiroth cocked an eyebrow at the blond.

"Oh, I don't know," Cloud grinned, "Maybe because of that little strip show you did to 'I'm too sexy' last night."

"I did what?"

"Oh that was great," Zack laughed before remembering that noise was bad, "All Cloud had to do was get up and sing with you then tug at your shirt and suddenly you're naked. And Leah had a camera if I do remember correctly."

"That she did," Cloud smiled and put a plate in front of each of the men.

"I'm never going to work again," Sephiroth moaned and laid his head on the counter.

"Can't do that," Zack muttered, "I've tried, they send the Turks after you."

Cloud giggled at that, "Tseng wouldn't mind having an excuse to grab your ass though."

"I hate you both," the general muttered from his position.